I want to forget you
I want to erase you

-myself

Yoo Kihyun

I can't believe he lied to me, he hid such a big truth from me!

Or she, I didn't know what to call that person anymore, I didn't even think I knew him anymore.

Was her name really Minjae? Or was she lying about that too?

I felt something turning inside my stomach, my chest heavy with a bile rising in my throat, leaving this bitter taste as I drove the car by myself.

This was unbelievable, I don't think I've ever felt this fucking angry before. I wanted to break everything, hell even getting into an accident wouldn't bother me now.

Recklessly I kept on steering the wheel, my veins popping out of my arms indicating how hard I was grabbing the wheel. He just tricked me, what if this was all a lie? What if he never liked me and just pretended it all?

I even went all my way to call myself gay, for a liar.

No, it's me. I was the one who was stupid. It never occurred to me that he could be a girl, but now his face when he said he wanted to explain and that other guy at the store. This could all fit the unfinished puzzle.

I pushed the break hard parking the car on a side, my teeth gritting in anger, my fists were made into balls by my sides. I could feel my nails digging into the flesh of my palms.

This was fucking stupid. How could I be so stupid, how could I let that person fool me for days.

I came outside the car and closed the door with a loud thud. Frustrated, I held my head with both my hands and just walked back and fourth on the side of the street alone, no one was there but me. I then went ahead and kicked a side of my car letting out a pained groan.

I couldn't care how it was physically hurting outside because inside it was hurting like hell. I sat down on the ground all of a sudden. I'm such a fool, I'm the biggest fool!

The thing that comes after anger is sadness and devastation, and now I wanted to cry.

I'm such a fool for loving a person who tricked me, I made a fool out of myself.

None of this was true, none of her feelings were true.

I don't want to go home, I don't want to see his or, her face.

I don't want to see her ever again.

Standing up I opened the car's door with force as I made up my mind to go anywhere else, but home.

***

I carefully creaked the door open, only to find Changkyun there with a grin on his face. He waved at me playfully before letting himself in.

"How did you find me here?"

I was surprised a little but didn't show it on my voice. He was always the smartest one among us.

"You remember that last time when you had a fight with Hyungwon and you stayed the night here?" He showed me a cheeky smile as he took a sit on the bed. "This is comfy! Man I need to check in hotel suits more."

He let himself fall on the king sized bed, with his arms and legs spread all over. I sighed a little and went to the bathroom to wash my face.

Last night all I could do was toss and turn, I couldn't sleep for a bit. I don't think I'd ever been this devastated in my life.

As I washed my face with water I forced myself not to look at the mirror. I accidentally saw my face this morning and got scared, I freaking looked like a forty year old guy!

"You know I hate your smart ass sometimes." I mumbled getting out of the washroom while rubbing my head with a fresh towel.

"Well, apparently chicks dig that shit.'' He got up from the bed and we just stared at each other for a good moment. Even though he wasn't saying anything I kind of got what he wanted to say.

"Don't tell me you knew."

He stayed silent, giving me blank look. I couldn't believe this, so was it only me who she was fooling?

"You knew she was a girl? Wait, everyone knew but me?!" I shouted, my voice louder than I expected it to be. The anger was again rising, blood starting to boil underneath my skin.

"No, I only knew it. I kind of figured it out no one else-"

"And you didn't fucking tell me!? You didn't tell any of us and just h-helped her lie? Do you fucking know how much I suffered because of that lie?"

"Man, calm down, listen to me-"

"Shut the fuck up! You don't know anything!"

"I know everything." He threw his hands up in the air to stop me from yelling any further. "Just stop, I know it already, okay? I know that you suffered, and I know that you both like each other."

I stayed quiet for a minute grasping it all, so he knew it all? Still he was supporting the one who lied? And he only knew her for a few months when we'd been friends since middle school.

"Look, I know you must be really frustrated right now. Anyone would be, if they were in your place. And I know you need time to rethink."

"There's nothing to rethink Changkyun. Did she send you to me? So you could console me and make me underst-"

"No, she didn't even come home last night." This time he was the one stopping me from what I was saying.

My heart fell in the bottom of my stomach. Where did she spend the whole night then?

