Chapter 9// Doodling and Drooling

I may, at the moment, be the happiest I’ve ever been.

Lounged comfortably on Jesse’s bed, I can’t restrain myself from glancing up at the spectacular sight before me from time to time, I mean, how could I not? Every time I sneak a glimpse, my cheeks flush red and my mouth dries out from my opened jaw. I mean, dear lord, how is it possible to be that attractive?  I’m pretending to be doodling on one of Jesse’s notebooks, but in reality I’m having a bit of a drooling session, I won’t lie to you. Jesse is working out, and I can assure you he looks mighty fine from where I’m slouched. Jesse is one of those guys that’s crazy about fitness- swimming, football, soccer, track- you name it and he probably does it. Currently he’s on the treadmill in his room, and I think I’m having palpitations just watching him. Why is the world so cruel?

“What are you drawing?” Jesse asks me, through huffs of effort. I snap out of my thought stream and stare down at my unconscious doodles, horrified to see that I’ve been doodling a cute drawing of a boy giving a girl a piggyback. My cheeks flood red and I tear the page out quickly, “Just some shoes and dresses,” I mutter embarrassedly, “You know me. What time do you think Jennifer will want some lunch?” I glance over at the clock on the wall, trying to change the topic.

“It’s only 11:30 Lois,” Jesse replies dryly, reaching forward to lower the settings on the treadmill. Slowly, slowly the death machine comes to a stop and Jesse hops off, ruffling his hair. “Pass me that towel, will you?” He points at the white towel hanging on the radiator next to me, and I quickly grab it and pass it over to him. I try to avoid eye contact to avoid drooling again, but it’s impossible. He’s stood there, tanned and muscular wearing a black wife beater and sweatpants, with beads of sweat in the line of his hair. I gulp down the awkward lump in my throat, and look away abashedly. Shy, awkward Lois is coming back to play.

“You can use the treadmill if you want,” Jesse suggests gruffly whilst patting his face dry. “You haven’t had much chance to do anything other than look after my mom for a week or two. Have you done any exercise recently?”

Did he say exercise or extra fries? I know which one I’d prefer.

“Yeah maybe,” I laugh awkwardly, “But I only went out for a run the other day.”

Complete and total lie. No reason to clue him in on how horribly unfit I am.

“Do you go to a gym?” Jesse asks me casually, slinging his towel back onto the radiator. As if it’s normal to pay a monthly fee to volunteer extra exercise. I awkwardly shrug in reply to his answer and Jesse frowns, seeming surprised. I guess since he’s friends with all the athletic popular people that it’s unreal to him if someone isn’t as obsessed with their fitness as him. I glance down at my body and cross my arms. I may not do tonnes of exercise but I eat healthily enough, right? I mean, I’m comfortable with how I look, but his judging looks are making me doubt my entire existence.

“What?” I ask defensively, feeling shy and even a little embarrassed.

“Have you never used a treadmill before then?”

I shake my head, “The idea of them really freaks me out. The ground is moving beneath you, but you’re not actually going anywhere. It’s horrible,” I shudder. Jesse is staring at me like I’m some kind of puzzle to figure out, before he subtly turns around and presses a button on the death machine. The mat begins to turn slowly.

“Have a go,” Jesse gestures, “Conquer your fear. It’s not as bad as you think.”

I eye the machine warily. Everett only has weight lifting stuff at home, he prefers to do the cardio on the streets around Hamilton. What if I get on the treadmill and I fall off, like everybody does in the movies? I don’t want to embarrass myself, but at the same time I’m intrigued by the idea. “Am I going to fall off?” I sigh, turning to Jesse. He shakes his head solemnly, but he’s biting his lips to keep back the laughter. His hand is behind his back, peaking my curiosity, but I decide to ignore it.

“Lois, it’s only going at a slow walking pace at the moment. You won’t fall off.”           

Without replying, a take a step onto the side of the treadmill, the steady plastic at the side of the moving mat. Then, I swing my other foot onto the opposite side, so that I’m standing over the running deck with my legs either side of it. Deciding to just go for it, I cautiously place a foot onto the mat, but I make the fatal mistake of leaving it on there for too long. My leg whisks out from underneath me, and I made a wild grab for the handle to steady myself. After regaining my balance, I release a slow huff of air, flushing pink at the sound of Jesse’s laughter.

“You’re so clumsy,” He chuckles, “You need to put both feet on quickly, around the same time.”

