FYI this chapter is still going through some editing, please keep that in mind as you read...

Harry had just dropped off his and Julie's family at the hotel and walked back into the house.  Julie had stayed in their bedroom the rest of the night.  It was still dark and quiet in the house now, so he assumed she was still in the room with Grace.  He knew this was going to be a hell of a transition, he just wasn't expecting it so soon.  He was kicking himself for not realizing she would need a little more privacy at the beginning.  He made his way up the stairs and opened the door quietly.  He saw her laying on her side sound asleep, Grace swaddled up in the bed side bassinet, also sound asleep.

He looked over to the dresser and saw that most of the sandwich was gone and some of the fruit.  At least she'd decided to eat something.  Any little thing was a start.  He took the tray downstairs and cleaned up.  The house was so quiet compared to how it had been since Grace came home.  He took a moment to take it in.  It was different, and maybe the way it should have been when he brought his wife home.  Live and learn.  He'd been doing a lot of that lately.  He decided he'd go up to the bedroom and read while his wife and daughter were sleeping.  That way he could help take care of Grace if she woke.

By the time he made it up the stairs Julie was awake.  She was sitting cross legged on the bed looking down at Grace.  He shut the door quietly and made his way over to the bed.  "Hey, baby."  His heart dropped to his toes when she looked up at him.  Her eyes were filled with tears and he could see her lip quiver as she tried not to cry.  "What's wrong?"  He asked as he climbed onto the bed and sat beside her.

Julie shook her head which shook tears out onto her cheeks.  She looked back at Grace and bit the inside of her cheeks.  She was trying extremely hard not to cry right now.  She knew if she spoke she would end up sobbing and she didn't want to do that.

"Ok, you're freaking me out just a little bit.  No, a lot.  Baby, what's wrong?"  Harry rubbed over her back and when her lip started quivering again his heart broke.  What the hell was happening?  "Sweetheart, you need to talk to me.  Did I do something?  Well, something else?"  When she shook her head no, he took her hand.  "Please talk to me."

"She's so, perfect."  Julie said as she as she wiped the tears from her cheek.  "And I'm gonna screw it up.  And there was a house full of people watching me do it.  She's everything, and she was so unlucky to get me as a mother."

Harry stared at her.  He paused as he was rubbing over the back of her hand with his thumb, but he slowly started to resume.  She broke his heart.  Lately, it was hard for him to remember that broken girl he had met so many years ago.  Over the course of the past few years, she had gotten through so much, grown in so many ways, and especially during the last 6 months of this pregnancy she had been so much more accepting and confident in her abilities of becoming a mother, he had forgotten she was still the same girl who doubted her ability to be a girlfriend or a wife.  Of course, she would still doubt her ability of being a mother.

"I know, that no matter what I say right now, it's not going to completely ease your fears, but you're wrong.  I understand why you feel the way you do.  And I'm sorry, that I didn't see it sooner, but just like you were wrong about your ability to be a good girlfriend and a good wife, you're wrong about your inability to be a good mother."  He took her cheek in his hand and wiped under her eye with his thumb. "Grace, just as I am, is extremely lucky to have you as a mother.  No one, will fight for her more than you will."

"No, Harry.  I'm going to fail.  Just like I am failing at being a good wife.  It's the only way to explain it."  Julie sobbed even though she tried hard to remain composed.

"Now you're just being silly."  He looked down into her eyes and shook his head.  "Where would you come up with such nonsense?"

"It's not nonsense.  Look what's happened.  Look what we've been through.  Look what we always go through.  It has to be someone's fault.  It's always my fault.  And she's going to learn it quickly too.  That I don't know what I'm doing and that her best bet is to have someone else around."  She wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeve.  "I don't know why I thought I could do this."

"You're not alone, baby.  We're going to do this together.  You and me.  But even if we weren't, you'd be her perfect mother.  Because you ARE her mother.  She knows you.  She loves you, unconditionally, and you'll do the best you can to take care of her."  Harry took a deep breath and pulled Julie into his arms.  Watching her digress back into this unconfident, scared, girl he had first met was unsettling.  She had become such a settled in her ways, know what she wants type of woman lately and he really did almost forget that's not ultimately who she was.  "I love you, Grace loves you, our families love you.  And we will help you whenever you need it.  But I've seen you with her, and you rock the shit out of being a mum.  HER mum, Julie.  Because she is perfect for you."

