THE DAMAGED

Sometimes I think too much
Yeah, I get so caught up
I'm always stuck in my head

***
CW: Self h*rm and su*cide

CHAPTER XL

****

I FOLLOWED DANIEL and his side chick through the party towards the doorway of a small secluded area I had seen them enter. I kept my eyes fixed on him but it was clear he hadn't noticed me yet as his back had remained to me. As he and the girl remained engaged in their deep conversation, I couldn't help but feel like a third, unwanted party. Like the thirdwheel to a date no one actually wanted there. I felt like I was invading their space, crossing a set boundary that their relationship had. Despite me having Daniel, I still felt like the fraud.

In that moment, her eyes had met mine, catching me by surprise. Pale blue met light brown and once they narrowed in on me, a devious smirk forming on her lips, I knew I wasn't going to like what was to happen next. And right had been the only thing I was because in that very moment, she had grabbed Daniel's neck and pulled him against her. It was undeniable what they were doing right in front of my eyes.

They were kissing. Clearly, this has to be the most embarrassing thing one could possibly say could've ever happened to them, yet somehow it wasn't. Ans even if it was, some time in the near future it wouldn't be anymore because I was always going to be cast to the side. I didn't matter to anyone.

Daniel's hands lurched to her waist as she kissed him with her eyes still on me as if she was trying to prove something. He hesitated for a second, his touch lingering on her body before with a force he had never used on me, he pushed her away.

"What are you doing?" I could hear the barely contained anger in his voice, reminding me of how he didn't like to be touched like that by strangers. I had grown so comfortable with him that I had forgotten about the little quirk that he had. It was a boundary of his that they both knew she crossed but the question of how much was he going to let her get away with lingered in the air.

Despite his blatant anger, her eyes remained on me, the same devious smirk on her face as she wiped away her smudge lipstick without shame. Daniel whipped around once he noticed that they weren't alone, his eyes landing on me and promptly widening with shock once he had seen me standing there. I couldn't help but wonder if he would've told me at all if I hadn't seen it here myself.

"Araceli," he said, his gaze conflicted as he debated on whether to leave her and speak to me or ignore me to keep up his charade.

I provided him with an answer before he could, waving my hand in dismissal and turning to walk away. Afterall, his hesitation in the matter said enough. Behind me as I put distance between us, I briefly heard him ask to be excused under the guise of "needing to speak to his friend" before he came after me.

"Araceli," he called out but I couldn't find the energy in me to turn around and answer him. I was tired of constantly being insulted and belittled by his side things. At this point, I was the side thing. "Araceli."

I wasn't sure when he had caught up to me but his hand wrapping around my arm and pulling me back had sent a shiver of fear down my spine. He turned me around to look at him, not taking notice of it.

"Araceli, it's not what it looked like, I swear."

"I know," I said softly, my voice taking a more delicate tone. I wasn't trying to be gentle. I was just too tired to do anything anymore. I just wanted to slip away. "It's okay."

"No, it's not," he insisted, his eyes hard on me as he tried to evoke any emotion from me but I was too tired to feel anything else. "She kissed me. I wouldn't ever do that to you."

"You already have though," I said, my voice soft as I trained my gaze at his feet. "What's the difference between flirting with her the whole night and kissing her? At this point, you may as well. I won't even be angry. I just want to go home. Call someone to take me home."

"I'll call Jor-" he froze, cutting himself off suddenly as his brows furrowed at something that seemingly resided on my forearms. He took a step closer to me, no longer caring about the other woman before grabbing my arm and pulling me close to him. "Who did this to you?"

I looked down at my arm, only then noting the bright red handprints and bruises that was as clear as day on my skin. I thought it would hide better because I was black, but then again, I had always displayed the slightest bit of a bruise without much effort despite my skin tone.

"I... see..." I struggled to speak, but it seemed the more I hesitated, the more agitated he got.

"Who the fuck did this to you, Araceli? Don't lie to me," he hissed, his voice taking on a more dangerous tone as he tugged me to him harder.

