"it hurts.
it hurts a lot.
but I'll keep it to myself
so it doesn't hurt anyone else."
—dying-ohso-soon

HE WAS NEVER MINE
BUT LOSING HIM
BROKE MY HEART

souls tend to
go back
to who feels
like
home.

ZAHARA DAVIS as SARA FIELDS

"Oh fuck off."

I AM
THE
MONSTER
YOU
CREATED.

if I can still breathe
I'm fucking fine.

JUMP OFF THE CLIFF
AND BUILD YOUR WINGS
ON THE WAY DOWN.

He traces tiny little circles on the lines of my palm, looking all so serious.
"Can you really read palms?" I ask.
"Yes," he says.
"What's my future then?"
And I swear, his eyes light up like a thousand fireflies, and a smile crosses his lips for the first time.
"Us."
— Cynthia Go//an excerpt from a book I'll never write.

[playlist]

(("SHE'S JUST LOOKING FOR HER ANGELS"))

(("I WOULD NEVER GO WITHOUT YOU"))

(("PART OF ME DOESN'T WANT THIS CRUEL WORLD TO KNOW YOU"))

(("YOU'LL KNOW HIM WHEN YOU SEE HIM BY THE WAY HE LOOKS AT ME"))

(("GROWTH TAKES TIME"))

(("YOU DON'T LOOK THE SAME"))

(("BEEN DREAMING THAT YOU FEEL IT TOO"))

(("I CAN HARDLY SPEAK, AND WHEN I TRY ITS NOTHING BUT A SQUEAK"))

(("YOU TELL ME THAT YOU NEEDED TIME THEN YOU, YOU PUSHED ME AWAY"))

(("WHEN I DON'T BELONG, OH YOU SAY I AM YOURS"))

you are shaking fists & trembling teeth.
I know: you did not mean to be cruel.
that does not mean you were kind.

"cruel mothers are still
mothers.
they make us wars.
they make us revolution.
they teach us truth early.
mothers are humans. who
sometimes give birth to
their pain. instead of children."
—hate

I've spent much too long
in the space between
staying and letting go.
__________
perry poetry.

THEME WARNING.
_______________
This story is going to deal heavily with themes of sexual abuse towards minors, suicidal ideology, thoughts and mentions of self harm, PTSD, and self aimed anger that causes lashing out.
If any of these themes are triggering, I ask you to please click away. Your life and well being are more important than a fan-fiction posted on the internet.
I am someone who has been fortunate enough to have no experience in some of the mentioned themes. If you have, and you feel that it is being represented inaccurately, you are more than welcome to message me and explain what you would like changed and why, I am more than open to that.
I ask that you all please take care of yourself, and be kind to yourself, and I wish you the best of luck if this is where your experience with this story ends.
I love you 💞