Title: Holding on

By: yukimiya87 

Beta-read by: noir_sakura20 (thank you! ♥)

Pairing: YunJae

Rating: NC-17

Length: One-shot

Genre: Romance-Drama

Warning(s): It's long... like 7,652 words. ._. OH it has fail!smut somewhere. xD

Summary: Kim Jaejoong swore never to fall in love with a soldier. But everything changed since he met Jung Yunho, a clumsy high-ranked officer who's determined to win over the medic's heart.

Credit(s): guirotic  for the idea. Hold on babe, keep smiling. :) // Images used are from fanpop.com

“Have you seen him?”

“Who?”

“The medic at sector three?”

“What about him?”

“Ah, let’s just say that when you see him, you’d wish to get hurt more often.”

“Attention!” one of the Lieutenants exclaimed.

The two cadets scampered in their posts when they saw the towering form of their Captain, making his way in front of their company. Everyone stood straight, arms behind their backs and feet spread apart. The man’s appearance always demanded respect and concentration that he did not even need to utter a single command for them to focus and act like a proper soldier. His almond eyes were piercing, his mouth shut in a tight line, his posture ramrod and stiff. 

“At ease.” The Captain ordered and watched as everyone relaxed their bodies with the exception of their right foot. “Today, we’re about to commence recruit training so I expect full cooperation from everyone. I will oversee the training while your platoon Lieutenants will guide you all throughout the course.” It was standard operation, a menial duty that he had done for the past few years. After the initial instructions were given, everyone dispersed and went off to the training grounds in clumps of excited youth.

“Captain Jung, you should at least look a bit excited for them.” Lieutenant Shim ChangMin noted as he walked dutifully next to his friend, “They’re so nervous; some of them might’ve peed in their pants.”

Captain Jung YunHo eyed his friend as if he’s gone bonkers, “Am I suppose to baby-sit them, Lieutenant?”

ChangMin shook his head, “I was talking about moral support, sir.” It didn’t bother him whenever the other soldier pulled ranks. Only in training grounds, he recalled telling YunHo when the other was promoted a few months ago.

“I just hope this day ends well.” There was a distinct sound of disappointment in the higher-ranked officer’s voice.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

YunHo shrugged, “A foreboding feeling.”

ChangMin laughed, “You’re just hungry.”

“That too.” He hardly had time to eat anything since the meeting started early for breakfast and ended quite late for lunch. They had just come back from the other side of the city and now they were about to inaugurate military training to a bunch of floundering trainees. It wasn’t the most pleasant thing to do when you have nothing in your stomach but lots of water.

“You should take care of yourself, Captain.” ChangMin sent the other a suspicious glare, “Not unless you’re doing this on purpose…” His thoughts were proven when the older man started looking shifty. Oddly enough, the Captain had been neglecting his physical health for the past week. If he remembered correctly, it started when YunHo had suffered mild ankle injury and was sent to the infirmary for check up a few days ago. Since then, the man often, if not intentional, injured himself one way or another.

YunHo looked appalled, but it came off as fake to the other’s very observant eyes, “W-why would I physically injure myself, Lieutenant Shim??”

“You’re stuttering. That means you’re nervous. I know you too well… you are never good at lying.”

“Damn it.”

ChangMin sighed. Today would be taxing with their Captain acting like a foolish infatuated High school boy. ‘I just wish he won’t hurt himself too much this time.’

The door slid with ease and two people clad in white stepped into the room. Both were in an in-depth discussion and the female nurse handed the blond man a metal clipboard. Once the file was opened and viewed by observant dark hazel eyes, a surprised voice questioned the other occupant of the room.

“What the hell are you doing here?” 

“Your colourful words and voice sooth me already.”

Kim JaeJoong is a twenty-five year old medic with bright blond hair, pouty-rosy lips, and fair-skin with a waist that would put a lot of women to shame. Nevertheless, if you tell him that out loud, he would probably castrate you and feed your jewels to the wild animals outside the border without any form of regret or sympathy.

He was transferred from another Military base a couple of months ago and immediately grabbed the attention of many. The new medic was friendly and accommodating to everyone such that making friends around the new base felt like a walk in the park for him. Captain Jung YunHo, however, was a different case. Something about him irritated the blond medic ever since the first time he saw him walk into the medical centre. He looked arrogant, snooty and a bit narcissistic. It didn’t help either that the man casually noted and told him, “You’re so pretty.” in public during their first meeting.

Public humiliation was something he never appreciated. And from then on, JaeJoong felt an incredible sense of hate within him whenever the Captain was around as opposed to the other’s blatant display of infatuation.

The blond itched to wipe that awfully confident grin off the other man’s face. The female nurse eyed them knowingly before making her way outside the room silently. Somehow, this kind of interaction between their famous medic and the Captain had become such a norm that nobody cared anymore.

JaeJoong stared at him balefully, “Didn’t I tell you to get yourself checked at Sector five, where your post is nearer?”

