The afternoon sun is slowly setting casting the bedroom in a warm glow.

The Northerner is stretched out to his full length on top of the freshly made bed. He must have changed the sheets while I was in the shower.

He's turned slightly on one hip, looking happy and content, basking in the euphoria of the newly cemented bond. The look of him is intoxicating, one arm under the pillow his head is resting on, the other hand resting on the bed against his chest. His abs showing with every exhaled breath he takes.

He had nothing on but a pair of briefs. Those strong lean legs almost touching the end of the bed, his left ankle slightly over the right with a slight bend in the knee.

His eyes fall on mine as he gives me a lazy smile, eyes half closed and heavy. There is such a satisfied fulfilled look on his face, I almost laugh out loud but I don't.

He pats the spot in front of him with his hand for me to come and join him.

I quickly change into some comfies, leaving my hair wrapped in the towel. Sitting on the bed by his feet, I let my fingertips brush against his calf, watching the muscle twitch from my contact.

"Come here," he grabs my waist, easily pulling me into him, wrapping his left leg over top of my thighs. Feeling the towel being pulled away from my head, my hand goes up to try and stop him but it's too late the towel.....thrown away.

He tucks me in against his chest, his chin resting on my wet head, my lips brush against his neck, it felt natural to do that. Just to press my lips against his neck without thinking about it....shocks me.

He growls lowly, deep in the back of his throat almost as if he's purring in contentment. The touch of his fingers on my back drawing little circles has my shin shifting from within. Closing my eyes, those fingertips of his are soothing me, he's not trying to induce a riot inside me, he's trying just create a calmness between us.

Wrapped up securely against his body, has me melting into him, closing my eyes I inhale who he is....my savage male

"This is how it could be between us," kissing my head, bringing me even closer to him, he says.

His heart beats against my ear, soft and quiet with his relaxed mood.

We lay with one another, wrapped in each other's arms, Closing my eyes, thinking of his words, thinking that this should have been like this in the first place.

Can I give him the absolution he so desperately needs, can he ever be who I need him to be, for that absolution to happen?

"Do you want this?" his heart rate picks up very slightly, barely noticeable.

I'm uncomfortable with this, I'm starting to feel things for him, it's not exactly what he's looking for, he wants it all, but I can't give him my everything. 

"We're mated...it's done, my choice is gone Grey, I'm sure with time things will all work out, just understand that for me, it's very difficult to try and love you when all my choices are taken away from me or forced on me."

Pulling away from him, sitting on the edge of the bed, clenching my hands into fists. He picks one of my tightly closed hands, kissing it until it opens, he does the same thing with the other, trying to relax me again.

"You could have said no Meela, I would have waited for you when you were more willing."

I huff a breath out, "right, you would have waited."

"I would have waited." His tone falling unusually low his hand tries to run through my hair, getting caught in tangles.

Watching him go to the bathroom, returning with a brush and a bottle of oil.

He sits behind me, bringing my butt between his legs, he rubs the oil the ends of my hair, beginning to brush my hair from the ends up.

"I would have tried harder, it's difficult to stay away from you, not to touch you."

"I just feel that I have no choice left," a tear trails down my cheek, biting on my lip I try not to let a whimper out.

"Then tell me Meela what choices do you want the most, name them."

I'm afraid to tell him, I'm afraid to start a war I can't win.

"Stop, I can taste your fear...tell me" The words slipping from his mouth is without threat, spoken to soothe me.

I can taste his gentleness in the air, soft and light on my palate.

"Who are you?" I blurt it out, without thought.

"Someone who's listening to you, so tell me."

"I want to see my brother by myself, without you."

The brush stops just for a fraction of a second, just enough for him to take a breath in.

"Will you come back?"

"Yes, I just need to see him, I miss him."

"Will you miss me when you're gone?" Those insecurities are back wrapping around him tight, squeezing him tight.

"Maybe a little." That's all I can give him, nothing more, it's how I feel. I will miss him, not in the way he wants me to miss him. Not the way he'll miss me but I will miss him in my own way.

"I trust you Meela, go whenever you want after your heat leaves."

He trusts me, and guilt settles deep within my consciousness, I'm going to be his worst traitor. He continues to brush my hair.

It's very intimate, him grooming me. If we were in fighting form than his wolf be licking my fur clean, all of me clean. I can see her going belly up while he cleans her.

Grey's taking his time, working all the tangles out. The brush stroking through my hair effortlessly. He starts at the top of my scalp working his way down to the ends, I shiver with the tingles he's creating in my body.

It's a peaceful moment, his layers peeled away it's just us here a male grooming his female.

I'm suffering in this ecstasy he's inflicting on me and I purr out my symptoms for him to hear.

The brush keeps up a very slow pace, up and down, I'm sinking into the bed...my shoulders relaxing underneath his touch. It makes my skin warm, my scalp tingle with the touch of the brush against my scalp. My head dips down, as I close my eyes.

He's grooming me, showing me attention the gentle way the brush descends along my hair.

I like this feeling, the attentiveness of him. The pace is slow, he's not rushed.

I feel...special, I think I'm even almost moaning, I can tell he feels my happiness, contentment it just pushes him more to keep doing what I'm liking. He's giving in to his compulsions showing me his other side, the side of him that I could love beyond words or feelings if only this was the side he tried to show me in the beginning.

He starts to run his fingers lightly over the skin of my forehead, then runs his fingers through my hair, twirling it up in his hands.

He pulls my head back gently, "you'll come back right?"