I let out a small whimper, trying to pry my arm out of his grasp without showing him that I was scared.

He stayed quiet and for a while, I had let myself believe that he had dropped the subject. But then his hand had pulled back the material of my dress a slight bit, revealing to him my chest and the red marks that had been cruelly left on me. A reminder of the way they had touched me.

"What the fuck?" he hissed, making me jump back in fear as tears pooled in my eyes.

"I swear to God, I didn't cheat on you, I promise," I began rambling, unable to meet his eyes as I started fearing the worst. What if he thought I cheated and beat me? What if he sent me back there again? "I told them to stop. I swear I told them to stop. I thought they were... I thought they would... I didn't want them to touch me," I cried, noticing the way my breathing picked up as the memory of the moments I hsd tried to block out came rushing back to me.

"Hey, calm down," Daniel tried to calm me, his eyes searching mine but it was far too late. He raised his hand to touch my cheek in the way he usually did, but I had flinched back, my eyes closing and my arms raising in defense until I realised that I had messed up. He took a step away from me, shock and hurt clouding his eyes as the pressure built in my chest.

"I am so sorry," I sobbed, trying to grasp his hand so he could touch me again. So he knew I wasn't scared of him yet he hadn't said anything. His eyes remained trained on me, the gears in his head turning before what seemed to be realisation dawned on him. "Daniel, please say something."

He turned to a guard who had been dressed as a normal party goer and spoke. "Go and get Celeste."

"Yes, boss."

"Daniel, please!" I begged, wanting him to say something to me; anything. Tell me he understood, yet at the same time, wanting him not to mention a single thing so I could pretend that it never happened and continue acting like I was okay.

"Daniel?" a knew, much more sultry voice said, joining our conversation. "What is going on here? And why does your "friend" look like a common whore?"

"Watch how you talk about her," Daniel immediately warned her in my defense, but she only laughed and crossed her arms over her chest as she observed me.

"So she's the woman; your main one," she said as if stumbling upon a sudden realisation. "I should've known. Although I wouldn't peg you as one who would have a thing for... her kind," she laughed, reducing me down to nothing more than how I looked and subsequently making me feel beneath her. "So this was your plan all along? To deceive me?" She let out a small laugh and shook her head. "Well, she's ruined it for you, hasn't she?"

I couldn't help but cry harder at her words, hating myself for yet again screwing up a plan that could've helped us so much. Why did I have to fuck everything up?

Before I could witness how the rest of the scene played out, cold delicate hands placed themselves on my skin and feminine perfume filled my nose.

"Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you out of here," the sound of Celeste's soft voice flooded my senses and before I knew it, I was being guided out of the small enclosed room, away from the two who glared at each other like lovers having a quarrell.

Celeste guided me out of the building completely until we were both outside, waiting for one of the chauffeurs to come back around with a car to drive us back to the safe house. I knew Daniel still had a lot to do here, so he wasn't coming back with us I assumed even though I needed him more than anybody else.

The car eventually came around, but the whole journey home I could only stare out the window, my mind not only replaying the nights events but also replaying all the past events I had been trying to suppress from the cargo ship. Celeste tried to make small talk with me; find out what exactly happened, but very little she said captured my attention as I had been lost in my own little world. Even if I was mentally with it, it would be awkward trying to talk to her again. We weren't even friends.

Soon the car had stopped in front of the safe house that Pablo was meant to be staying at with Mateo so nobody could track Daniel and me to them and also so they could get to the airport quicker. It was an apartment building this time so I made my way past the front desk to the elevator already knowing which floor they were supposed to be on.

Unfortunately, entering the elevator had seemed to be a mistake as the small, confined space had me quickly feeling like I was back in that cage on the container again. I tried desperately to regulate my breathing, but the higher up we went, the more my anxiety seemed to get worse. The flashbacks became more intense, making me believe that I was still there before I would flash back to reality, only to see myself still cofined within this little box and the torturous cycle would repeat itself.

