If anyone were to find me this very moment, they would arrest me as a class A stalker.

Squatting on the ground behind a few shrubs, binoculars in hand and a backpack swaddled betwixt my legs, I could only imagine how creepy I looked. I was somewhat off property of the Alexandrettia in a place that allowed me to peak through the large glass doors of the school, where in just a few minutes, I hoped to see my prey come out, oblivious to the predator waiting for her.

Man. I needed to reevaluate my life a bit.

... You know what? Fuck it, I was awesome and I was here for a fun time, not a long time. I was fine. Everything was fine.

My everlasting shitty luck ran out on me the moment I spotted the first sight of blue in the doorway through my binoculars. I cursed lowly as I saw the smurf-girl was in the company of one of her friends. One of the ones from her photos. They were talking in the hall and I couldn't tell about what. Blow me.

I packed up my binoculars and slung my bag up on my shoulder as I carefully moved closer. Time for a new strategy. I managed to sneak around the parking lot and slither up the side of the building, out of sight for the surveillance cameras. I stayed hidden and took off my backpack, hiding it away in a crevice between two large dumpsters (heyo). And now, we waited.

My theory was that one of them would come this way seen as there weren't many options for cars and one was parked right here. I had hoped the first one out would be her; The blue-haired smurf-girl with all the piercings who had bugged my laptop, but no. I had planned everything in my head, what I wanted to say, but of course my goddamn luck betrayed me again as I jumped out and grabbed the person coming my way the second I heard footsteps.

Fucking green luck. I think maybe I had smoked mine away.

Her name was Mia, and the first word out of her mouth had been Caleb. My fucking name. She was the smurf-girl's friend and she knew Eli, which meant she wasn't a pawn for the bad people. If she went to the Alexandrettia with the blue-haired girl, then she had obviously seen Eli working the halls with his mop. Why hold off blowing the whistle if she already knew where and who he was?

But that was the thing. I pretty quickly realized she didn't know who he really was; Who was after him and what they wanted from him.

What I did discover pretty quickly though, was that Eli was boning this poor girl. Trust him to befriend a blonde with great tits and a face like a Barbie doll while hiding from the fucking government. Priorities always in full fucking check.

She seemed like a nice girl, though. A clear product of her rich upbringing, but nice. She seemed genuinely concerned about Eli, if going by how she had opened her home for him and my sister and allowed them to stay with her. She wanted to help him, but didn't know how, just like me. Though hers was mostly on account of not knowing exactly what she was dealing with. I sure as hell wasn't gonna tell her. Look where knowing got me.

So my epic James Bond night didn't go as planned at all, but I did get something useful out of it. I realized this Mia girl could be just what my plan needed. Or rather, her friend the smurf was. It was the perfect scenario.

Mia herself was too close to Eli, you see. If I went through her to Eli and got caught linking with her, they would check her out and try and find out why I was interested in her. I would lead them straight to him if I stayed in touch with Mia.

But the smurf-girl?

She was a clean link. There was no connection from her to Eli. Other than the fact that she had tried to bug my computer, she was a clean slate, a perfect gateway for me to use to stay close to what was happening—unknowningly, of course.

And that's how I currently found myself sitting in an abandoned warehouse two days later at 3pm with my laptop placed in my lap.

The thing about hackers was, unless you were one, you didn't know that there was always a way to communicate with one another. In my case, any sort of online communication was risky. It could be traced. It could be tracked.

Unless... you had invented what I had finally finished inventing.

Smirking, I opened up the software I had designed that pulled her in. Like deepthroating her entire hard drive and all its content, I dragged her into my little lair, swallowed hard and then awaited her response. Why were all my analogies dirty? Sorry, Jésus. It wasn't long till I found her firewalls beeping, trying to fight my hold. It was almost cute trying to watch her panic and try and get free. Was I a sadist without knowing...?

Pulling up a black chatbox, I decided it was time to introduce myself. I placed my fingers against the keyboard, feeling a little smirk tug on my lips. How should I make my first impression?

