CHAPTER NINE
THE WEDDING

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PROGRESS IT'S NOT LINEAR, they say. You have to fall back to then take a big step, they say. If Carmen had ever had a thought of speaking again, even if it was just for a split second, it was now completely gone. Talking was no option, less choice. And she really didn't feel like this was just a small fallback, this was a whole relapse. She was once again a the very beginning.

She was supposed to feel more like talking now that she realized how necessary it was, she thought. But as much as she tried, it felt like an impossible task. Carmen wasn't talking for a choice now, she simply couldn't do it. There was something, in her mind that didn't let her speak. It didn't matter the many things she had to say, she didn't have words now, she didn't have a voice.

How could she speak, though? What could she say, to whom? Silence has been part of her for a very long time, she now didn't know how to be loud.

Carmen tried to talk to Thomas. At the end he was the one that followed her around demanding her to speak. She thought maybe he knew the way. She was that desperate. She sat in his room for an hour, waiting for him. When he arrive he knew she was in there, didn't even doubt it.

"Carmen," he spoke, after ten minutes in silent. Finally she dare to look at him.

It was useless. They were just two people who knew about the other more than what they thought. Two people with big problems. Two people asking for help with their eyes, but unable to say something. How can she ask for help to the one that was also in the same trouble.

So she stood up and left.

Days had passed. Carmen couldn't write nor read. She stayed in her room. Thinking. For days and days. With the window open and the cold breeze freezing her thought, she thought maybe one of them will stick in her mind, but no, they all got away. She felt really lonely. She hasn't felt that way in a while. It was silence the one that comforted years ago when loneliness hit her, but now it was the very same silence the one that was destroying her.

She didn't have more time to think about it today. She was going to a wedding.

"Jesus, Carmen! You look like a whore," Ada said. Polly hit her slightly with her elbow. But Ada didn't intend to be mean, all the contrary she was surprised and happy to see her sister again, and to see her different. Carmen raised an eyebrow, looking at her reflection, she could smile at Ada's words. She took them as a compliment.

Carmen toss a hand in her pockets, securing her happiness for the rest of the night.

"Don't you think is a bit to much?" Polly said. But Carmen was flattered again. That was exactly what she was going for.

Today she didn't feel like herself. So she put on makeup—smushed black eyeliner and red lips— and a soft pink dress. She wanted something different and big. It was a contrast between sweetness and innocence, and a crying rebel look. She liked it. Even thought nothing about her looks was anything like her, she found herself in the mirror and she felt comfortable somehow.

☆

Carmen was heavily high and drunk.

Spinning around and dancing alone, she could hear some whispering far away—loud talking and screaming right next to her— about her going wilde and Ada concerning everyone with her pregnancy and non stopping drinking. She locked eyes with her sister and both smile at each other.

Carmen's feelings were completely out of her control. She wasn't conscious enough to worry about anything, to think about anything. She liked that feeling. It was good to feel everything so strong and at once, it cancelled the feelings themselves so if was like feeling nothing. And it felt good. To feel nothing. At least for a night.

Ada was hugging Carmen tightly, spinning her around.

"You should tell Ada to slow down," Polly told Thomas.

"You think she'll listen to me?"

"I tried to stop her but she's been drinking," Polly continued. "She's been sticked in that basement for weeks. What do you expect? She's going off like a firecracker."

Carmen's view was blurry and she wasn't even moving her feet, or she wasn't conscious about her feet moving, she didn't know. It felt like it was all Ada's strength moving her, spinning her, and making her dance.

She knew she was attracting too much attention. With her makeup and her dress. A silent scream. But maybe that was good, maybe receiving attention meant her voice back, she thought—it had been the lack of it that started her silence.

Today she was a silent girl with a loud presence.

"I don't what's up with Carmen," Polly said.

"Did you ever?" Thomas mocked.

"Well she's going a bit further of my understanding this time."

"Maybe having nine fingers got her in the head," Arthur joined the conversation laughing at the sigh of her sister spinning.