Soon, the doors finally slid open and I threw myself out of the small space, barely catching myself on the wall opposite me before scanning the doors to find the number I was looking. Number 307. I kept my hand on the wall as I walked, not only to keep myself from falling but also to help me understand that I wasn't in the cargo ship. I was safe.

Flashes of the men I had beaten up earlier disgustingly groping me hit me like a truck, making me barely cover my mouth as a scream almost escaped me and tears poured down my cheeks. Why did it feel like they were still touching me? Why did I feel so fucking disgusting? I wanted to scrap off every part of my skin that they had touched me until it was only bare bone left. I wanted to burn every part of me that still connected me to them.

Finally finding the door number, Pablo had surprised me by opening the door before I could knock. It was obvious that they had already called him and warned him as his eyes were wide and full of panic as soon as he set his eyes on me. As I walked into him, he immediately wrapped his arms around me, mistaking my lack of co-ordination as affection until I had desperately pushed against his chest, unable to breathe in his embrace.

He let me go immediately, making me fall to the floor as the sobs freely racked through my body. I cradled my knees close to my chest, resting my head against them like I had done back then and rocked myself back and forth, back and forth, just hoping for the panic attack to finally go away.

"Araceli," I heard Pablo call from beside me, but I couldn't find it in myself to even look him in the eye. I felt so disgusted in my own skin. Digging my fingers into my skin, I wondered if it was possible to peel my skin off my body without dying but then soon realised that I didn't care about dying. I just wanted to get rid of this feeling. I needed to stop thinking. I needed to stop my thoughts forever.

"I need water," I cried, "Get me water."

Pablo quickly ran to wherever he kept the water, leaving me alone to sit there with my thoughts eating at me before I couldn't take it anymore. I took the opportunity to get up and look for the toilet, tears still streaming down my face as I opened every door I could find until I finally found the bathroom. I switched the light on as soon as I entered before locking the door behind me.

Unfortunately, the first thing I had been met with had been the sight of my tearstained face and my bruised body in the large mirror facing me. I cried harder, unable to look away from the bruises they had left on me despite the crippling disgust the sight of my own body had evoked within myself. I didn't hesitate in rushing to the shower and practically ripping the dress of my body as I stepped under the burning hot water, hoping that my disgusting feelings would wash away down the drain with the water, yet when nothing changed I resulted to more violent techniques.

I looked around for a washcloth, but when I couldn't find any, I began scratching the bodywash nto my skin, ignoring the pain and only stopping until I felt like I was better, but my idea had only seemed to make things worse the second I looked in the mirror again. My rough treatment had only added more bruises to my body, making it hard for me to tell which one I had caused and which one they had caused.

"No!" I found myself screaming in hopelessness. It seemed like there was nothing I could do to ever make this feeling go away. To ever make me forget the feeling of their hands on me. "Get off of me, please," I begged as if they were still there. "Just leave me alone."

In my mind was a tiny voice telling me that I wasn't allowed to react like this, that I wasn't allowed to have it easy because of all the little girls I only had to watch get tortured even into their final moments of life. The voice in my head screamed louder and louder, chanting that I was a horrible person and that I deserved worse. They should've done worse to me.

I let out another terrified scream, desperately holding my hands to my head as I begged the thoughts to leave me alone. With the water running over my head, my once elegant blowout was now reverting to a big heap of curls, falling out of my bun to my shoulders instead, somehow resembling how everything about me was falling apart.

Somewhere in the background, I could hear Pablo's panicked voice shouting from outside the door. His fists had been banging hard and rapidly on the mahogany door for a while now but I had been too engrossed in me task to even tell him to go away.

Finally, my eyes had fallen on a bare razor blade resting on the countertop. The type I knew Pablo or Daniel used to shave when they couldn't access any of the proper men's razors with the handles. Just the bare blade, unused and as sharp as it could've ever been.

