This is a repost/re-write of an old one-shot.

Hiccup and Astrid have been friends for years, but now that Astrid's dating Eret, everything seems to have changed. All Hiccup can do is look on as another man dates the love of his life, always wishing he could be in their place. 

Ever since Astrid had started dating Eret, things had been... different. There was no other word for it. Hiccup felt like nothing was the same anymore. All their usual vague flirting attempts and loving hangouts at random hours of the day, as well as spontaneous sleepovers where they'd stay up talking until the early hours of the morning, all of it was gone. Hiccup felt more lonely than ever now that Astrid was dating someone that wasn't him.

Was he jealous? Obviously, he was. Hiccup wasn't about to deny that. But could he do anything about it? No, of course not.

It had been a week since Astrid had told him about her new boyfriend, and Hiccup had been mindlessly counting the days. At first, it was because he was waiting for her to come back to him, to realise her big mistake and return to Hiccup's side, where he believed she was meant to be. However, as the days wore on and the days reached double digits, Hiccup realised that his fantasy would remain as that: a fantasy. He had to stop dreaming that Astrid would return to him, that she would stop pretending to love someone else and come to his side instead.

Astrid wasn't his property. He didn't own her feelings, and he certainly had no say on who she was meant to be with. This was the mantra that Hiccup would tell himself each day. Astrid had made her choice, and sadly, it wasn't him.

"Hey, Hiccup!" Astrid greeted Hiccup as she came to sit down beside him at the cafeteria, where Hiccup had been lost in his mindless bubble of despair and heartbreak. His internal monologue had been interrupted by her voice, and he instantly forgot what he had been talking about.

All attention was on her.

"Hey, Astrid, how are things with you?" He asked casually, as though he wasn't burning up on the inside for even attempting to ask such a question. Astrid just smiled and rolled her eyes, amused by something that she remembered from the other day.

"Oh, I'm fine. I went out on a date with Eret the other day, did I tell you?" Hiccup felt his heart plummet to the bottom of his stomach, but his smile didn't fall. Instead, he braved a smile and shook his head to allow Astrid to continue. "Oh, well, it was hilarious." She began laughing before she had even started her story.

This was the usual thing; Hiccup had to sit and listen to Astrid's story about another funny thing that Eret did whilst out on their dates. Hiccup hated every second of it, but he endured. He had to, it was Astrid. Although the stories about their dates would be dull, and often rather unamusing, they made Astrid happy and – for Hiccup – that was enough. Hiccup would never stop and tell her that he didn't want to listen, that he hated listening to her stories about Eret and that literally any other story would keep him more engaged than that, but he wouldn't. Astrid wanted to talk about her boyfriend, and who was Hiccup to stop her.

It wasn't as if they had ever dated and he could say anything about it.

"It was hilarious. I've never seen Eret more embarrassed than that. He was completely drenched in the stuff, and I couldn't stop laughing for, like, 10 minutes straight." Astrid was still giggling even now, as though the event was still unfolding before her.

However, when she noticed that Hiccup wasn't laughing along with her, she turned to see his dull expression and vacant eyes. Waving a hand in front of his face, she saw no recollection of her existence beside him, nor that she had been talking to him for the past few minutes.

It was strange that Hiccup wouldn't be paying attention to her. Astrid always knew Hiccup to be someone who would have your undivided attention, he would be the one who would listen to every word that fell from your mouth, even if you didn't want those words to be heard, Astrid always admired him for that. However, he seemed more distracted than usual as he sat with her in the cafeteria, avoiding her eye and every word that spilt from her mouth as though he dreaded to hear the next. Astrid didn't like it at all. Reaching over the table to him, she slapped his arm and brought his attention back to her as he met her eyes instantly.

"Where are you?" She asked, knowing that Hiccup could wander off in his mind to any random place. Hiccup smiled at her joke and scratched the back of his neck nervously, as though he wasn't ready to answer her question. "What's going on with you? What's up?" Astrid asked, feeling the reluctance in his body as he did everything in his power to look away from her.

Hiccup didn't like to be questioned like this. But if he held his tongue for any longer, he might explode.