Jung YunHo stretched in the bed, tucking his arms underneath his head, “Why would I do that when my favourite medic is here?” He replied with a casual shrug of his shoulders.

He remembered it just like it was yesterday, when he had gotten himself injured in one of the drills and went under JaeJoong’s care for a couple of days. It was love at first sight and YunHo acted quite too obvious about his attraction. The blond however would often push him away and call him crazy. This was a love mission Jung YunHo’s determined to complete/succeed??, thus his frequent visits and foolish tactics of being less healthy just to gain any form of attention from the medic and milking it for all its worth.

ChangMin told him he was crazy.

YooChun, another Lieutenant, thought he was delusional.

JunSu, second Lieutenant, said it was cute.

He only had one supporter out of three… how depressing. But it was not enough to deter him from his will to make the beautiful medic to go out with him.

“Stop smiling so greasily. You remind me of that one Lieutenant who had gotten himself admitted here a few days ago.” JaeJoong admonished as he went around the room to gather the things he needed for the examination.

There was only one man who looked greasy enough to irritate a battalion of men. “Lieutenant Park?” He wondered why YooChun never mentioned about being admitted in Sector three. But then again, it was not something important to report in the first place.

“Lieutenant Park. That one was odd but funny.” JaeJoong recalled with a smile. Jealousy immediately bubbled inside YunHo’s chest. He could clearly imagine YooChun making innuendos while in the midst of secretly groping the love of his life. ‘I will seriously flick your forehead, Park. Wait till I get out of here.’He thought in a sinister way.

“Really? What did he say?” YunHo asked between gritted teeth.

As he sat next to the examination bed, tongs and antiseptic in his grasp, JaeJoong sent him a sharp glare, his eyes squinting, “Why would I tell you?”

“Did he flirt with you? Tell me if he touched you—ouch! God damn—” YunHo winced as the antiseptic met his open leg wound. Seemed he hit the happy button with that question.

“Would you like to tell me where you got this one?” The medic’s voice was anything but placating as he meticulously cleaned the area around the not so deep wound.

“I’m glad you asked. You see, I courageously saved one of the cadets from—”

“Courageously? I’d say you accidentally ran a needle down your leg. It’s not even that deep.”

“It was a barbed wire, for your information.”

“Nevertheless, treatable in the comfort of your own office.” He applied povidone iodine, the dark liquid staining the soldier’s skin. YunHo hissed. “Seriously, stop acting like a baby.”

YunHo grinned, “Why don’t you treat me like a baby then—aww crap! Do you really have to press that hard??” He pulled his leg closer against his chest, inspecting the wound with utter concern. This wasn’t the first time JaeJoong accidentally hurt him.

JaeJoong scoffed and pulled the Captain’s leg back into his ‘caring’ hands, although the action was done a bit roughly, “It stings. Get over it.” The look of distress on YunHo’s face somehow made the other laugh. He wasn’t sadistic in any way… he just found it really adorable and entertaining. Jung YunHo always came off as a strong man with no inhibitions when it comes to the platoon of soldiers he’s managing. Seeing him unguarded and silly amused JaeJoong to no end. In a way, that made him feel quite special.

And that’s what made him hate Jung YunHo all the more.

His whole life revolved around the military and its conundrums. His father was a brave soldier who had died in the battlefield when he was nine. For the past ten years, he watched his mother wilt in depression until she had gotten sick and eventually passed away.

Since his body wasn’t strong enough to endure rigorous military training, he volunteered to work in the medical field area. In a way, he would still be able to serve his country just like what his father did during his younger years. He watched people come and go, cry and plead desperately for their brave loved ones who could no longer come back. His eyes witnessed death and carnage, victory and relief, disappointment and repentance.

That’s why… if he were to fall in love, he swore that the person would never be a soldier. He remembered how his mother had pinned over his father for years after his death. If he were to go through the same thing, JaeJoong knew he would have a hard time moving forward.

“Jae,” YunHo’s voice interrupted him from his thoughts. The blond looked up with a questioning gaze but was taken aback when he saw the other staring at him intently. He suddenly felt like he was in a spotlight, judged and scrutinized. His mouth fell lax, his face turned a rosy tint and his heartbeat sped up a notch. “Thank you.” That baritone voice sent strange shivers down his spine, as if waking him up from a deep stupor of tangled emotions.

JaeJoong could only look away, willing himself to stop… falling.

YunHo’s persistence went on for the following days. Sometimes, JaeJoong wondered if the Captain’s doing anything useful for the army with the tantamount of time he spent in the infirmary just to pester him.

Well, he had to admit; YunHo’s constant presence around him brought a little bit of entertainment in his dreary hours of duty. So… he’s my form of entertainment? That was the only conclusion he could come up with when he started expecting YunHo to barge inside his office with veiled anticipation.

“JaeJoong!” He didn’t have to turn his head to see who it was.

