You guys are gonna love and hate me for this chapter. Mostly hate me but I still love ya guys. Drama in books is life. Chapter unedited. I am lazy. You should know that by now.

Chapter 51: Cassie's My Greatest Regret

I was crying even when I got home. Gramma was the only one home. One look at my face and she took me in her arms.

"What happened, Sandy?" she asked as she sat down on the couch. She put her arm around me and tried to get me to shut up.

"They lied to me," I said. Slowly, I told her everything that happened today. Everthing that Lucas and Julian lied about. She was so surprised to hear about Brandon but chose not to push it. My best friend was dead. Gone. Forever.

I cried my heart out in Gramma's arms.

The long time flicker of hope of things improving I had after seeing him at the cemetry was gone with Brandom himself.

"They were trying to do something well but that did not seem to work in their favor. Lucas and Julian--"

"Julian," I said bitterly. "I expected better from him! He was supposed to be the reasonable and the good one! He just goes along with the lie. He knew me! Damn it!" I sobbed in my hands. It really hurt me with Julian, for some reason.

"Julian's a nice boy. He doesn't want to hurt--"

"No, Gramma! He has hurt me. He always thinks he can save and please everybody," I said shaking my head. "There's a limit! A limit to doing things like these. Lying about someone's death and then covering it up is not acceptable! Especially when it's about someone close to me! Lucas might get carried away, but I expected better from Julian!"

"So, you're hurt because Julian lied too?" Gramma slowly asked. She had a weird look on her face.

"Yes! He was the better friend!"

"Friend," she repeated after me. "I know you were closer to Julian, but you went on a date with Lucas. Why do I see you feeling more betrayed by Julian than Lucas?"

Now, I frowned in confusion. What was she getting at? "Julian was . . . he was . . . I don't know! He's always supposed to be there for me!" I blurted out. It was the truth. After all these, this was true enough.

"I see," Gramma nodded. "Do you not think Lucas will be there for you?" Her eyes searched mine for an answer and I had a feeling I wasn't going to enjoy this talk.

"Stop," I said standing up. "I don't want to talk about this." I marched my way up to my room. Over my shoulder, I shouted, "I'm going to sleep early. No dinner for me." Gramma shouted something back but I ignored her.

I spent an hour in the shower until I finally had cooled off. I came back into my room from the bathroom in my pajamas and a tank top. Turning the lights off, I settled in my bed and waited for sleep to come in. That didn't happen.

¤》¤《¤

The next two days were full of apologies from both Lucas and Julian. I was giving them the silent treatment. My best friend's death was kept hidden and they felt the right to deny me that information. Screw Julian and his cousin. Both of them were equally at fault but it was a matter of who I had better expectations of.

Lucas had this tired look on him and he simply told me that he made a mistake. He didn't expect me to forgive him easily. At least he knew. As for Julian, I was beyond pissed off at him, and he was well aware of that.

In school, I avoided both of them at all costs. Lucas had talked to me in calculus but that was it. Julian tried to make me listen to him in the library, but I plugged in my headphones the whole time and worked.

Wednesday night, I sat tiredly on my bed, thinking about how long I was going to stay away from Julian and Lucas. It didn't frustrate me any more. I was just hurt by the fact that they didn't trust me enough. As much as I hated to admit it, the distance between us hurt me. Especially with Julian. He was the one I went to when something like this would happen. Now, he was the one causing it.

For some reason, my mind went to him mentioning that he liked someone. Liked. Meaning not anymore. Why did I even care? Lucas was the one I went on the date with. His relationship problems were more of my concern not Julian's. Oh, these boys were messing with my mind.

As I laid down after turning off the lights, I heard something near my window. Slowly, I reached for the table near my bed and picked up the glass vase that once had flowers. My phone was somewhere. Any defense was better than none.

I slowly looked around and found a figure at my window, halfway in the process of climbing. It took me three seconds to get there but too late. I forgot to scream and let Gramma know.

The figure had climbed in and just as I was about to hit the person, I was slammed back into the wall with a hand pressed over my mouth. The other arm held me in place.

The vase fell on the carpeted floor.

Damn it!

"Ssh," the intruder said. My eyes went wide upon seeing his sky blue eyes. A part was relieved to see the familiar face. He was so dead. "Don't scream, alright?"