With a fresh sense of determination, I jump onto the treadmill with both feet at the same time, and almost immediately begin walking unnaturally slowly in order to keep up with the speed of the mat. “Okay I’ve done it now. You’ve proved your point.” I tell Jesse with a huff, “Now how do I turn this thing off?” Jesse comes around the sides of the treadmill, smirking, and presses a button which stops the mat slowly beneath my feet. He was right: the treadmill wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but I still didn’t particularly enjoy it. It doesn’t feel…right.

“Just so you know,” Jesse sighs teasingly, “I recorded your first treadmill experience. It’ll be a YouTube phenomenon, just you wait.”

What?!

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After Jesse swears ten times over that he won’t post the embarrassing video on any kind of social media, he heads for his long awaited shower, leaving me alone to stew in my own thoughts until he returns. I still haven’t told him about the shopping trip I have planned with Rita, Billie and Sophie today, because I’m scared that he’s either going to be angry because I won’t be able to look after Jennifer, or the other extreme is that he’ll be too excited that his plan is working. It’ll be a stab in the heart for me that I have to get him and Rita together. Either way, I’m not excited about telling.

After deliberating over it for ten minutes, Jesse finally comes back from the shower, fully clothed to my disappointment. “Mom’s fallen asleep,” Jesse rolls his eyes, “I turned the TV off for her. She won’t want lunch until she wakes up, and God knows when that’ll be.”

“Hey Jesse,” I clear my throat, wringing my hands slightly: a bad habit I have for when I’m nervous. “I have something to tell you.”

Jesse falters, brushing a hand through his darker, damp curls and eyeing me curiously.

“Um, well I kind of got invited to go shopping with Billie, Sophie and Rita today,” I mumble, “It just means I won’t be able to look after Jennifer this afternoon. I know it’s your turn to go out today, but I just thought it would help with the plan, and I could make it up tomorrow-“

“Wait,” Jesse interrupts, “Are you being serious? They invited you out to go shopping?” Bracing myself for either of the two extremes, I nod. Slowly, a smile morphs itself onto Jesse’s lips. “That’s awesome Lois. Why do you look so nervous?” I shrug and smile weakly, as though I can’t help it. I guess its extreme number two then: let’s hurt Lois in our eagerness to get closer with Rita. Not that I was really expecting extreme number 1, but in some ways that would be less painful.

“Jeez Lois, I thought you were shy? I was expecting you to take more than a day to get close with them. What time are you meeting them?” I feel a slight pang of jealousy towards Rita. This boy is doing anything he can to catch her attention and win him over, and yet she doesn’t seem to appreciate it- worrying over this Jamie tool bag instead. I would kill to be in her position. Heck, I think a lot of girls would. Why does Jesse pick her?

“I’m meeting them at two,” I tell Jesse, ignoring the slight jabs I’m feeling in favour for pulling on a broad smile. I knew what I was signing up for when I agreed to help Jesse, so now it’s time to pay the consequences of my decision. I should be happy for him, and happy for myself that Jesse has been acting so friendly towards me.

“Awesome,” He raises his hand for a high five and I slap it weakly, but unexpectedly Jesse grabs my hand and leans over to grasp a pen from his desk. I instantly blush, my hand tingling as though to put emphasis on the fact that he’s holding it. Ever since I’ve started this plan he’s been touching me and setting my nerves on fire: it’s like teasing, hardly fair! There’s been the arms around the shoulders, the half hugs, the hands- is he really that oblivious to my feelings for him that he thinks me as like his accomplice? One of the guys? Somehow that thought is even worse than when he hated my guts.

“Here you go,” Jesse says, cradling my hand and scribbling something across my palm. “That’s my number. I’ll make an excuse for you for my mom, and you go shopping with Rita. Find out anything you can about what she likes, maybe?” He flashes a full set of pearly whites at me, releasing my hand. I stare down at the number scrawled across my palm in shock. I’ve dreamed about this moment for three years, and now it’s actually happened I can’t help but feel disappointed. He doesn’t want my number so that he can message me properly, he wants it because he wants updates on my friendship with Rita. The sinking feeling in my stomach seems to morph into some kind of an abyss. It’s getting harder to smile. I need to snap out of this- I shouldn’t be feeling sorry for myself, it’s wrong of me to do that after what I’ve promised Jesse.

“Thank you for helping me,” Jesse admits awkwardly, his eyes flickering anywhere but my own and his hand reaching up to scratch his forearm. “I do appreciate it, honestly. You shouldn’t have to but you do it anyway, and well…even I don’t know why sometimes. You’re a good mate, Lois.”

A good mate. That should make me feel happy, so why doesn’t it?