Nothing could stop me in that moment. Not even the most sensible morsels of sense or anybody calling out to me could've stopped me because I wasn't in my right mind and I knew that as I brought the blade to my chest. I knew that I wasn't okay but even that revelation wasn't enough to stop me from cutting into my chest as deep as I could, tears of remorse, guilt and disgust trailing down my cheeks.

I had promised myself that I wasn't ever going to bring a blade to my body again, yet there I was, going against my own word. When I thought I had been getting better, it turned out that I was still as broken and as fucked up as I had been my whole life. I was defected. If they could, everyone who had ever been unfortunate enough to interact with me would've probably brought me back to the manufacturer and asked for a refund because I was useless. Nobody was ever going to want me.

Nobody was ever going to miss me.

The pain and the blood flowing from my chest, arms and legs had been enough to take the pain away temporarily but the thoughts still came and I found myself desperate. Before I could even stop myself, I had made a deep slit across my wrist, watching in horror as blood started gushing out of me like a river.

I couldn't sit there and pretend. I couldn't sit there and act like I didn't know what I was trying to do when I slit my wrist. I had cut my wrists many times but no cut was ever this deep. No cut had ever been this intentional; this purposeful.

I wanted to end it all. I made a similar cut in my other wrist, before lying back in the bathtub, watching the way my blood flowed down the drain knowing that now, it was only a matter of time.

I had attempted this before, but now it was actually going to happen. I wasn't going to feel pain ever again.

That was when the door had finally been kicked down from the frame, revealing to me Pablo and Daniel much to my surprise who looked just as worried as how I imagined them to be. It wasn't the sight of them that made me begin crying again though. It was the sound of Mateo's loud cries coming from the other room; one of the doors that I hadn't opened and then the realisation of what I had just done finally hit me.

I couldn't leave Mateo no matter how hard I tried to, so why was I still trying to?

Without warning, Daniel rushed to me, taking off his shirt and ripping it up so he could bandage my heavily bleeding wrists to stop them from bleeding out. Behind him, Pablo did nothing but stare at the far wall before collapsing onto the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest and burying his face in his hands.

I then looked up to Daniel's face again, noticing the way he only focused on wrapping my wrists up, knowing exactly what to do as if he had experience before realising that he probably did have experience. This must've been like reliving one of Emma's suicide attempts for him. That must've been why he knew exactly what to do.

When he was done, he used whatever was left of his shirt to cover me before carefully lifting me out of the shower and turning off the water. I said nothing as he carried me out of the bathroom, through the hallway and into an empty bedroom which unfortunately happened to be right beside where Mateo had been crying.

I couldn't help but cover my ears in guilt, hating the way he cried for me, begging me to come rock him to sleep and soothe all his worries when I had just been seconds away from leaving him forever just minutes ago. How could I have been so selfish? Why hadn't I thought of him? The absolute love of my life.

Instead, I focused my gaze on Daniel who routed through one our suitcases until he had pulled out some oversized t-shirt that I didn't think would fit either me or him. As he pulled it on over my head, I couldn't help but ask him.

"Do you still love me?"

His eyes met mine, allowing me to see all the guilt he felt deep within himself even despite it not really being his fault. Even if he had spent the whole night with me and not her, but this still happened, we would still find ourselves in the predicament we were in now. The third suicide attempt in the last than two years.

Fuck, I couldn't even kill myself right.

"I do,"he said, but I had trust issues you see so I had problems believing his lie no matter how honest his eyes seemed to me.

"Even with this?" I asked, revealing to him the bruises on my chest and watching the way his jaw clenched and his eyes went ablaze with anger which hadn't been the response I had wanted from him. I wanted him to feel the same disgust with myself I did yet, for me, there was nothing but love in his eyes.

"There's nothing they could ever do to you that can make me stop loving you," he confessed, making my eyes gloss over with tears because I didn't deserve that. I didn't deserve to be loved. Not by anybody.

"Would you still love me if you found out what happened when they trafficked me? After you know what I did?" he seemed confused, as if he wanted me to tell him more but he instead smoothed down my hair, a smile flickering onto his lips as it poofed back up to however it was before he touched it.

