Oh god it's been so long I'm soooooo sorry!

I pulled myself together as soon as possible. I had to get my act together. I was sure may other werewolves dealt these kinds of things all the time, guns and fights and . . . immortal things, but hey who knows?

"Do you feel any better?" Ryder asked, kissing my cheek. I frowned and laid my head on his chest. 

"I'm not sure. I feel like I just need to stop being  a crybaby all the time or else how can I even take on the head of the council?" I shivered, even saying the words out loud reminded me that everything was real, and my world was a big lie.

He began to run circles on my back. I closed my eyes, arching my back for more. 

"You can do it, I have faith in you."

I smiled at his words. I just wish I had faith in me too.

"But in all honesty, I don't want to fight them. I know it's for the best but . . "

"You feel like it's not your fight," He finished for me. I nodded and let out a deep sigh. 

"I feel so lost. Everything is happening too fast. Any faster and I'm gonna get whiplash," I scoffed. Ryder leaned down to kiss my lips lazily. I lightly smiled against him.

"Well, this is more my speed," I remarked against his lips. 

"Hey um . ." I paused, breaking away from him. Now that me and him finally had a moment alone, I could talk more about wolf things and such.

"Yeah?" He asked, holding himself up by his elbow. I turned on my side to face him on the pillow.

"How does um . . pregnancy and marriage and all that work for your ki . .  our kind?" I asked, unsure of how to bring up the subject. Sure we hadn't really talked about it, but it was a topic that had to be discussed no matter how embarrassing or awkward. 

Ryder raised his eyebrows nonchalantly. "Well, if you were a human then getting pregnant would be hard. But since your a werewolf, as I am too, then it's pretty normal."

"I haven't heard the word normal in a long time," I mumbled. In fact, I don't understand what part of my life is normal anymore.

"So it's just like regular people having..." I trailed off, feeling stupid as usual.  I wish there was a textbook for all this stuff.

"Just like normal. Except-"

"Except what?!" I shrieked. He laughed. 

"There are technically three parts. The Marking, which we've done. Then the basic sex in our human forms, then . ."

"Wait, don't tell me in our wolf forms too?" I cringed. Would that even be . . . pleasurable?

He stayed silent and gave off a shrug. I felt my skin begin to crawl. I felt like a dog! I couldn't even shift yet and I still felt like a wild animal! I couldn't imagine how any part of that would be sexy or exciting or pleasurable! 

"Oh." I muttered.

"Don't worry about that though. We'll worry about it when it's time and you're ready. I've heard it's not as weird as it would seem."

"Are you ready?" I asked.

"Only when you will be. I'd never force anything onto you."

My heart began to swell so I placed a kiss on lips. He lifted himself up and moved over me. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss.

-

"I'm tired, I need a break Tilly," I told her, taking a seat on the grass. Some pack mates had been watching us spar, but today Tilly had been going so hard I didn't have the time to even catch my breath. Em and the twins would cheer for me, which did brighten my spirits, yet I remained subject to sucking.

"The council isn't going to give you a break when you fight the head."

"The head is like, old as hell, isn't he?" I put my hands on my knees and tried to take deep breaths. I found myself remembering when she tried to pry and poke at my being to get me to open up to my wolf. I frowned, hoping she wasn't going to do that again. While a part of me felt as thought it were a possibility, I didn't want any part of it.

"Which means more experience on his side. He may be old, but he looks like a spring chicken and can fight like one too. He's got the upper hand on you. He can shift and you still can't." I knew it wasn't a dig at me, but it isolated me from feeling like I was one of them.

Her words, however annoying, were true. I hated knowing I still had things to live up to, but I didn't have a choice on when I could shift. It wasn't my fault. I hoped anyway.

"Let her be for a bit," Mitch called. I turned to face him, still forcing air back into my lungs. My arms and legs were caked in sweat and my hair was in complete disarray. Mitch smiled lightly in encouragement.

"The council won't just let her be. Right now, they'd slaughter her," Tilly said as she put her hands on her hips, eyebrows raised.

"Then let them, just let me rest for a bit," I groaned, plopping onto my butt and taking a deep breath of my water.

"Get up!" Tilly exclaimed with angry eyes. I frowned, but heard the subtle  whispers of those around me that seemed to be watching. I looked around to see the crowd which luckily remained small. In the midst, a little girl clung to one of the twin's arms. I recognized her as the little girl who we saved at that diner. Her eyes were wide and afraid as she watched, but there was a spark of hope in them as she watched.

I couldn't help but sympathize for her. She was so young and just earlier her life could have ended with a single pull of a trigger. That guy, Marcus, could have killed her. She must have been afraid, as I was.