"You're wrong."  Julie cried into his chest, clenching a fistful of his T-shirt in her hand.  "And I'm so scared she's going to grow up hating me."

"It's not going to happen, my love."  Harry reached over and tucked the swaddled blanket further under Graces chin and laid back with Julie on the bed, holding her on his chest.  "Let's get some rest, together, while Grace is still asleep."  It broke his heart to hear her cry quietly into his chest.  He wished he could do more to squash her fears, but he couldn't.  He needed to let her figure it out in her own.  But he knew, he KNEW, she would be a great mum.  She just needed to relax and let it come naturally.

The next few days were much of the same.  Harry spent a lot of the time telling her that he understood her fears but that he believed she was going to be the best mum for Grace.  And he watched her.  She knew, instinctively, what Grace needed when she needed it.  And if she was wrong the first time, she was right the second.  He looked up from Grace as Julie descended the final steps from her shower.  "Hey baby, how do you feel?"

"Cleaner."  Julie said as she walked towards the couch.  "Kinda hungry.  Do we have anything?"

"Not really.  Haven't gone shopping in awhile, I'll just order something and go shopping later, or tomorrow."  He took Grace and transferred her to Julie's arms.  "What do you feel like?"

"I don't know.  Burger and fries?  Or onion rings.  Yeah, onion rings.  And a milk shake.  Oh, and maybe something for dessert.  Like banana cream pie or heavily frosted cake."  Julie rattled off as she looked down at Grace and smiled taking her little hand.

Harry chuckled as he stood up holding his phone.  He looked down at her and Grace.  "There's my girl."  He leaned down and lifted her chin with his pointer finger and kissed her lips.  "I love seeing that appetite back."

"I'm just starving.  That's all."  She shrugged a shoulder and laughed a little.  "Yeah, I know, I've been difficult again, I'm sorry.  Well, maybe I'm not.  This has been A LOT to handle, and YOU did this to me.  I'm still blaming you."

Harry stood back up and raised an eyebrow back down at her.  "Say what, now?  There is no finger pointing in this.  We are in this together, completely."

"Nope, your fault.  Deal with it."  Julie smiled down at Grace again and said hi to her a few times.

Harry kissed Grace's forehead and the Julie's.  "Nope, I'll argue with you about it later.  I'm going to order you some food before you change your mind.  Then I need to call Jeff, ok?  I won't be long."

"Yeah, we are fine.  Not like we are going anywhere."  Julie played with Grace's hand as she squirmed a little and made her little grunting noises.

Harry stood and watched for a few more seconds.  He loved the sight of the two of them together.  No matter how many times Julie said she was worried, she was always so good with Grace.  He had no worries about her raising Grace.  She would never accept it or acknowledge it, but she really was a natural Mum.  He finally tore himself away from the sight of his two girls and went to the kitchen.  He ordered food from their favorite burger joint.  Well, Julie's favorite.  His was a little different but he'd live.  Food was the one thing they disagreed on the most.  Which was actually quite comical most of the time.  He then sat at the counter and called Jeff.  "Hey, mate, sorry I didn't call back sooner.  It's been a bit chaotic around here.  What's going on?"

Jeff leaned back in his office chair as he spoke to Harry.  "Hey, it's cool, how's everything going?"

Harry glanced back towards the couch and smiled.  "It's good.  I mean, it's been a bit rough the past few days, but we're getting there.  Learning as we go.  Of course my wife is being a little hard on herself, but what else is new?"

Jeff put his feet up on his desk and chuckled.  "Sounds about right.  I won't keep you, but I wanted to let you know that we have studio time for you whenever you're ready.  The second album won't write itself."

Harry sighed.  "Now really isn't the best time to be making plans like that.  I'm needed here.  I just had a baby for fucks sake."

Jeff sat up and put his feet on the floor.  "I know, and I'm not trying to rush you to much.  But we do have an obligation to the record label.  Just keep in mind that it might not be a bad idea to get started on writing for it at least."

Harry glanced back again at Julie and Grace.  He had his commitments to his music, but his wife and his daughter came first.  They had to.  "Yeah, I know.  I will figure it out.  Thanks for letting me know."  He hung up the phone and went to wash some bottles while Julie was doing well with Grace.  How was he supposed to talk to her about another album and music and touring when they only had a baby a week ago?  How would Julie take it?  How would he?  How would it work?  Especially after the album was written and recorded and he'd have to do interviews and press and go on tour.  He took a deep breath.  He was getting ahead of himself.  He dried his hands when he was done and went to the door to get the food.  He brought it into the living room and set it on the table in front of Julie and Grace.  "Here you are.  All the yummy goodness you could want."

