Listen, I'm not saying Shiro is a bad person. I'm saying he was a terrible father and that's just a fact, because look at canon! It's an absolute disaster when these twins are left on their own(Mephisto is a trash legal guardian, the boys are basically taking care of themselves and doing it terribly).

I hope y'all enjoy what I'm calling in my head Blue Exorcist, But I Fixed It, Added My Own Totally Plausible Headcanons, And It Also Might Be Gay(As In LGBTQ+ Friendly With More Queer Themes). We need Yukio to be an actual good brother, Rin to get some damn meds for ADHD, Better characterization, and for it to be less overwhelmingly hetero.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Yukio hadn't seen what happened in the Monastery with Rin and their father, but Shiro was dead and Rin was traumatized. It was clear Shiro had been possessed and there was only one demon who could manage that, so Satan had definitely been in the Monastery.

Rin had been kneeling over their father's bloody and battered corpse, silent tears streaming down his face and wide eyes seeing nothing under his thoroughly tousled fringe. He had dirt, blood, and splinters all over him and he'd clearly unsealed himself if the demonic features had anything to say for it.

Yukio had first checked on their father, just in case he might still be alive. No pulse. His body was already cold and stiff, so they'd been there for a while.

How long had Rin been kneeling next to their father's broken body, silently crying and clutching onto what was most likely the last thing Shiro and ever given him(that damned sword that Yukio had always hated, because it tied his twin's life to such an easily breakable thing, Shiro why would you–)?

Yukio couldn't imagine what it felt like having that cursed sword be the last thing you got from a man who chose to neglect you all your life until this night just because you found out you were the son of the most evil being in the world.

After checking their father, Yukio hesitated, but only for a moment. Then he kneeled and hugged his older brother to him. The sword clattered to the floor in the silence. Rin clutched onto his twin, scraped and splintered hands fisting in the soft tan sweater that he loved to borrow from the younger during the Winter.

Yukio's knees started to hurt and Rin showed no signs of settling down after whatever had happened before Yukio arrived, so he settled back onto the floor with his legs criss-crossed and Rin in his lap, sobbing into his shoulder.

Exorcists slowly made their way in and the clergymen emerged from the rubble and carefully moved Shiro's body. The act took longer than it should've because Rin had latched onto the deceased Priest's shredded cassock and refused to let go until Yukio convinced him that Shiro's body needed to rest somewhere more comfortable and get cleaned up.

It was almost like explaining the death of a family member to a child, but Yukio was patient. As much as he hated admitting it, Rin hadn't exactly been raised by anyone, he'd grown up on his own while Shiro trained the younger twin to protect himself and Rin in the future(it seemed now was that future, and how the hell am I gonna protect my brother in this situation).

Rin was allowed to be childish in instances like this one. He wasn't ready to let go of a father figure he'd so desperately wished would finally come around to love him as much as the man had seemed to love Yukio. He'd still been hopeful even after so many years of neglect, and that broke Yukio's heart just a little bit. He admitted that he had no idea what it was like to feel unwanted– everybody had always loved Yukio and appreciated him. Sure, he'd drowned in expectations along the way, but at least people wanted him around and believed in him. Rin had received the opposite– nothing. He was unwanted, unloved, and seemed a hopes case by most of their neighborhood by the age of five.

They sat there nearly all night and Rin slept throughout the day and through half of the next night.

When he woke up, he wasn't surprised to see Yukio's side of the room still empty, though the covers on his bed were messy. Rin hadn't expected the younger to stay after he'd come back to find the Monastery in such a state of destruction and his older brother bawling his eyes out over their father's dead body.

If Rin had kept his big mouth shut, Shiro might still be there. He'd only gotten possessed after Rin told him not to act like he cared about Rin. Shiro had straight up slapped the kid–something he'd never done to either twin before–and then he'd collapsed and after that, there was just so much blue and burning fire, and screaming, and crying, and miasma, and smoke everywhere, surrounding him. Rin had gotten a trashy introduction to his birth father and then he'd been thrown into the Gates of Hell.

Shiro chose then to show that he did at least care about Rin by commiting suicide via the pin hanging around his neck and his body fell into the Gate with Rin. Thanks, Dad. He thought sarcastically.

Rin had tried to pull them out, but the Gate wasn't letting go. He'd unsheathed the sword in a last ditch effort to save both of them, if Shiro could even be alive after all the abuse to his old body.

Rin only succeeded in saving himself and Shiro's corpse. He almost wished he'd been killed too, because now he had no one except his twin brother who'd brushed him off and ignored his presence for years. All Rin could do was kneel there with the sword that held his Demon Heart and cry over the man he'd wished would treat him like a son as much as he did to Yukio. It was stupid to hope that Shiro would ever come around when he obviously preferred Yukio(and why wouldn't he, because even if Yukio didn't care much about Rin anymore, he was still an amazing and talented person who deserved people loving him and wanting him around), but Rin would never know if that was an actual possibility now.

