that there's no hope of coming back

⚠️suicide, mental disorders, murder⚠️

Long read ahead~

Lisa's legs gave out just as she reached the end of the road, infront of the dooststep of a motel she'd never seen before.

There was something written on the billboard atop of it. Something in Japanese, so she couldn't quite figure it out yet.

She felt her eyes burn like eternal fires, dark circles already crowning her. Her hair stuck out in all directions, frizzy and sticky.

She stood there for a few moments, each passing second seeming an hour. She seemed paralyzed. And traumatized. Like her limbs had locked themselves together and her mind was keen on focusing on the rusted door of the place.

She held up her hand, as if not believing her very existence, her mere presence at that moment surprising to her.

She flinched when she heard a wanton wail from the inside somewhere. Her hands flew up to her chest and she pursed her lips.

Who would be in an abandoned hotel, in such a weather, down the completely emptied road?

She chuckled.

"BamBam! Is that you?"

The other might not have heard her, but Lisa simply pouted. "Are you gonna ignore me now, Bammie?"

She slowly went inside. The moss covered curtains and the dust that was obviously present made her cough.

She heard a small gasp, more like a hiccup.

"Who's there?" a meek voice muttered.

It sounded like it belonged to a girl.

"Oh, is he with a girl...."  Lisa muttered, going inside.

She followed the sounds of those small hiccups --cute, she thought-- and she reached the end of the corridor where she found a small room situated.

She saw a pink haired girl sprawling paint all over the walls, covering them with coal black.

"Bastard!" The girl cried, looking at her hands as she dropped the paint cans.

"Damn, that's some art." Lisa whistled.

The girl turned back, letting out a small shriek.

"Who the heck are you?!"

"I could ask you the same thing. Why are you here?"

"Why are you here then?!"

"I asked first."

"No, I asked first."

"No, me!"

"Wh-"

"What the fuck?" Another deep voice spoke from where Lisa has started walking.

A silhouette of a figure came into light, the shadow dancing around like thousand wisps of smoke.

"Is anybody here?"

"Duh." Lisa murmured.

The figure then came our of the shadows, her face flushing red and eyes swollen.

The pink haired girl gasped at the beauty. How could somebody look so beautiful, yet so destroyed? So elegantly wasted?

"Who the heck are you two?" Lisa asked.

"Um, who are you? And you?" She pointed at the pink haired girl.

"I'm Chaeyoung." She said softly.

"Did your parents not teach you to not like, give out personal information to strangers? Especially when you meet them in a creepy motel down a creep road with a creepy weather?" Lisa raised her eyebrows.

Chaeyoung pinched the bridge of her nose. "But she asked!"

The other girl, oldest among them, looked at both of them, hands on her hips.

"Girls, why are you both here?"

"I'm Jisoo, by the way." She added.

Chaeyoung smiled. "To get away."

Lisa pursed her lips. "A getaway in an abandoned hotel..."

"Sounds fun!" She smiled.

Jisoo raised her eyebrows.

"Okay, uh. I just found this- thing, a shit place for a shelter for the night."

"Why are you here, unnie?" Chaeyoung walked back inside the room, gesturing them to come inside.

She sighed, eyes widening when she saw the room.

"I'm running away-" she began.

"So am I!" Lisa smiled again. "I don't wanna be locked up anymore."

"You're a criminal?!" Chaeyoung screeched. Lisa covered her ears.

"Are you escaping from prison?" The oldest asked calmly.

"No! I'm escaping from my home. More like hell."

Jisoo looked at her for a while.

And smiled.

"Well then, makes two of us."

The three girls settled into the room, giving introductions.

Chaeyoung told them how she was running away from all the hurt her lover made her go through, her thoughts already blurred out. Jisoo gave her a hug and Lisa said 'Bammie' would punch him good if he ever met him.

For a while they talked, covering the most of random topics when Lisa squealed.

"Lily wants to play!" She got up.

"Who's Lily?" Jisoo asked.

Lisa ran outside.