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Shopping with Rita and her friends is actually more fun than I thought it’d be. I assumed from their stereotype that all we’d be doing was walking around clothes shops all day and ogling at potential eye candy outside of the Abercrombie and Fitch store, but it was actually so much more entertaining. Sure, we did go into some clothes shops as per Rita’s request, but we also hung around practical jokes stores, video game stores and most of our time was spent in the food courts and coffee shops just chatting, which has been my favourite part of the day so far. Things started off a little awkward when I first arrived, but the girls were just as nice as they had been yesterday, so I relaxed pretty quickly.

“Who’s feeling like a Starbucks?” Sophie asks, lifting up her shopping bags for us to see. “I don’t know about you but all this sale shopping is making me thirsty. Thoughts?” We’re currently strolling through the middle of the airy mall towards the food courts, where a Starbucks store is situated. I have two armfuls of shopping bags, my feet are hurting and all I can think about is Jesse. The only cure is coffee: of course I want a Starbucks.

“Okay but we need to sit down, then,” Rita groans, “I shouldn’t have worn my new boots today.” We make our way into the food court and collapse into an empty table, our bags filling up every inch of space between us. Almost immediately Rita leans down and takes off her stiletto boots, uncaring of the fact that she’s just in her socks in the middle of the mall. “That’s so much better,” She sighs, rubbing her sore feet and wincing. I glance down at my own slightly grubby flip flops, and they’re a stark contrast to Rita’s million dollar outfit. Then again, I’m comfortable in my clothes so I guess I gain more. Billie asks for all of our orders, takes the money and makes her way over to Starbucks, leaving me, Sophie and Rita to recover from our shopping trip for a little while in silence.

“Right,” Sophie stretches, “I believe you have a little story to tell us when Billie gets back.” She looks pointedly at Rita. “We want to know what happened yesterday with Jamie. Did you take Lois’ advice?” Rita smiles innocently and shrugs in reply, taunting us until Billie returns, which luckily doesn’t take long. As soon as I spot the familiar mop of dark hair headed towards us, I alert Sophie and we both begin to gesture Billie over hurriedly. Billie stops for a second in confusion, before panic overtakes her features and she practically jogs over to our table, drinks spilling out of cups.

“What?” She asks as she gets closer. “What the hell is wrong?”

“Nothing,” Rita smiles smugly. “They just want to hear my story and you were taking too long.” Oblivious of the annoyance on Billie’s face, she reaches over to grab her herbal tea, pulling a face as she sees that some of the contents has spilled over the sides. Billie exchanges an irritated glance with me, directed at Rita, and I smile apologetically in return. After Billie is sat down, however, and the half spilled drinks are served- Rita finally begins to share her story.

“So,” Rita says, taking a last slurp from her herbal tea, “I met up with him as planned last night, and I laid down the rules, just as you advised. I told him that I was fed up with whatever fling he was having with me, and I didn’t want to be used. I wanted to have a stable relationship, and he had to earn me if he wanted me.” She explains solemnly, tipping sugar into her tea and stirring it slightly. Suddenly her palms slap down on the table. “Do you know what he said to me?”

“What did he say?” Sophie asks, engrossed. Billie rolls her eyes at Rita’s dramatics.

“He told me that he liked me being all bossy, and that it was a major turn on. Then he tried to hook up with me! Can you believe that jerk? He hadn’t listened to a thing I just said.” Rita fumes, her grip on the stirring rod tightening so much that her knuckles turn white.

“What a douche,” Sophie shakes her head, erupting some more frizzy curls from her loose fishtail plait. “Why did you even start dating him?”

“Well he was nice at first,” Rita says defensively, ruffling her fiery red locks. “Anyway, so I went berserk. I told him if he wanted to do that, he had to earn me. Take me on dates and stop treating me like I’m worthless. I deserve to start being treated like a princess instead of a booty call.”

“And?” I pipe in.

“And he asked me out,” Rita says smugly, “And then we had some hard-core make-up sex.”

Sophie groans at the news, and Billie face palms for Rita’s sake. Meanwhile, I’m struggling not to laugh. Did this girl really not understand what we were all trying to tell her yesterday? She seems to be completely clueless about how this guy is using her. “What is it?” Rita asks, “I did what you said didn’t I? We’re dating- I’m not his booty call anymore.”