I glared at him. He slowly lowered his hand from my face. "Julian, give me one good reason why I shouldn't shout this second?"

"Because you like me and don't want to get me caught?" he offered with an unsure smile.

"Try again."

"Cassie," he sighed. "I won't be here for long. Please just listen to me." Though his hands had been taken off, he was still only standing like five inches away from me. I hadn't realized that he was whispering.

"I don't want to listen to any more lies, Julian," I said turning my face to the side.

"Please, Cassie. Lucas and I both didn't want you hurt. You--"

"I don't want to hear it," I interrupted.

He put a hand on my cheek, turned my face, and forced me to look at him. "You know, if you don't want to be treated like a five year old girl, stop behaving like one." I glared at him and opened my mouth to retort. "No. Let me continue. Cassie, I know I disappointed you. I'm sorry. You don't understand though. It hurts, darling. It pains me to see you hurt this way."

"Why?" I whispered. "I am obviously not someone you could trust, right?"

"What?" His hand dropped. "That is not true! Of course I trust you!" He put his hand to the wall next to my face, caging me. But right now, I didn't care. My focus needed to be on his words not our proximity.

"Not enough that you had to lie," I said shaking my head. "I wasn't gonna hit myself for your lies, you know."

He flinched. "I know."

"I wasn't going to be this hurt if you two had told me the truth directly."

"I know," he said and shifted a little bit which made him closer to me. But he wasn't even looking at me.

"I wasn't gonna hate you and tell you to not show me your face again either."

"I know, darling."

"I'm very unhappy, Julian, with you. I expected better," I admitted. "You know me better than Lucas does."

"Cassie, I'm sorry," he said meeting my eyes. "If I could make it up to you--"

"You can't. Please leave," I said turning away.

"Don't worry. I'm planning that already," he said with a humorless laugh.

I looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"I didn't want to keep anything from you," he said looking down. "I leave next week."

"Excuse me?" I said not really sure of what he was saying.

"You didn't want any lies, right? You also didn't want to see my face again," he pointed out. "So, convenient for you, I'm going back home the Sunday after the upcoming one."

My face paled as I waited for him to deny what he had said. When he didn't, I said, "You're leaving for spring break?"

He backed away from me. I hadn't realized how close we were until more space showed up. "No. I'm leaving for good. My sister needs me."

"But Julian, school year hasn't even ended." Something tugged inside me. Julian couldn't leave.

"I know, but family matters came up," he said, running a hand through his hair.

"You can't leave," I said in a whisper. He can't just come and go like that.

"Cassie, I have to. I wasn't going to tell you until . . . later but--"

"You figured that I was already pissed off at you and Lucas. Just keep adding on the pain," I said bitterly.

"Pain? Cassie, you told me to stay away and you never wanted to see me again!" Julian's gaze was complety focused on me as he walked over to me and slammed his hand on the wall near my head. "You didn't think that would pain me?"

I was taken aback by him. My heart was running furiously, not knowing how to slow down. Angry Julian was an unfamiliar Julian. I didn't know what to tell him. His eyes searched mine for an answer.

"Julian, life is pain."

"I can't tolerate it anymore," he whispered. I didn't understand what he meant as he slowly moved his hands to my face. "Don't," he said, "say anything." I stood still in confusion. Julian tucked strands of my hair behind my ears. His hands remained, cupping my face. Slowly, Julian leaned his face closer to mine.

My heart had already been racing, and now I worried if Julian could hear it. Everyone was a traitor. . .. including my own heart. My breathing became heavier as Julian's lips inched closer to mine. The rational part me was telling me to push him away and demand what the hell was going on.

The irrational part--which I didn't know existed till now--told me to stay still. Different feelings flooded throughout my body, confusing and scaring me. I hadn't felt something like this with Lucas when he was close to me. This experience was new.

My eyes closed as Julian's lips lightly brushed against mine, bringing warmth to my lips. His body pressed against mine, locking me in place. He slid his hand to my waist, his thumb stroking the little bit of exposed skin. I didn't know I could feel so many mixed emotions at once. Julian's lips were gentle and careful, but didn't seem like they were leaving anytime soon. It was as if he was afraid to let go.