"What the fuc-" Jisoo started.

"Well?! Are we gonna sit here?!" Chaeyoung gasped as she got back up.

She followed Lisa, who was sprinting through the fungi covered corridor.

And just she ran outside, only to be ignorant to a car that was coming her way.

"LISA!" The girl screamed as the car tyres screeched, a loud horn blaring.

"Lily! Let's play!" Lisa clapped, walking away as the car that nearly crashed down broke its headlights due to the abrupt stop.

"Bitch." Was heard from the car.

Clicking of heels resonated throughout the empty road, as she got our of the car.

Her eyes held fire, like flames ablaze that would reborn themselves after a thousand waves of water.

Her stance held authority, hair straight but still wild. Her lips were pursed into an inherent frown, perfect eyebrows raised.

Chaeyoung gasped.

'You- you're- you're Jennie Kim."

The said girl looked at her with a look that was superior, hazel eyes scanning the girl up and down.

Her red dress, high heel boots with the gloves- all screamed class. All screamed Jennie Kim.

The worldwide artist, each work and song of hers delivered with verses she wrote from the heart, each word a emphasis on her deepest feelings. Each performance a pit of hell, with infernal fires to drag her down but oh, she licked the flames and basked in the ashes.

Jennie Kim.

"Oh my goodness Miss Kim. I'm such a huge fan-"

"Yeah, alright. I'm here to get away from all of that. Now where's the pathetic idiot that jumped in front of my car?"

Lisa was on the other side of the narrow road, waving her hands at the ground.

"Sorry for her, Miss Kim. She didn't see you."

Jennie rolled her eyes, heels clicking as she walked inside.
"Yeah, right. What are you doing her- oh hello gorgeous." She clicked her tongue as Jisoo stepped outside.

"Is Lisa okay?" Her voice was deep, sonorous and it sent shivers down Jennie's spine.

"Yeah, she is. She's over there." Chaeyoung pointed to a very sulky Lisa that was now sitting on the road.

"Lisa! C'mere!" She waved.

Lisa did nothing, just gave her a look and went back to keeping her eyes down on the road.

"Rude much?" Jennie extolled.

After fifteen minutes, they- in the sense Jisoo and Chaeyoung- could convince Lisa to come back in. She kept muttering about 'Lily being a bad pet'

The same event repeated itself again, and Chaeyoung left no detail in telling the tragic story of her and Seo-jun, who was the one thing keeping her alive. Lisa and Jisoo kept adding comments, making Chae laugh through her tears.

The only thing Lisa told them was that she was a princess in a chamber and now she was tired of it, so she ran away.

"You, pretty girl, what about you?"

Jisoo blushed.

"I'm... running away. From something."

"Who is it?" Jennie snorted.

Jisoo widened her eyes. "What?"

"C'mon, who are you running from? It's gotta be somebody."

"Well..." Jisoo looked down, playing with her fingers.

"I had to let him go. It was an arranged deal. The marriage was a contract. Nothing real. I was the one who caught feelings."

Chaeyoung let out a 'awh' and Lisa snuggled up in the corner of the room, her finger busy playing with the hem of the curtains.

"Was it difficult?" Jennie asked.

Jisoo bit her slip before she started.

"Of course it was hard.

'I'm tired,' I told him.

'What are you tired of?' His voice was then too, balanced. Calm. Convicted.

And I looked at him, wishing things between us were different. Wishing they hadn't gotten that bad.

I smiled and his lips didn't even show any motion.

'I'm tired of loving you the way I do.' I told him that, and it was all of my emotions, all of my insecurities, every tear of mind captured in a bottle and kept; altogether in one sentence. I don't know how I got the courage to do that. I thought it was all too complex for me to ever have energy to explain. But I did."

The other girls were now listening intently.

"What did he say then?"  Chaeyoung plucked up the courage to ask.

Jisoo smiled wistfully. "He didn't."

Jennie's face contorted into one of pity, Chaeyoung exhaling loudly, hand over her mouth.