"Nothing in this world would ever make me stop loving you," he said, nothing but the utmost confidence in his eyes. The smile that had found a way to creep its way onto his face during this grim time suddenly disappeared, being replaced with a frown and more guilt than I thought a person could feel. "This my fault," he confessed, making me frown at him too. "I knew you were hurt and I still left you alone for her. I shouldn't have left you alone at all," he said, pulling me up and bringing me into his chest as he hugged me tightly. "I am so sorry."

I wanted to let him know that this was hardly his fault, but that was when Pablo hsd let himself into the room, his eyes red and his face puffy as if he had been rubbing constantly at his cheek.

In his hands was a bottle of pills and the glas of water I had asked him for I assumed, but maybe it wasn't that same glass. He approached me and gave me a careful smile, showing me that he wasn't upset with me despite the obvious signs that he was sad.

"Do you want to sleep?" he asked, presenting the bottle in his hands and making me realise they must've been sedatives, not just sleeping pills. I looked to Daniel, but he was too busy looking at my arm, running his thumb over my wounds to even hear what we were saying. Slowly, I nodded because I knew it would make their trip much easier if I wasn't awake for it.

Pablo took out one pill before changing his mind and shaking out a second one and handing it to me. I accepted and downed it with the glass of water immediately, not missing the way Pablo immediately took the glass from me when I was done so I couldn't hurt myself again. I tried to smile as he set the glass down, but it must've been the pills or the drop in adrenaline kicking in because I found myself too exhausted to.

I rested my head on Daniel's chest again, making him jump in surprise and showing me just how out of it he was since he had been the one to out my head on his chest in the first place. He quickly recovered though and assumed a position that would be more comfortable for me as he smoothed down my hair and lulled me to sleep.

***

Even after Araceli had finally dozed off, neither Pablo nor Daniel could speak a word to each other. Daniel had been lost in his own head, berating himself and thinking about all the ways he could've done better since the moment he had first met her. He wasn't sure just how much she had been suffering, but he knew if he could, he would take all the pain away from her and feel it on himself. He knew Araceli deserved to be happy and deep in his heart he believed for that to happen, he would have to leave her. It was clear for him to see now that there was no way for her to be happy if he kept hurting her the way he did.

By the way Pablo had been staring down at the both of them, he couldn't help but feel even more justified in his thoughts. Despite Pablo only being one year older than him, Daniel always considered him to be so much wiser and always made it a priority to listen to his advice. Daniel was observant but Pablo could see things that didn't present themselves physically. Pablo made connections that was easy for Daniel to skip because while Daniel actively avoided emotions and feelings, Pablo studied it until he could pinpoint how someone was feeling just by the way they looked at him.

When Pablo disapproved of their relationship, he knew he should've listened.

"What did they do to her?" Pablo asked, finally breaking Daniel out of his depressive thoughts and instead reminding him of the horrifying feeling he had felt when Araceli had met him at the party.

"Isn't it obvious?" he asked, his eyes briefly flickering to her chest where handprints, bruises and shallow scars mixed together. She had obviously tried to cut herself where they touched her making Daniel grow increasingly worried about the cuts on her thighs as well.

Where exactly had they touched her? He carefully picked up her hand, noting how they were as soft as they usually were, but both her palms and the back of her hands seemed severely red or bruised.

"Is that all they did?" Pablo asked, making Daniel shrug.

"I don't know. She wouldn't tell me," he answered, letting the silence engulf them both before he spoke again. "Celeste tried to get it out of her but she wouldn't tell her either."

Pablo only let out a deep exhausted sigh before pushing himself off the wall and making his way towards the door. "I'll get the car ready," he declared, leaving Daniel alone to stare down at Araceli's sombre face as she slept. She didn't look like someone who had tried to commit suicide only minutes ago. She looked peaceful.

***

"Did you find the men that did it?" Pablo had asked Daniel once they had been a good ways away from the safe house. Araceli had been in the backseat, her head resting on Pablo's thigh as Daniel drove them further out to where their jet was waiting.

