It's been a hot minute since I updated this story😅

"At seventeen, I started to starve myself
I thought that love was a kind of emptiness
And at least I understood then the hunger I felt
And I didn't have to call it loneliness
We all have a hunger"

"You look great, Tae! Is that Gucci?" Hoseok hyung asked when I stepped out into the living room.

I nodded, my fingers playing with the hem of my sweater, the same sweater that used to be snug but now hung from my body like a trash bag. I sat down and waited for the rest of the group to get dressed.

Once we all were ready, we piled into a van and made our way to the restaurant.

Jungkook was crammed next to me, his arm behind my head to make more room. I wouldn't be lying if I said I didn't mind the action.

We entered the restaurant, going to a private room in the back. After placing our large order, I listened as Hoseok told a funny story, the group laughing loudly as I stared at the bowl of soup in front of me. I took the spoon and dipped it in, spinning it so I could watch the soup swirl.

"Are you going to actually eat the soup or are you planning on torturing it some more?" Jimin asked, leaning closely and whispering in my ear.

I shook my head. "I, uh, don't really like it, but I'm trying to keep myself busy."

He shrugged, turning back to the story. I looked up and met eyes with Jungkook, who gave me a look of what seemed to be worry. It probably wasn't. Nobody ever worries about me.

I watched as bowl after bowl was set down onto the table. I swallowed harshly as I observed everyone else grab a bunch of food, immediately scooping it into their mouths. I took a deep breath and followed suit, not wanting to raise any suspicion.

I took a few bites, smiling at how good it tasted. Before I knew it, I was distracted by the conversations and laughter, my hands practically throwing food into my mouth as I ate alongside my closest friends.

After the meal was over, we sat around the table some more. Jin, having just told a joke, was laughing and slapping the table while the rest of us chuckled lightly, partially to appease Jin and not make him upset.

My laughter died down as my eyes wandered across the table, seeing plate after plate emptied of food. It was easily enough for ten to twelve people to eat, but the seven of us devoured it. I looked down at my lap, my stomach and waist, my wrists, and frowned. I was fat. Why did I eat so much if I'm already fat and overweight? I needed to look good for people, for our fans. I couldn't disappoint them.

I felt tears stinging my eyes as I excused myself, almost running to the bathroom and locking myself in the stall furthest from the door.

I hunched over, my hands tightly gripping my knees as I leaned over the toilet. I ate too much. I didn't need to eat. I need to get it out of my body. I need to not gain weight. I need to look good.

I took a deep breath, tears full-on streaming down my face now as I stuck my finger down my throat, hitting my gag reflex.

My insides wrenched as I felt the effects of what I was doing. I did the motion again and again, until finally the contents of my dinner came back up. I repeated it until I had thrown up most of what I had eaten, if not all.

I wiped my mouth as I heard the bathroom door open.

"Tae? You in here?"

There he is. Jungkook. The only person who can seem to break me out of my shell.

I cleared my throat, trying to sound normal. "Yes, what's up?"

"Are you okay? You've been in here for a while."

I flushed the toilet at that. "Yeah, I'm fine." I exited the stall and went to wash my hands. "I just don't feel great right now."

Jungkook's eyes went wide as he came close and put the back of his hand on my forehead. "You do? You don't feel warm. Did you want to head back to the dorm?"

I shrugged, watching him nibble at his bottom lip.

He wrapped an arm around my waist and guided me out of the restroom and to the table where our group sat.

"Hey guys, Tae doesn't feel great so I'm going to get him back to the dorm."

The others were obviously concerned, but I reassured them that everything was fine.

Jungkook's grip on my waist tightened as we made our way back to the dorm. He lead me to the bedroom I share with Namjoon.

"Let's get you into some more comfortable clothes, I'll help you." He reached for my sweater and started to pull it over my head, but I shook my head aggressively.

"No. Uh, that isn't necessary. I-I can do it."

His eyebrows furrowed as he shook his head. "I'm here to help." He trued again, but this time my hands pushed him away, causing him to stumble against the wall, wincing as his shoulder had hit the backside of a thumb tack in the wall.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry."

His eyes glared at me as he exhaled sharply through his nose. "Whatever, Taehyung. You're on you're own."

He stormed out of the room, leaving me alone to stare at the door he had slammed shut on his way out.

I felt a few tears stinging my eyes as I undressed myself, changing into my pajamas and laying down in the fetal position on my soft bed. I cried it out, what little tears my body let me release.

I checked the time, figuring that the others would be back soon. I didn't want to be awake and having to explain my actions or be bombarded with questions on how I'm feeling, so I decided to try to get some sleep.

I stared at the blank ceiling above me, my nails digging into my palms as I started to close my eyes. My teeth dug into the inside of my cheek, threatening to draw blood. I could feel every calorie I had consumed today, how utterly disgusting it tasted as I forced it down my throat.

My mind ran wild with thoughts of how badly I wanted to finish emptying out the contents of my stomach until I fell asleep.

••••

Updates for this story will probably be slower since I'm working on another story and college is also a bitch so🤷🏼‍♀️

Please message me or SOMEONE if you are struggling with anything. 😘😊