Victoria's first birthday party is a weird mix of extravagant and down-to-earth. A lot of Mia's friends from the music industry have invaded Little Falls and my mom's house. Sarah Telling is the only one I know by sight, and her husband has been making the rounds to every woman in the room as though he's the true gift at this party. A relationship like that would not be for me.

Pasha isn't on duty today, but you'd never know it from how he's lingering by the door, constantly checking on those who are supposed to be standing watch. Since I'm trying to avoid Sarah's husband and not make it look like I'm so attached to Trent that I can't leave him alone, I wander over to him.

"Lot of people here," I say as I gaze up at him.

He nods. "Yes." He hesitates for a beat and then he says, "Mia told me it was the anniversary the other week. It's always a hard day."

"It is, yeah," I agree, searching for Trent in the crowd without meaning to. "Mia told me you lost your finance in Russia."

"Yes," he says. "Was a long time ago now."

"Time is weird like that, though, isn't it? What feels long in some respects is short in others."

"I talked to someone in Russia and here to figure out how to make it better in my heart," he says. "Was not easy."

"No," I say, "it's not easy. I never went to speak to anyone. I probably should have. Maybe it would have been easier for me to move through the grief. I don't know if we ever move past it, necessarily."

"What are you two talking about?" Mia asks, appearing at my shoulder.

"Grief," I say. "It's a really uplifting topic for a first birthday."

Pasha frowns. "I—"

"That wasn't directed at you," I say to Pasha. "I appreciated you saying something. Too often we don't because it feels awkward."

He nods.

"Your mom was just talking to me about grief too," Mia says.

"Oh, god," I say. "What was she on about now?"

"She thinks you need to go to counselling to be able to move into a new relationship."

I love Mia's directness. At first when she returned, it was a bit hard to know how to take her, but she says what she means and she means what she says. She never delivers a line, at least to anyone in the family, with the intention of wounding or making things awkward.

"That is also a great conversation for a first birthday," I say. "She's projecting. She hasn't gotten past Dad's death." And maybe six months ago, she might have been right about me too. But I don't feel like I can't move beyond Omar anymore. Whatever is happening between me and Trent has made me believe that it is possible to find what I once had, someday.

"Yeah," Mia says. "I kind of wondered. She hasn't seemed to have dealt with the loss much at all, and she really avoids talking about Tyler's dad."

"The memories are hard. Special but hard." And I'm the same way when it comes to my dad. When Amir casually mentions something he used to do with my dad, my heart seizes for a moment, and it's nothing for tears to form. "She just keeps herself extra busy," I say. "And I've done that, so I get it."

"Aww," Mia says, nodding at one of the couches in the living room. "Trent and Amir with Victoria. So f-ing cute, right?"

"If you'll excuse me," I say, my heart in my throat, "they aren't allowed to have baby cuddles without me."

By the time I get to the couch, Amir has scampered off with Grady to toss the ball for the dogs outside.

Victoria is on Trent's lap, and she keeps standing on his thighs to slobber kisses all over his face. Then she draws back to look at him as though she expects it in return, and he gives her a kiss on the cheek, and she giggles. Rinse and repeat. When she's not kissing him, she's got her fist in her mouth, drool running down.

I grab a cloth from the diaper bag and take a seat beside Trent, cleaning off Victoria's face.

"This kid is adorable," Trent says.

"She looks just like her mom probably did at that age. The resemblance is uncanny."

Trent searches my expression for a beat and then says in a voice pitched much lower than the din of conversation around us, "Who do you think ours will look like?"

We've never even stepped around this topic, much less addressed it. I don't know if he's thought about it before, but I have.

"I just hope they don't get saddled with red hair," I say. "Other than that, healthy is really the only thing I care a lot about."

"I like the Sullivan red," Trent says, gazing around the room at the various shades that exist in our family.

"It's just unusual, so people always have comments to make about whether they like it or you get teased for it."

"I hope they don't get my dyslexia," Trent says.

"But we know to watch for it, and we can get the right help as soon as possible."

"Times have changed, I guess, since I was a kid," Trent says. "People are a bit more aware of others struggling. That sometimes it's not that someone won't but that they can't."

"Maybe getting Maggie to help you learn how to read in high school without telling anyone wasn't the best coping strategy," I say, "but you knew you needed help, and you sought it out."

"Definitely should have told my mom. She was really hurt that I kept it from her. Just felt like too much to put on her after my dad died and she was working so much just keep our life stable."

"I sometimes wonder how Amir perceives me," I say. "It's been a tough couple of years, and I just now feel like I'm coming back into myself. That this version of me is who I should have been all along."

"Feels good?" Trent asks as Victoria gives me another slobbery kiss and then giggles at the one he gives in return.

"It does," I say. "The fog is lifting."

"If I've had even an inch of influence on that, I'll take it."

"How about seven inches?"

"Six on a good day." His grin is cocky and knowing.

"We'll compromise. Six and a half."

"What are you two over here grinning about?" Maggie asks, collapsing into the seat beside me.

I pray that my cheeks have not gone as red as I suspect they have.

"We were just talking about how quickly things grow," Trent says, and he wiggles Victoria a little. She laughs. "Like little humans."

