Darkness
by: Gavriella
November 15, 2021

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I.
In the darkness,
I lie awake
Screaming in silence
Confused, in pain

II.
Texted my mother
Call back, I tell her
She called, asking
Your father, how is he?

III.
I didn't text, I say
Sorry I don't bother
Cigarettes, alcohol
He always looks for another

IV.
He never stops
Till death will grip him
No effort, no trying
Is there any point in lying?

V.
In the darkness,
With my tear stained face
I stare at the ceiling
Wait, am I crying?

VI.
I feel exhausted
Of life, of friends
Of family, of circumstance
Of insecurities, and romance

VII.
My heart, burdened
Scream, I say
But from my mouth
No sound escapes

VIII.
I try to distract myself
From games, from talks
Maybe in here there is something
But who am I kidding

IX.
I got into writing,
Bought myself a machine,
Sat down, got immersed
But only for a minute

X.
Who am I kidding
I waste away thinking
Can I give up? Surrender?
Do I want to die, I wonder

XI.
Not really, no
That is not the answer
Running away is not an option
But courage I lack to face them head on,

XII.
I cried, more
Just a little, a drop
Does it help?
Unfortunately not

XII.
In the darkness,
I lie awake, thinking
I want to quit Genshin, Wild Rift
Say goodbye to my vice

XIII.
I want to stop talking about it
Stop thinking,
Stop dreaming
Leave it all behind

XIV.
But part of me fears
What of Karl, Shuri
Lawrence, and Weizen
Will we remain, friends?

XV.
Our hangout involve games,
That's where we all meet
Play all day, talk of strategy
But I am tired and beat

XVI.
Games is not what I desire,
My soul, worn and tired
Can I escape?
Break free?

XVII.
Someone please save me,
I'm right here
Bring me back to the light,
The life I used to hold dear

XVIII.
When I turned away,
And led astray
Was the day I lost
All that matters most

XIX.
My inner peace is gone,
My contentment receeded
My patience shortened
My words roughened

XX.
My love reduced
My motivation plucked
My purpose trimmed down
My desires vanished

XXI.
My flames doused
Now nothing remains
My faith challenged
But ultimately, I gave in

XXII.
I want to go back
To the way I used to be
I want courage to give up
Everything that harms me

XXIII.
I still cherish and remember,
What life was like with You
Everything was warm and brighter,
Sorrows and worries are few

XXIV.
But I don't know,
How to start, where to go
I don't know,
What to say, what to do

XXV.
Who do I talk to?
I'm afraid, help me
Of what? Help me
I don't know

XXVI.
A person crossed my mind,
My best friend, Shania
She always know what to say
And then together find a way

XXVII.
In the darkness,
I close my ears
With my tear stained face
I cried some more

XXVIII.
Once darkness in my mind,
Now there is a bit of light
A bit of hope for tomorrow
So for now, I say good night