I tapped my fingers against my keyboard and typed. I was nothing if not a gentleman.

Ceynius:
Hello, smurf person.
Thank you for joining.

It only took a moment before I saw the dots on her end of the chat, indicating she was writing. Her response had my grin widening.

ZoOnThat:
WHO IS THIS?! What
did you do to my laptop?!

I should've felt bad for guffawing loudly, but I honestly didn't. She sounded panicked right now. Her whole entire laptop was on shutdown, courtesy of yours truly, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Ceynius:
Aw, you don't remember me?
That's odd, because you
sent a cyberbug after me
just a few hours ago

I reminded her of her crime against my laptop. After that, there was a moment of stunned silence on the other end. I smirked slowly, waiting for the dots to appear again. Yeah, bet you didn't see that one coming, smurf-girl.

ZoOnThat:
YOU? It's you?!!
YOU'RE the Genius?!?!!!

I shook my head and pursed my lips. She was a little bit cute, actually... but that didn't change the fact that she had tried to hack me.

Ceynius:
Am I? Is that why
you sent that bug
after me?
Nice try, smurf.
You don't know who
you're messing with.

She was typing so fast, the dots barely appears before the message was sent.

ZoOnThat:
Then tell me, why
don't you? You
obviously contacted
me, so why don't you
enlighten me.
Dickwad.

My mouth fell open. Did she just...?

Ceynius:
Did you just call me
a bad word, smurf?
Apologize at once,
please. I have feelings.

ZoOnThat:
Oh, pardon me,
DICKWAD. Now let
go of my computer
before I fry your
laptop like a piece
of KFC chicken.

I snorted, but smirked. She was busting empty threats at me. I had her in my grasp and my software wasn't letting her go anywhere anytime soon.

Ceynius:
Great. Now I'm
hungry. I'm trying
to stay healthy here,
smurf. Don't talk
about fried food,
thanks, that's mean.

I was bossing her around and she was throwing a fit. I liked her. While we were chatting, my eyes fell to all the alarm triangles that showed up on my screen, informing me she was trying to bypass my software. I raised a brow, wondering if she would actually succeed...?

Nah, I was too awesome.

But this was my first live test run and she was a goddamn good opponent. My laptop was getting warm from blocking all of her cyber attacks, even if she wasn't succeeding. I smirked a little again. She was feisty. And stubborn.

ZoOnThat:
What the fuck is
this thing?! How
are you doing this?

"Oh, smurf," I found myself whispering in the dark, shaking my head with a little grin. "Wouldn't you like to know."

For some reason, I really wanted to show her... teach her... meet her.

Yeah, maybe in another lifetime, you government-hunted dick crutch. Stay focused, would you?

ZoOnThat:
You're the Genius,
aren't you? Truth me

She was looking for the Genius. Of course she was. Rolling my eyes, I cursed Eli up in my head. All the girls always ran to him. Fucking bad boy catnip.

I sighed tiredly and rubbed my face. Alright, so here was the deal; I had established a so far safe connection to the Smurf-girl's laptop and now all I had to do was keep the connection running. If my invention truly worked, this was the best way to test it. The smurf girl seemed like a skilled hacker, and if she somehow found a way through my blockades... then I knew I had failed.

But if she didn't...

I might've found a way to get in contact with Eli without getting tracked or traced.

... and also cracked P vs NP.

I had to be certain, though. I'd need to keep the program running on Smurf-girl's laptop for a little while longer to see if she could crack it, and if she couldn't, then maybe I could try it again. Until then, I would use her laptop to stay in touch with what happened at the school. Through her mic, speaker and camera, not to mention her files, I could keep track of everything that happened... keep track of Mia whenever they were together, keep track of Eli if they should talk about him. Assuming that the connection should hold and my software stayed untraceable.

Unless this chick found a way around it and sent another bug after me, risking my whole life, existence, friend's safety and my sister's wellbeing.

– Small stuff.