"It was then that I knew. I knew that I would have to let him go. And the pain, the hurt that very thought brought me allowed me to procrastinate no further and I did it."

Lisa was far up cuddled in the corner, fingers tangled with the threads of the remains of the curtain... or whatever that piece of cloth was.

"Luca! Don't touch! This isn't yarn!"

The three girls looked at her. She was petting something, rather someone non-existent, just gliding her hands through the air.

Jennie rolled her eyes as Jisoo turned her attention on the latter.

"So. Jennie Kim. Worldwide superstar. Why are you here?" Jisoo asked. Chaeyoung whipped her hair to the side.

"Oh, you don't wanna know." She smiled coyly.

"Feel free to share, unnie. We won't judge you." Chaeyoung said warmly.

"Oh no, you really do not want to know." Jennie smirked, playing with her fingers.

A gasp was heard from the room.

"Why is there blood on your fingers?" Lisa asked accusingly, finger pointed sharply at Jennie.

The latter looked down at her hands painted with red.

"No, Louis. Don't kill her yet. She seems a little shady though, doesn't she... yes, yes. Be on your guard, Lou. I know you won't fail me." Lisa whispered to the curtains and howls of wind swished passed.

Jennie raised her eyebrows, giving her a sceptical look while Jisoo just stared at the empty space Lalisa was pointing at.

"Is that- is that really blood, Jennie?" Chaeyoung asked.

"Does it look like paint to you, Chaeyoung?" The latter snapped.

"Why do you have blood on your hands?!" Jisoo shrieked.

Jennie's smile grew wider.

"Oh well, I just killed a bitch."

The mascara that was running gown her face, with her lipstick all over the place made it even more creepier than it already was.

"You WHAT?!" Lisa screamed, immediately ducking.

"Calm the fuck down, bitch. She was a real hoe anyway."

Chaeyoung's eyes were wide open, jaw dropped. Jisoo's face was merely stunned into silence.

"Huh, I knew you'd be surprised." She pulled out a cigarette from her Chanel bag with a rusty lighter that immediately spread the sickening smell of smoke the moment it lit the cigar.

"More like shocked," Jennie smirked as she inhaled a huge amount of smoke, scanning their faces.

"Why did you do that." Jisoo whispered.

Jennie exhaled loudly, a dramatic sigh leaving her lips. "Well. Where do I start? Eleven months ago, I fell in love. With someone who wasn't in the same status as me. Financially and stardom-wise. Not that I ever made him feel like he was inferior to me. I loved him with all my heart."

Lisa stopped playing with the curtains and moved forward, eyes on Jennie.

"So I would meet him secretly. My parents didn't like me getting involved with people who had lower class than us. The Kims, the rich asses. So I would go with my manager so that if anything happened, he would know how to defend me."

Chaeyoung finally unfroze and gasped again. "The Jen-deul dating scandal!"

Jennie looked at her. "Yeah, that. Can't believe people had the audacity to think I had an affair with my driver. Out of everyone! The motherfucker was nosy as fuck, pretty sure he asked for a threesome once when he heard me and him doing the dirty in the car."

She emphasised 'him' a bit too much, like he was a particle of dust, once flown, never to be found again. Never to be the same again.

"Ew, keep those details to yourself." Lisa gagged.

"Yeah, pretty sure I wasn't gonna tell you. Too kinky for you." Jennie winked.

Chaeyoung's face twisted a grimace.

"So what happened next? Gosh, I loved him. I loved Chanyeol with all my heart. To the point where I couldn't figure how to show it."

"Well, I know how that feels." Chae smiled sadly, raising her hand.

Jisoo looked at her with pity, and patted her back. Chaeyoung leaned into the embrace, her head on her chest.

"I loved him so much," Jennie tilted her head. Her mind wnet back to the flashing of cameras, every one asking her why she was such a 'bitch'. She was just protective. And possessive, and the stylist was being too flirty with her man. Of course she'd fire her.

"You're repeating yourself." Lisa scrunched her nose.