Rolling his eyes, he kept walking forward. An act of avoidance, which was futile no matter how much he sped up his walking since the other had much longer legs and bigger strides. Without much of an effort, the taller male caught up and stopped right in front of him. JaeJoong looked nothing but annoyed. “I am off duty, sir. If you have accidentally cut your finger again, find another medic who’s actually in the infirmary to help you.” The blond said and tried not to look too exasperated.

YunHo took off his hat and scratched the back of his head bashfully. “Ah well,” his grin and his eyes that were shifting nervously made him look like a shy little boy. JaeJoong was so close to squealing and squeezing the taller man’s cheeks. His ego however stopped him from doing such a thing. “The dance… there’s a dance party this weekend. I was wondering if…”

JaeJoong raised an eyebrow, “Yes?” His arms crossed against his chest, looking all the more threatening.

“Well I was just…” YunHo trailed off. “wondering if you’re going. Maybe you would like to go with me?”

JaeJoong tipped his head to the side and swiped a tongue across his bottom lip pensively. The action was not left unnoticed by the soldier who watched the tongue action avidly. “Hey, up here.”

YunHo laughed, “Stop seducing me in public.” Mirth danced in his eyes when JaeJoong hit him on the shoulder. Lately, YunHo had developed a habit of teasing him in public. Hogging his time in the clinic wasn’t enough anymore, it seemed. And JaeJoong always found himself reacting violently every single time. He’d either slap his shoulder or shut his mouth with his hands. There was this incident when YunHo wondered out loud if he would look good in a female medic’s uniform. He had covered those traitorous lips with his own hand before the other staff caught it. And the arrogant soldier dared to lick his palm like it was the most natural thing in the world.

He took a quick note of never doing it again.

“Are you asking me out?” The shorter man dubiously intoned, his eyebrows creased in suspicion. The question however was loud enough for a couple of soldiers to actually stop and stare at them. When they noticed the other man was actually their superior, the two hurriedly scampered off with the intention of erasing what they saw in their heads… unless they wanted to do drills for the entire day.

The nervous soldier shifted on his other leg, “I guess I am.”

An indefinite pause occurred before JaeJoong finally took pity on him and answered, “Alright. But you don’t need to pick me up. I’ll see you there.” He didn’t linger long to see the look of exhilaration that brightened the older man’s face. As JaeJoong walked away in hurried steps, he couldn’t help but smile to himself, hiding it behind the privacy of his hand.

The familiar sound of the door being opened brought the young medic out of his concentration.

“What did you do to yourself this time?” There was a hint of exasperation and a bit of hilarity in JaeJoong’s voice as he turned away from his paperwork to face the stubborn captain.

He was surprised though when he found another tall soldier by the door of his office. The blond stood up and wiped his hands down his pants, wondering what he did in his past life to gain such attention from higher-ranked officers.

“JaeJoong-sshi.” From the doorway, the soldier leaned into the room and held out his hand, “I’m Lieutenant Shim ChangMin.” The two shook hands with slight awkwardness, “Do you have a minute to spare?”

JaeJoong glanced at his almost finished reports and shrugged his shoulders, “Yes, I guess so. How can I help you, Lieutenant Shim?”

ChangMin was not one to go around in circles. If he wanted to say something, he would say it right away with no inhibitions. That’s just how he usually expressed himself. He told JaeJoong about his Captain’s exploits of gaining his undivided attention, about his intentional injuries and neglected meals for the past few days. He uttered his concern over the matter since YunHo was no ordinary soldier but a Captain of a battalion of soldiers. A lot of people relied on him. And if the Captain goes down, the company will fall apart.

“I swear… I didn’t know.” JaeJoong didn’t know what to say. Deep inside he wanted to punch YunHo so badly for his idiocy. What kind of guy would forcefully make himself sick just to have a reason to visit him every day? Was the idea romantic? Probably yes. But was it logical? None of it was and it made him question the Captain’s sanity. “I’m sorry about this. I’ll tell him to stop.”

ChangMin squeezed his shoulder, offering a bit of comfort towards the anxious blond, “I didn’t say that because I want to push you away from him. Consider this as your chance to decide whether to tolerate his advances or not.” And with that said, he left the medic in the mirage of his own thoughts.

Outside, second Lieutenant Kim JunSu grinned as his friend walked out of the room with a look of triumph on his face. “Did he take it well?” He couldn’t spot any visible black eye on the taller soldier so he assumed the medic didn’t do anything violent.

“Yes, he did and I will never do something like this again. YunHo-hyung better not mess this up or I’ll seriously hurt him, higher rank or not.”

Seeing JaeJoong in his office was the last thing he expected that dreary afternoon. The medic’s presence eased his troubled mind after an hour-long conversation with the General through the phone. An indefinite civil war was about to occur and it bothered him greatly.

