TeuFort
Badlands
New Mexico
October 31, 1967

"Move it, maggots! Those sandbags aren't gonna set themselves up!" Soldier shouted.

"Sentry's at level 3!" Engineer announced.

"Sticky's are in place, lads!" Exclaimed Demo.

Nate got out a handheld radio and switched it on.

"You good, Sniper?" He asked.

"Got a clear view from here, mate." Sniper replied in his usually calm demeanor.

Nate then stood with Scout, Spy, and Fender. Spy handed Fender a cigarette. Due to the fact that Fender was a reprogrammed Soldier-Bot from the merc's war with the machines, he couldn't actually smoke. But he liked to pretend he could, and Spy decided to humor him this once.

"How many problems has his guy caused you, again?" Fender asked.

And for those of you wondering what Fender sounds like:

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

"Well, he cursed Demo's beer, put a spell on Soldier's old unicorn hood, and brought a hostile wooden Medic cut out to life." Scout answered.

"Not to mention ze ridiculous battles we've had with him in previous years." Spy added.

"Since this you're first time fighting him, Fender, I suggest you stay behind cover." Nate suggested.

Fender nodded, then cocked his shotgun.

Everyone sat in their positions for 5 minutes. Nate could feel the tension in the air.

"Where is little wizard man?" Asked Heavy.

"It does seem odd zat he isn't here right now." Medic mused

"Hmph hmm hm hrm?" Pyro suggested.

"Maybe..." Nate replied.

Just then, he appeared in the middle of the battlefield.

"AH! Damn underworld traffic! Merasmus is 5 minutes late!" Merasmus exclaimed.

After that, he clears his throat and straightens out his robes.

"Now, where was I? Oh, right." He continues.

Then he begins to laugh maniacally.

"COWER, MORTALS!!! For it is I... MERASMUS!!! THE GREAT EVIL, THE-" He begins, but get's cut off by someone shooting at him.

"What?! WHO DARES ATTACK THE GREAT MERASMUS!?!?" He asks.

The mercs just stare at him, unamused.

"Y'know, you guys take more fun out of this each year." Merasmus sighed.

"Maybe we wouldn't if you didn't do this crap every year." Scout replied.

"Yeah. Even Merasmus starting to get tired of it, and I'm the one who puts you through this." Merasmus said.

Merasmus simply sat there for a moment.

"Y'know what? I think I'll just skip next year." He said.

"That's nice and all, but there's still the issue of this year's fight." Nate replied.

"Oh, yes, that's right." Merasmus said.

Then he went back to his maniacal laughing.

"COWER, FOOLISH MORTALS!!! AND FEAR... THE BOMB-A-NOMICON!!!" Merasmus shouted.

Then a book with a bomb appeared in Merasmus' hands. Merasmus opened the book and laughed evilly.

"This fight will be your last, my dear mercenaries! For Hell awaits you! HERMAGIS EXMORTIS!!!" Merasmus exclaimed.

Then a green portal appeared and sucked the mercs and their vehicles in.