IV. LIGHT MY FIRE
CHAPTER FOUR

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THE TRIP TO FAIR WENT QUITE WRONG, unexpected. Normally, Carmen would have stayed home, instead, she agreed to go to the fair with her brothers. Not wanting to want to bump into Nick for any reason, not till her head was clear and the shame she felt for acting so stupid was gone. She could have just stayed locked in her room as always, but she needed some fresh air, to get away from the city smoke.

On the way to the fair, Tommy made a stop.

"We have business first," he said.

Business next to the Lee family was to play two-up with Johnny Dogs for a beautiful white horse and the family car. Ending with head up in both coins. But things went wrong when Arthur thought Thomas lost the game because he gave the car keys to Johnny Dogs.

"Shut up, Arthur. I won." Thomas said. "I promised Johnny, I'd let him have a doing in the car if he lost."

The Lee family started laughing. It was no news that Shelbys and Lees didn't get along at all, but till today they never got to a fight, much less a war.

"One more fucked up than the other." One of the Lees said, looking at Carmen with judging eyes. "Look at her, a silent weirdo."

"Are you Lee boys laughing at my brother?" Thomas walks toward the gypsies, angry. "Did you say something about my sister?" He looked furiously at the one who spoke before.

Carmen rolled her eyes knowing what was coming next. Because when something was up to her brother's minds, particularly up to Thomas's, it was hard to change their decision. So, Johnny's pleading for Thomas not to start a fight looks as if they were working, until one of the Lee boys called the Shelby siblings' mom a whore. That was the last straw. Tommy took off his Peaky hat and blinded them with the razors in it, the rest of the Shelby men following.

Carmen stood quietly against the car, where she had been admiring the situation since they got out of the car. Smoking a cigarette, she observed her brothers fight. Men throwing punches and screaming, while drips of blood flew to the grass when the Lee boys got their faces cut.

Carmen rolled her eyes once again, tossing the tail of the cigarette to the floor and stepping on it.

Men, she thought, annoyed.

The fair was shit for Carmen. Everyone else looked like having fun, but she just walked around waiting for the time to come back home. She hated the city. Covered in smoke and mud. Always cold and dark, and smelled like something was burning. The outside was calm and clean. She thought she'd like it better, thought she'd feel free and peaceful. Turns out, it made her feel too seen. In the darkness and dirtiness of the city, Carmen Shelby was invisible, she could make herself invisible. Outside the city, the place was so clear that she felt like everyone could see through her.

Back in the city, they saw how the place was turned upside down. The coppers knew that the Shelby brothers would be out on the fair, so it was perfect timing to go catch the communists.

A few days ago, after running away from Nick, Carmen came back home to find Arthur covered in blood and bruises. Everyone was helping him clean his injuries, and even when she got asked to help as well, Carmen, annoyed by all the drama, ignored them and went to lock herself in her room.

Apparently, the Inspector arrested Arthur and tortured him to make him talk about some missing guns. But he had no clue about the subject.

Carmen knew about the guns, and she knew who had them. Of course, she did. She knew something was up with Thomas, that he was hiding more than just pain from the war, and things became clear the moment she heard people whispering about coppers looking for some missing guns—she knew Thomas very well, and it was obvious to her that he had information about the location.

Now, the coppers told everyone that the Peaky Blinders went to the fair to let them destroy people's houses and arrest all the communists. So, to fix what happened and make clear that was all a lie, the Peaky Blinders lit up a fire, burning down the pictures of the King.

In the middle of Watery Lane, observing the bright flames and burning pictures, staring into the King's eyes, Carmen was standing with her arms wrapped around her, looking in the fire for some warmth—she never went back to school for her coat.

She enjoyed the cold. Often, at night, she opens up her bedroom window and sits next to it, letting the cold breeze get into her skin to her bones. There was something about it that made her feel like she had control over herself—if her body was freezing still, she still had her mind and thoughts.