However, JaeJoong’s intention had nothing to do with consoling him. The man was actually fuming, “You stupid, foolish, crazy man!”

YunHo could only blink and brace himself against his chair, “Why, good day to you too.” YunHo watched, giving his full attention to the blond medic.

“Damn it! You are making me so angry!” JaeJoong shot him a death glare. He was obviously in distraught and started pacing back and forth in front of YunHo’s desk.

YunHo was a little affronted, “What did I—”

JaeJoong paused and braced his arms on the desk, leaning forward, “Is it true that you’re hurting yourself on purpose? You’re doing this because of me?”

He knew it won’t take long for the younger man to catch up and now he’s wondering how he would be able to get himself out of this without getting punched in the face. A trained soldier terrified at the thought of a smaller medic socking him? Ridiculous. But if that person happens to be Kim JaeJoong, then that’s a different case.

They stared at each other for a second.

The sound of soldiers training outside seemed extremely loud all of a sudden.

“What if I say yes?” YunHo tried to remain unfazed.

Apparently, that wasn’t the reaction JaeJoong was hoping for. He was actually taken aback at how YunHo easily admitted without denying his accusation. “Th-then you’re an immature brat.”

YunHo grinned and leaned forward, his face neared the other. He reached out and tapped the blond’s nose playfully, “I’m not doing anything dangerous. I am a lot stronger than you think.”

JaeJoong didn’t know how to respond to that. He felt his cheeks heat-up and his eyes almost criss-crossed at the proximity of YunHo’s penetrating eyes. “Why? Why me?” 

The other man shook his head, “Don’t worry about that too much. Just let me show you how much I care about you.” His heart told him to just step forward and kiss the other while his mind told him to wait patiently. JaeJoong’s becoming less violent and defensive as the days passed by. This kind of change gave YunHo great hope.

That careless declaration of affection effectively made JaeJoong so flustered that the redness on his cheeks travelled up to his ears. “Stop lying.” 

Much to YunHo’s disappointment, the medic was still very much in denial. “I am anything but a liar and I don’t appreciate people calling me one.” 

“I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“Good. Then believe me when I say I like you.”

Again, JaeJoong couldn’t find the right words to answer back. He stood up straightaway and tried to gain any amount of composure he had. “Fine, then. Have it your way.” With a very curt nod, he turned on his heels and started walking away. 

YunHo shot up from where he sat, “W-wait! What do you mean by that?” He sounded hopeful and a bit anxious. “Are you—”

The blond remained by the doorway, his back facing him, “Since I don’t want your men blaming me for your incompetence in battlefield, then I should at least take some responsibility.” He went outside and glared at him through the barely shut door. “I’ll prepare you lunch everyday… so,” with a nervous shift of his eyes, he grumbled, “stop skipping lunch, do you understand?” 

YunHo laughed, “That’s fine… just a short reminder though. I don’t like my food burnt.”

“Psh! Burnt or not, I will still force you to eat it. I will make it for you so you’d better appreciate this.” Again, he didn’t stay long enough to see how the other would react to his word vomit. He was already embarrassed to a point that he nearly wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

Nevertheless, he didn’t miss the telltale cheer he heard inside YunHo’s office as he climbed down the stairs with both of his hands planted on his heated cheeks.

Friday was a busy day for every medic in the area that week since the annual physical examination of the soldiers had to be conducted. All infirmaries were filled with cadets waiting for their check-up in straight lines. One particular room, however, remained almost empty.

“How long do you plan to stay here?” JaeJoong asked dryly. YunHo’s physical examination was done twenty-minutes ago, but the taller male refused to leave the beautiful medic in order to fend off the other soldiers.

YunHo leaned against the door and crossed his arms. “As long as I can.”

JaeJoong glared back at him, his stance almost identical to the captain’s, except he’s leaning back against the examination table. “At least put some shirt on.”

“Why?” YunHo smirked and flexed, “Does it bother you?” He was nearly smothered by his own shirt when the blond threw it at his direction. He felt relatively disappointed when he took it off earlier and earned no flustered reaction from the other man. He knew it was normal for medical practitioners to see different naked bodies but YunHo wanted to be at least a little more special. But there was not a single response from Jaejoong. No intake of breath, no sudden flushing of the face. It was quite... disappointing.

“You’ll catch a cold.” JaeJoong looked at him then, two pairs of eyes meeting each other. “Please wear your shirt and get out of here.”

“I’m glad you’re worried about me.” YunHo loved the way how JaeJoong looked ethereal against the setting sunlight filtering through the blinds of the window. His blond hair looked like a golden halo; his clothes were so white, blinding, and unearthly. “But I can’t leave.”

JaeJoong noticeably tensed, “I have a lot of patients, Captain.” He was trying to conceal how he was feeling and it was getting harder and harder with every passing minute, every transient second, as his eyes took in all of the handsome glory of the taller man. Gone was his military garb, stripped from the image of an honourable soldier. YunHo was only in his low-riding pants, his bare upper body absolutely pleasing to the eyes with his tanned skin turning olive under the sun. The tall soldier took the last few remaining steps separating them and was now standing directly in front of the medic.

