whatever longing in the fairly-complicated-brain of felix, he did not know, and, to an extent, he refused to come to terms with the fact. there was no reason why he chose to hide away from the reality, he was merely not brave enough to protect himself against the harshness of the difficulty he had been dealing with. the problem could be attributed to hyunjin as he used to be felix's endearing boyfriend, now he was just a stranger to felix.

on a breezing day of spring, hyunjin set up a date with felix out of the blue. the little boy was exhilarated to the point he could not wait for that moment to come. when felix finally got the chance to meet hyunjin, he was flabbergasted by what the taller boy interpreted. every word came out clear and loud enough for felix to fathom the meaning. hyunjin wanted to split up with felix without explicating the causes leading to this situation. despite felix's scandalised look, hyunjin appeared to be calmer and more collected. he was more at ease with the fact that the tie between him and felix was on the verge of being cut. maybe in hyunjin's mind, his affair with felix was a mere play to while away the time.

the moment passed by agonisingly slowly as no word could be uttered from felix's mouth. whatever he wanted to say was on the tips of his tongue, he did not know how to speak out sans sounding vulnerable. drinking water down his throat, he ultimately gained courage to say "yes" like an acceptance of hyunjin's "break-up" request. there was nothing in felix's capability to change hyunjin's mind. if he wanted to break tie with felix, he deliberately had the rights to do so. it was only an internal pain that incessantly impacted felix's mentality. it was not a piece of cake when it came to admitting that hyunjin was no longer his.

tracing back to the time hyunjin had had a crush on felix, he went the extra miles to grab the little boy's attention by dancing in the middle of the school yard during the second lecture. it was not an exaggeration to say that felix was as red as a beetroot when everyone kept on asking him whether hyunjin was his lover or not. from that moment onwards, felix admitted hyunjin did make his day feel much brighter.

the two of them spent two years of university together to their graduation and finally when each of them both got an occupation. things went out of control from time to time since they were usually swamped with work, hence, they barely spared time for each other. while living in the pre-graduate period, none of them had to undergo such stress like the one they experienced during work. neither hyunjin nor felix was capable of letting their businesses aside once they headed home. the moment for them to have a compassionate talk to resolve issues they had been having was so little that they were used to quarrelling every time they could not keep their composure. because of frequent fallouts, there was a growing rift between hyunjin and felix.

they did acknowledge what had happened  to both of them, that was why they came to their private consultant centre to talk over personal issues. nonetheless, it seemed that their stress hindered them too much that they could not work out a feasible way to divert all attention to one another. everything really went down the drains in spite of every effort the twos made. in all likelihood, that also ruined their relationship in a much more destructive way.

the time hyunjin said farewell to felix, there was little hope for felix to hold onto in order to talk hyunjin into staying. the taller boy was determined and he showed no signs of the willingness to plaster the rift he and felix had caused. they were over, that was the end for the three-year-affair that felix had vowed to protect it in his whole life. the younger boy felt as if his future had collapsed in front of his eyes, everything suddenly became darker and more dreadful. then, it dawned on him that he had no reasons to continue living, at least to embark on the life without hyunjin by his side.

it was a desperate choice made by felix in a moment of despair. he wanted to take away his life by suicide, and obviously, he reckoned that it was extreme which stated he should have pondered more carefully. however, nothing could get his mind across as he was surrounded by sorrows and hopelessness. just a second before being at death's door, his brain replayed a record of whatever he had done in his life, what he had achieved and how his family always provided him a moral support whenever he was in need of. with that, he shedded tears and whined in embarrassment. such tears of chaos, like a realisation of his foolishness, put him back to his sanity and reassured his mind.

even though his love was no longer there to be a mental buttress for felix, he could and he would do whatever it took to overcome the pain as well as conquer it. he appreciated his chaotic and out of bend teardrops as they were his savior, they saved his life, gave him an opportunity to restart and, of the utmost importance, to thrive again.