Every minute was infernal torture.

I leaned against the car seat, staring at my wrist watch again and again. Time was too slow. No way it had only been seven minutes since he had left. There was simply no way.

It was three forty, and yet I had never felt more awake. And although everything around me was dark, dead silent, I had to step out, breathe in some air lest I suffocate in the car. I stepped out, the blast of cold air greeting me eagerly. The utter silence outside in stark contrast to my thumping heart. I paced around again and again, not really aware of my surroundings. I vaguely wondered how my dad would react if he found out I was out at almost four in the morning, wandering around on a dark, deserted road.

A part of me told me that he would just be disappointed if I returned home safely.

I leaned against the bonnet of the car and gazed at the academy, trying to picture what was going on inside. Zeph would be okay, he had a lot of experience when it came to shit like this.

Time was my arch nemesis as I stood waiting. Every minute weighing like a rock in my chest. If he didn't return in an hour, I'd have to go in. Where would I look for him?

The longest hour of my life trickled slowly by, my legs refusing to take my weight as anxiety crippled me. Every second, the air got heavier. Was waiting for an hour fine? Would it be better if I just went and looked for him?

No. Me going in at the wrong time could end up making things worse for him. Plus he had the shadow thing...how did it work exactly? Was it reliable enough? He had never really trained or anything. 

And so I waited, almost doubling over as anxiety manifested in physical agony in the pit of my stomach. I sat on the road, my back against the car as flashbacks from that night returned to me. The tide submerging me, the way I felt like a stranger looking onto myself. What if the worst was to happen to Zeph? No way. It couldn't be. He had to be fine. Of course he was.

My chest felt like it would collapse upon itself from the unyielding gravity. I took deep breaths, struggling to maintain rationality of the world around me. I pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging myself and rocking back and forth as I shut my yes.

Zeph, please be okay.

I prayed to some unseen power, hoping against hope that his dangerous mission wouldn't prove lethal. Why hadn't I tried harder to stop him?  

And although I had never really believed in the Light, that was all I wanted to do in that instant. I opened my  eyes, my heart plummeting as I looked on at the empty road. It was almost sunrise now, the first streaks of dawn beginning to emerge from the sky. A soft glow lighting the ground with a lover's touch. Where was Zeph? It was almost an hour.

Another agonising second. Another tormenting minute.

I glanced once again at the horizon, feeling like a man who had been submerged under dense waters, finally resurfacing as my lungs expanded with ecstasy to engulf the ambrosial air.

Zeph.

I got to my feet, breaking into a run and flung my arms around him without really thinking. "You're okay," I whispered, suddenly ashamed of the tears stinging the back of my eyeballs. My heart seemed alive again, each cell of my body electrified against his warmth. 

He didn't respond and I quickly disentangled form him, my cheeks burning. "I...I was really worried."

He gazed silently at me, and my blood ran cold. Something was wrong.

"Zeph...are you...okay?" There were no visible injuries on him, however his skin was pale, his eyes- terrifying pits of darkness. Was I imagining it or were there actually dark circles under his eyes? Was it just the shadow magic taking its toll on him?

He nodded, "I guess."

"What...did you...?" I gulped. His brother. What had they done to him? He hadn't brought him back, what did that mean?

"Let's...go back," he said in a detached voice before walking right past me and into the car. We drove back in deathly silence. I didn't dare ask him anything and he didn't seem like he wanted to share anything either. He kept staring out of the window, where the sun was now slowly rising. We drove through the capital city where the morning markets had just started opening, the beginning of the city hubbub. When we reached the Nest, he got down, shutting the door silently behind him. I followed him to his room, wondering if he would ask me to leave him alone. Much to my surprise however, he didn't.

"Zeph?"

He sat on the mattress, leaning against the wall as he gazed up at the ceiling.

"Zeph..?" I sat beside him tentatively. "What...happened..?"

"Do you know what they do to them at the academy, Lightwielder?"

I recoiled at the venom, the loathing in his voice. 'Lightwielder', that's what he had called me.

"I...they undergo some training, that's all I know," I replied. "Wh...why?"

"Just leave," he said, sighing deeply and shutting his eyes. "Just...leave, okay? I..I don't want to talk to anyone. Or look at anyone. Especially you."