And what of those girls who are royal, like me? Who fell in love with someone they weren't supposed to? They just let themselves die? I couldn't be like that.

I balled up my fists, and stood up. I had to be strong. If not me for myself, then for others.

"Good." Tilly put her fists up and took another jab - I dodged it this time.

-

Emily's POV***

We all watched as Zara got back up again, though she seemed like she might crumble. I could hear the whispers of those around me; whispers of doubt and irritation. She had to get up and fight, she didn't have a choice. She didn't quite have the respect of the pack yet.

She survived a lot, yes, but the pack refused to see her as someone who fought but rather ran. I gave my best friend props for even being able to get up and continue to fight after learning about our world. Hell, I didn't know how she was able to do it, especially after losing her pseudo mom, gaining a biological father and a crazy nut case uncle.

"She has a lot to learn," Someone whispered next to me. I looked over and froze. Demetri, my soulmate, (no bid deal or anything) stood over me with dark eyes peering down at me through his hair. I held my breath and felt the world wrap around the two of us, pulling us into a dimension where only he and I existed.

"She does," I replied. Demetri kept his eyes on mine, making me shiver. I turned my head and glanced at the fight between Tilly and Zara, who was finally holding her own. I forced myself to focus on the way she moved so I could keep myself distracted.

"Can we talk? Inside?" Demetri asked. I bit my cheek. Talk to him? Did I want to? Didn't I always want a mate? Why was I hesitating now? I nodded and we jostled through the crowd and back into the house.

We walked to the hallway, which in my opinion was too small of a space but I mean, we were only going to talk so what was the harm?

"I know you were shocked when you found out I was with Daniel," He stated, leaning against the wall with his shoulder.

I frowned noticeably, trying to push away those memories. He was so vicious that night when I had been patrolling the borders on Alpha's orders. I had never seen ferocity until I had seen him. He had years on Ryder, but not too many. Just enough to really exert enough strength to make my even question my own Alpha.

"I was," I nodded and began to fuss with my hands. "It didn't help that you tried to kill me, but aside from that.." I trailed off, trying to be humorous but didn't reach either of us.

"I'm sorry, I guess," He said with a sigh.

"Okay..." What kind of an apology is that?

"This isn't exactly how I wanted our talk to go," He said with a smirk. I squirmed under his gaze but still managed to force a laugh cuz' I'm just that good - at least that was what I needed him to think.

"Do you want this, us, to be a thing, or what? I mean, if not, you can tell me," I muttered. I still couldn't believe my own soulmate was right here in front of me, and I could barely manage to talk to him because he belonged to another pack.

"I want to, I just guess I was hoping to ask if my attack earlier didn't ruin things before they already were able to start," He rambled, rubbing a hand through his hair. Clearly he wasn't used to these kinds of things.

"How old are you anyways?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Twenty-seven."

Wow okay, didn't see that one coming.

"Oh." I wasn't turned off or disgusted or anything like that. I was only 19, that was kind of an age gap for us. I knew soulmates ages didn't matter since in the end they'd be with each other no matter what, but it was odd to think he was much older than I.

"I'm 19." I felt like an idiot. His eyes widened. "I thought you were much older."

Great, I could feel my hopes and dreams of having a mate slipping through my fingers like a bar of soap. "Well, sorry I couldn't have been born earlier, I'll take it up with my parents," I snapped.

"It's just new for me, that's all," He quickly reassured me. He gave a go at a small smile, and I had  to focus on my breathing.

I smiled lightly, immediately relieved by his words. I took a deep breath, taking in his rich scent of pine. Would he be my new beginning? My new chapter? Zara, she had hers, as did Ryder. I always prayed and hoped that Ryder would be my mate, but of course it wasn't to be. He was happy now, despite all this turmoil in his life.

"Well, it's nice to do this over. I'm Emily. Em for short."

"Demetrius, but you know me as Demetri as everyone refers to me like that," And so, he held out his hand, and we shook. When a spark hit our palms, we recoiled in shock. I looked at him, and he was fixed on his hand. He then stared at me, and started to chuckle, as did I.

wow. Okay. um. hi.

I'm really sorry for the inactivity. I was so done with writing for so long, but I thought this chapter could be experimental...maybe I can finish it in a few more chapters, y'know? It would be my first book that I've ever finished here on Wattpad, despite ALL the others I have. 

Is it worth it?

I know I've left you guys for so long, and I don't expect a lot of comments or votes anymore, but, if you can find it in your heart to forgive the absence and comment on what I should do, I read them all, and they make me so happy.