Only a couple minutes prior, it had been Daniel in Pablo's place, gently caressing Ara's hair and soothing her in her sleep so she'd at least get to experience peace somewhere. Then Pablo had to give her another dose of sedatives through a sterile needle this time to make sure she'd stay sedated and calm the duration of the trip. Subconsciously, Daniel was grateful because he wasn't sure how he was going to be able to look her in the eye once she woke up. They clearly had a lot that they needed to talk about.

"I did," Daniel confirmed, his gaze focused on the road ahead as he only acknowledged his immense rage and neglected the deep sorrow brewing inside him.

He was angry at the situation and he had been angry at himself for not being able to see the truth, but most importantly he was extremely angry at the assholes who felt like they had a fucking right to touch her like that. To him, Araceli was a goddess and her body was the temple where you could worship her. Anyone that tried to violate that temple deserved nothing less than death.

"Are they dead?" Pablo asked as if knowing exactly where Daniel's thoughts were.

"What do you expect?" he responded back snarkily, making Pablo roll his eyes as Daniel gripped the wheel tight in anger.

He couldn't help but recall the moment he had found both their battered and bruised bodies, knowing that it was them due to some of Araceli's belongs being in the room and her sweet smell being all over them. He wished he could've extended it longer, but they were already unconscious so he decided to end it all with a single bullet to both their foreheads.

From there, he went on to swiftly assassinate the Ivanovs as intended, the girl he had been talking to the whole night also ending up dead before getting in his car and going after Araceli. Only taking five minutes, this seemed to be Daniel's fastest kill yet, yet none of it was satisfying. How could it be satisfying when the woman he loved with all his heart almost did the unthinkable?

Daniel for a moment let himself feel the sorrow that he had been trying so badly to suppress, becoming alarmed when his vision of the road blurred and tears threatened to spill down his cheek. He could barely even think about it. How he was supposed to live his life without Araceli there? All the things about her he found annoying at the start, he began to love and he couldn't begin to imagine a world where she wasn't there. How was he supposed to break the news to Teo? That his mother was never coming back? How was he going to raise Teo on his own? How was he ever going to recover from the pain of loving someone only to lose them? He wasn't sure if he was being irrational, but he would much rather step out of Ara's life completely than have this happen again.

"I know you're blaming yourself," Pablo said from the backseat, making Daniel look back at him briefly before focusing on the road again. He couldn't stand to see the pain in his best friend's eyes. "I'm blaming you too, but I'm trying not to because it really wasn't your fault."

Daniel again looked at Pablo, his lips set in a thin line as he glared at his friend. "I left her alone to flirt with some other woman," Daniel declared as if he didn't already know. Truth was that Pablo always had constant tabs on the events that occurred that night to make sure all went well and had been aware the second he stepped away from Ara's side.

"I know, Daniel, but while that may be a factor, that's not what caused this. Even if you had stayed by her side the whole night, Araceli would've still attempted. Just on another day when we might not have been so lucky to catch her," Pablo explained, making the gears in Daniel's head turn. "Since what happened to her with the traffickers, the ahit she's been battling in her own head is hard for either of us to understand."

"What do you know?" Daniel immediately demanded, making Pablo sigh and lean back in his seat. He had promised to let Araceli tell Daniel her "secret" but this was exceptional circumstances and he needed to know.

"She told me about what happened when she had been kidnapped," Pablo said, making Daniel bring the car to a hasty halt before he turned to him. Pablo opened his mouth, trying to tell him with she had told him, yet he couldn't bring himself to do it. Something about talking about the horrors of what went on I'm that place had left him feeling sick with disgust and that was only talking about. Araceli had seen it with her own eyes yet somehow found a way to function. Well, at least function as much as she could until she couldn't any longer.

"Well then?" Daniel demanded again, hating being left hanging on the edge.