“I don’t like your hands touching another man’s body. Let other people take care of them.”

“That’s not very mature.” JaeJoong unconsciously raised his hands and touched the advancing man on the chest. Again, he saw the Captain’s shadowy dark eyes with black centres, and the fine long mouth without a single line of mockery. The sudden urge to kiss those lips heightened as a pair of warm arms wound around his waist, pulling him closer, alluring him further.

“Didn’t you know? I am a selfish man.”

JaeJoong hummed and laughed in frustrated amusement, “I couldn’t agree more.” His eyes lured YunHo’s in fixation.

True love is felonious.

“JaeJoong-ah.” YunHo called with a smile.

“Yes, Captain?” When the other man did not respond and actually scowled, JaeJoong sighed, “Yes, YunHo?”

“Can I kiss you?” YunHo requested, hands gently gripping the shorter man’s hips. The past few weeks had held some interesting developments. JaeJoong had turned less violent and become more accepting. Moreover, YunHo’s presence had become such a constant in his life that sometimes, although it’s quite wrong and selfish, he wished that the clumsy Captain would hurt himself again so that Yunho could visit him and abate the loneliness in his heart. They’d taken the transition from friendship to a little bit of intimacy. JaeJoong welcomed YunHo’s advances with slight reluctance. Sitting close to each other while eating the lunch JaeJoong wholeheartedly prepared, letting the taller man hold his hand, lace their fingers in an interlock and steal innocent pecks once in awhile. It became so addicting that somehow, JaeJoong ended up craving for more.

“Do you really need to ask?” JaeJoong hated how breathless and anticipated he sounded. And so the first kiss they shared happened inside a room that smelled of bleach and fresh white linens. It started off as sweet, hesitant and gentle, and progressed to become more passionate, hot and wet. JaeJoong never knew a kiss could feel this good. Arms moved up and fingers twined in silky dark-brown hair, anchoring him further into the young Captain’s embrace.

YunHo couldn’t even know where to begin to express the pleasure of kissing JaeJoong. He knew he was addicted the moment those pair of plump rosy lips touched his. He pulled the blond’s body closer to his own, trying to feel every part of the man he’s kissing.

Being swept away by the heated kiss, JaeJoong opened his mouth and met the other’s seeking tongue. It was so hot, possessive, consuming and intoxicating that it left the latter breathless and begging.

Kim JaeJoong really enjoyed YunHo’s kiss.

On that very same day, Kim JaeJoong also broke his vow.

It was a cold night during an Indian summer when he felt his first heartbreak.

There was a celebration held for the cadets who had just graduated… the only time when everyone could relax, drink and mingle with women. It was just an innocent touch, an innocent smile, an innocent kiss on the cheek. But seeing them being done to the man who held his heart made him wish he never gave it away in the first place.

“Ah, JaeJoong-sshi!” Lieutenant ChangMin suddenly appeared next to him, trying to steer him away from the dance floor. But the blond shrugged him off, silently telling him that it was already too late.

What was he expecting anyway? Women would most likely gravitate towards the best-looking men in that room and the Captain happened to look incredibly dashing in his military uniform. His hair slicked neatly, his jacket ironed and hugged his form perfectly with a variety of medals hanging on his left chest for everyone to see and admire. He had arrived just in time to see YunHo dancing with a lady in a lovely burgundy dress. It only took a few sways and dips before he felt his feet leading him outside and back to the privacy of his quarters.

A few minutes later, he heard an incessant knocking on his door. JaeJoong got up from his bed with a heavy heart and burning eyes. His tears felt hot as it streamed down his cheeks and his nose was clogged and red. He had never felt so pathetic in his entire life before.

He opened the door with an abrupt swing while in the midst of wiping his tears and was surprised to find YunHo standing at his doorstep.

“What—” YunHo closed the distance between them, pulling the blond to him and held him securely against his chest.

“I’m afraid if I don’t tell you now, it will be too late.” He leaned and captured that pair of rosy lips. JaeJoong could only grip his arms for support as the loving kiss enveloped him in an overwhelming spell. “No one means more to me than you.” YunHo kissed both of JaeJoong’s closed eyes, his nose and then his soft lips, which were now quivering.

“I love you.”

Sweet words were whispered against his lips and JaeJoong felt himself in a free fall again.

YunHo grabbed the blond’s legs and lifted him with ease. Instantaneously, JaeJoong wrapped his arms around his neck and secured his legs around the Captain’s hips. With YunHo’s long strides, they made it to the bed within a few seconds. JaeJoong dropped onto the mattress first, his chest moving in a rapid rise and fall motion as he watched YunHo remove his jacket and shirt. Once out of his uniform, YunHo pulled the blond, who was unable to stay upright nor focus at the task of getting undressed, into a sitting position and helped him out of his loose-fitted shirt.