Julie put her finger to her lips shushing him.  Grace had just fallen asleep.  "She's so good.  I don't know how we got so lucky."  She got up and carried Grace the short way to her bassinet and laid her gently down.  She couldn't help but just stand and watch her for a minute.  She still had doubts that she could do this.  She was still sure at some point Grace would end up hating her because she'd mess it up, but there were moments it was such a fulfilling feeling, and this was one of them.

"She's ours, she's perfect.  She was always going to be perfect because she is ours."  Harry wrapped his arms around Julie's waist from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder looking at Grace.  "I'm sure she'll give us trouble at some point.  I mean, she does have to have some of your stubbornness."  He grunted a little as he felt Julie's elbow hit his stomach.  "Ok, ok, and mine."  He chuckled.

"Shut up."  Julie gazed at Grace one more time and then turned around and pushed Harry by the stomach towards the couch.  "Now I wanna eat."  She sat down and took things out of the bag.  "Was everything ok with Jeff?"

Harry pulled his food out of the bag and set it down.  "Yeah, it's good."  He looked over at her.  "Just wanted to talk about a couple of things."

"Like what?"  Julie asked unwrapping her burger and taking a bite.  "Mmmm, so good.  I'm so glad you remember what I like."

Harry chuckled and took his thumb and wiped the ketchup and mayo combination from the side of Julie's mouth and then wiped it on the napkin.  "I could never forget anything that makes you that happy."  He set the napkin down and took a breath.  "He wanted to talk about the second album."

"Oh."  Julie said and then hesitated.  "Already?"

"Yeah, kinda what I said."  Harry reached over and cupped her cheek.  "I told him I'm not quite ready to talk about it.  We've got to much going on here."

"You mean, you're afraid to leave your crazy wife with your new baby?"  Julie took a deep breath and then took his hand from her face.

"No.  That is not what I meant.  You, no, WE had a baby a week ago.  I'm not ready to talk about work.  I know what's expected of me, but not now."  Harry sighed again.  "Julie..."

"It won't hurt to talk about it."  She looked over at Harry when he turned back towards her.  "What?  I'm not saying go disappear into the studio and get lost like you sometimes can.  Just, talk about it.  Make a plan.  Get an idea about when you may want to get it started.  A few phone calls can't hurt."

Harry cocked his head at her.  "Are you using logical reasoning on me?"

"Don't be cute or patronizing.  Or whatever that is."  She shrugged her shoulders.  "Grace sleeps a lot.  I'm not exactly up for much.  You'll have down time.  There's no reason why you can't at least get something in discussions.  You never stop writing so I'm sure you've already got ideas.  Again, I'm not saying turn into full work mode Harry.  But, you do what you do."

Harry nodded as he took his milk shake and took a sip.  "I think, before I act on that, I'm gonna give you some time to think about it."

"I'm not crazy and insane, Harry.  I know what I'm saying."  Julie shook her head.  "I know it's been a struggle but none of it has to do with you and your music."

"I didn't call you either thing.  But it gets busy.  And there are times when I have weird hours.  Maybe I'm not ready to leave you to deal with that yet."  Harry folded a leg under him and turned towards her playing with a piece of her hair that rested on her shoulder.  "We've got so much to learn, and we have to get things straight here."

Julie shrugged.  "Well, you do what you think is best.  I already told you how I feel.  The rest is up to you.  I can't force you to do anything."

"I'm happy you're so supportive, but I'm not ready yet.  I think it was even to soon for him to ask.  I couldn't be happier being here with you and Grace.  It's the best."  Harry smiled at her and then leaned down and kissed her before going back to his dinner.

"And you'll be bored in no time.  Driving me insane with your whining and pouting."  Julie looked at him when he gasped and then laughed.  "You know it's true.  You don't like it when you're stuck home.  Not saying you want to get away from us, so before you go getting all Harry dramatic, let me clarify that.  But you do like to be busy, and even though right now it's a lot, eventually we will get better at it and you're going to get bored."