Ceynius:
Call me Ceynius,
baby. I'm going to
be here for a while.
Maybe that will teach
you not to mess with
the Cyber King.

I modestly hit send and watched as the dots appeared on her end. She typed for a short moment, and as her message finally arrived, I couldn't help but smirk slyly again.

ZoOnThat:
Cyber King?
Really?
Ctrl+Alt+DELETE
on your ego, please

Ego? That wasn't ego, that was the truth, but I guess she didn't know yet, so her mistake was granted, I supposed.

Ceynius:
Smurf, I'm warning
you, you better pull
your bug back or I'm
going to send you one
of my own.

I mean, technically she couldn't really do anything, but if she somehow managed to make it past my software, I figured she deserved a fair warning. I did not mess around when it came to being bugged. It bugged me.

ZoOnThat:
Are you seriously
cyber-threatening me?
Get real, I'm not
scared of you and your
oversized ego. I'll
crush you, dickwad.

Seriously? Again with the dickwad? She was starting to hurt my feelings now.

Ceynius:
Don't tell me
I didn't warn you,
Smurf.

ZoOnThat:
Bring on your bug,
little cyberman. I'll
Smurf the Smurf out
of it.

And with that and a hoarse laugh, I shook my head and closed my laptop, leaving her to soak up my warning words.