Maggie slides me a look at though she can smell Trent's brand of bullshit from a mile away. She probably can. They've been friends for a long time.

"I'm going to go grab a drink," I say. "Trent, do you need anything?"

"I'm good," Trent says, his focus back on Victoria as though we weren't just sitting there flirting over the length of his penis.

God, what has gotten into me? Aliens must have brought the wrong version of me back to earth. This one is becoming far too obsessed with Trent Castillo.

###

Maggie leans back in her chair behind her giant desk in the mayor's office. We've met in here once a week for years now. Maggie's first term was rocky, and when Grady came back to town and tried to run against Maggie to foil her reelection, I wasn't sure we'd have another four years in this place. As it is, Maggie is a year and a half into her second term.

"So, you think rezoning those areas makes sense from a real estate point of view? I don't want to go into the council meeting without having thought through all the angles."

"Yes," I say. "We need more building lots."

"Tyler and Mia are talking about building on the outskirts of town. There's some acreage for sale right now. Given how popular the recording studio has become with singers from all over the world, paps come from New York City far too often."

"It hasn't been bad for the town," I say. "It's increased tourism, and I saw a Mia Malone shop opened in town the other day. Completely dedicated to her."

"Yeah," Maggie says. "That's Allison Ruttledge and her daughter who've put that together. Mia offered to sign some things and let them sell some exclusives to get off the ground, which I thought was really nice. She's protective of her brand—which she should be. I think Allison and her daughter are hoping to become a hub for anyone who records at Grady's studio to sell some merch."

"Not a business plan I'd want," I say. "Everything all set for the October wedding?"

"On track," Maggie says. "Grady has the time blocked off, and so do I. Slightly concerned about Lila being the maid of honor and Trent as the best man, but we'll build that bridge when we have to."

"I'm sure it's not Trent you're really worried about in that scenario." When Maggie had broached asking Lila to be her maid of honor instead of me, I hadn't been offended. She and Lila have been like two peas in a pod since they met as kids. Lila's been as much of a sister to both of us as we've been to each other.

"He is not," Maggie agrees with a little laugh. "Lila is an excellent grudge holder."

"Well, if that's it." I gather my stuff.

"No luck with the fertility treatments?" Maggie asks, her tone light. "I haven't wanted to ask too much because I can understand it's a frustrating process at this point."

"No luck," I say. "But I'm taking it in stride." In fact, I haven't been too bothered the last few months when my period arrived at all.

"Have you thought about moving into IVF?"

"No," I say, trying to feign nonchalance. "It's only been a few months." The reminder that I didn't even fill out the calendar for July springs to the front of my mind. Trent must be wondering what I'm even doing.

"How's living with Trent going?"

"Oh," I say, and I can feel the heat creeping into my cheeks. "Good."

"You know, it's weird. Grady says Trent hasn't even been dating anyone since he moved into your house."

"It would be a bit awkward for him to bring someone home," I say, my heart tapdancing in my chest. "He's just trying to be a good role model for Amir."

"He could always go to the woman's place for some alone time. Amir would never know."

"Yeah, well, I guess you'd have to ask Trent about that then."

"Anything you want to get off your chest about your living arrangement with Trent? About these supposed fertility treatments?"

"We're friends. The treatments are going well." I rise and tuck my purse into my stomach, trying not to appear defensive, even though that's exactly how I feel.

"You know, it's funny," Maggie says, and I can tell nothing is actually funny. "At the birthday party, Trent couldn't take his eyes off you. He looked at you like you were the present he couldn't wait to unwrap. Weird, right? And then when I came to sit beside you on the couch, whatever you and Trent were talking about was not PG. You turned bright red before Trent spewed some bullshit to cover it up."

I slump down in the chair across from Maggie again and give her a pained look. "We made a deal."

"You bought Mullen's Mechanics for him, and he's going to father your baby," Maggie says, tapping a pen on her desk, her expression triumphant. "I knew I was right."

"It's a temporary arrangement."

"So, you two are only having sex when you're ovulating, and the sex is actually really terrible. Is that what I'm supposed to take from that comment?"

"No," I say, carefully. "That's sort of the opposite of what's happening."

"The sex is amazing and you're having it all the time?! Emily!" Maggie cackles. "I love this and hate it all at the same time."

"Why would you hate it?"

Maggie's smile fades and she takes a deep breath. "Em, I love Trent like a brother, but he's commitment phobic. And you are the opposite. Maybe both of you are in a moment of change. Who am I to say? I just don't want you to get hurt. Or him either. Shit fell apart with Lila pretty quickly, and they didn't even sleep together."

"It'll be fine," I say. "We have a deal. No matter what, our friendship comes first. Neither of us is going to do anything to screw that up."

"Which, if you'd kept clear lines—only having sex when you were ovulating, making the sex transactional—then I'd say maybe you stood a chance. But I saw with my own eyes the way you two were ogling each other on the couch. Those were not friendship eyes."

"Maybe the lines are blurred a little," I admit. "But it's still sex with a purpose, and once that purpose is served, we'll go back to how we were."

Maggie takes a deep breath and purses her lips, but she doesn't contradict me.

When I get home, I fill in the calendar on the wall with the dates for July and then I fill in the potential dates for August too. 

See you on Friday! Don't forget to hit the star before you leave.

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