Why hope for a better future...

When the present just fucking sucks?

And I'm not just saying that because of what's happening in the world

But because it just does.

More because I've had to move out of LA

(Which I thought that city was bad)

And move somewhere absolutely shit.

I moved in with my uncle

But he's always gone because he's a fed.

I have no friends.

Barely anyone who gets what's it's like.

And no escape.

So why hope? There's no reason to.

Maybe my first day at this new high school might be better.

I doubt it.

-------------------------

Mid-September, 2008

Walking to school is always a hassle, even if the school is only a few blocks away. Though, it's a better alternative than riding a fucking bus. So fucking crowded, the driver is almost always an old ass man in his late 70s, and most of the other people riding are either assholes or downright mentally unstable.

Not saying I'm mentally stable, fuck no. I'm the farthest from mentally stable, but I at least hide the fact. I handle my mentally instability quite well if I do say so myself, so if you think otherwise, you can go fuck yourself.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah.

Walking is a hassle, yada yada yada, but moving across the entire country? That's a fucking hassle right there. I used to live in LA, the city of Angels, if angels were greedy corpo assholes, drugged out bums, and short tempered gangbangers.

I should be glad I got away from that hellhole, but being here doesn't feel anything different. Almost like I didn't move anywhere. I came to town on a weekend, so I went exploring. There were either junkies or people who just didn't give a damn around town. I bet this place gets tons of tourist.

Well, that just helps my eagerness to go to school today. Like, I already expected it to be the usual, drama, drugs, and assholes, but the fact that nobody even gives you the time of day to tell you where the nearest fucking McDonalds is kinda brings my expectations down majorly for me.

Walking towards the school isn't exactly eventful, usually never is, but is it wrong to at least hope something might happen? Eh, fuck hoping. The school looks like your average high school. The people look like your average cliche high schoolers.

Meh, boring. Well, time to start the unbearably boring senior year of '09...

"They give heroin pills to old people so they can mellow out over gas prices."

Jesus, I will never miss the whining voice of a woman. Not that I was sexist, no of course not. It's just fucking annoying. Looking over at the girls, one is tanned, blonde, and wearing preppy and pink clothing. Screams valley girl.

"Do those pills even look the same?"

The other was a girl in a blue shirt, ripped black jeans, and a face that screams "I'm so done with life." Meh, I don't blame her. Life does just fucking suck, but what do I know about other people?

"Anyway! So she won't shut the fuck up over how many-"

Yeah, this ain't any of my concern. Besides, who the fuck just casually talks about heroin like it's like popping Tylenol? Well...I guess it's just that simple, but who fucking cares? Before I could walk away and go about my business, someone taps me on the shoulder.

The person that did such act, is a guy with brown hair, simple ass clothes, and looks like a guy too desperate to get laid. Overall, he looks like nothing but an annoyance.

"They're pretty cute, right?"

The fuck? Who just says that to someone out of absolutely nowhere? And no, it's not fucking cute, they're talking about drugs like it's a necessity for them. Actually, it could be. It's entirely possible.

"No, why?"

"You just gotta get in the game, my man. Look, watch your boy Crispin work his magic."

Crispin, strange fucking name by the way, struts up to the two girls. Well this can only end two ways and I imagine it won't end in his favor. Might be amusing to watch, so why not humor his bullshit?

"Sup guys? Did I tell you that I got an iPhone for my birthday?"

Jesus...this guy sucks at starting conversations, or he's just good at butting into them. Either way, the girl in pink looked at him with an annoyed glare, while the girl in blue gave him a disinterested roll of her eyes before acknowledging him.

"Crispin? Dude, we talk to you, like, once a month."

And there's the shutdown, but hey, once a month is more often than I expected. Good on you, Crispin. You still have no shot of sleeping with either of them.

It definitely looks like Blue caught him off guard with that comment, though. He stammered a bit before pointing back at me.

"Oh uh, well... I was just showing my new friend around, pretty sure he's new here."

Oh, what the fuck?! I just met you not even five minutes ago! Like hell we're friends, and like hell I'll be your fucking wingman! You desperate, basic looking, motherfu-!

"New, huh?"

The girl in pink looked over at me with a raised eyebrow, while her friend in blue looked me up and down, like she was sizing me up or something. I just looked at them with a blank expression.

"Hey, new kid, you know what anime is?"

Blue asked me this while looking like she'd gag from the word, but to be completely honest, I haven't a single goddamn clue what she's talking about.

"What the fuck is anime?"

Pink sighed in, what seemed to be relief, while Blue nodded her head.

"So far, so good..."

Blue nodded again at her friend's statement and proceeded with another question.

