connect the scattered points
with a chain

"Is he still not talking to you?" Ten asked.

"Nope," I said, trying to keep my tone even. Ten raised his eyebrows questioningly, and I sighed. "He's not even opening the door now, and I've been sitting here for twenty minutes."

It was true. I had been parked on a stool outside Hyunjin's door for a good while, and though I had been assured many times that he would go back to being normal in some time, my patience was wearing thin. I had told myself a hundred times that this wasn't anything new, that his words shouldn't be having any effect on me, but I couldn't help the flaming guilt I had felt after our very one-sided conversation. I didn't understand why exactly that was—I didn't usually get affected by people's opinions of me often, but I hadn't behaved like myself when he had yelled at me. Usually, I could be as biting with my words as he could.

Maybe it was because he was my brother—which didn't make sense. Although I hated it, Hyunjin had been spot on in some places. I barely knew him, and the only reason I even knew he existed was because of the racers. Then why did I care so much?

"He is your brother after all," Taehyung said, as if he'd read my thoughts. He had appeared out of nowhere, making Ten jumped, but I was used to his sporadic entrances. "Siblings can be difficult at times. I would know, mine betrayed the whole fucking gang."

I smiled a little at that, leaning the heels of my palms into the edge of the seat. Having Taehyung and Jinyoung back had seemed like a daunting prospect at first, but now that they were actually here, it wasn't as bad as it had seemed. After being exposed to Jinyoung's oblivious commentary, Jennie had softened around the edges, and Taehyung's inappropriate but apt sense of humor even managed to make Yeeun smile when she was in attendance. In a way, I realized I had missed this about Seoul—not the danger part, but the group dynamics. It reminded me why I had chosen to join the racers in the first place.

"I'm surprised that you weren't surprised to hear that," I said, turning towards him slightly, the tips of my fingers working around the plastic edge of the stool. "Aren't you, I don't know, thirsty for revenge or anything?"

"He didn't take anything of mine, so no, not really." Taehyung shrugged. He was wearing a bomber jacket and repainted camo pants. A thin silver chain hung around his neck, and he rolled it around the pads of his forefinger and thumb, smiling roguishly. "Besides, you wouldn't have been surprised at the news either, if you'd grown up with him. Shady gay fucker."

"Homophobic ass," I muttered, rolling my eyes, though I knew he didn't mean it. Ten coughed and excused himself. I knew he didn't like being around the old crowd, but I noticed his smile as he left.

"I'm not homophobic," Taehyung said, cocking an eyebrow. His tongue ran over his lower lip, a muscle visible in his cheek. I scrunched my nose up, thinking it would be weird, since we had kissed once, but nothing happened. He closed his lips with a tilt to his mouth. "Just saying it like it is—he was shady, gay, and a fucker."

"And also your adoptive brother," I reminded him. "Which reminds me, my blood brother could be listening into this conversation right now, so don't be so liberal with your language."

"Ah, right." He grinned, rubbing his hands together, and sat down next to me. The stool shifted a bit under his weight, being barely large enough to hold the both of us. "I'm surprised he's being such a little bitch, though. He was cool on the ride here."

"Probably because he hadn't seen my face yet."

"Aw, don't be so hard on yourself, princess," he said, lifting a strand of my hair and curling it between his fingers. I smacked it away, which only made his grin widen. "Right. You're taken now."

I flattened my lips, not wanting to say anything.

"Gotta say, I was plenty surprised when I heard both Chwe and Lee agreed to this system," he said, more thoughtfully. "I thought they hated each other—because of, you know, the whole fiasco that happened back before you left."

I frowned. Taehyung wasn't the ideal person to go to about relationship issues, but I had been longing for someone to spill to, so much that I thought I would puke from the pressure. The same pressure pulled at the lining of my stomach now, tightening it at odd places, doing funny things to my thoughts.

"I'm not too sure about that, either," I muttered. "I mean—when I first said it, I expected them to walk away, or kill each other, or something. But they stayed and agreed—even sat down to make a whole plan about the auction."

"Right, you killed Jeon," Taehyung said with a grin. "Almost forgot about that."

"I just don't know why they aren't at each other's throats yet," I continued, ignoring the jab. My fingers brushed the edge of his jacket, and I pulled my hands into my lap, staring down at them. "Don't get me wrong, I know I'm supposed to be thankful that they aren't, and I am. It's just that—"

"That you keep waiting for them to explode?" he asked, and I caught my lower lip between my teeth before nodding. "Yeah, I get that. Sometimes when you do something messy and the consequences don't come, you get antsy waiting for them to fall on your head out of the blue."

