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Hello, woman. (And that, children, is easily the most boring start to any birthday wish in all of human history.)

Can I just begin this awkward message by saying: YOU'RE ONE HELL OF A HUMAN BEING. And this isn't me being nice in the crappy 'it's-your-day-and-I love-you-so-much-you're-legit-the-best' kind of way, it's me being honest in the 'you're-such-an-idiot-but-hey-I-still-love-you' kind of way. Trust me when I say I'm not the kind of person who'll compliment you just for the sake of being nice. I admit, I used to be that kind of person; but I've changed now. (For the better, don't worry. xD)

So I hope you know that I mean it when I say you're one of the most awesome people I've ever talked to and that you're a complete and utter female dog (:P) but I'm so glad you found your way into my life. Or was it me who found my way into yours? Well, whatever the case, I'm glad things happened the way they did (and the stars aligning and all that ish) and that we met each other (virtually, that is)

Of all the people who could've started a friendship with me by simply hitting me up with a 'you', I consider myself a very lucky potato that it was you who did so. Yes, I remember that. (Well of course I do, it was just a few months ago. BUT I HAVE MEMORY LOSS, HA. YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF ME FOR REMEMBERING THAT. Anyway...) Wow, I kind of totally forgot the point of this message for a few minutes, didn't I? HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU WISE OWL. WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, WE WISH YOU A MERRY- Oh wait, shoot, wrong one. Sorry, messed up a bit, moving on.

Right, I hope you have a great day, and not just today, but every day for the rest of 2019, and 2020 too; and 2021, 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025, 2026, 2027, 2028, 2029, 2030, 2031, 2090, 2033, 2034, 2035, 2036 and so on and so forth. [Betcha didn't notice the '2090' in there. And now you're looking for it. (:] Basically what I'm tryna say is: HAVE A GREAT DAY E V E R Y D A Y, NOT JUST TODAY. You deserve to be happy every day, you adorable bean. You're the sweetest, most savage person I know; and sOmEhOw you make that combination work. I'm literally in awe of you, you wise...thing. *shaking my head in absolute admiration* (And you ARE wise, shut up and accept the compliment.)

I'm not gonna go all emo on ya, but I seriously appreciate the effort you put into keeping in touch with me, woman. I mean, you could've just forgotten that I ever existed and like, not even cared what I did, ya know? But you didn't, and that means a hella lot to me. So, I'll just take this as a chance to say thank you. Thanks for keeping in touch with this soul who doesn't even deserve the time and effort you put into her. Thank you. *hug you and sobs on your shoulder*

*wipes non-existent tears*

Lastly, I'm glad Shay thought of asking me to wish you a happy birthday (thanks Shay) And once again, hApPy BiRtHdAy! (I don't like saying happy birthday though, it's like, so cliché. Maybe I'm crazy but it's just so bland, like, everyone gets the same version. Same old 'happy birthday' for every single frickin' soul in the whole wide world. Why can't you say jolly birthday? Or merry birthday? Or like literally anything else?

Okay it's confirmed, dudes and dudettes, Danie is a lunatic. And with that she signs off, hoping she has made the birthday girl smile wider than she's ever had in her whole entire existence on this peculiar planet. YEEHAW!)

- Danie