i love bangtan and i love their new comeback sososososo much uhgggh
btw sorry for not updating i had and have so many personal problems and just finished my finals sksksksk

__________________________

☆';

the sun woke yoongi, followed by a pair of gut-wrenching, horrifying,terrific, terrifyingly loud screeches, cries and shouts― nothing out of the ordinary here.
what a nice morning, yoongi thought whilst pulling the sheets over his head, not planning on standing up whatsoever.
stop being so ironic,the homeless man living in his closet thought; clearly annoyed by yoongi.

yoongi often didn't find the motivation to stand up and do basic things like socialising or living altogether.
but could you call it motivation?
no, he just didn't have any reason to stand up and live, there was nothing to live for. there was stress, emptiness and sadness.
instead of trying his luck in facing it, he preferred covering his face with a blanket and hide until the sunset hits.
he had no reason to do anything, he saw no sense in anything.
that was his problem, next to the homeless man who was secretly living with him.
but you can't call it a problem, if you don't know about it.

we'll leave it that way and take a huge amount of stress from yoongis fragile, stressed out shoulders.

hours passed, not really hours, more like minutes― but like, really long minutes.
because if you have nothing to do, time passes slowly, as if it wanted to mock and torture you.
you feel this? all of this passing by, wasted time? wow, you're such a loser, time says and yoongi nods sadly.
i am a loser, he mumbles.

without really thinking about his actions he kicked his legs off his bed, slowly following them and leaving his safe space.
his room was empty, empty and yet a complete mess.
he hated it, he felt uncomfortable yet he didn't feel like he had any power to change anything about the current state of his apartment.

i'm such a loser, yoongi thought again, he thought really hard.
and the apartment agreed sadly, feeling useless because it couldn't do anything to help its owner.
it's an apartment, what did you expect?

yoongi walked a huge circle around the mirror, knowing that he matched with his apartment.
he looked greasy and puffy and he got a little chubby, too and he― he didn't want to see.
he didn't want to face any of it.

yoongi decided on eating, eating was one of the things he kind of managed to do.
as he opened the refrigerator he couldn't help but feel like something was missing.
"maybe i just forgot to go shopping? probably.."
he sighed and grabbed some milk and some cereal.
no, don't try drinking that, the homeless man thought.
but yoongi opened the cap anyways, soon dumping it in the trash because even at this low and sad point of his life, there's no way he'd ever touch expired milk.

feeling sad yoongi slumped against the wall, crying in his mind; my milk has gone bad, just like everything else in my life.
because when you're sad, even the smallest maintenance pulls on your scalp, drives you crazy and can trigger an entire depressive episode.

it took yoongi a long time to get himself eating and when he did , he couldn't stop.
he munched and munched on some crackers and started feeling bad because of how much he was eating.
he felt so bad and useless, he ate more.
but all he ate were like, 8 crackers.

but he felt bad nonetheless, he didn't eat something proper like he wanted to.
yoongi felt like he had no control over his life whatsoever, not even over the smallest things.
it makes him feel useless.

he lost his job, his girlfriend left him, too, his parents took away his dog because he was doing so so bad and in general
everything was absolute shit.

F ,he thought sadly.
he really missed her, his girlfriend.
her name wasn't really F, but at the moment she was F aceless to him.
he didn't miss her, he missed it.
he missed having someone around, missed someone who at least pretended to give half a shit.

nothing made sense, he had nothing;nothing to do, nothing to control.

let's at least watch tv, maybe it'll distract you, yoongi thought and walked back to his room to lay down into his bed.
he stayed like that all day.
sometimes crying,
sometimes sleeping,
sometimes scrolling over instagram to get some extra suffering by seeing how perfect everything seemed in the lives of other people,
sometimes this, sometimes that
but never something which could help him. why should he do such silly thing?

i'm so useless, nothing makes sense, he cried.

the only thing ripping him out of his depressed state was a buzz of his phone.

loading..., his phone spoke to him.
be faster, yoongi argued, his phone complied.

a new "artwork" by HOPELESS was found.

his eyes glittered, maybe living through today wasn't all too bad.

he didn't get dressed, didn't eat, didn't shower.
all he did with the sudden spark of motivation to do more than weep and breathe was putting his big jacket on and pull the hood over his greasy hair.

as he stepped outside it was raining.
good, the rain thought, feeling useful, now no one will think that your hair is greasy.

yoongi thanked the rain silently and took off- now, he didn't run, he just walked very very fast.
all just so he could- maybe- just maybe, catch a glimpse of him.
it was HOPELESS, literally a hopeless thought.

but in the end, he did catch something.

he stood there for a couple of more minutes, finally grasping the fact that HOPELESS has hung a transparent trashcan up and placed a ball inside of it, the ball being covered by expensive packages of makeup, a cellphone and a perfect looking puppet.
it's so pretty
it's so dumb
humans are so dumb
it's so truthful
the truth is ugly
it's ugly, it's perfect.

yoongi smiled, a good message.

__________________________

is this good enough??