I never really understood what the sun was until i found myself being burnt by your gaze,
and i felt that sickly sweet sensation of being in love with someone you were never supposed to love, and that hurts.

because in loving you, i gained a new life in my soul. like a breath of fresh air had filled my heart and the clouds in my vision were lifting and it was love, but it wasn't sustainable and it was too girlish, too fleeting.

because that's a bad thing now, yes? girlish love that wilts like a daisy in at the first frost and teenage love that lasts one night and ends in a screaming match. a bad thing to love as a child does, unmoving and never ceasing, a bad thing to give of yourself and expect nothing in return. 

oh god, does the modern world fill me with aches? i wish i could give of myself the way i wanted and i wish the world could see that love for love's sake is real and not fickle and not wavering. i wish the world could see that love for love's sake is a beauty and a sunset of dreams and a life within itself. that love for the sake of loving is the only thing worth living for.

why pull that from a girl? why take what makes her heart sing and tell her that it will only bring her pain? why do we take everything good and make a monster of it? why must the world all be dark and scary?

in loving you, childish and easy, i could see the light behind the curtain of the dark. and it glowed as heaven-sent. and it glowed, like a million angels smiling upon. and it is too much and not enough, and i want to drown in it for the rest of my life.