I stoo still, lost how to respond to the kiss. Lightheadness lost me any sensible thoughts I might have grasped on. My hand were clutching Julian's shoulders and involuntarily bringing him closer to me. Not even allowing an inch of space between our bodies. I don't know what came over me as I began responding back to his lips. Our breaths mingled and I could taste iced tea on his lips. Tingles shot through my body and all I wanted was to hold on to this feeling.

Hold on to Julian.

Everything was wrong, yet felt so damn right!

His lips left my mouth and traced my jawline, making me tighten my grip on him. Never had touching someone felt so . . . amazing to me! Never had breathing in the same air as someone felt so amazing. I felt my chest rising and falling at unusual speeds.

His hands went to my neck and he leaned in into a hotter and hungrier kiss. My back arched as his hands travelled up and down my arms leaving me with goosebumps all over my skin.

The literally mind-blowing kiss didn't last long as loud knocking brought us back to the reality.

"Sandy!" It was Gramma calling me.

Julian pulled away with a flushed face. Both of us were breathing heavily. My hands were apparently clutching on to his shirt collar. I quickly pulled them back, looking away. "Cassie--"

"Sandy, open the door!" Gramma yelled.

"Give me a second!" I shouted back before turning back to the foreigner. "Julian, are you staying for dinner?" He shook his head. "Then go!" I whispered.

He nodded quietly and went to the window. "Cassie?"

"What?" I asked looking between him and the door of my room that Gramma was trying to take down.

"I'll explain everything, tomorrow," he said. I bit my lip and just nodded. He threw me a dimpled smile before disappearing. As soon as he left, I lightly touched my lips. Quickly moving my fingers away, I shook my head and fixed my hair as best as I could. I hurried over and opened the door.

"What?" I asked Gramma. She stood in her pink nightgown.

"Have you seen my glasses anywhere?" That was the reason behind her interrupting-never mind. I should be grateful for that.

"I haven't."

She nodded and left with a dejected look. She was the grandparent who had passed on the bad eyesight gene.

It was just my luck that she couldn't see clearly right now.

¤》¤《¤

"I need every single detail."

I sat in the library with my personal psychologist. I hadn't seen Julian all day. It was irritating yet relieving. I don't know but I couldn't keep what happened last night to myself. I had told Piper and asked her about it.

After I told Piper every little detail, I found her smirking. "You like him."

"What?"

"You like Julian. You wouldn't have let him kiss you if he was only a friend," she grinned.

"He told me to not say anything-"

"Since when did you start listening to him?" Piper asked cutting me off. I fell silent as last night replayed over and over again in my head. "Did you feel any sparks or electricity or different sensations or anything?" I gave Piper a look and kept my mouth shut. "Oh my god, you did! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!"

"Stop. I'm still trying to figure out why he kissed me. He said he liked someone whose name started with a-" I stopped as I realized. Julian had only hung out with me during the whole deal drama. My name started with a C. Oh man. No.

Piper looked at me in disbelief. "He loves you, stupid! Who else?" Thanks for the clarification. It didn't sound right. Julian couldn't-shouldn't-damn, everything was messy.

"Are you sure?" I asked, dreading her response.

"Yes! Now, stop being so dense and accept the facts. It's not that hard to tell with him. The way he looks at you and gives you all his attention is cute. Your emotions are better masked," she said.

"But Lucas . . . I like Lucas." Even I sounded unsure.

"Please. Answer one question of mine: do you feel any sparks or anything when you're with Lucas? Don't lie, Sandy," she said warningly.

I took my time as I thought about every moment I spent with Lucas. His presence was fine, nice even. But all those emotions that I felt when Julian kissed me, I didn't feel that with Lucas. His kisses had been nice but . . . "Not really," I told her. Piper was my psychologist after all. And I was done with all these lies.

"Knew it!" she said proudly. She leaned back in her chair as we heard something fall. Behind us a couple of underclassmen were chattering. It was probably one of them.

"But no. I still need to clear things with Julian," I said shaking my head. I was beyond confused by his behavior yesterday night. "He can't just-just kiss me when he knew about Lucas and I. Gosh, why did he do that?" I sighed and played with my pencil.

"Men." She seemed to think that was an answer enough. "That was pretty wrong of him to be honest. You go talk to him." She looked a little more serious.

"But when? And where? I hardly saw him all day," I said with a frown. It was as if he was avoiding me.

"He is staying for the school play rehearsal today, after school," told me Piper. "He told me to let you know."

