LX.                                                  Heartbreak Weather

Odessa was trying really hard. She was trying hard to not lose her mind and to keep herself on the ground. Her mind dangled on the line of a black abyss and it threatened to tip over but she was struggling to pull it back to the other side. She wanted to give up but she refused to this time. She had so much more to lose. Her friends, her boyfriend, her mom, and she had Johnny. She couldn't be selfish anymore. They would miss her if she was gone even if she wouldn't miss herself.

But it was so hard to keep yourself from drifting away when you felt completely numb. Even the hair ties around her wrists snapping at her skin wasn't enough to feel anything. Her mind was a blank space, a mental cage of wasted potential.

"How are you feeling, Odessa?"

Her azure blue eyes stared at her pink tennis shoes. Her knees were pulled to her chest even if it was an uncomfortable position on the couch she was sitting on. Her hair was thrown into a messy ponytail. She was tired. The bags under her eyes indicated that she wasn't getting any sleep. She lifted her head. "Not good."

Dr. Carmichael wrote down her response. "On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad are you feeling?" She questioned.

Ten. There was a pounding at the front of her head, a voice screaming at her to blurt out the number. "Like a 7 or an 8." She spoke, ignoring the pain. That's what she always did. She ignored herself.

The woman tapped her nails on the notebook. "What's been going on to make you feel that way?"

Everything. "Um. . . My dad came back."

"Oh?"

Her hands started to shake. "Yeah. He, uh. . . He showed up after the karate tournament. I-I haven't really talked to him since he showed up." She stammered.

"Why's that?"

"Because. . ." She swallowed the harsh lump in her throat. Her eyes cut to the ceiling. "I don't know how. I used to be the biggest daddy's girl and now I can barely look at him."

Addison didn't speak. She only stared at the girl with her head titled to the side, silently saying that she couldn't continue and that she wouldn't interrupt.

Talking about her father was like she was running out of air. Odessa couldn't stomach that he was back in her life because she was learning to live without him. She continued to grow older without any closure. "I hate him for leaving me," she went on to say, her voice barely above a whisper but then it cracked. Her eyes filled with tears. "But I hate even more that I miss him."

Dr.  Carmichael reached over and grabbed a box of tissues. "He's your father, Odessa. That's a perfectly normal feeling." She told her and handed out the box.

She leaned forward and took it from her hand. "But I don't want to feel that way."

"How do you want to feel?"

She dragged the soft paper under her eyes but the tears didn't stop coming. The pain in her chest made it almost impossible to breath but Odessa was trying. "I just want to stop hurting." She admitted.

"Have you talked to your mom about this?" Asked Addison.

"Not really." The blonde responded. "I mean, she knows how I feel but she's in the middle, you know? She just wants me to be happy." Happy, the feeling she forgot how to be.

Addison nodded slightly. "What about Eli?"

Almost instantly, Odessa shook her head. "I can't. It's not what he's made for. I can't always put all of my suffering on him. He doesn't deserve that." She thought of all the times she went to Eli about her dad. He was always supportive, always so kind, but she could only take it so far. He was her boyfriend, not her therapist. "I love him so much. But I'm afraid one day he'll get tired of my drama and leave."

Dr.  Carmichael uncrossed her legs and she leaned forward. "Why do you think he would leave?"

More tears. "Because my dad left." A sob came from her chest and she closed her eyes, feeling the tears fall down her face. "Everything in my life goes back to him."

When Johnny answered his front door, Thalia was on the other side. He stood there with his hand still latched on the doorknob. She stood there with her hands locked behind her, her eyes turning guilty when she saw him. "What are you doing here?" He spoke.

She took out her hands and revealed a large brown paper bag. "I made lasagna." She said innocently.

Johnny didn't say anything back. His eyes looked between her and the bag of lasagna that smelled really good. He was still angry. But he also really loved her food. He stepped out of the way and let her come in.

Thalia smiled and sat the bag on his kitchen counter. She took out the large Tupperware. "I was considering making a pie, but, figured this would be better." She said.

"Surprise you didn't cook up the whole damn kitchen." He replied but his tone indicated that he wasn't in a joking mood.

Thalia caught on. She turned around and faced him. "How long are you gonna stay angry at me?"

Johnny sighed. "I'm not having a good day, Thalia—"

She stopped him. "No, stop. We've been friends for how long?" She questioned. "And you're going to be angry at me for a little mistake?"

"It wasn't a little mistake, Tal! You kept something from me. We don't do that. That's not what friends do!" He raised his voice. He ran his hand through his hair. "I mean, what did you expect? You know how much I missed Christian. How much I wished he could come back,"

"Yes. But I also knew how angry you would be if he did. That's why I didn't tell you!" She shouted.

"That's not your decision to make."

"Maybe not. But all I know is that my daughter is in pain and I'm doing everything to make sure doesn't fall off the deep end again but I feel like I'm going to fall off the deep in." Thalia became overwhelmed and her eyes glossed over. Her face turned red. "So please, cut me some slack on this. I do not need you against me, Johnny Lawrence. Please."

Seeing her upset, Johnny hugged her. "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry." He quickly said. He wasn't a hugger. Physical touch was never his strong suit. But Thalia was his friend and he didn't like to see her upset. "I'm not angry at you, Tal. I'm. . ."

She pulled away and titled her head upward.

"I was lying. Okay? I am hurt." Johnny admitted. "I'm hurt that he hurt you. I'm hurt that he hurt Odessa. And I'm hurt that he thinks it's okay to show up like this after all these years."

Thalia sniffled. "I understand."

The blonde man shook his head in frustration. "I just. . ."

When he paused, she spoke up, "Do you want to see him?"

He shook his head again. "No, I can't."

"I think it would make things better. You deserve to know why he left. We all do." She continued and she sat a hand on his clothed arm. "C'mon, it was always the three of us. Just talk to him. Please."

Johnny was hesitant. He tried to act tough but he knew deep down, he wanted answers. Everything he wondered for all those years, all the scenarios he couldn't help but think of, and the lonely, depressing nights he spent all alone after his life went to shit. Thalia was right, he deserved to know. "Okay." He answered simply.

The woman smiled and hugged him again.