chapter 40: fawn's bravery

~fawn~

       "Alright, so here's the first choice I have for you two," Brent says, turning around his laptop so Marius and I can take a look at the screen. I take one look at the house on the screen and while it is a, somewhat, nice looking house, it's not one I can see myself living in.

       Apparently, it's not a house that satisfies Marius as well. "I don't know. It seems kind of... small."

       "Yeah, you're going to need more to impress little rich boy," I say. Marius sighs at my loving insult, but doesn't say anything about it.

       "I'm not saying it's not impressive," Marius says. "I just think we might need a bigger house for the two of us. You know, for... the future."

       Marius and I have only talking about both of us wanting kids once, and we never really discussed whether or not we should have kids together. We just stated in the future, we both want kids. Maybe that will lead to us having kids together somehow, so we'll want a house that at least has more than one room.

       I thing that's why Marius wants a bigger house 'for the future'. Either that, or he really is being little rich boy and isn't satisfied with a small house.

       Brent nods his head. He has probably heard more insane requests from being a realtor than wanting a bigger house. He turns the laptop back around and clicks through a few options. "Hmm..." Brent muses. "Hold on, let me just think for a bit. I'm sure there's a house here that would fit both of your desires."

       "Yeah, make sure it's up to little rich boy's standards," I say.

       Marius sighs. "Will you stop calling me that?" I smile at Marius's reaction, only because I like teasing him so much. 

       "Okay, I think I have one," Brent says. He turns the laptop around again to show us the screen. This time, he's showing us a medium-sized farmhouse. "It's located on Harrison Street, close the entrance of the town. I know you two are looking to rent at first, but this one is to buy. It's just a suggestion but--"

       "It's perfect," Marius says.

       I have to agree with Marius, though there is the one issue of the house being one to buy and not to rent. Marius and I agreed in order to not have a financial imbalance between us, it would be best for us to rent so we could contribute equally to the expenses. If we buy, it would be a lot more expensive and he would have to pay more for the down payment.

       And I'm not saying anything is going to go wrong between us, but we can never be certain of the future. Something might happen that tears us apart, and then we'll have a whole battle trying to keep the house. We're both realists, so we need to think about all the possible outcomes, as depressing as they are.

       "I sense a but," Brent says.

       "But we would rather rent," Marius says. "Something we can contribute to equally. Something that's ours equally."

       "You do realize you can get a joint mortgage, don't you?" Brent asks.

       "Yeah, of course," Marius says. "But for us, it's more than just legally. We just don't want some sort of financial imbalance between us."

       "Ah, I see," Brent says. "Well, there are still more choices. I just thought I'd show you this one in case." Brent shows us a few more options, but I keep thinking back to the farmhouse. I don't know if Marius is as well, but he has also turned down them all.

       Eventually Brent closes his laptop. "Unfortunately, those are all the options in Port Orthos, and I know you two don't want to move out. So you might have to wait for an option, just move in to one of your houses, or--"

       "The farmhouse," I say. "Or buy the farmhouse."

       "I know it's not the ideal situation you two want," Brent says. "But I'm sure you two can figure it out without creating a financial imbalance. I'm no banker or accountant or anyone that deals too much with money, but I have dealt with couples wanting to buy homes where one makes more than the other. There's more to financial imbalance than just one couple making more money than the other. It's about one person hiding their money or trying to control all the finances or not offering to help each other. And sure, I don't know the personal detail of your relationship, but I don't see you as the type of people to do any of those."

       He is right. I know Marius would never try to hide money from me or try to control my spending in some way, but it's still something I had to live through in the past. It's not something I can easily get past.

       But that is why Marius and I are in couple's therapy. To help me continue to move past my previous marriage and to make sure our relationship stays strong. If we both really want to buy the farmhouse, I'm sure our therapist will help us make sure we deal with the financial imbalance well.

       "Can we take a few days to think it over?" I ask. "About the farmhouse, that is?"

       "Of course," Brent says. "There hasn't been any potential buyers yet since the house just went on the market a few days ago, but that could change soon. I don't want to rush you, but..."

       "I know," I say. "It's best not to take too long. Thank you."

       "No problem," Brent says. "Just let me know when you have it figured out."

       Brent has to go to a meeting, so he leaves, so it's just me and Marius left. "You want that farmhouse, don't you?" he asks.

       I sigh and lean back into the couch. "I do. It's perfect. It has a front yard, a driveway that can fit both our cars, the inside is beautiful, and there's a backyard too. I just..."

       "I know," Marius says. "And I know you're thinking that we can take the few days to at least talk to our therapist about it the next time we have a session."

       "Yeah," I say. "I don't want to turn it down just because of something that happened in my marriage."

       "Then we'll talk to her about it," Marius says. "See what she thinks and how we can get past it." He strokes my cheek. "But afterwards if you still want to only rent, that's what we'll do. We'll figure something out."

       I smile at Marius. "I know."

       Marius leans over and gives me a lingering kiss. Unfortunately, we can't spend the day together since he has his internship and I have a few jobs to get down, so we go our separate ways for the day with him leaving town and me going to my first job.

       I don't have as many jobs today as I normally do, but it's still even to keep me sustained. There are some days I have more jobs than usual, so it all balances out in the end.

        As I make my way back to my house, I hear a voice behind me say, "Fawn."

       It's a voice that I hate hearing. One that scares me every single time I hear it. But I can't just run away from it, so I turn around and look at my ex-husband. He takes a step towards me, so I step back and say, "Don't. Don't come near me."

       Quentin raises his hands in self-defence. "Calm down, Fawn. I just want to talk. Look, I'm sorry about everything."

       I know that tone of voice. I know he's trying to sweet-talk his way to whatever it is he want. But I'm done with him. I'm done being manipulated and abused by him. I'm done being scared of him.

        "Sorry?" I ask. "You're sorry? For what? Abusing me? Lying to my family? Still, somehow, being able to turn my own family against me?"

       "I really am sorry, Fawn," Quentin says. "I love you. You know that. I just wanted to keep you in my life. That man you're with now... He doesn't deserve you. I do."

       "Stop. Just stop trying to bullshit your way back into my life. I don't care how many times you say you're sorry. I know you're not. You know you're not. If you truly love me, you would leave me alone."

       "You know I can't do that, Fawn."

       "Then you're not sorry and you don't actually love me."

       "Fawn--"

       "No, I'm done." I start to walk away, but I realize there's more that I have to say to Quentin, so I turn around and look at him again. "Do you not understand how much trauma you've given me? How much hurt I've been through? I lost my family because of you. I was scared to love again because of you. You do not get to just come back into my life now that I'm happy. So please, if you want even the slightest chance of me to forgive you in the future, you would leave me alone."

       I walk away, worrying that Quentin will try to follow me. He doesn't, but I know that doesn't mean anything. Maybe one day he will finally leave me alone, but I know that's not going to be anytime soon. I can only dream.

____________________

yay for fawn for being able to stand up to quentin <3 he definitely needed to get all of that out there.

i want to finish this book soon so i can get started on the second one, which takes place about three years after this one, but i promise you'll like it :) (at least i hope you do)