"Yes, I will be a big boy by the time he see's me."

Jimin

Au: (Hehe I had to use the one where he missed!)

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Jimins POV

"Mumma! Mummy!" I shouted running down the hallway as I arrived home from primary school.

I pushed open a dark heavy wooden door and peered into the dining room.

My mother sat at a basic white plastic table as smoke circulated the room while she puffed white clouds out from between her thin pink lips, her cigarette burning betwixt her dainty pale fingers.

I grinned seeing her as I darted inside the room shutting the door before I wandered over to take a seat in front of her.

"Oh you are home, how was school dear?" She asked staring behind me at the TV.

"It was alright. I wrote a story today, it was kind of like little red riding hood story though." I said beaming.

"Did a wolf gobble up a grandma?" She asked looking down at me before putting the smoke back into her mouth.

"No!" I squealed giggling.

She smiled softly at me before putting out her smoke.

"You know, today at school kids were talking about how their dad's were coming back tonight from the Army, does that mean I will meet father tonight?" I asked excitedly while I picked up a coloured pencil and started to draw the outline of a male on a piece of paper; as it was exactly where I left it last time.

"Ah no sorry Jiminie. Your dad was asked to work a bit longer as he is a high ranked officer." My mother told me as I looked up looking into her deep brown eyes.

However my eyes examined her worried facial expression but I brushed it off.

"He will come home soon though right?" I asked looking at my mothers long dark black hair and her thin figure.

She gulped before nodding.

"Yes Jiminie, your father will come home soon to see how much you have grown. I promise!" She stated smiling at me.

I grinned back.

"Yes, I will be a big boy by the time he see's me." I stated proudly while my mother softly laughed.

"How about we go out and get some pizza for dinner?" My mother asked standing up from the dining table.

"But you said earlier we weren't going to be eating for a week because you couldn't afford it?" I questioned rubbing my empty stomach.

I did long so desperately for a warm meal... Hot cheesy pizza sounds so awfully inviting right now.

"Did I really say that earlier?" She questioned grabbing her car keys.

"Yes." I said nodding while pouting as she looked over at me where I sat still at the dining table.

"Well I changed my mind, my boy needs to eat a little bit so he can be a big boy before his dad see's him." She coed smiling.

I grinned jumping up from the table.

"I will just cross into my cigarette fees." She mentioned leading me to the door holding my wrist.

My mother reeked of cigarette fums. Anyone would think she stood inside a house that burned down all around her allowing for the smoke consume her.

I shuddered sitting up right in bed.

Cold sweats dripped down my forehead as I stared into the darkness empty space of the night.

"He was never coming back so why did you lie to me?" I muttered aloud resting my head back against my wall.

I can't believe I so blindly lived accepting my mothers sacrifices for me when we lived in poverty.

But I am so disappointed that she didn't tell me the truth, not even on her death bed did she tell me my father abandoned us...

I pulled back my bed sheets and stood up carefully because of the absence of light before walking into the lounge in my pajamas.

I headed past the lounge into my kitchen where I opened a cupboard examining my bottles of alcohol.

I sighed pulling out a bottle of whiskey before pouring myself a shot.

Lifting the glass to my puffy lips I could smell the strong stench of alcohol before I downed it.

"What pizza do you want to eat kid? We will have to share it though so nothing with to many vegetables as they taste disgusting." My mother asked laughing dryly.

"Just a cheese pizza." I said well aware it was the cheapest.

"Alright." She said heading over to the counter while I stared outside the window perched upon a bar stool.

My mother came back a couple minutes later as we waited for our order to be ready.

"You know I would have been fine to have waited a week before we got pizza." I mentioned looking at the women beside me.

"I know but one day you are going to need to be big and strong. Especially for when you one day have a wife and children because you will need to provide for them and protect them no matter what. Just like your father who's protecting us and fighting for our country." My mother stated.

"My mother would be so disappointed I'm gay." I whined putting down the shot glass.

I left the shot glass by the sink wandering back into the lounge before wrapping up in a blanket I kept by the sofa.

My eyes glanced at the digital clock beside my TV. 6:19am.

I folded my knees up to my chest as I wiped a tear I wasn't even expecting to have slip from my eye.

What do I seriously have for myself in this world?

I know Taehyung is trying but even if I don't die to suicide this time, I am very likely to next time...

I want to be up in the sky and if their is a land beyond such as heaven, I want to go their to give my mother a piece of my mind for what suffering and fake hope she brought for me.

I may have a chance with Jungkook or Yoongi but they don't complete my heart the way Taehyung does.

He's the only person who cares intensely about me and I'm not even sure if that's just because he's magic or if he really genuinely cares.

For such extensive practice and preparation it's possible it's all an act.

But why would guardian angels want to keep humans alive?

We are more then likely destroying earths climate. Do they want humans to ruin the earth realm so they can be more free without humans? Who knows...

I just need to get into Taehyung's mind a bit and pull out his thoughts.

He may have consoled me earlier about love, but he is pulling the strings with my heart currently.

Part of me wants to explore love with him but I'm so scared to be heart broken when he leaves...

Could I explore love with him then end up okay because I already know he's going to disappear? Or will I get in too deep and get hurt?

It's such a risk but I loved the way I felt near him and he's honestly completely my type.

It scares me how much I think about you. But hurts me that I don't let myself fall in love with you...

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