^ Alexi Abbot (looking frickin gorgeous) and there's a video if you swipe ;)^
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H o l l o w s I n
T I M E
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23/08/16–24/08/16
Twelve months and two weeks ago

Alexi asked to sleep round. Well, she didn't really ask—it sounded more like a requirement as she got permission from both her parents and mine. Now, laying in the dark with her next to me on the decorative couch in my room, I realised why she had been persistent about the idea. She was worried about me.

I sat up, "I'm fine, you know." I told her, not even sure if she was still awake.

But, she was. "Hmm?" She hummed into the darkness, and I heard her shift in her makeshift bed.

"You staying here—you're trying to keep me company or something." I spoke again, then, being fed up of not being able to see her, I switched on the lamp next to me. Honestly, being back in my bed was a peculiar feeling—I felt relaxed yet uncomfortable. It felt right, somewhere in the very back of my mind, but all I could think about was everything that I had lost to get here. And it hurt—it hurt so damn much. I feel empty. I feel incomplete. I feel destroyed.

Alexi peered at me, then she pushed herself up onto her elbows. "Maybe I am, maybe I'm happy you're alive and I want to spend more than hour with you." She shrugged, her flippant mood back intact with her quipped response.

It grew silent, then Alexi sighed, sitting up cross-legged. "You were missing for a while, I'm keeping you company, sure. But I experienced the pain of losing two friends for three months, I'm not going to go and experience it permanently." She explained, her lip twitching slightly—she was on edge, how could Lexi ever be on edge?

I scoffed, copying her and sitting upright too. "Yeah because I'm going to get killed overnight." I retorted but Lexi raised her eyebrow at me, unconvinced.

"You were kidnapped, and in daylight; worse things happen at nighttime." She told me, with a strange morbid edge that I couldn't shake off. But I was concerned by something else.

"You feel guilty," I analysed—Alexi shifted under my mind-reading eyes, "Because of what happened, because you were there before it happened," Lexi turned away from my stare, and she seemed to slouch over—was she ashamed too? It was crazy how deep I could read into this girl's every word and action since I hadn't seen her in five months.

"Because you walked away." I finished, and Lexi flinched. She didn't respond. I pushed the covers off me, quietly and stealthily padding over to where Alexi sat, her eyes on me the whole time.

I sat beside her and picked up her hand, threading my fingers through hers. "Can I tell you something crazy?" I whispered. But after watching her expression change from confused to interested and then to curious and then back around the cycle again, I mentally slapped myself. Was I actually considering telling her my biggest secret? The secret that is five months big? Sky, are you crazy?

I struggled for a phrase to fill in the gap, and Alexi's awaiting eyes were making me feel awkward. "All my life has been a series of doors in my face.." I trailed off uneasily, avoiding Lexi's stare and scratching the side of my face.

But it was okay. Alexi burst into a thundering laugh, her eruption of giggles probably waking up millions of households. "I missed you, Sky-Fly, you really are my only source of entertainment." She spoke through her chuckles and pulled me into her side, using the nickname I had hated for ten years, yet, in this moment, it was the only thing I wanted to hear.

"Though," She began, her chin on top of my head, "You messed up the lyrics on the first line." Lexi told me and I giggled into her stomach.

We only laughed and joked for a few minutes longer, and I felt like the many wounds our friendship had collected were slowly healing, but then it was time for some much needed sleep. And as I turned off the light, I realised something—Alexi had never been facing the couch, she always faced away from it, her face angled in my direction, and when she shifted, she made sure that she never turned away too far. It was a weird quirk that I had never picked up on before, and I fell asleep thinking about Jameson in the other room.

Waking up the next day was the hardest thing I have ever done. I opened my eyes to a strange place. I had expected to be facing my door, with my clock above it telling me that I had missed breakfast. I had expected to feel the warm, summer morning breeze coming from my window above the window seat, as I had left the window open the night before to provide some cool to the heat. I had expected to see Jameson, lurking somewhere in my room, ready to chastise me about always being late and disorganised, though an amused smile would rest comfortably on his face.

But none of it happened. None of it was there. And I cried. I cried harder than I had ever probably done in my life. Alexi wasn't there, thank God, and I stumbled into my bathroom, locking the door and sliding down it until I was sat on the floor, a pool of tears around me. I couldn't do it, it was pathetic, I knew that, to miss a boy I wasn't even allowed to love. But it wasn't only that. I hated it. I hated that I wasn't there anymore, that my life had been thrown around and messed up like no one even cared. Then, before I had known it, I had thrown all of my toiletries around in a strop.

I felt like throwing myself around when I had ran out of things to ransack, but the tears were still flowing freely. The door opened, but I hadn't even realised—it didn't squeak like my bathroom door in the academy. Arms wrapped around me and I looked into the mirror, spotting Alexi, her calm hands on my shoulders.

I took to the floor again, pressing my back against the wall and breathing in and out. Lexi passed me the whole roll of toilet paper before joining me on the floor. I blew my nose and dried my tears, but I still wanted to cry.

"You've done quite the damage control, don't you think?" Alexi, like the person she is, pulled a joke at the wrong time. I managed to stifle a laugh, but that was all.

"What's wrong?" She prompted when I didn't respond to her joke. I felt it build up inside of me the more that I kept it in.

"It's all wrong, Lexi." My lip trembled and my pronunciation was jaded by unwept tears that I knew were coming.

"What's wrong?" She asked, tucking my hair behind my ear. I refused her comfort, seeming to relate any form of comfort back to Jameson. Back to the girls, too—they had been my rock once as well.

"Everything." And the tears fell,
"Everything's wrong, Lexi." I continued to cry, "My whole life is messed up and wrong—it's all wrong." Sobs wracked my body and I let out a painstaking screech as I found another item to throw—my bin next to me. It hit my shower door with a crash and parts broke off as it hit the floor. I knew somewhere in the back of my head that Alexi had flinched but the only thing I could think about was my messed up life.

Then I had a tantrum. I screamed and I shrieked and I shouted. I hit my head against the wall a few times as I kicked around.

Lexi was in front of me now, trying to calm me down, holding me down in a strong hold I never knew she owned. My parents had rushed into the bathroom too. But I didn't care, I didn't care about any of them. I cared about the people I had lost and I wanted those people back. I didn't want anything else.

My head throbbed, my cheeks were irritated with tears, and my eyes were swollen, but I knew that there was no worse feeling than the pain done on the heart. There's no amount of tissues nor any medicine for that kind of wound.

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yo she a crazy lady

she need some help though

#diagnosed
#therapyforyou

-me

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Next update: Monday
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CHAPTER SIX SPOILER:

Still a flashback, but set a few days on from here.

How does Sky live her life after her breakdown?

We will come to learn that you can find danger in even the most safest of spaces.