“And just how many other girls is he ‘dating’ then?” Billie cocks an eyebrow. “Give me your phone.” Rita hands it over hesitantly, obviously intimidated by the determination of Billie’s expression. Immediately, Billie types in Rita’s passcode and heads for her messages. “This guy is a toolbox, Rita. He’s using you for stress relief and you don’t need that. This is me eliminating him from your life okay? You can do so much better.”

“Okay,” Rita mutters reluctantly. Billie nods in approval, before typing in a long message full of profanities to Jamie and telling him in much nastier words, to get lost and find a new booty call. Then she slams the phone back into Rita’s awaiting palm.

“Dealt with,” Billie smiles smugly. Sophie and I begin to chuckle and Billie, hearing my laughter, smiles slightly at me. I see the glint of a tongue piercing in her mouth. I’m beginning to really like Billie’s attitude: the way she doesn’t care what people think of her. She has a backbone, that girl, one that I am incredibly envious of.

“You can do better than him anyway,” I assure Rita, who’s staring at her phone like her puppy just died. I still feel much more awkward speaking to Rita than to either of the others, but I’m making the best effort I can. “Is there anybody else you like the look of? Its summer after all- anything could happen.” I try weakly to distract her from the topic, wriggling my eyebrows suggestively, but she just shakes her head and looks up at me curiously.

“Speaking of summer romances, what’s with the newfound friendship between you and Jesse?”

Instantly I flood red, but that is quite possibly the worst thing I could do because this instantly peaks the interest of Sophie and Billie too. “Yeah, what is happening with that?” Sophie asks me, leaning forward to raise an eyebrow. “It was like, one moment you were acquaintances, and the next you’re at his house all of the time, or you’ll walk into the café together. Are you dating?”

“No!” I protest, but my heart is beating slightly faster at the thought. “I, um, accidentally backed a car into his mom.” I wince at how bad it sounds aloud, and almost in synchronisation, the girls mouths drop open. Obviously that was not what they were expecting to hear.

“What?!” Rita asks, eyes wide as she stares at me.

“I almost killed his mom,” I repeat embarrassedly, and the girls stare at each other in shock for a second. If my face wasn’t red before, it’s scarlet now, and I wring my hands in humiliation in my lap. “I only broke her leg!” I try to defend myself, “And I’m looking after her every day in Jesse’s house, that’s why I’m there! It’s honestly not that bad,” I babble in my own defence.

“Holy crap!” Sophie exclaims worriedly, “Is she okay? You backed out into her?”

“She stepped out at the wrong time,” I bite my lip, “I was reversing my car. And yeah, she seems to be doing okay, I guess. I help her out every day with housework and stuff to try and make up for it.” Saying that aloud to someone seems almost pathetic, but the girls seem to accept it all the same. They all seem a little shell shocked, and it makes me feel even worse for what I’ve done to Jennifer. She seems to have forgiven me, no questions asked. Unfortunately, Jesse isn’t quite as easy.

“Oh my god,” Billie laughs, “You sure know how to make an impression with Jesse. He seems to be doing okay with the idea, considering.” Little does she know, he might hate my guts if I wasn’t coming on this shopping trip.

“Yeah I guess,” I shrug, “He’s a good guy.” Deviously, I glance up at Rita to see what kind of a reaction she has to the statement- to see if she has anything to say about it. Even if she just looks away or something, that’s something to report back to Jesse and may earn me a little more friendliness. Unfortunately for Jesse, though, Rita seems to do nothing out of the ordinary, and when she catches me looking she acts completely innocently.

“What are you looking at?” Rita asks me curiously.

Do I go for it? Would that be too obvious? Well it’s worth a try. “Um, I was just wondering how you and Jesse are getting on now,” I swallow inconspicuously, “You know, what with the break up a little while back and stuff, you still seem to be working as friends.” Ah crap- I shouldn’t have said that. She’s going to think I’m so nosy!

“Yeah, but that’s all there is with Jesse,” Rita shrugs, “He knows why I broke it off with him. We’re just friends now.”

Do I ask why they broke up?

I go to open my mouth, but decide against saying something. I need to lay low if I want to get real information. I may have been invited to go shopping with them today, but who’s to say that they won’t speak to me again after the shopping trip? I need to wait until I’m closer to Rita until I can ask her personal questions about her past relationships. I can be patient enough for that.

I just hope Jesse can be too.

I owe you guys a massive thank you.

The support I recieved after my little confession was...outstanding. I didn't expect half as many people were actually even reading the book, so the fact that you all took time to comment and vote completely blew me away. I will be continuing with this story, but I'm sorry to warn you that during my exam period (June-July) I may not be updating as often. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter- and thank you for being such great people :) I love you all so much xx