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From : the girl

[ sent @ sunrise ]

🌞🌞🌞

It's different when you can finally decide on it but have no courage to admit it even to yourself. Like being engulfed in a sea of chances and every drop feels only slightly different.

I thought about you regularly. You were a thing that anchors my free time and sometimes, it pulled me to that cycle of nostalgia that I got lost in for a second. It wasn't necessarily nostalgia because I'm not sure if I miss everything or nothing.

I really have no idea what to think because I know it's not my decision alone. There's a piece of my heart that's always tugging the other, rather wholesome parts of me and I couldn't ignore the constant nagging sometimes.

You took it into your hands to squeeze it before you let it slip. You made me watch my heart break like thin glass and I'm not mad about it anymore. I was mad for a little while actually, but I'm not right now because it doesn't matter. It healed again and you can no longer break it as easily.

I stopped caring when you told me it doesn't matter but how come it suddenly matters to you after all? I really don't understand how you'd tell me that you've constantly felt uncomfortable with me then say that just the thought of me brings you joy nowadays?

This would've felt like a dream, but I don't know if I should sleep now. I'm afraid it would end like that nightmare from before and leave me blind with tears for weeks.

I remember once I was listening to a song that I liked and I had not noticed I was crying until I couldn't see clearly. I then panicked and cried more and I can't believe I let you do that to me.

But I don't mind it now, actually. You were someone so great in my life and you still are. I think I stopped holding that grudge on you when I realized it's the only thing that made my mind go back to you everyday. I didn't want to think about you all the time, so I let you go.

I hope you find happiness somewhere with someone great, because that'd be happy and I'd be genuinely excited for you. You deserve awesome things and genuine feelings and she'd deserve your kind heart that you still can't believe in.

I care for you so be well. Always. Be well for you.

🌞🌞🌞

[ read @ sunset ]