But the night was really cold and her body couldn't help but shake and her teeth chatter. She thought about going home feeling like she couldn't take the cold anymore, but she found the fire so beautiful she couldn't take her eyes off it like she was magnetized by the flames.

And in that moment, when she really needed her coat, she felt something carefully wrap around her. She clung to it and shoved her arms into her sleeves, feeling the warmth immediately.

Carmen didn't have to look to know who it was. Nick was standing next to her, looking at the fire.

For the first time, since Carmen met Nick, he stayed quiet. And that made her feel strangely comforted.

Standing close to him, Carmen thought how great would it be if the night could last forever.

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Carmen stood up to the bed when she heard a hard knock on the door. Opening it she saw Ada. She looked really anxious, like she was about to collapse.

Carmen frowned with confusion. It was a long time ago that she and Ada stopped
Being friendly with each other, even before Carmen shut herself. As the only ones who stayed during the war, besides Polly, their bond broke thanks to the many responsibilities they were put on so young. The age difference was never something that kept them apart. They used to spend time together all the time: sleeping in each other's bedroom and staying up late talking and gossiping, dressing up Finn with ridiculous clothes, helping do the hair of the other. Sisterhood was something they had, now it's like they're just two girls living in the same house.

Carmen always appreciated that Ada never really bothered her with the fact that she didn't speak, never really insisted she do so. She had said sometimes that it was weird, and that it might be better if Carmen spoke again, but not much to bordered her. However, the fact that Ada didn't seem to care meant that she was just too busy to be preoccupied of her sister, which, if she actually thought about it, it didn't make her any happy.

Sometimes, Carmen looks at her and thinks that maybe, if Ada had stayed the same she would have also stayed the same because she would have had someone. Maybe if war didn't ruin absolutely everyone, Carmen would still speak, she would have never exiled herself. But she couldn't blame that on Ada, because change is something so sudden and inevitable that even if they wanted, they wouldn't have ever seen it coming to try to stop it.

But at that moment, looking at Ada's face, Carmen couldn't just close the door in her face as she would have done it any other time. So she let her in.

Ada, appearing like she was about to fall, immediately sat on the bed. Carmen closed the door, careful not to make any noise.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do," Ada said, tapping her foot against the floor, nervously. "I know you're not gonna talk to me, you're not gonna talk to anyone, but please—I just—I don't know, I need to tell someone. Because I keep pretending nothing is happening."

Carmen sat on the chair near the bed, observing how Ada passed repeatedly her sweaty hands in her pajamas with the intent to dry them.

"He said he will come back. He said that!" Ada screamed and then covered her mouth with her hand realizing she needed to be quiet, otherwise someone might hear. "And I know he will because he's a good man. He's a good man, Carmen."

Carmen didn't show it, but she was quite shocked that Ada was talking to her about Freddie Thorne. She always thought Ada slept with him for some sort of silent rebellion against Thomas, or something like that, taking into account that Freddie and Thomas had been good friends since school but now they hated each other. But now that she was listening to her, she realized it was serious and that Ada did care about Freddie.

Thinking about the situation, about Ada opening up to her. Carmen had a brief thought that maybe nothing changed, or that things could be fixed and life would be back at how it was. Just for a second, she thought they could be sisters again. But the thought disappeared completely when she understood that, no matter what Ada was about to say or how much she wanted to help her and console her, Carmen would not speak.

Ada gave up on giving herself expectations and sight heavily, hiding her face in the palm of her hands.

"I'm seven weeks late," Ada said.

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HOPE YOU'VE ENJOYED IT!!

Hello! How are you?
So, new chapter here.
Nicks and Carmen's relationship continues, and now I'm gonna start with more of Ada's and Carmen's. What do you think about this last one btw?

( ‼️ ) Please comment and vote, it's the only way I can know that you guys like it or not and your opinions about the chapter.

xoxo, cassie 💌