"Are you happy with him, Astrid?" Hiccup slapped his mouth as soon as those words left his lips, quickly scolding himself for showing his hand and letting those hidden words slip.

Astrid was taken aback by his words, wondering where they had come from and why they were being said now. It had been weeks since she had started dating Eret, and Hiccup hadn't said a thing and only now was he saying something that showed it didn't sit right with him. Confusion, and a vague sense of anger, passed over her as she took in Hiccup's words and no matter how many times she repeated them in her head, they made no sense.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She retorted, unsettled by Hiccup's lack of clarity.

"I just mean... Are you happy to spend all of your time with him? Wouldn't you rather it be someone else?"

"Hiccup... I like Eret, I like him a lot. But if you don't, then... Then, I don't know where we go from here." Astrid shrugged, sad at the prospect of losing her best friend over a boy she was only just starting to date.

"You know what," Hiccup announced, puffing out his chest as he took in a brave, deep breath. He could be the bigger man here. "You're right. I don't want you to feel like you need to choose, but I don't want to feel like I'm always the second choice either." Hiccup fiddled with his fingers beneath the shadows of the table and sighed again. "I want you to know that your happiness means the world to me, and if that Eret guy ever makes you feel sad, I'll stand up for you the best I can."

Astrid giggled, "Thank you, Hiccup. That means a lot."

Hiccup nodded with a smile, letting the rest of the day fade away as they lost themselves in their own world of conversation.

***

Hiccup didn't know why he was writing, it wasn't as if writing anything was going to change the way of the universe, but he wrote it nonetheless. If he didn't get any of this off his chest, even if it was just in a small notebook that he never opened, that would be enough to stop himself from turning his insides into his outsides.

It was always something unimportant, perhaps a small thing about Astrid that he noticed that day, maybe the way she had styled her hair differently, or the new story she had told Hiccup that made him want to tear his hair out. It was often about Eret, why did it have to be about Eret? Hiccup often thought whether Astrid thought that Eret's existence in her life had made her seem more important or significant. For Hiccup, that wasn't the case at all. Hiccup believed that Astrid was interesting and significant all on her own, she didn't need any man to make her more interesting to talk to. Hiccup hated that he saw everything that Astrid did and was so influenced by every minute detail. It drove him crazy, every little thing about Astrid. Especially after she started dating Eret, He usually would say a certain thing or two about her appearance if he noticed it as a pathetic attempt at flirting, but now that she was dating Eret, Hiccup swallowed his compliments down, deep down. He couldn't compliment Astrid anymore, instead, he had to keep them inside and pretend they didn't exist. He was her friend, that was all.

Especially after his talk with Eret.

After Eret had asked out Astrid, he had taken Hiccup aside and warned Hiccup away from his new girlfriend. Hiccup didn't put up much of a fight, instead, defending his honour as Astrid's best friend. But Eret made sure to tell Hiccup that was what he could never be because Astrid had a boyfriend now and that was evidence enough to show Hiccup that she only ever saw him as a friend. Hiccup didn't want to believe Eret's words, but he knew deep down that he had to be right.

A sudden, loud, heavy knock sounded from the front door, echoing around the house with a colossal noise. Hiccup was startled out of his recollections and brought back into reality. He dropped his pen onto the desk with a clatter and stood quickly from his desk, not bothering to close his notebook.

Looking outside, he could see that it was still hammering down with rain, each drop hitting the floor like bullets shooting down from the heavens. Hiccup didn't have time to wonder whether it had been thunder he had heard when the knocking came again at his front door, more vigorous and desperate this time.

Without wasting much time, Hiccup ran down the stairs, missing a couple on his way down as he shot through his house to the front door. He wasn't to know who was at the front door, but his friendly etiquette begged him to free them from the rain and shelter them inside. Throwing the door open, he was met with a rather ragged, and soaked figure whom he had not been expecting to make such a late-night visit to his home.

"Astrid?" He asked as his eyes laid upon her figure, her arms hugging her sides as she sighed sheepishly. Without another word, Hiccup ushered her inside and scrambled around for a towel to wrap her in.