Rin made his way downstairs, having to jump down the rest of the way because the last five steps had been destroyed and no one had rebuilt them yet. The Monastery was surprisingly clean and tidy after the attack the day before. It was eerie to Rin.

This place was devoid of warmth, now. Shiro was the only person who'd ever actually liked it. It was old, creaky, and swayed easily during harsh storms. It leaked in rainstorms and the siding came off if the wind was too strong. Rin spent half his life expecting the weakest parts of the floors to just collapse under someone one day, but the worry wore off the older he got, so he just stepped wherever and figured no one would particularly care about whatever injury he sustained, including Rin himself. Basically–If I die, I die. A sad way to look at life,.bit it made things hurt less emotionally and he needed that to keep going and pretending nothing every hurt him or his feelings.

But the creaky, swaying, splintering Monastery was all he knew. It had been lonely before, so he'd spent all his time outside it, in the streets or forced to attend school. Now, it just felt lifeless.

He entered the kitchen and found Yukio battling with the toaster for his half-burnt toast. The younger looked up at the creek of the floorboards in the doorway and gave an awkward smile when he saw Rin.

"Just use a butter knife, it's not going to electrocute you." Rin advised, trying not to laugh.

Yukio did so and successfully retrieved his toast, which Rin snorted at. "How can you be so hopeless with food that you can't even get the toaster to the right setting so you don't burn the bread?" He asked in amusement.

This was a new development. Yukio and he always woke up at different times and Yukio always had tons of stuff to do, so the only times they ever interacted was usually dinner, though the younger sometimes missed those too and Yukio didn't talk much at those anyways. Small talk in the quiet of the morning was strange, but something Rin had always wished they had.

Yukio shrugged helplessly. "I've always been spoiled by your cooking, so yeah, I have no idea how to make food, including using a toaster properly, it seems." He admitted regretfully. Rin laughed quietly.

"Well then, listen up: Four is good toast, five is burnt toast, and six is cremated toast. And if you put it on six, the toaster stays on that temperature no matter where you put it after that and it took two years of us just popping it at the perfect time before it reset to normal again." Rin coached. Yukio laughed too.

"Being able to cook is probably a skill I should have by the time I have to live by myself." Yukio said.

"You sure you're ready to pick up the knife again after you cut your poor little finger last time?" Rin teased.

"We were eight and there was blood! I thought I cut my finger off!" Yukio defended.

Rin burst into laughter then, loud and spontaneous and familiar from their early years, the time before Yukio got so busy learning how to protect Rin that he completely discarded the boy himself. Yukio wished he'd grown up hearing that laugh instead of missing it like he did.

"It barely cut through your skin and the knife wasn't even that sharp!" Rin countered, still laughing as he put in his own toast and started making eggs. Yukio sighed, watching his brother perform the skill he'd mastered as a kid and had only perfected as they got older. Rin's cooking wasn't just a blessing, it was art. Outside the kitchen, Rin stumbled through just about everything. But inside the kitchen, Rin danced.

"I think I can handle learning to cook again, if you're the one teaching me. Cookbooks are too vague and I don't do well with people I don't know." Yukio admitted.

"Yeah, me neither." Rin agreed softly, smiling at the eggs. There was something they had in common after all. It was small, but it was a start.

"Listen, Rin, about the other part of our lives–the whole Exorcists and Demons part," Yukio saw Rin stiffen up, but he kept cooking the eggs, listening carefully even though he wouldn't look at his brother.

"I....I've known about it since we were little. Since we were seven, actually." Yukio began, but paused as soon as Rin whirled around, anger already contorting his face.

He held his hands up placatingly. "Please! Please, just let me get all the way through this before you flip out, then you can yell at me as much as you want. I....I need you to know this, so we can finally be on the same page again. It's been too long." Yukio pleaded.

Rin nodded, but he already looked pissed. Yukio shivered, but pushed away any fear. This was Rin. Rin would never hurt Yukio. If he went off on Yukio for how fucked up the truth of their childhood was, that was deserved. Yukio chose this life for himself. Shiro didn't exactly tell him everything it entailed, but Yukio could've dropped out of it anytime and chose not to. He deserved whatever Rin had to say. Rin never needed insults to hurt people–just the stone cold truth. And it was never slung at those who didn't deserve it. So of he chose to throw it in Yukio's face, then so be it.

"I was born being able to see demons–presumably because I shared a womb with you. I didn't understand what was happening, but I was always scared, even of just going outside the Monastery. I hid it for a while, but when we were seven, Dad noticed and explained about Demons and Exorcists." Yukio took a deep breath and let it loose in a rush of air. He'd never wanted to tell Rin the truth this way–alone with no one to help explain, over breakfast the day after their father died.