I nodded again. "That's what I'm afraid of. That they're just holding all the hate in, and it's only a matter of time before I walk into a room and find one of them gutted. And it's not just that, it's about when, too." My fingers curled in and out, openly displaying my worry. "What if it's in the middle of a fight, and they lose focus?"

"Chwe wouldn't do that," Taehyung said. "I don't know about Red, but he wouldn't. I don't wanna say you're worrying about nothing, since it's technically possible, but I don't think you're taking everything into account."

"Oh, yeah?" I murmured. "What am I missing?"

"You," he said, and I looked at him, confused. "You're thinking that they're pissed at each other and all that jazz, but you gotta remember that they're doing this for you. Ten bucks says they'll make it, too. Maybe you should try giving them more credit than that."

"Well, when you say it like that..." I glanced at Taehyung again, who was still playing with the chain, looking absent-minded. Maybe you should try giving them more credit, he had said. Maybe I should try giving him more credit too, I thought with a small smile. He hadn't exactly erased all my fears, but I did feel better than I had a few seconds before.

"And that's not it," he said, and I blinked, breaking out of my reverie. "Look. You haven't seen them before you came to Seoul. They weren't always like this, as hard as that seems to believe. Once you get into the racers, it's about more than just hanging out with the others—being a part of a gang isn't just about working together, it's about having one another's back."

My eyebrows rose. "Are you saying that they had each other's back?"

"Kind of." He shrugged. "Not in the jump-in-front-of-a-bullet kind, but in their own way, they had a kind of camaraderie. God, it's been so many years since I used that word."

"Is that good?"

"Me using that word?" He frowned, fingers momentarily stopping on the chain. "I don't know, it ruins my rep."

"You know I'm not talking about that," I said, and he smiled. I had seen Taehyung smile many times before, but this one was different. It wasn't a predatory smile, all teeth and gleam, but a genuine one which made me look away when I remembered he had threatened to shoot me in the forehead once.

"You'd think that was a long time ago, but that kind of thing doesn't go away easily," he continued. "It becomes primal. Protecting those around you—it's something instinctive for all of us, even the ones we hate, and those two? They're the textbook self-sacrificing kind." He made a face. "Pretty pathetic, if you ask me."

"You ruined that whole speech with the last comment," I muttered, but there was no asperity in my tone. Thoughtfully, I leaned my chin into my palm, knocking the heels of my boots against the floor. "You really think we'll be fine?"

"I don't just think, I know." He cracked his knuckles, then shook his hands out. "Old habits die hard."

I stared at the door in front of me, and the thought of my brother rose slowly from the murkiness taking up space in my mind, like a fish rising to the surface from under the water. I wondered if he had heard a word of the conversation—and what would he have thought of it? The ideal was that he would soften and open the door to his waiting sister, but I guessed it was going to take a lot more than a sort-of heartfelt conversation to melt him.

And the way he had spoken of his past was concerning. The history lessons were mostly war and weapons. I didn't know who had taught him, but it didn't sound like an ideal tutor. War and weapons. I couldn't help but think that the person who had taught him all of this was aware of his past.

"Leave him alone," Taehyung said. I looked at him inquisitively, and he gestured to the door. "I know you're worried and shit, but waiting outside his door for hours when you didn't know him for nineteen years of his life isn't gonna change anything."

"Nineteen?" I had almost forgotten his age. The number nineteen was like a bad omen to me now, since I myself had been nineteen years old when I had first come to Seoul. I cleared my throat and looked at the door again, which looked forbidding and angry. "I have to keep trying."

"Didn't take you to be the sentimental type."

"I wasn't, actually," I said, "but then I learned the consequences of not telling someone what you wanted them to know. Time always runs out on relationships." Taehyung observed me quietly, and I kicked the bar of the stool. "I used to think I was all alone, with no family left. And then the news of me having a brother came, and I waited for the happiness to come, but it never did."

Taehyung arched an eyebrow. "Not the best thing to say when the said brother might be listening in."

I ignored him. "I realized you don't just have to care for people you're tied to by blood," I said. "That in your own, twisted way, you guys are family too."

He placed a hand on his heart, making a mock-touched expression.

"But that's not just it. I want to make it up to my brother, because I owe him, and because I don't want him to live the same life of neglect I did," I said. I raised my chin and levelled my gaze on the door, raising my voice. "I've been nineteen, too, and I know what it's like. I just want him to know that it's not always as desolate as it seems. There are two sides to a coin, and many sides to circumstance."

Unsurprisingly, the door did not respond.

I sighed, and Taehyung got up, shaking his head. "Good talk," he said, and gave me a wild grin tinged with real affection. "Don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone comes around when you're the one waiting for them."