"It was some fucked up shit, I can't..." Pablo gulped down his disgust and shook his head. He knew Daniel needed to know, but the least he could do was at least not start talking about the one thing that had almost made Araceli take her own life right in front of her. Whether she was sleeping or not, it felt wrong. "I'll tell you later," he said, ignoring Daniel's annoyed scowl. "I will, I swear. I just can't do it now. You don't know how bad it fucked her up. Her attempting again was long overdue and you had a very little part to play in it."

Daniel was pissed but he understood where Pablo was coming from. As much as he wanted to know just how much Ara was suffering, this wasn't a conversation that they needed to have right there and then with her still between them. Plus, he could see that he she was suffering too much without even knowing the backstory so it wasn't in anyway a necessity.

Daniel remained silent as they finally drove up onto the runway, their jet clearly in sight yet despite arriving, none of them made a move to get out, afraid of what it may symbolise. Now, locked in the car, it seemed like they were almost stuck in time, but if they left and got in the plane and flew back home, that meant moving on and neither of them were too sure what moving on entailed.

"Can I be honest with you?" Pablo asked Daniel, the softness in his voice taking him off guard, yet Daniel still nodded, telling him to go on. "I don't want you and Araceli to get back together after this." Daniel wanted to be angry at Pablo and his words, but he couldn't bring himself to be because he knew Pablo was right.

"She told you that after a week, if you didn't like the relationship, you could end it," Daniel reminded Pablo who had genuinely forgotten the promise she had made him. Daniel didn't seem to care that he had reminded Pablo about something that worked against him. All he cared about was doing the best thing for not only Araceli but Mateo also because as selfish as he could get, he wouldn't be able to leave a child without its mother; much less his own child.

"She did," Pablo confirmed, nodding his head, "but this isn't just about that. Daniel, you need help. The both of you do and I can tell you love each other but if both of you don't start actually fixing all the psychological shit going on in your brain, you're only going to end up fucking each other over in the long run."

Again, Daniel wanted to be angry but he knew he couldn't and deep down he wasn't. Pablo was right. He had every intention to stand right by Araceli in her journey but he was tired of hurting her. He was tired of seeing her cry. He was tired of knowing that all the times she was upset, it had been because of him. He didn't know how to explain the feeling but there was nothing quite worse than knowing you could be a better person and that you have the means to become one, but you just aren't.

He knew he would never become the perfect man for her. He was kicked out of the running the second he had taken his first life at fourteen, but he had been changing though. He had been changing for the better and while he thought that it would be good for her, he had began realising that it wasn't. In her fragile state, the mistakes that he made could be detrimental to her and was not worth her losing her life. He realised that the best thing to do was to put distance between himself and her to allow them both the space and time to heal. It was only after that would he reintroduce himself into her life and stay. Only if she'd let him.

"We should go," Daniel said quietly, taking off his seat belt and making his way out of the car, allowing Pablo to follow after with Araceli in his arms, cradled tight to his chest; to his heart.

Instead, Daniel held Mateo the whole flight home, keeping his distance from Ara and allowing himself to appreciate the way his son resembled her instead.

*****

This chapter was extremely hard to edit for various reasons so if there are any mistakes, idk do whatever you want. I'd say something, but honestly my mood is damp like moss after light rain.

I might make a second account just to reply to all of your comments because yall are funny especially in the first book, but I hate the way wattpad just highlights that I'm the author. Also, I'm thinking of compiling a list of all the best comments at the end because like I said, yall are funny af.

I can promise you one thing: that the chapters do start to look up from here. I'm also finally writing ahead thank God and it's scary just how close to the end I'm getting. Don't get me wrong, there's still quite a few chapters but gahdamn

Not that many chapters left man. I'm happy to tell you that we are way past halfway through this book.

Anyway, what do yall think about this chapter? Do you think Daniel would be making the right decision if he distances himself from Araceli? And how do you think she's gonna react? Would the distance be good for her or would it only push her to hurt herself more?

Well, adios pretties. Don't forget that I love you mwah.

Btw, out of all the books available on my page now, which one would you like me to post first after this one. His Woman/His Queen can also be selected as I have plans for a rewrite.