I gave her a look of disbelief. "You're telling me this, now?"

"Impatient to see him already?"

I threw the pencil at her, missing her by an inch.

¤》¤《¤

For once, I was nervous to face someone. After yesterday night, I hadn't really been able to properly think. I put my hair up and went to the school auditorium. The play rehearsals didn't start till three. I had twenty minutes to talk to Julian.

I found Megan as I was walking around. "Hey, have you seen Julian?" I asked her.

"Sorry, don't know. In a hurry, Sandy," Megan said and threw me an apologetic look as she hurried behind stage. I slowly walked backstage and received stares from people.

"Do you know where I can find Julian?" I asked one of the artists. He shrugged.

The girl sitting next to him rolled her eyes. "He's with Cheryl in the costume room. They have to get ready for the play."

"Okay. Thanks," I said and left them with surprised expressions. Gosh, I knew how to say thanks. The costumes' room had the front door open slightly. I could hear arguing and fighting which ceased for a minute before continuing again. Julian was standing with his back to me. Cheryl was facing him with a tired look.

"Why, Julian? Why?" she demanded.

"I know, Cherry." He sounded upset. I was eavesdropping for no reason-wait, I was waiting for him. "Cassie's my greatest regret." I couldn't believe I had heard right. Surely, he did not just say that I was his biggest regret.

"Don't say that," she said shaking her head.

"No, Cherry, no!" He ran a hand through his hair. "I can't believe I actually loved her! It's ridiculous-" Wasn't that great? He said he loved me? Me? Loved? As in the past?

"Julian, no." Cheryl was trying to get him to calm down, apparently.

"No! That's my point! I can no longer put up with her behavior!" He seemed to be taking deep breaths. I had never seen him this way. "I even-I kissed her. Another regret to add on the list." He paused. "I wish I had never met her."

He crushed me. His words crushed me. I stared blankly as I processed what he was saying. Disgust filled over me. Why was all this happening? What did I ever do that was so wrong that Julian hated me so much? At one moment, he is my friend, at other moment, he kisses me, and now, he was regretful of everything.

Cheryl saw me and her eyes widened. "Julian-"

"Cherry, I can't stand her presence. Just help me stay away from Cassie."

That was it. "Fine, Julian," I said. He immediately turned around. A flash of surprise and pain came across his features. "Don't worry, I'll stay the hell away from you."

"Cassie--"

I was out of there with Julian's useless calls behind me. Biggest regret? This time, he didn't bother following me. So much for explaining everything today.

Damn you, Julian.

Julian's POV

I sat down feeling like the biggest arse in the world, leaning against the wall. Cheryl patted my shoulder and told me to stop being an idiot. Cassie had run away with the most betrayed look on her face I had ever seen. I didn't even stop or follow her. Oh bloody hell, this hurt.

"Why would you do that to her, Julian?" Cheryl asked. "I ought to know after I went through this charade with you." Cheryl and I had been acting when we saw Cassie approaching. Cheryl had gone along because she was my friend. But she didn't know why I did what I did.

I sighed. "I leave in ten days, Cherry. Ten days." She nodded. "I can't get close to her."

"Kissing her wasn't getting close?" she asked. Her temper seemed to be rising as well. Cheryl wasn't too happy with my behavior towards the girl I loved. She thought I was being too irrational with everything.

"I shouldn't have told you about that," I said regretfully. Regret. I cringed. "I couldn't stop myself yesterday. It was a stupid action, I realized. It's better that Cassie stays away from me and starts hating me. It would be easier saying goodbye that way."

"You hurt her and yourself so much. Can't you admit your feelings to her for a day?" she asked.

I gave her a sad smile. "If only."

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A/N

1. You're welcome #Jassielovers. This was a really fun chapter to write. Whatya think of Cassie's irrational side? XD Whatya think of Julian's actions? Tsk tsk tsk. Bad boy. Jk.

2. Any predictions? He kinda broke her heart. Anyone made at Julian? Anyone feel bad for my dear Lucas? You guys are gonna wanna kill me for what I planned. Things are about to get messy. Oh and I swear I sometimes wish I could watch this book into like a movie (yeah yeah I am so humble) but I am a really strong visual learner and all that. So I kinda play scenes in my head and write them down in the book. #WeirdAuthor. I hope I'm not the only one.

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