She had no idea what was coming for her.

~~~

Ceynius:
It's late, are you
awake?

I was bored out of my fucking mind. Between hiding from the government and missing my sister so much I was growing an ulcer, I was so bored I couldn't stop myself from hacking meaningless things. Everything from confidential files to best sandwiches in the area that the FDA had approved. I wanted food, not food-poisoning.

But amidst all my endless boredom, I had decided to have a little fun with the smurf girl from the Alexandrettia. She was always annoyed with me, which perhaps was understandable since it had been a couple of days since I hijacked her laptop. I still hadn't given her her free will back, but I allowed her to access her school things when she needed them. Other than that... well, she had to ask nicely first.

Ceynius:
Smurf? Wake up,
I'm bored

Ceynius:
Smuuuuuuuurf...

Ceynius:
...I'm not afraid to
start up your Spotify
at 2.36 at night

I smirked when I finally saw the dots appear on her side. She was getting real fucking tired of me, I could tell.

ZoOnThat:
WHAT?! WHY
CANT YOU JUST
LET ME SLEEP
ASSHOLE!!??

I whistled through my teeth. I wondered if I could send her tampons through the mail without getting tracked... just kidding.

– I would send her pads, just to be safe.

Ceynius:
Period still
happening? I
saw you noted it
in your calendar.
What's your choice
of candy?

I should've expected the reply, but it still had me dumbfound.

ZoOnThat:
I will sit on
your face and
bleed till you
get waterboarded
in menstrual blood.

Ick. I grimaced and somehow could picture that much too vividly.

Ceynius:
And just like that,
you lost your sleep
privileges. I hope you
like Baby Shark.

I pressed down on a button and watched as her Spotify opened up and started playing. I then hit the volume button and coded the effect to go through to her laptop. Right about now, her laptop would be blasting music at dead A.M in the night with her parents hopefully home.

...I think I'd make a good parent some day.

My grin then slowly faded as Elana's face popped up in my head again. Her giggling smile and her clumsy signing as she talked to me about her day and her random funny notions.

Shit.

I set my laptop aside and pushed my head between my knees as the ache in my chest intensified. Panic attacks had begun to be a normal part of my days. Even though I knew she was okay with Eli, safe with that Mia girl and protected from the street, I still couldn't bare to think about if she had trouble sleeping like I did. If she ran to Eli when she had a nightmare. If he comforted her the right way when she got scared.

I breathed erratically and tried to focus when there came another ping from my laptop. Through blurry eyes, I looked to the side and saw the smurf had sent a message.

ZoOnThat:
SHUT IT OFF,
PLEASE!!!

My lips twitched a little. She said the magic word.

Ceynius:
That wasn't so
hard, was it?

I turned off the music and waited as the dots appeared again.

ZoOnThat:
THANK YOU.
Now what do
you want from
me?!

I looked at her emo profile picture. She wore some sort of mask that covered her nose and mouth, leaving her charcoal drawn eyes to stand out with those dark brown eyes glaring into the lens. All encased by a mob of blue hair.

Ceynius:
Your company.
Talk to me... please.

I paused before hitting send, almost adding another sentence out of pure need.

I'm lonely.

I hit sent without it and waited for her to reply. It took a few moments, but then she moodily answered.

ZoOnThat:
Couldn't you
have waited till
the morning, dumb-
ass? What are you
even doing up so
late?

Contemplating life, missing my sister, hiding from the government, listening to my stomach growl and fighting regular panic attacks. The usual.

Ceynius:
Just couldn't sleep.

ZoOnThat:
And that has
to be my problem,
why?

I sighed and rubbed my face. Because I have no one else to talk to.

Ceynius:
Because I'm bored
and you need to
learn some manners.

I groaned silently and leaned back against the concrete wall, stuffing my blanket tighter around my cold feet. Tomorrow I might see if I could find a thermo blanket. It was getting too cold at night.

ZoOnThat:
I use my manners
when my manners
are met with the same
kind. Period.

My lip lifted. It was funny, actually. She was friends with Mia, a very Barbie-adjacent type girl, but she wasn't like that at all. She was the polar opposite of all the other young people who went to that school. I checked her background; her parents had some money as well, but she didn't seem to care about living the good life. Her pictures on her laptop indicated she went to formal events with a full face of emo makeup and clothes. And, if by going off of the stiff faces on her parents, quite rebelliously so.

Ceynius:
Can I ask you a
question?

ZoOnThat:
You're going to
ask it either way

Ceynius:
Why blue?

Seconds ticked by. A full minute. I waited patiently, waited for the dots to appear again. Then, they did.

ZoOnThat:
Because I felt
like it. Blue's
a nice color.

My smile finally came out. Was God sending me a sign?

ZoOnThat:
Now can I ask
you a question?

Hmm... I supposed that was only fair.

Ceynius:
Shoot. But you might
not get a reply back
if it's about my
identify.
- Ask anything about
my dick though

Despite that, I saw the dots appear on her end.

ZoOnThat:
What is this thing
you've trapped my
laptop with? I've
never encountered
anything like it

My fingers and my smirk twitched. Don't do it, Caleb. Don't do it. Don't.

Ceynius:
No? Speaking of
my dick...

Why I hit send, I had no idea. Why I was being such a creep, I didn't know either. I honestly couldn't blame her for her reply.

ZoOnThat:
Forget I asked
You're too immature
to give a straight
answer

Immature? Come on. She set me up, how else could I possibly have answered that question?

Ceynius:
Alright, I'm sorry
– I'll tell you

But how exactly did I tell her what it was? What the fuck had I invented? It was a software that allowed you to be the almighty God in cyberspace, giving you access to destroy and hack anything you wanted with just a few algorithms... How the hell did you explain and name that?

Ceynius:
It's a black hole,
sweetcheeks. I
invented it, you'll
never see anything
like it. You should
feel honored to be
in it with me.

Honored. Happy. Impressed? Okay, maybe my ego did need some deflating.

– Which, thankfully, I could count on her to do.

ZoOnThat:
Suck my blue
ass.

Grinning, I was so close to replying something else... oh, wait, I was doing it.

Ceynius:
I'd rather suck
something else.

Understandably, she sent some blasphemous profanity back, to which I admired with cheeky grin. She was angry, which meant I was getting under her skin...

Sighing, I then leaned back and stared at her profile picture again, stared at that blue hair...

'Because I felt like it. Blue's a nice color.'

I thought about her simple words for a long while and then slowly glanced down at my favorite hoodie that I was currently wearing.

My blue hoodie.

Yeah, it was.

• • •

I have so many stupid ideas, and Caleb embodies all of them.