"He could have just given me a charm of protection to keep the demons away, but I think he saw an opportunity and he took it. He probably thought it would do us good. He told me that in about ten years, you'd be in trouble. He asked me if I wanted to protect you, to help you through it and stay by your side. Of course I said yes, I've always wanted to be as great as you, so I could be by your side. You may not think so, but you are someone to look up to, Rin. I always have." Yukio said honestly, giving a tired smile to the older's carefully blank expression.

"I started training at seven and spent all my time studying and later, going on missions with Dad. I became an Exorcist at thirteen and dad and I were partners. I wanted to protect you. I want to protect you." Yukio insisted, willing Rin to understand that just by looking into his eyes.

"When were you going to tell me? Was there even a plan for that?" Rin asked quietly. He looked so.... hopeless, lost. Yukio didn't ever want to see that look on his brother's face. It wasn't Rin. Rin was always courageous and brave and witty no matter the situation.

"I told Dad that we should tell you when we were eight. We could train you somehow, so you'd be prepared and me and you could still grow up together. But Dad said no and refused to even let me mention it again. I don't know why. The best I can figure is that he wanted you to grow up human." Yukio sighed.

The bitterness creeping into Rin's expression began to clear away. Then he frowned again.

"But why? Wouldn't it be better for me to be prepared? To know how to handle this? What are we going to do now? Where will I go, what's going to happen to me and this big ass secret I have to carry? I can't get into that fancy school of yours, they probably wouldn't even let me take the exam!" Rin's shoulders fell and he slumped.

"I don't know what's going to happen, but I won't leave you. Even if it means dropping out of True Cross Academy. I became an Exorcist to protect you and I promised I would. I wouldn't leave you behind for a fancy school and an honestly shitty salary." Yukio said firmly.

Rin opened his mouth to protest, but Yukio cut him off by stepping forward and holding Rin's face in his hands. "Rin, listen to me: I don't give a shit if I have to walk with you through hell or all the way to the moon. I'm staying with you." He repeated. Rin nodded, but he looked pained by it.

"I think Dad just didn't want to raise you like he raised me. He knew you'd never get the chance at a normal life once those ten years were up. And I think that blinded him to the fact that raising you that way would hurt you more than it would help you." Yukio attempted to explain. Shiro was a difficult man to understand. "But that's why I kept training. So I could help you when it came to this. So you'd at least have me if all else failed. I did it for you and I'll always do it for you, okay? Don't feel guilty over other people's choices, you didn't ask for any of this and I did. Remember that."

Rin's jaw clenched under Yukio's palms and his twin blinked, trying to look away. He was going to cry and he hated other people seeing him cry. Yukio hadn't seen his brother cry in years, not counting the night before. He sighed, wiping the first tear to roll down his brother's cheek.

"You're allowed to cry, Rin. Our father is dead and you had to deal with always being lonely when he was still around and perfectly able to drop in to at least say hello once in a while. You loved every second of time he'd spend with you and you never complained even once about how much it seemed like he loved me more than he loved you. You're allowed to feel like you've been wronged, because you have. You're allowed to feel. You may be half-demon, but never forget that you're still half-human too." Yukio told him.

Rin lurched forward to bury his face in Yukio's sweater, loud sobs falling from his lips as the sweater dutifully muffled the broken sounds. It was a clean grey sweater Yukio had chosen for that day when he'd gotten up–he'd let Rin sleep in the tan one from the night before since he knew it was Rin's favorite.

Yukio, tired and also somewhat lost on what to do now that Shiro was gone, let a few tears slip down his cheeks as well. He'd long since gotten over loudly sobbing like Rin was doing now. If there was one thing left in the world that he'd sob over, it would be losing Rin. He hadn't lost his brother and he was grateful. He still had someone to hold onto. Yukio had no idea what he'd do if he lost Rin. His purpose would be gone. The world would be empty and too quiet.

"We'll be okay. We're not alone, so we'll be okay." He promised, forcing his voice to remain steady when all it wanted to do was break.

"It feels a lot better to cry like a baby when you're crying too, you know." Rin whispered, voice cracking in several places. He could never speak clearly when he cried, he'd get too choked up, so it felt like trying to swallow an apple if he spoke. It was embarrassing and inconvenient, but Yukio had never held it against him, so he didn't mind this time.

"Okay." Yukio whispered back. They stood in the kitchen for a long time, their breakfast getting cold as they stood there, wrapped around each other and mourning everything they'd lost and fearing everything they had yet to go through.

But it was a start to something good, too. Yukio could finally protect Rin and help him like he'd trained to all these years. He couldn't fail–wouldn't fail, even if it cost him everything. As long as he had Rin, everything would be okay.