"Es...especially me?" Anger burned in the pit of my stomach. "How can you say that, Zeph? And why the fuck would you call me a 'Lightwielder'? Do you-"

"Because it's what you are, Aster," he said, his eyes flying open a he glared at me. "I don't know why you'd get so offended because of that."

"What did you find?" I asked slowly. I had to be patient with him. Who knew what he had found out? Maybe the shock was making him lash out at me. "Your brother...did you find him?"

His expression changed so rapidly that it took me a while to comprehend. His eyes darkening, the icy lake of anger and resentment that he had had before shattering to give way to agony.

 "Yes," he said softly.

"Oh."

But he hadn't brought him back with him. Was he scared?

"Why...didn't you bring him?" I asked. "Was it...security?"

"Bring him back to what?" he laughed humourlessly as he waved a hand around. "This? This fucking shit hole? What was I to say to him? Hey Zelos, come with me to this fucking hovel where we live on stolen food and resources and basically terrorise the local gangs. Oh also, you might have to learn to kill people for a bit, hope that's okay."

He raked a hand through his hair in frustration. "I have nothing to bring him back to. He's...he's better there. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Plus...he probably has friends and loved ones there. I don't...I can't...not...again.."

"Again?" I asked.

He sighed, biting his lip. "When the Lightwielders attacked us that night, I ran out without taking him. When...I could have just taken him with me. I'm the reason he got taken in the first place. I'm the reason he's there."

"Of course not, Zeph," I stated, reaching to squeeze his shoulder. "You were a kid, you couldn't do anything."

"No...I...I was...jealous," he said, the pain in his voice tangible. "I was jealous and...I thought my parents would take him with them. I didn't realise they would be the first ones too-" he took a shuddering breath. "I just needed to take him from there, that's all," he sighed. "But..."

His voice broke on the last syllable and he quickly turned his face away from me. My heart wrenched in pain. I leaned forward and hugged him close, gently stroking his hair. "It's not your fault, Zeph. Look at what you've made for the others. Everyone here, none would've survived without you. You're so much better than you think you are."

He seemed to freeze up and didn't really say anything before he finally relaxed into my embrace.

"You just think that way, Goldie," he whispered. "I just can't figure out why."

"Can't figure out what?" I asked.

"Why you think I'm so great and all that. Even after the way I've treated you."

"You mean saved my life multiple times?" I asked.

"Not that..." he sighed. "You make...it's...it's really difficult."

I leaned back to stare at him, wondering what he meant. He didn't elaborate however, instead gazing steadily at me. I felt my heart beating faster and faster under his intense gaze as I struggled to match it. Trying not to let my vision slip lower to his lips. Or even think about them.

"Thanks for everything," he said finally.

"Of...course," I gulped. I tore my gaze away from him, forcing myself to breath as evenly as I could in his presence. In his proximity however, my body felt weightless, my lungs seeming to work extra hard so I was conscious of every inhalation and exhalation.

"You didn't tell me, how you got your hands on the map?" he asked. "What strings did you pull?"

"My dad's real estate agent. Like...he's the only guy dad trusts with all these projects," I said, trying to ignore the pang of guilt. "No one...saw you there right? So...it should be fine."

"He just...gave you it?" he raised an eyebrow. "Just like that?"

Should I tell him the truth? No way. He would feel even more guilty.

"Er..." I shrugged. "Well he's known me for a while and...maybe he doesn't think much of it. I mean...not like it's a bank or something," I laughed nervously, hoping he would drop the subject.

"How much did you pay him?" he asked slowly, seeing right through me. I cursed in my mind. Of course he would figure out my lie instantly.

"Ten," I lied again. "Ten thousand I mean."

"Ten thousand...that's quite a bit," he fell silent, chewing on his bottom lip. Of course he was already feeling guilty even though the amount I told him was four times less.

"It's fine, I didn't really plan to spend it anywhere else."

"Thanks anyway, Goldie. I'm...grateful." He patted my shoulder. "Are you gonna stay? Or do you have to leave?"

I glanced at my wristwatch. It was half past five. My dad would be up in about an hour. This could be the perfect time to head home. "Go home I guess," I said. "I'll see you later."

I wasn't sure, but from the way his lips parted slightly before closing, I felt like he wanted to say something. He didn't however and I left, my heart dreading the moment when I would have to face my father.