Aditya looked down at Zoya as she stood infront of him, her small hands grabbing his and resting them on the sides of her face "No, you couldn't kill with these hands, not these hands that are so soft" she pushed his hands into her cheeks with such force her gums began to hurt

"Zoya, I"

"And these arms" her fingers trailed down his arms "They are only meant to protect, to shelter and you protect me don't you" she nodded fast, her eyes wide "And then we have this" she rested her ear atop his chest

"Zoya, please" he closed his eyes, voice full of anguish, she had to stop, she had to see him now for who he really was

"You have a heart, I can hear it beating, that's what makes you my good man, my" she raised her hands to his cheeks "My good man, and you don't kill people do you, hmm, because you save me, you save people and you wouldn't kill anyone because that's not how it works, I don't always pick bad men, I can pick good men too and you love me, you love me and if you love me then you, then you would never kill someone because you know how I would feel, because if you've killed someone, then my good man doesn't exist and if" she pursed her lips trying not to cry "If my good man doesn't exist, then I don't know who I am anymore"

"Zoya" Aditya pulled her back so she was looking up at him "What I have done, I know isn't okay, but you have to listen to me, okay, what I have done, doesn't mean good men don't exist, I may not be one of them but I did it to protect the people I love, i'm so sorry you're one of them"

"You're sorry you love me, what did I"

"No" he said, alarmed "I mean, i'm sorry that my love includes this, you deserve love that is better than this, but I" Aditya let out a sound between a sigh and a growl "But I do love you, even though you deserve better, even though I know I shouldn't, even though i'm not worthy of love myself" he took her hands in his "And I will do anything you want, if you want me to hand myself in, I will, I just I couldn't bare it if you hated me Zoya, when I lost my Pa and Arjun, Ma and I we were in a rough place, every day I saw her with new bruises, slightly skinnier, the light within her slowly fading and I hated it, I tried to work but I was young, then I met Pooja, her father helped me train and I did small things, theft etc, but then I uh, I saw the people who killed my family and wanted revenge, so I got it, I killed every person who hurt those I loved, and for loving you, I am sorry, because my love is a curse, but I don't regret keeping you safe or Ma"

"You don't regret, you don't regret it at all" Zoya leant forward, slightly astounded, how could he not regret killing people? The thought of even doing so made her feel sick, yet here she was, holding onto every word a killer said because her heart refused to believe her good man could ever be bad.

Aditya shook his head "No, i'd do it again, when you're in that position, when you see everyone being taken away from you and you can't do anything, it changes you Zoya, I shouldn't beg you to stay, because I don't deserve it, you deserve better, I will never stop loving you or trying to keep you safe, Rakesh, Pooja's father, he was tough on me, cruel, it's no excuse, I know that, but I was raised where I had to do what I had to do to survive, I was stupid, I am stupid for ever trying to keep you with me, angels like you don't live among monsters like me, but" he took a shaky breath "You will always be my salvation, thank you, for uh" he sniffed, looking away "For staying for a while, for letting me love you, these moments, i'll never forget them, i'll live through them, just, know, you take my breath away Zoya Siddiqui"

Zoya looked down at her fingers, still entwined with his, just like she was, still entwined with him. "I feel so much right now" she whispered, to herself, not expecting him to hear

"Tell me what you feel Zoya, please" his eyes held longing, he just needed to hear it from her, then he could leave

"I" this was new, she had never felt this before "I'm angry, I feel so much hatred, god, I, it's suffocating"

Aditya dropped her hands "You hate me" three words, three words he never thought he would say in regards to her. His hands ran through his hair, then down his face "You hate me" he fell back against the wall, distraught "No Zoya, please don't, don't hate me, what can I do, what can I do to make it stop, i'll do anything, anything Zoya, just tell me"

"You aren't my good man" she gulped, the look in his eyes made her heart ache

Aditya flinched "But I am yours, I always will be"