As more pale skin were revealed, their breathing hitched and their hearts thudded wildly against their chests. Both remained silent; words didn’t seem to be appropriate at that moment. YunHo started to trail kisses all over the smaller man’s face, down to his neck and bit playfully at one jutting collarbone. JaeJoong in turn fisted dark brown hair and let out a small moan at the feeling of YunHo’s scorching mouth against his skin, teasing, bruising, leaving marks.

Eventually, YunHo kissed his way upwards again, wanting to feel that rush of sensation from kissing the younger man. As if Jaejoong shared the same thoughts, he craned his head, meeting him halfway in a kiss full of love and contentment.

With the younger medic’s chest being exposed, YunHo took one of the pert nubs in his mouth and gave a nip. A loud groan erupted from JaeJoong’s lips, the man shaking and aching as his other nub was tweaked by the soldier’s long fingers tips. As YunHo grazed the mewling man’s nipples, his mouth travelled from the latter’s chest onto his tilted neck. His lips closed over a patch of flesh on the junction between JaeJoong’s neck and shoulder and teased, making sure to leave a prominent mark of broken blood vessels.

“Ahnn…” JaeJoong stifled a moan erupting in his throat when YunHo pressed their lower bodies together, their hardened lengths sliding in a delicious friction that almost made the blond delirious with pleasure. JaeJoong lay back, being consumed by arousal as his hands ran along YunHo’s body. He’d either rack his nails gently or massage the muscles. “YunHo,” the captain’s name rolled off his lips as the other ran his tongue around the shell of his ear. He felt fingers running through his hair in a gentle yet firm manner, making him angle his head to the side, providing more access to the inviting neck.

JaeJoong had a hard time differentiating one sensation from another, his back arched as YunHo laved his nipple leisurely. Not wanting to remain passive, JaeJoong manoeuvred their positions and pushed Yuhno onto the bed as he climbed up into his lap and straddled him. YunHo watched in a fascination as the blond began to lose himself on top of him, pressing their hips together, gyrating, and relishing the freedom of getting the friction he needed—wanted. It was so good.

“God, Jae.” YunHo released a guttural moan and closed his eyes briefly, moving his hands onto the other man’s rotating hips, painstakingly hindering the movements because if it were to continue, he might lose it. JaeJoong wasn’t too pleased but it was immediately amended when YunHo pressed their groins harder. With a silent cry, the blond gave him an open-mouthed kiss that he returned with great fervour.

“Hnnn, pants,” JaeJoong whined. YunHo reluctantly separated their bodies and thumbed the hem of JaeJoong’s boxers and flannel pants. Once out of them, JaeJoong took the task of removing YunHo’s, which became such a difficult task when he felt long fingers caressing the crease of his ass and pressing not too gently against the skin around his puckered entrance. They were already slicked with lube, much to JaeJoong’s surprise, and moved easily within him.

“I stole it from your office. Thought it’ll come in handy.” He answered smugly once while he wagged a bottle in front of the other man’s dubious gaze.

As much as he wanted to ruin the mood and accuse the captain of stealing hospital property, he grabbed the bottle and began to lube YunHo’s throbbing length, giving long strokes that became more erratic in movement just like those fingers that were moving back and forth inside him. When he deemed the blond was already prepared enough, YunHo sat up and claimed his lips. God, how he loved this mouth, these lips, the soft moans and pants. The way JaeJoong cried his name in bliss.

JaeJoong wrapped his arms around YunHo’s neck. He felt the soft press of the mattress on his back and welcomed the hovering man above him between his legs. What happened next caused JaeJoong to crane his neck back and clutch the dark-haired man even closer. The warm sensation of skin on skin without the hindrance of clothing was something they had to get used to. And something greatly welcomed.

Biting his lip, JaeJoong pressed his head to the mattress as he fought to keep calm while YunHo entered him. Resistance came instinctively and he was immediately overwhelmed from both pain and pleasure of finally having YunHo in him. Trying to relax was a task quite difficult for JaeJoong, especially when YunHo started moving. The entrance was slick and with a few continuous pushes, JaeJoong found blinding pleasure. The jolt sent tingling shivers down his groin.

YunHo groaned in ecstasy at the tightness and sweet warmth surrounding him. It was sinfully delicious and there was nothing else he wanted but for his length to be engulfed completely encased within the gripping heat. “Ah!” JaeJoong gasped and clenched onto the sheets beneath him tightly. The intrusion was far larger than he had expected. He felt like he was being split and god, the pain was beyond overwhelming.

Setting his grip behind a knee, YunHo hitched the blond’s leg up and started a steady pace, slowly grinding into him. He rocked back and forth, groaning as JaeJoong began to buck his hips against his, meeting each forceful thrust.