"And then I will make the decision, at that time, if I'm ready to dive into this next album or not.  Face it wife, I love and adore you and our little peanut.  I'm not ready to go back to the grind yet, so you need to deal with me until I am."  Harry pulled her closer to him so she was leaning against his side and wrapped his arm around her while he ate a french fry.  "Besides, then I'd have to start watching what I eat and working out like a madman again, and I'm enjoying this way to much."

"Harry, don't try and just be cute and push this off.  If you're not ready to start, that's fine.  But don't do it because you think I can't handle it.  I KNOW I've been off, and a bit unsettled but I'm in no way asking you to push off the other parts of your life."  She said looking up at him.  "Please, don't make me think I am."

"Baby, I'm not."  He took a deep breath.  He wasn't sure she'd believe him no matter what he said.  "Can we just agree that right now is to soon, and we will revisit it in a couple of weeks?"

Julie nodded as she settled back into his side and took another bite of her burger.  "Yep, that we can do."

"Look at us becoming good at this communication thing."  Harry grinned as he settled back into the couch.

"I don't know if I'd go that far.  But yeah, I think we did ok."  Julie shook her head and laughed as she finished her dinner.

Later on that evening Julie walked out of the master bathroom after taking another shower and cleaning up.  She couldn't wait for things to feel back to normal after this birth thing.  She went to her vanity and put lotion on her elbows and then turned and saw it.  Harry asleep on his back, shirt off and Grace asleep on his chest.  She shook her head but couldn't help but smile at the sight.  It was such a beautiful picture.  So much in fact she decided to make it a permanent one.  She grabbed Harry's camera from the dresser and snapped a few.  The camera was never far now that Grace was here.  Harry captured every moment he could.  She then took her phone and snapped a pic to set it as her background and lock screen.  She turned the lights off except for the little lamp by the bed and went to take Grace from Harry's chest.

"Hey, where you taking her?"  Harry sleepily asked putting his hand on Grace's back.  "Let her stay, please?"  He stuck out his bottom lip.

"No way.  You're spoiling her way to much.  She needs to sleep in her own spot."  She made grabby hands. "Give her up.  It's almost time for her bottle anyway, I'm hoping she eats and goes back to sleep.  Besides, that's my spot when we go to bed.  At least for awhile."

Harry slowly sat up with Grace.  "Fine, but for future reference, I have enough room for both of you."  He laid Grace on her back and started to undo her diaper.  "I'll change her if you wanna make a bottle."

Julie grabbed a diaper, wipes, and a sleeper and set them next to Harry.  "Don't have to tell me twice."  She went to the supplies they brought upstairs at night and poured the warm water into the bottle and mixed the formula.  She walked over to Grace starting to cry.  "Oh, Daddy's taking to long.  She's getting feisty."

"Stop.  She's just like her mum, impatient when it comes to food."  Harry closed the diaper and washed his hands on a wipe before putting her in the sleeper.  "All ready for the quiet plug."  He chuckled as Julie picked her up and gave her the bottle and it quieted her immediately.  "I love when that works."

"Yeah, sometimes it works with you, too."  Julie chuckled as Harry scoffed and then got up and took care of the diaper before going and cleaning up before bed.

"Nah, but if she would have been breast feeding still, then I would have agreed."  He laughed at Julie's groan and closed the bathroom door.  Things were still up and down, but they were getting the hang of this.  Maybe they could get through this pretty much unscathed after all.  After he cleaned up he came out and climbed in bed pulling Julie and Grace into his arms.  "I have never had a better end to a day than this.  And you and I ended some days pretty well on our own."  He smiled down into his wife's eyes.  "And as much as I can't wait to get back to that.  This, right here, is all I need.  My girls."  He held them both while Grace finished up her bottle and fell asleep.  Once she was tucked nicely into the bedside sleeper he wrapped his wife up into his arms.  He wasn't ready to go back to work yet.  And everyone else was just going to have to understand.  He needed more time for this.  His life changed drastically this past 6 months or so.  But he couldn't be happier.  He reached up and turned out the bedside lamp.  "Goodnight my loves.  I'll see you when we wake."

Heyyyy....so it's been forever....happy to see you all! Hopefully this is a sign of more to come! I don't want it to take another 3 1/2 months but it's been a struggle! Please let me know your thoughts! If you have read this far!! Thank you for sticking around!!
All my love..... xoxo