She's a girl for fucks sake and she doesn't have anyone; wait why am I being worried.

"What do you mean? Where is she now?" I asked him in a calmer tone.

"She's at Byul's house. And she told me not to meddle with your thoughts when I suggested it, she said you'll need time to yourself. She doesn't know that I'm here now and she's been really worried for you."

Clenching my jaws I shut my eyes tight. "If she cares so much she should've told the truth from the start, or at least when I said I had feelings for her. I fucking said I was becoming gay and she still stayed quiet!"

I could hear Chagkyun sigh as my eyes were still closed. He continued after a while. "You do have a point there but have you ever thought from her perspective? Like she needed a job so she started working for us. We never talked to her before, did we? We've never asked her gender, we just assumed it."

"Yeah and she hid it, hiding is another form of lying."

"But she would lose her job if she told us her gender! We're not permitted to hire female workers, you know that! And then you were the one who gave her shelter, told her to stay with us because she had no other place to go. And she found a new family among us, and she didn't want to crumble that relationship. She wanted to tell the truth but she was just afraid to lose us, and mainly you. Can't you imagine how much it stressed herself?"

I took in a large breath opening my eyes. "How do you even know she really is an orphan? How are you so sure of her true feelings about us?"

"Please! You know it yourself very well! Now you're just making it complicated." For the first time he looked a bit pissed off as he said that.

And he was right but it wouldn't wash my anger away. I couldn't forgive her.

"Whatever, if you're here to just talk about that you can leave now. I want to stay alone for a while."

"Fucking acting like a hypocrite." He murmured to himself but it was loud enough for me to hear.

I didn't comment on it because it would start another fight and I was tired enough already.

"Okay you know what? I'm leaving. Your phone was off so I wanted to tell you that your dad's been calling you since last night. And he's coming at the mansion in an hour to meet you, he said it was some important business."

Saying it all in a breath he left, shutting the door with a loud bang, almost damaging my ears.

I tried to calm myself down. I couldn't meet dad like that, we only get to meet each other a few times every year.

Gosh, I just wanted to leave this hellhole and go somewhere far away, where the worries wouldn't catch up to me.

I took in a quick shower and came outside. My shirt from last night was sweaty and I wouldn't be able to change it in such a short amount time when I get to the mansion. So using my credit card I brought a new pair of shirt and casual pants after going outside.

Quickly changing my outfit I went inside the car, brushing my hair with one hand as my other hand was busy driving the car.

I looked at myself using the car's mirror and yeah,

I still looked like shit.

Forty minutes drive and then I was here. I went running inside, the front door was opened for me by a butler. As I went inside the living room the first thing I saw was my dad laughing and having a conversation with Wonho.

"Adios! You're finally here." Wonho beamed at me, dad stood up too with a big smile on his face.

"Son! I missed you!" He gave me a hug as I looked at Wonho from his back and whispered. "Your broken Spanish wouldn't impress my dad. Now go away."

Dad pulled me out of his hug still smiling. "I think his Spanish is pretty good actually."

Well there, he'd heard it. "Thank you uncle, I'll leave now." Wonho made a funny face at me then left us alone to talk.

"You look like shit." Dad commented as we both took sits in the couch. "Your mom will worry if she sees you like this. Son, have you been eating well? Wait no, first you tell me why the hell was your phone turned off last night!"

"I'm fine. I'm just tired and want to get some sleep. Are you here to stay for a while?"

"No, I just wanted to give you an exciting news!" He suddenly got excited. "Your mom and I decided on it, your childhood dream is finally coming true!"

"What are you talking about?" I scrunched up my eyebrows.

"Paris! Remember that you went there in a vacation with me when you were twelve years old? You saw our brunch there and found it a fun place? You legit talked the whole week about it! Also your mother said that she'd met your good friend Eunbi and surprisingly Eunbi is going to study there too, so you won't be all alone!"

"Wait what? Dad, breath first."

"All I'm saying is, you're going to finish your last year in college there as well as be a CEO of that brunch in Paris!"

____________________________________
A/n:

This book is so close to ending! There's still a few chapters left but just a heads up.