He sought JaeJoong’s lips and pounded into the latter faster, hoping to find that sensitive bundle of nerves that would send the blond over the edge.

“Nnn-aah!!” JaeJoong choked out unintelligibly at the unexpected pleasure. The more YunHo hit that spot, the more JaeJoong felt like he was being driven in a spiral of indescribable bliss. Unable to remain idle when his body badly wanted more stimulation, the blond thrusted back. “Harder!” He cried in desperation as he teetered between the edge of ache and bliss. Even at the heights of pleasure, he remained fully aware of YunHo’s presence. He was inside him, in front of him, all around him. There was nothing in the world but YunHo. He wanted no one but YunHo.

YunHo was all too eager to comply and did as what he was ordered to do. Gripping slim hips, he almost pulled out entirely before slamming back in. His free hand roamed down his abdomen and grasped the blond’s leaking cock, stroking to provide the completion they both desired. Harder, faster and more forcefully, YunHo pushed within JaeJoong as deep as possible. Leaning over, YunHo flittered open-mouthed kisses over the milky skin of his lover’s neck, changing the angle occasionally, causing the man underneath him to writhe around continuously.

The world faded away, replaced by hot friction and gratifying pleasure. “Ah—YunHo!” JaeJoong finally received his sweet release and moaned incoherently as YunHo continued to stroke him, drawing out each wave of release.

The sound of JaeJoong’s voice crying out his name and his walls clamping tightly around his length were overwhelming. It didn’t take long before he spilled himself copiously inside the blond’s body. Gasping, JaeJoong collapsed against the bed. YunHo pulled out, removed his weight off JaeJoong and dropped on the mattress next to him. He felt relief and pleasant contentment as he pulled the blond to him, holding the tired medic close.

It took several moments for everything to settle in. They made love and it was an indescribable union that left both men in a state of exhilaration and wonder. As they lay on top of white sheets in tangled limbs, JaeJoong was compelled to confirm if YunHo was truly there, holding him in a tight embrace. “YunHo-yah?” He craned his head and nuzzled the other man’s neck, basking in the scent of him and a bit of his aftershave.

“I’m here.” YunHo responded while tightening his arms around the shorter man. He planted a soft kiss on his lover’s forehead with his eyes closed, enjoying the aftermath of their lovemaking. His hand reached the blond’s and gave a reassuring squeeze.

JaeJoong smiled at the Captain’s doting affection. He kissed YunHo’s shoulder and rubbed his cheek happily against it. They both looked silly as they raised their joined hands and played with each other’s fingers.

“You will leave tomorrow at dusk.” The atmosphere suddenly turned sombre as those words slipped out of JaeJoong’s mouth. As much as he had wanted to avoid the subject, it couldn’t be helped since it would only be a few hours until the dreaded day arrived. 

‘Let me keep him. I wish to just keep him… just a little while longer.’

“I… I know.” There was hesitance in the soldier’s response that made the other pull back and stare at him questioningly. “Jae,” he closed his eyes briefly, erasing the sudden emotion of panic on JaeJoong’s face. A visual he did not want to carry with him for tomorrow’s combat. “I will return to you.” He kissed the back of the blond’s hand; his lips left the skin of his hand and now touched JaeJoong’s lips. “I can’t give you a definite promise but…” Regardless of his words, the inexplicable emotions that ran beneath YunHo’s guarded mask could not be defined. “Will you wait for me?”

JaeJoong sighed when YunHo dipped to capture his lips. Soft and pliant, his lips parted with one swipe of the Captain’s tongue, returning the kiss with equalled intensity.

‘Even if you tell me to move on, where would I go?’

Actions speak louder than words and the answer that the blond gave was a definite ‘yes’.

The vast plains made him feel like he was walking in the air. With each rain of bullets, screams of joy, pain and rage filled the atmosphere. Men from his company appeared through the smoke and mud. The man next to him screamed and lurched forward, his chest ripped wide open. Another man in front of him died from gunshot, splattering all over his face and uniform with blood and gore.

Men lay tangled on the ground, groaning and clawing. Cover, he thought. I need a cover. A few steps away, he saw a mound of rocks. He concentrated on them. He stuffed cartridge after cartridge into his gun, firing all the while as he half-crawled, half-dashed through dirt and over bodies toward the rocks. Once the bullet exchange died down for a bit, he continued moving forward.

The field was studded with bloodied bodies. Everywhere he saw writhing arms and legs. Everywhere he heard weeping and groaning.

He started shaking. First his knees, then his arms and hands. 'Jae…' his knees buckled as a bullet wheezed by his shoulder. A short distance away, he saw a stream of water running down. Just as he was about to reach the water’s edge, a body rose up on his knees from the other side, swaying, a gun in his hands.

In a flash, YunHo pointed his gun on the enemy. But then he saw the man’s eyes, dull with pain. The man was wounded. A belly wound. Blood was spreading over his uniform.

“Go ahead,” the man taunted, “Shoot me.”

