you know what sucks????? having panic attacks and anxiety.

i had to leave school today because i broke down sobbing in class, and this hasn't been the first time it's happened. my mentality is so freaking fragile that it breaks in a second, over little things like my grades and if i drop the rice i was just cooking. then i think too far ahead into the future and such and i start having panic attacks thinking of things that only have the SLIGHTEST chance that could happen.

and then we have my social situation where literally i'm paranoid. like i constantly over analyse EVERYTHING, the smallest words or action makes me question if my friends like me and i feel so insecure all the time.

literally i'll send a message to someone and they don't reply and i KNOW they're not replying because they're busy or whatever but THAT LITTLE PART OF MY BRAIN just WHISPERS doubt and then i question everything and then i feel so alone and insecure.

i hate this so much year 12 has just sent my mental state down the drain i feel constantly close to crying recently and my mood swings are terrible, i'll be happy go lucky one second and the next i'm curled up in bed clutching my r2d2 plushie to my chest and trying my hardest not to cry or panic or just completely break down.

idk  it's almost like i need constant reassurance that everything's ok

i'm sorry for the rant but i need to get this off my chest.