"Do you know what sex is?"

No, I was born under a rock and I know nothing of this thing called "sex", care to elaborate?

I'm not a dipshit, for Christ sake. That's so random too, like, who asks a high schooler if they know what sex is?

"What am I? A fucking preschooler to you? Yeah I know what sex is."

Blue nods with that same blank expression. There's some silence, not awkward, but a slow growing tension.

"You ever thought about raping kids?"

Oh, that's easy-. Wait, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! Is she fucking insane?! Who fucking asks that with a straight fucking face?!

"Jesus fucking Christ! What the fuck kind of question is that?!"

"Jeez, calm down, I'm just interviewing you..."

"Interviewing is asking nice and simple questions, this is an interrogation! A fucking weird one at that!"

Blue sighs in a frustrated tone, well, what the fuck did she expect me to say? "Yeah I've definitely thought about it. Actually did it last week." Fucking hell this girl.

"Look, most guys here, are or will probably become rapist, pedophiles, serial killers, and all kinds of fucking statistics."

Okay, take a breath, it's not that bad... just answer the question. Even if the question is absolutely insane and the answer should be obvious.

"I'm not mentally deranged, if that's what you're asking. Jesus, that's a fucking insane thing to ask someone you just met..."

She just shrugs and looks towards Pink, who nods with a small smile and they both turn to me.

First, it was Blue.

"Nicole Patterson."

Then, it was Pink.

"Jecka Whitley."

Just from this interaction alone, I feel like I'm gonna hate this fucking school. If I wanna get interrogated like this on my first day, I might as well just get my stupid ass arrested. Honestly, that probably would've been more preferable.

But shit...I mean, they don't seem like the best kinda people, but hey, might make this year go by faster if I had some company, albeit a little strange, to go through it. Why not humor them? I humored Crispin's bullshit and I got this far.

"I'm Jace, Jace Kesler, you two are great at first impressions, you know?"

Jecka just shrugged her shoulders, while Nicole just looked at me with that blank expression, sizing me up again.

"Kesler, wasn't that the name of some famous Nazi or some shit."

Of fucking course something like that would come up! Why is it that whenever someone hears a German name, they assume the worst and think about Nazis?! Yeah, I ain't gonna humor that and let it go.

"You know, I tried to give you the benefit of doubt, but I should've known you were a closet Nazi or some shit."

Nicole just scoffed and glared at me. Though, it didn't look like she was really angry at me, but like she was challenging me...

"Oh, so you knew before you started talking to me? Shit, thought I could hide it pretty well. Unless it takes a Nazi to know another Nazi just by looking at them."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Frau Patterson, is friendly fire not tolerated?"

She gave that same blank look, but I noticed the edge of her lips curl slightly.

"Welcome to senior year, Jace Kesler."

A small smile appears on my face. She's rough, but she seems alright, I guess.

"Hate to be here, Nicole Patterson."

Her smile grows ever so slightly and nods in agreement. Then, the bell rings.

Shit... where the fuck is my first class again? I look to my left and noticed the absence of Crispin. Shit, he must have finally realized he had no chance with them, that he left. Damn, so much for "showing" me around...

"What class do you have now? Not like I care or anything..."

Nicole sighs nonchalantly, while Jecka looks at her annoyed.

"Jace, you don't have to answer that. She's-."

No, no, I know what she's doing.

"I have Economics. Not like care or anything..."

Nicole smiles more at my response and nods.

"Third floor, second door on the left. Not that I care or anything..."

"Thanks. Not that I care or anything..."

I nod and start to walk to class based on her directions. Before I'm out of earshot, I could hear the two of them conversing again.

"Finally! Someone who gets my humor! No offense, Jecka..."

"Meh, it's fine. He seems pretty cool though, for a guy at least."

"Yeah, he's alright."

Maybe this year won't be as bad as I think it'll be. At least I'll possibly have some semi-normal friends. Better than a desperate guy trying to get laid, but the way they were interrogating me, makes me think that everyone else in this school fucking suck.

Maybe just get through today first...

-------------------------

After school that day...

I'm throughly convinced after today that it might not be only the other students at that school that aren't sane, but the teachers too!

One of them tried to teach us a lesson with a story of his dead wife.

The PE coach was sneaking peeks at the girls.

The rest have something up with them, I just can't place it though.

What the fuck kinda school did I transfer to?

Well, I met some alright people, aside from Jecka and Nicole. Karen was one of them, an innocent girl and a bookworm. Another was Hunter, he's an alright kinda guy, kinda religious too, so we're in the same boat there.

Walking is such a hassle... wait, I already ranted about that, fuck. Well, walking to my new home, which is just my uncle's house, isn't very eventful. Much like the walk to school until you actually get to the school.

