I believe it was John Green who wrote that some infinities are bigger than others. Of course, when we are looking forward to something, like to meet someone we like, the hours slug by. Well, when you have a possibly life-changing recital and, on top of that, an upcoming birthday party, a month goes by in a second. And it wasn't for lack of practice. 

In fact, for the next few days, our training was so intense, and there were so many rehearsals, that Ulisses and I got more in sync, there were less falls, and what we did actually resembled a choreography. To make matters worse, Jana kept sighing and saying our chemistry on stage was palpable. How could she say something like that? That's where lies the danger. 

When I signed up for the auditions, I had a goal: to no longer be seen as the victim, the poor influencer daughter of the wannabe momager. The poor hapless girl who had a complete freakout at school after someone put a dead rat in their backpack as a sick prank. The girl who, on top of taking pills for ADHD since elementary school, ended up hospitalized, committed into the children's wing for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder following a series of similar episodes in school. The girl who, following a complete media circus following the aftermath of when her life fell to pieces, also found out she had a whole family she had no idea about. And then got placed into that family after her mom lost a custody battle. Who couldn't even go to school yet, even though her therapist insisted it was a matter of time. That kind of girl, who's life is so much drama they are usually the protagonist of a mexican soap opera like those my grandma watches with Gabi. Doing well, really well on that recital seemed like the chance to no longer be seen as that girl. 

And then there was that boy... The boy I met one day in that same hospital years ago. The boy who was impossible and sometimes rude to other people, but was also in a lot of pain, and also had a parent with questionable parenting abilities. And, the boy with whom, as in every cheesy Mexican soap opera, the hapless girl finds herself in love, even though no one else seems to understand how. The boy with whom that girl sat one day in that hospital, watching some internet video, and pretended to have forgotten about, for almost two years. 

But of whose presence I was now painfully reminded on a daily basis, with the time spent around him during rehearsals, with every repeated movement, with his touch on my waist as he managed to lift me up. When he smiled at me, I wasn't sure of what I wanted anymore. When the exchanged glances during a dance move lasted a second too long and made us stop smiling from the tension. Now, I found myself looking at the clock and glancing at the door when he was late. And got angry at myself a minute later, for acting so foolish and being so emotional. I was painfully aware of my fast heartbeat when he sat next to me and his tigh softly brushed against mine, while he put on his skates and told me about something that happened at home. And when he teased me about finding a prince for my Birthday ball (by the way, thanks a lot, Gabi, for inviting him before asking me first). And here I was, feeling all these feelings, not even sure if he felt the same way, or if he was seeing someone. The mere thought of him kissing someone made my heart sink.

And now, we were looking at a Halloween celebration class on top of everything in our plates. I normally love this time of the year, even though it is not a typical Brazilian celebration (neither is Christmas or Easter). It is like a Carnaval minus the busy streets and all the noise. Plus, for me and Gabi, it was an opportunity to come up with costumes and play dress up. Double the fun. 

The proximity of the party seemed to change the air and bring some levity to everyone. On top of that, Ulisses got himself the best PR he could have asked for. After how he treated Gabi, she spread the word and almost did a 180º on his former reputation. She told everyone how amazing he was. I saw Malu and Wallace, two people who claimed to have been terrorized by him as an instructor, actually talking to him now. And now, Romina was trying to sound me out. 

I mean, one minute we were talking about our plans for the Halloween party, talking about ideas for costumes. We were sitting on the grass by the stairs, because it was so hot inside and we were early for practice, for a change. I was finishing a strawberry freezie. She had her brown curly hair up in two big pompoms. She asked If I was dressing up as Wednesday Addams, since I was so into kooky and dark stuff. I tried to explain to her that the whole theme was too hyped up and everyone would be dressed the same, anyway. 

"I'm actually thinking about putting together a cool steampunk outfit with a skirt and a vest, for the occasion, even though Gabi really wants us to dress as Pop Divas. Guess who she wants to be." 

"Taylor Swift!"

"You could dress up as Tiana. Or Catra, from the new She-ra!" 

Next thing I knew, she was bugging me to know if Ulisses and I had kissed yet. It was a good think Gabriela had a doctor appointment and was going to be late. I looked around. Romina was my age, we were probably on the same grade in school, but we never really talked before. 

"For the upteenth time, Romi. We are not seeing one another. I mean, we are friendly. We are friends. We see one another here. But we don't... we never kissed." I felt my cheeks burn at that last word. "Can you please quit talking about that?"

I must have looked as awkward as I felt, because she squinted her eyes at me. Then she opened them wide and smiled. And then, to my utter horror, she whispered:

"If you haven't kissed yet, you will. I can tell you totally want to. It is all over your face. you keep finding excuses to touch each other. And the way he looks at the back of your had when you are not looking. OMG, is it weird that I'm totally excited for you?" She pretended to scream without making a sound and doing a weird kick dance. Which looked particularly funny because she was about five feet high and her legs simply floated in the air. "You even have the same kind of brooding introverted look". 

"Romi, please, stop acting weird." I whispered "People are looking at us. And I promise, will murder you if you so much as mention your... theory to anyone. I read enough books TV shows that I could make it seem like an accident." I tried to sound menacing, but my whisper was so high pitched I probably sounded like one third of the Alvin and the Chipmunks trio. 

"By people you mean him?" she said, and exploded in violent giggles. "Seriously, what would you do if he made a move? I bet he is a good kisser. Do you think he has done it? I mean, he is 18..."

I felt a swarm of butterflies invade my stomach and a chill run down my spine at the mention of his kissing abilities. Without even realizing it, I was touching my lower lip. 

"Stop it. I mean it, Romi."

"Yeah, I can totally tell you don't like him." Romina proclaimed with the most insufferable smug look in her face. "In fact, it is evident how revolting he is to you". "Don't worry, though, I'm excellent at keeping secrets. I just wanted you to admit it because I like knowing things.

I smiled and rolled my eyes at her. It was nice having a girlfriend my own age, to talk about girl stuff. It had been a while. 

"And who do you have a crush on?"

"There is this person I kind of like... but I'm not sure of we are on the same page yet... "

"Who is it?" I asked. 

"Oh no..." she said, looking up. "Don't" she said, when I started to turn around to look at what she was seeing.

"Don't try to distract me. Who is she? What is it? Is that the person?"

"So, since you are not interested in him at all..." she said, "it probably won't bother you that Ulisses is here, and he is talking to that girl by the school gate."

"Of course it doesn't... bother me."

"And It shouldn't. They are just talking, really. Well, now she is leaning to him. To hug him. No, don't look now."

But I turned around, to look at the school door where they were standing together, him and a platinum blond girl with short, wavy hair. She was wearing shorts and a tube top, and she also had a prosthetic. To my horror, they were kissing.