"Okay. And? What is your story, Lalisa? Why the heck are you here?"

"Lisa? Lisa?"

"..."

Lisa suddenly jumped up, making Jennie yelp.

"So many butterflies!" She clapped her hands.

Chaeyoung sat up. "Lisa... are you alright?"

Lisa looked down at her. "Why? Look, Chaeyoung, there's another one at your shoulder!"

Jisoo flashed a pitiful smile.

"I don't think that's 'alright' Chaeyoung..."

"Fuck, do you think she's mentally... you know," Jennie gulped.

"I'M NOT A BASKET CASE!" Lisa shouted, picking up a stick from the corner and pointing at Jennie.

"Woah, calm down you psycho!" Jennie shrieked as Jisoo scrambled to take the stick away from her.

"No, that's you. I'm just Lisa."

Jisoo could only let out a nervous chuckle.

"Lisa what? Lalisa?"

"Lisa... Manoban."

Chaeyoung smiled. "Lovely name, Lisa."

She scoffed. "Yeah, say that to my father."

"What'd he do?" Jisoo asked, now having the stick in her hand.

"Well, y'know. He said, 'Don't call yourself my daughter anymore.'"

"Why would he do that? Asshole." Jennie mouthed.

"Because he thinks I'm a mentally deranged! I'm not! My friend is still alive!" Lisa hissed.

"W-"

"No, Jen." Jisoo hushed her.

No words were spoken, just fleeting glances were exchanged, each lock of eyes a thousand unspoken words, a millennium worth of tears that had stained them in the past.

"I ruined myself, didn't I?" Jennie whispered, tears filling her eyes.

"I think we all did." Jisoo whispered back, lips curving into a  small smile.

"Everything I worked so hard for..." she let her tears fall freely.

"We were born to be alone..." Chaeyoung brought herself to sing in a low note, voice dropping octaves but the words still dripped put like honey.

"But we're still looking for love."

The girls smiled, Lisa joining in.

"I wish I could escape what I'm trapped in." Lisa intoned.

"I wish I could end my hurting."

"I wish I could have someone to love me... if I deserve to be loved."

"I wish I could've shown my love better."

All the four girls smiled.

"I'm going to the rooftop." Jennie stated, leaving her bag, her every belonging on the floor as she began to go up the stairs.

"Wait, Jen!" Lisa waved her hands, going up with her.

"Fuck- unnie, let's go with her before she does something stupid."

Jisoo nodded, as she and Chaeyoung rushed up the stairs.

Jennie was standing on the edge of the roof, hands clasped behind her back.

"What the fuck?! Come down! Jennie, come down right now." Jisoo threatened, anger clear in her voice.

It's fun how one doesn't even realise and starts caring for people who they barely know.

Jisoo felt like all the girls had suffered too much, Jennie from too much love, Chae from the lack of it and Lisa who never even received it in the first place. She felt that compared to them, her pain was nothing. Just a star in the sky, shining along but the bigger ones were written down in history.

But she still shined.

"I really don't know anymore..." Jennie bit her lip.

"Come down, unnie, please."

"Aren't we all hurting?" Jennie looked back.

She gave Chaeyoung her hand, gesturing to come up with her.

"Chaeyoung no-"

"She is right. We are all melancholy. Bruised." Lisa agreed.

"You said you wanted to escape reality..." Chaeyoung murmured.

Jennie flashed her gummy smile, her face now happy, but tired.

"Girls, please-"

"Jisoo unnie, it must have hurt to let go right?"

Jisoo came up with them. All of them looked down, Lisa swinging her legs.

All of their lives flashed before their eyes, every moment they spent hurting, every time a teardrop escaped from their eyes; every time the kept chasing something that didn't want to be caught.

Of course they'd want to escape that reality. They knew what the other was implying, and none of them spoke.

Jisoo smiled.

"I mean, it's a leap of faith right?"

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ding dong :)

ahhhh school starts tomorrow, i hate this :(

what were your thoughts on it? this was so long but so fun to write! 

see you later! xo