"I don't think she even noticed she has one finger less," Polly shook her head and sip her drink. "Oh, Christ, Tommy, please!," she hold into Thomas shoulder, looking worried at Ada who almost fell, dragging Carmen with her.

Thomas finally accepted Polly's pleas and stood up, approaching the two girls.

"Ada, come on, have a rest," he said. "Sit down. Carmen, you too."

Ada stopped spinning Carmen around, and she stumbled, about to fall before Arthur caught her.

"You alright, lass?" Arthur asked to the dizzy Carmen.

"Come and look, Esme!" Ada said to Thomas, with an angry and ironic tone slipping out. "Look at the family you've joined! Come, look at the man who runs it!" she started to throw punches at Thomas' chest. "He chooses his brother's wives for them! He causes her sister a mental illness she now won't even speak! He hunts his own sister down like a rat and tries to kill his own brother-in-law!"

Carmen was too sick to catch most of the words Ada was saying. But there was one that sucked, deep in her mind. Mental illness. It repeated like a broken record in her head. Was she, she wondered, was she really ill. Was it that, that was the problem? She once thought it was all something she made up, that she could come back whenever she wanted. She wasn't insane, out of them all, she was the most sane, she thought. But now she couldn't come back, she couldn't undo it. She dragged herself into a tramp and she was now stuck. And who's gonna help her, who's gonna take her out.

Everything was spinning. There were a lot of screaming, or there was a silence. She couldn't tell really. Carmen felt like the lights were suddenly all off, and then on again. Spinning and spinning. Was she still spinning? Was she still dancing? Couldn't hear the music anymore, but wasn't sure if it actually stopped.

"Water!"

And like that Carmen came back to her senses, well a little.

"Not now, Ada," Arthur said, still holding Carmen. "Bloody hell, Ada, you do pick your times."

The wedding seamed to be over. At least for the Shelbys.

Thomas drove Ada and Polly home, and the rest of the Shelby brothers, plus Esme and Carmen, drove in John's new car.

John drove like a maniac, very satisfied with his wedding gift. He was enjoying the moment, meanwhile Carmen was hating it.

"Stop! Enough now. Enough," Arthur claimed. "Slow her up, nice and easy."

"Story of your fucking life, Arthur."

In the second the car stopped, Carmen stuck her head out and vomited.

"Oh, fuck, Carmen!" Arthur curse, still he did his best to grab her head so it wouldn't get in the way.

John and Esme went out of the vehicle. Arthur opened the door in Carmen's side and help her out. She was still sick and holding into his brother's arm.

"Nice car, John!" Thomas greeted.

"Yeah, really smooth."

Carmen recovered and stood up straight, cleaning her mouth with the sleeves of her coat.

"Your sister's in there, giving birth and you're talking about a car," Polly said while Esme entered the house.

"Not much us men can do now, Pol," Thomas said.

"Yes, you could help Carmen, and see what the hell did she took to be that sick," she pointed the girl, who's face was pale and greenish.

Arthur passed on of Carmen's arms over his shoulders, to help her walk, leaving behind Thomas and Polly's conversation.

"You alright? You went real crazy today, huh. Ha!" he laughed. "You really know how to surprise, don't ya? Thought you handed booze better," he stopped walking, and grabbed Carmen's face, looking into her red and dilate pupils. "Are you—oh fuck, Carmen!"

She shrugged and before he could say anything else, she vomit over his coat.

Cursing he stepped back and once again held her hair.

"Let's get you clean up, alright."

The two began walking again.

"You're gonna be fine," Arthur said. "Don't worry, Cece, it's all gonna pass."

Carmen looked at his brother for a second. She thought about it one more time. Cece.

She did not argue about the name.

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HELLOO! HOW ARE YOU ALL?!

I'm thinking about focusing the next chapter on Carmen and Arthur's relationship because I wanted it to be important, but I don't know. What do you guys think?

Also, stay tune because Nick is coming back! Yay!

this is not proofread.

( ‼️ ) Please comment and vote, it's the only way I can know whether you guys like it or not and your opinions about the chapter.

xoxo, cassie 💌