"You are Aditya Hooda, my Aditya Hooda, and you're so hurt, I am angry, at every single person who hurt you, who made you feel like this was the only option and I hate myself, for not being there, for ever thinking you could be bad, what you've done, it's not okay, it will never be okay and it has to stop, but I understand it, and maybe that makes me crazy, but maybe it's time that someone protects you and cares for you, the thing that bothers me the most isn't that you've killed, it's that along the way, you died too, no one ever wants to see what makes the man a monster, if this is you, if you are a monster, then I want to remind you how to be a man again" she hadn't realised when but she was now pressed up against him, fingers trailing across his face "Promise to stop"

"I promise" Aditya said straightaway and he meant it with every fibre of his body "How can you be so good, Pooja underestimated you, understimated your kindness, I don't deserve it Zoya, you have to punish me, punish me so I can start to feel good enough for you"

Zoya stilled "Aditya I can't, you can't ask me to-"

"Please, please Zoya, I know you're too good for me and if I am not punished I know you will see that one day and find someone better and I can't live with that Zoya"

Zoya shook her head again, instead she leant forward, kissing away his tears "I can't, please don't make me do something I cannot do, I don't want to hurt you"

"Im a killer Zoya, with these hands I killed people, I waited and plotted and planned and murdered, I am cold and ruthless, punish me" he begged "Punish me so I have the right to fight for you"

Zoya wrapped her arms around his waist, her head burried in his neck she closed her eyes "There is nothing to fight for" she pulled back when he hadn't hugged her back "Adit-"

"If you won't punish me, i'll punish myself, I won't touch you, i'll stay away" Aditya looked straight ahead

"And if punishing yourself also punishes me"

He looked down at her then, astonished "Then, I, see always hurting you, just go Zoya, while im letting you, don't allow me to stop you" he pushed her back softly

"Don't you want me anymore" her voice cracked

"Oh Zoya, you know I do, but you deserve so much better, and punishing myself, hurts you, I don't know what to do, I just know I can't be selfish" his eyes opened wider when she stepped forward again

"Then have me, that's your punishment"

"Zoya, that's not a-"

"You said I could choose" she blinked away tears "Fine, if you don't want me here, i'll leave, but say it, just once, one more time"

"Say what" he raised a brow

"Say you love me, I want to etch it into my heart, that I was lucky enough to be loved by you, please"

Aditya looked at her, really looked at her. Eyes so kind, so warm, a smile that gave his life meaning, everything about her called out to him, offering him the opportunity to surrender himself completley "I love you" he tipped his head to the side, lines forming on his forehead as he frowned "Look what my love has done to you, I tainted your life, I" he gasped, fists clenching "I am a monster, go, Zoya, because any longer and I won't let you"

"No"

"No" he repeated "What do you mean no"

"I deserve love, that's what you said, don't take it away from me, I won't have anything left" a thrill ran through her body, for the first time ever she was doing what she wanted, sticking up for herself and it was all thanks to him. Though she was still nervous, she wanted so much to rid herself of the thoughts that he would lash out, but she couldn't, it was strange that standing here was the safest she had ever felt

"You deserve good love, not my love"

"Your love is the purest kind" her resolve wavered slightly "But I understand if i'm not what you want anymore, maybe Pooja is a better fit, I don't" she looked away, she didn't want to cry or beg him but god she wanted to. "Please don't make me leave Aditya, being your Zoya makes me feel alive, makes me feel human"

"I make you feel that way" he whispered so softly it made her heart race "You really want to stay, with me, don't give me this happiness if you intend to take it away" he edged forward

Zoya lifted his hand to her cheek "I really want to stay" she allowed him to hold her, his arms a safe haven, holding her so tightly she felt some of the broken pieces fit back together. Her eyes closed as she basked in his warmth, he made her happy, so very happy "Thank you for being my home"

I apologise again, uni has kept me so busy and I keep getting severe migraines that make my vision blurry so you'll have to just bare with me:)

I hope you enjoy this chapter, I hope i've shown that Aditya could easily be the villain in this story but circumstances are everything!