to cry there in the gloom

❝playlist;❞
Love to Hate me

The skies bellowed horrifyingly, the thunder bringing down the largest of trees with the branches shaking.

Bonny lass, covered in filth, finally set free.

Her tears ran down her cheeks, staining them with a mark of heartbreak that already embarked itself on her heart.

She knew this was going to happen.

How much more was she going to bear? Her heart heavy with remorse and mind full of shadowing gloom, she was the flower that was left alone to bloom.

Like a lotus.

A lotus, with all of its six petals attracting the deep waters around it, standing its ground firmly with the smoothest of petals.

A plethora of colours, a beautiful fuscia pink to tint her cheeks with the blood rush that contracted whenever her beloved was around.

Her hair was messed up, frizzy and tangled like she herself was.

She hated herself.

Kim Jisoo was the last person you'd ever expect to hate herself. 

But in all unfortunate events, she did.

Beauty had always been temporary. From the outside, a chiseled canvas sculpted like a goddess; which would eventually fade away, eat the dirt.

But she was so much more than that.

She was a poet's dream, long lashes brushing across her nimble eyes which forever held love and peace.

She was winter's sunshine, a warm warmth you'd he pleasantly comfortable with.

And now she was down to this.

You said you loved the rain.

Completely shattered.

But you opened your umbrella.

Hopeless.

You said you loved the sun.

With no live whatsoever.

But you sat under the shade.

Despising herself.

And that is why, my love, I'm afraid  when you say you love me.

Her beloved, on the tip of her tongue like the softest of a word, syllable spoken so softly like teaching an infant how to speak.

Her beloved. Like a rose you'd get after you surpassed a thousand thorns, a thousand storms.

Her beloved, who had darkness surrounding him, completely unaware.

That darkness was a void, yet so beautifully enigmatic that Jisoo couldn't help but get attracted to it.

He was moondust on her plain black canvas, one last touch that beautified the art altogether. He was shade on a sunny day, a blanket of comfort provided to her.

He promised to plant kisses on her svelte physique, each like a seed so that she could grow to love herself just as he loved her.

But of course those were just wedding vows.

They held no meaning now- not like they ever did-  like empty, scattered words in a dictionary. Like a jumbled mess, tangled up too far to ever back down.

Maybe, the last one thread of doubt lingered on in her mind, maybe she wasn't capable of love.

But over the time, as the seasons changed, she found himself drowning in his cerulean eyes and his velvety voice.

She wanted to say I love you

But kept it to good night,

Because love meant some falling

And he was afraid of heights.

She used to be the stardust sprinkled onto the vast skies that'd make every single day worth living.

She used to have stories of a million places she hasn't even travelled to stored in her eyes.

She was the poet of a beautifully written sonnet that was herself, honey like skin with nothing but kindness within.

And their bond was nothing but a ton of papers signed with bleeding, hated ink.

And that is exactly the turn their relationship took.

Constant screaming back to back, voices raised and egos hurt; that was what it had come down to. What they'd come down to.

He became painfully distant, (ignoring that in the beginning he already was) each back that was turned on Jisoo stabbing her like a million knives.

There were a million poems etched onto the back of her throat, though it never made it to her coral scented lips, but it was still there.

And it used to hurt. Every word left unsaid, every time she kept quiet the words were pushed down her throat back again, each one a scorching burn.

She didn't feel like herself. Not anymore. She was different once.

Now she was a watered down version, pale and thin. She slipped through the cracks, left unnoticed. She faded into the background, the creases around her moon like crescent eyes curving into those of melancholy. 

There was gentle rage simmering inside her, and then there were oceans of tears that swam in her heart and brushed across her mind like a thousand waves would, covering the bitter, truthful sands with layers of white lies.

Shattering of objects, verbally throwing words at each other like they were knives. He was a villain in her story but oh, his everlasting charm was what made her fall.

An incessant smile was always there, lips curved into upward crescents of amusement and interest; and oh, Jisoo tried to resist it.

He was the poetry, short and dark, with no words; just pure and raw emotion. Cold, ruthless, utterly ridiculous in his demands and Jisoo was stupid to think she could ever change him.

So Jisoo ran, although it was not new to her. She used to run before. From her demons. From her heart that so achingly demanded his love.

Jaehyun. Jung Jaehyun. It took all my will to let you go, but that's alright because I wasn't the same anymore.

❁ ════ ❃• - •❃ ════ ❁

dedicated to my love chaeyvez

thank you for writing such masterpieces and letting us enjoy it, and thank you sm for being my constant support and hyping me up :((

we fr don't deserve you, you angel. you're my starlight ✨

love you chel <3 i wish i could write more about you