It was a mistake when he let his emotions take over as he lowered his gun.

The enemy’s eyes turned hard and gleaming. “You’re too soft, boy.”

The words were sharp and cut deep within YunHo. He was about to shoot when suddenly, a gust of wind flapped his shirt. He fell on his knees and onto the ground, his face shoved into the dirt. He saw his fingers were wet with blood. His blood.

'Come back to me.'

His vision blurred, his throat felt constricted as pain finally dulled his senses.

'I haven’t told you how much I love you yet. 

So… you have to come back.'

Captain Jung YunHo’s eyes fluttered, but they were heavy, and it hurt too much to open them. The pain up his left arm and through his shoulder came in waves. Only the darkness seemed to subdue it.

He drifted off again. Night came, then morning, and then, finally, a faraway voice; “Captain! Damn it, hang on, YunHo!”

It was ChangMin.

The voice was closer now, somewhere above him. YunHo groaned.

ChangMin cleared his throat, “Listen, YunHo-hyung. I’m going to pull you up and get you some help.”

“I… can’t.”

“You can,” ChangMin said firmly. “Yo! JunSu! Let’s help him up.”

They lifted him, and burning pain licked through his wounded arm and down to his rib cage. ChangMin carried him over the hill, crisscrossing between craters and piles of dead bodies.

A merciful blackness enveloped him again.

Days turned into weeks. 

Weeks turned into months.

A season passed and another was welcomed.

JaeJoong had almost finished writing “Dear YunHo-ah,” before deciding that it was futile and quickly crumpled the paper into a tight clump. How many unanswered letters had he sent? How many paper and ink had he wasted? How many letters had he finished that would remained unsent and piled up on his desk?

How long more would he have to wait?

Every day he would pathetically ask the postman if there were any letter addressed to him. There was not a day that he could forget about the Captain who left him with nothing but an ache in his heart.

YunHo’s smile.

YunHo’s laugh.

YunHo’s arrogance.

YunHo’s hand seeking his.

That’s what all mattered.

A letter. A simple letter was all he needed. 

A confirmation of his existence. That was all he wanted.

“YunHo-yah,” JaeJoong called softly as he stared off the horizon outside the window of his apartment. He now lived in Seoul, away from the disastrous environment of civil war. He moved in three months ago and not until recently, he landed himself a job at a nearby hospital. It took him a while to actually wake up and move forward. But the thought of YunHo still lingered inside his mind… in the depths of his heart.

“YunHo…” With a shuddering breath, he mumbled particularly to no one. “I want to give up… I really do.”

But I can’t.

Work became such a mad rush for him. He spent the day bustling around the hospital ward, keeping himself busy as much as possible to help him to forget, even just for a few hours. His co-workers admired his dedication but they often advised him not to exhaust himself too much. Everybody has a limit and at the rate JaeJoong was going, he was definitely stretching it to the maximum. It worried them a lot.

“JaeJoong-sshi.” A young intern found the blond inside the vacant room scrupulously cleaning surgical instruments.

“Ah, Dong Heon-sshi, do you need anything?” JaeJoong asked, keeping his eyes on the forceps in his hand.

“Your shift’s finished an hour ago. You should go home. Take a rest.”

“I’ll go home after I’m done with this.” JaeJoong smiled, truly grateful for the other’s concern.

Dong Heon sighed, “Alright then. See you tomorrow.”

“Yes, see you. Good night.” It was already eight-fifteen and he hadn’t eaten anything except for the bread sandwich he had for breakfast. Funny how he was the one skipping meals now even though he had preached about the need for regular meals when YunHo did the same thing before. He had even called the latter an idiot. The thought of Yunho brought an incredible sense of happiness within him and he barely noticed the shifting movements outside the room.

“Jae,”

When he heard his voice, JaeJoong’s breathing hitched and his hand dropped the instruments he just cleaned. He remained still, wondering if hunger’s making him hear things.

“Jae,”

The blond’s eyes widened like saucers as his name was called for the second time, clear and without a doubt, realistic. He raised his head and was stunned when he found a man in full Military garb with gleaming medals hanging on the left side of his chest.

It had been five months. Five months of no news, no mails, no contact…

He was so close to giving up. So close.

Not until he saw that familiar smile, that cute mole above bow lips, those almond-eyes that haunted his dreams every night. JaeJoong felt tears streak down his face as he flew across the room and into the other man’s waiting arms. He wept, unable to stop the tears that came from within him, sobs that wrenched his soul.

YunHo held him tightly in his embrace, his head against his shoulder. Then he realized he was weeping, too. They clung to each other, neither able to offer anything to the other.

“I’m late. I’m so sorry,” YunHo choked.

“I know… I know.” Jae tightened his hold, affirming that YunHo was truly with him, as if afraid that he was being tricked by his delusional mind. “I love you.” He pronounced with a smile through his tears, “Inever stop.”

[ END ]