Astrid slowly made her way into his living room, having been to his house numerous times before, she sauntered inside and was soon wrapped in a cool towel and warming blanket before she came to rest on the sofa. Hiccup sat beside her with a worried look and smiled softly, stroking her back comfortingly.

"What happened? Why were you outside my house in that rain?" Hiccup asked, trying not to sound like a scolding mother, although he did want to shout at Astrid for having the stupidity to stand out in such piercingly cold weather.

"I needed to see you." That was all Astrid would say. She shivered, pulling the blanket and towel tighter around her body.

Hiccup hugged her closer.

"What are you talking about? Why do you need to see me? Why not Eret?" Hiccup hated himself for even mentioning the guy's name, but it slipped his mind before he could even think through those words.

"I'm not talking to Eret right now," Astrid muttered, pulling the blankets closer. Hiccup felt her body burning up beneath his hands and knew she needed to get out of those wet clothes.

"Come with me, we need to warm you up and I bet those wet clothes aren't helping." Hiccup announced, dragging Astrid behind him towards his room. Astrid let him lead and followed him happily up the stairs.

Soon, Hiccup was coming out of his room with a set of clothes that Astrid had left behind from a previous sleepover and held them out to her. She smiled at the gesture and took them into her hands, holding them close to her chest with a smile. Hiccup pointed to the bathroom,

"You can take a shower and change into these clothes. I'll wait for you downstairs." Astrid nodded and watched as Hiccup made his way hesitantly down the stairs, looking over his shoulder at Astrid to make sure she had gone into the bathroom safely, which she had.

It didn't take long for Astrid to have a shower and change into the spare clothes that Hiccup had found for her. Sometimes she forgot how much she treasured Hiccup as a friend, and how she would often think of him as something more had he ever looked at her that way. Instead, she believed he could only see her as his friend as she had done. It was impossible between them.

Taking a step out of the bathroom, having hung her wet clothes up in there to dry, Astrid went to pass by Hiccup's room and venture downstairs to where he was waiting for her. However, as she neared the door, she saw a faint glow of light piercing through the crack of the door. Slowly opening it, she saw that Hiccup had left his desk light on and, out of courtesy, Astrid decided to turn it off. As she stepped up to the desk to turn off the light, she noticed an open notebook sat forgotten on the desk. Astrid was going to ignore it, she was going to close it and turn off the light and leave everything alone. But when she saw her name written along the black lines of the page, she stopped and couldn't help herself.

Picking up the book, she flipped through its pages, skimming over all the lines that mentioned her name. Words of affirmation she had never heard from Hiccup's mouth, beautiful images that she would never see herself as were painted upon each page in words she had never heard herself be described as. It was as though, all of a sudden, she finally saw the girl that Hiccup saw, and she was left speechless.

Could he really see her as more than just a friend?

But Astrid couldn't tell Hiccup that she'd read his notebook, she couldn't confront him. What would he think if she strode up to him and told him she'd read it, he would only tell her that she had invaded his privacy and couldn't be trusted. She couldn't risk that. No, instead, she'd need to pull it out of him, make him tell her of his own accord.

That wouldn't be too hard, would it?

There was only the quiet hum of the TV playing in the dark shadows of the living room when Astrid made her way inside. Hiccup's body was illuminated on the sofa by a single lamp that was tucked away in the corner next to it, the TV's lights reflected off Hiccup's face giving him a bright glow as he turned to Astrid with an equally bright smile. Astrid felt her chest warm as she approached, smiling back in appreciation of his concern.

"How are you feeling?" Hiccup asked as he moved to make more room for Astrid to accompany him. He brushed off the sofa cushions for Astrid to sit down, patting the spot to help guide Astrid in.

Sitting beside him, Astrid moved in closer and felt Hiccup's body tense up beneath her touch. However, they used to do this as friends, so it wasn't so out of the ordinary that Astrid would snuggle up beside Hiccup on the sofa like this, yet this time, it was a little different. The contents of Hiccup's notebook still circled her brain, their words drifting through the air as she felt Hiccup's arm cradling her body closer; resting his arm along the back of the sofa. Astrid smiled to herself and let out a soft sigh.