"Yes, I promise," lips kiss my forehead, smiling down at me.

Turning my self around, "thank you." Looking him in the eye I kiss his mouth very gently before pulling away.

Taking a deep breath, calming myself, "say it Meela."

I feel him tensing up he knows what's coming. "I don't want pups yet, it would be wrong."

His fingers grip firmer into my waist, his forehead touching mine.

"Why, am I not good enough for you?" The coldness from his voice makes me cringe.

"Do you think you can find someone better to have pups with?" He's starting to shake.

"I told you Meela that I wanted to be a young father, if we wait, it'll be another two years until we can try again." His voice now rising with his anger. I can feel it strumming along his veins, the hair rising on the back of my neck.

Getting off of him, pulling away from him, he lets me.

I stand between his legs, my hands on either side of his face, pulling on his beard, so he has to look up slightly to me.

"Please understand I can't do this, I can't. It's not about you being something you think you're not. It's about me not being ready for that commitment yet."

I kneel in front of him posturing myself in absolute willful submission. "I'm begging you, please we can't bring a pup into what we have right now." I choke it out before I start to sob with my head down.

"I can't, I can't, when the time comes you need to sedate me again, if you love me like you claim you do, then you'll understand."

I cry into his lap, "it's about choices Grey, please understand my choice."

He just strokes my head not saying anything, letting me cry. I can tell he's shaking, his eyes are probably silver with his wolf ready to come out at any time.

He gets off the bed without saying a word as I'm kneeling on the floor in a beggars position, crying my soul out to him. Not one glance my way as he slams the door, leaving me alone, completely alone to cry myself to sleep on the bed.

I feel him come back late in the night but I don't say anything I just turn my back to him, falling back to sleep.

It's late by the time I finally get up, I'm still exhausted and I don't feel like facing anyone. So I stay in bed, curled up in a cocoon of my own making.

I can hear someone approaching my room, turning my back to the door,  bringing the covers over my head, pretending to still be sleeping.

"Wake up Meela you missed breakfast and it's lunch time, so I brought you lunch." The Northerner's deep voice is gentle again, as the covers slide down my body. I keep my eyes closed bringing the pillow over my head, I don't want to see him.

"Up," I pay him no attention I can't look at him anymore.

I hear a sigh as my pillow is yanked away from me, "get up". He's using a firmer voice but still gentle.

I sit up with my back against the head board, arms crossed over my chest.

"I'm not hungry," it's the truth my stomach not wanting to eat yet.

I keep my eyes down cast, I'm sure he already saw how red and puffy they look, my hairs a tangled mess again.

He sits at the edge of the bed by my hip, handing me a sandwich I take a small piece, putting it in my mouth I slowly chew it.

"Meela, look at me," when I do I can't help the tears that fall again and see the anguish in his eyes.

"Here I made you something to drink," handing me a coffee cup, sniffing it I know exactly what this is as I meet his eyes.

"Why?" I choke out.

"Because I realized I love you more than me." He whispers out. "Forgive me." He goes on bended knee, prostrating himself in front of me...absolute submission. My alpha becoming just my male...my mate.

I lift my hand running it through his hair, he gets up smoothly. Kissing his my lips he backs away.

"I can't watch you do this." Leaving the room, he closes the door lightly. I smell the liquid, it's bitter and makes my eyes water, the tea that females use to make no Future cling to your nest. 

I gulp it down, gagging again from the vileness of it. My stomach rolls around onto itself, threatening to expel the poison I ingested.

Standing I run to the bathroom, hovering over the toilet, I try talking to myself out of vomiting, a light sheen of sweat trickle down my temple as I take big deep breaths, trying to control my bodies natural instinct to get the threat away from a potential future.

It's not enough as the contents explode out of my stomach, violently racking my body, wave after wave of retching clenches my stomach tightly. I have no control over my body, mutinously it rejects what I just drank. It leaves me weak and shaking, there's no way I can keep it down....ever.

My body's refusing to allow what my mind wants.

I'm in a miserable mood as I walk past the northerners office, only to see that Stephanie girl with her head down, hair is hidden in her hoodie, an older female at her side bristling at Grey. A deep scowl on her face, I would have continued to go past but the older ladies words have me stumble into the wall.

Turning around coming into the office, "what did you say?" I'm almost nose to nose with this unknown female. She looks at Grey first before she repeats herself.

"I said Stephanie's heat has stopped, she has a pup inside her." The female clears her throat, looking at Grey again.

"Who's pup is it I?" I growl out, snarling towards Stephanie, showing my teeth that have descended.

"Fin's," the Northern says in disgust.

"I thought he said he preferred his females to swallow his pups," I said it only to make her look used. 

Her shoulders hunch even further into themselves, the older wolf I presume must be her mother holds her growl, I'm not in the mood to be challenged today.

"She could be lying," Saying it to the Northerner.

"No, her words are spoken in truth." I watch as Stephanie wipes away stray tears with her sleeve, she doesn't make a sound.

The older female pointing to Grey, "your brother needs to come and take responsibility."

"I'll call him." The Northerner's jaw is clenched in deep thought.

Leaning down into Stephanie's ear, "Victoria's going to tear your throat out."

"Meela out now!" He growls out the order to me. I shrug my shoulder, turning on my heels I'm on a mission to find the nearest phone to call Victoria, I'm going to let her deal with the problem I should have killed in the first place.

It will be in Victoria's right to kill her and the pup, eliminate the competition.

I dial her number taking a deep breath, "hello Victoria"