Walking to the front of the house, I quickly take notice of the car in the driveway.

Huh, Uncle Tim must be home...

Kinda rare to see. He says he's a detective, but considering how close we are from D.C., I'm damn certain he's a fed.

Unlocking the door and stepping inside, I heard some clatter from the kitchen and Tim's head pops out from the doorway.

"Oh, hey! How'd it go kid?"

"Oh, you know, normal high school shit."

He chuckles and goes back to whatever he's doing in the kitchen. I step inside after setting down my things and see him in the process of cooking dinner.

"In a way, I miss high school and I don't at the same time."

"What was there to miss?"

He gives his signature hearty laugh and sighs. He stares into the pot of chicken dumplings, with a sense of nostalgia.

"Well, I'd never miss the school work, if that's what you're insinuating. I meant that I miss the good times I had with my friends and family. All the stupid shit that me, your mom, and your dad got up to."

I give a soft chuckle. Sounds like fun, unlike my experience with high school. Besides, I don't have many friends. Not since...

"I should tell you about some of the havoc we caused."

He smiles and continues to stir the pot.

"My dad causing havoc? Doesn't sound like him."

"You'd be surprised how your dad was as a kid, your mom too."

"Yeah..."

Tim looked over at me and I must look depressed, because he stopped what he was doing and clapped me on my shoulder.

"Hey, I know. You miss them. I wish I could be with my sister more, but this is for the best Jace... she needs some time."

For the best? For who? Me? Mom? Tim? Who decided that? I didn't. I didn't want to move all the way out here. I wasn't doing great at my old school, but at least I had a sense of normality there... they only brought me here because... goddamnit... don't think about it...

"I don't get how moving across the country is for the best. How her being alone and working herself into the grave is for the best! I don't get any of it!"

He squeezed my shoulder trying to ease some tension. It kinda helps... but I still can't stop thinking about this shit situation...

"I know, it's hard. It's hard for your mom, for you, for everyone involved, but you have to understand your mom's position. She's trying, really hard, for the both of you, but she needs time to process everything."

I sigh, frustrated. He rubs my shoulder a bit before I look up at him.

"Look, you're a good kid, Jace, with a good head on his shoulders and a smart mouth on his face. I know it's hard, but we'll get through it. You'll see..."

I nodded and sat the table. "Get through it" yeah, easier said than done... whatever... it's so fucking frustrating and tiring... it's makes me want to just get it over with... fuck, no, don't think that...

Before I could have a further conflict in my mind, a bowl of chicken dumplings were set in front of me. I think this is the first time I've ever eaten Tim's cooking. Hope it's as good as mom's.

It surprisingly is, or unsurprisingly. My mom makes the best food, nice to see it translates to her brother too. At least there's something to remind me of home.

Home. I keep thinking about that word. Home. LA was a shitty home, but it's all I've known. Can this place be home to me? Fuck, why am I overthinking everything today? Maybe I just need to vent this stress...

And no, I don't mean by cutting myself. I'm not that mentally unstable either.

I thanked Tim for the meal, and headed into the guest room of his house. My stuff was strewn about and some boxes were still left packed. I'll have to do that later...

Hopping onto the bed and opening the night stand, I find my trusty journal. Something that's kept me and my thoughts in line for a while now. If I ever feel overly stressed or anxious, I write in this journal. Like I will now.

-------------------------

School...was interesting to say the least...

Some of the students and teachers might not all be sane.

Some might be absolutely deranged.

But nothing beats the meeting I had with two girls before school even fucking STARTED.

Jecka Whitley
(Definitely not her first name)

And Nicole Patterson.
(Might be a closet Nazi???)

They...were pretty interesting to say the least...

With the conversation about heroin I overheard, to them interrogating me to see if I was a FUCKING RAPIST or something.

They're strange, that's for sure, but in a way, I feel like they kinda get it.

They know how shitty the world is, how it'll chew you up and spit you out over and over again.

How it has so many shitty and scummy people, how it's like to feel like you're the only normal person in the room.

They like me, it seems. Guess I passed their little test.

I'm fine with that, maybe I might actually have people around who get me. Who understand me.

Especially Nicole...

That girl...Jesus, she is fucking wild. She could be absolutely in-fucking-sane, but she seems like she gets it the most, in her own, crazy way at least...

Jecka and Nicole.

My two new acquaintances, and maybe friends to help me through this hell.

Only time may tell.

Though, there's this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Like something about all this feels wrong. Maybe I'm just being anxious or homesick,

But the only thing I feel right now, right this second?

Is out of place.

Jace Kesler
September 16, 2008