"Much better, thank you." She replied, making sure to keep her gaze on the TV as she felt Hiccup's eyes scan her carefully. "I can't believe you still keep a stockpile of my clothes somewhere in your house, though. I haven't been here for months." Astrid admitted, a hint of sad regret in her voice as she remembered the last time she had been to Hiccup's house for the night.

Ever since she started dating Eret, things between them were never the same. Hiccup shrugged.

"Well, I kept them for safekeeping. You know, in case you came back for them." Hiccup reasoned, trying not to look at Astrid as his cheeks burned softly beneath the soft lighting of the living room.

"Were you hoping that I'd come back to you?" Astrid hadn't meant to phrase it that way, but the words fell from her mouth like a waterfall, plummeting into the icy, tense air of the living room as Hiccup's reply remained silent for the longest time.

"Maybe..." Hiccup finally answered, his arms tense around Astrid's body as he refused to look at her. "Maybe I was hoping we could still be how we used to be. But after what happened with Eret, I knew that was a stupid thing to hope for."

"What happened with Eret?"

"It doesn't matter." But it did to Astrid. "The point is that I was going to throw them out or give them back to you after a while. After I was sure you weren't coming back. I always hoped you might see it." Hiccup shook his head, trying to erase them from the air.

But Astrid heard him.

"Hiccup," Her voice turned stern, cold and sharp like an icicle. It tumbled from the ceiling and shattered across the floor, leaving Hiccup silent. "Tell me what happened with Eret. What did he do to you?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does, Hiccup."

"It doesn't, Astrid. Even if I told you, would it change anything? Be honest with me." Astrid felt her mouth dry up at Hiccup's challenge. If she were to admit that it might, it would be showing her hand, and if she didn't reply, it would lock the doors between the forever.

Astrid was stuck, and Hiccup had backed her into a corner.

"Hiccup, you're someone I love and respect the most in the world. If someone like Eret did something to you that I should know about, then I want to know." Astrid demanded, trying her best not to show her hand too much but enough to get Hiccup to lower his guard.

"Fine." Hiccup gave in, "After you two first got together... He asked me to stay away from you. He wanted me to keep away from you, to stop flirting with you, and leave you alone." Hiccup shook his head, hating himself for giving in so easily. "Only one of those things I managed to do."

"Which one was that?" Astrid asked curiously, mischief flickering in her eyes.

"Don't make me say it, Astrid. You don't want to hear it."

"Why not? Will it change things between us?" Astrid was putting everything out on the line. She needed to hear Hiccup say it, she needed those words from him.

But Hiccup refused. Her challenge died out in the wind and Hiccup remained silent, refusing to speak as he became engrossed in the TV. Instead, Astrid decided to do the direct approach.

"Hiccup, when I first started dating Eret, what was your first thought? Don't think about the answer, just say it."

It wasn't more than a second later that Hiccup spoke, "It should be me."

"What?" Hiccup felt a sharp pull at his chest, whilst Astrid felt her cheeks burn. "You... wanted it to be you?" Astrid couldn't believe what she was hearing, that the things she'd read in that notebook were true. How could she have been so blind?

"I shouldn't have said anything, forget it."

"No, Hiccup." Astrid moved on top of Hiccup, straddling his legs as she sat upon his lap, pinning his shoulders against the back of the sofa. "I want to remember what you say, right now. Tell me, Hiccup. Do you like me as more than a friend?"

"Would anything change if I did?" Hiccup offered, hope and fear clouding his emerald gaze. Astrid felt her chest tighten as her senses lost all control.

Before Hiccup could react, Astrid leaned close and pressed her lips to Hiccups, enveloping his mouth in a desperate kiss. It was a feeling neither of them had experienced before, as though every question in the universe they had been asking was finally answered by the touch of their lips together. Hiccup pulled Astrid closer, desperate to taste more as Astrid pawed at the stray strands of hair at the base of his skull. Both wanted more, and both needed more.

And for that night, Astrid forgot about Eret and that stupid reason she had been mad at him for. She also forgot about the awkward conversation she would have to have with him the next day. Because now, everything had changed.