{NA NA NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA NA NA, BATMAN!

Right. Uh. Hai. :3 I'm Hannah, and I've decided to rewrite I Blame My Evil Clone because it currently sucks. (wow okay I already told you guys this but I wrote the chapter one author's note before the chapter zero author's note so yeah XD) Seriously, it's one of the crappiest stories on my profile. Horrible pacing, horrible phrasing, horrible proofreading, and horrible cringiness. Ugh.

BUT IT'S BETTER NOW! :D

Also, Chapter One has gained almost a thousand words. That's pretty cool, right?

Anyways. En-juh-hoy, my be-ay-yoo-tiful Rulers!}

Chapter One: I Swear It Wasn't Me (A.K.A. The Chapter Where the Majority of the Plot Takes Place Because Past Hannah Apparently Has No Idea What Build-Up Is.)

Time: 10:25 on a friggin' Monday

Place: Sky's bedroom

Sky's POV

I roll off my bed with an exaggerated groan. Mr. Alarm Clock, sometimes I hate you.

After flailing my arms uselessly for a few moments, I manage to gather enough brainpower to actually turn off the alarm clock and then haul myself to my feet. Ugh, what part of me would ever consider it a good idea to set an alarm this early?

Oh, snap – the jump map! I'm gonna be late, I'm gonna be the latest late person in all of late history, holy crap! I sprint out the door, hoping that I can locate either Ty or Jason before they head off. Okay, who's more likely to be late to something like this?

Uh... Ty.

"TY!" I yell, running to his house. It's pretty close to mine anyways, and Jason's is all the way in the middle of the city. Ty's house is also extremely amazing – and I would know, considering I built it. With Ty, of course. It took us almost a year to get it finished, but it was totally worth it. It's huge and homey at the same time, and it's crazy decorative.

Oh. And it's also on fire.

I swing open the door in a terrified panic. "Ty! You okay?" I call, because even though the only consequence of his death would be a quick and easy respawn, I've never trusted the Respawn Machine as much as everyone else does. "Ty!" I shout again, sprinting through the burning house to locate my friend. When I find him, he's busy frantically searching chests for empty buckets and buckets of water. "Ty! What the Nether happened!?" I ask, attempting to pat out some of the fire near me.

He immediately stops what he's doing to stare at me. "Are you kidding?" he asks emotionlessly. When I hesitantly shake my head, he shouts, "You happened!" Uh. "You griefed my house, the house that we spent a year building! What's wrong with you?"

How do I respond to this!? "I would never do that, Ty! I mean, I might grief a tiny part of it, but I wouldn't set a wooden house on fire!" Um, that might not have been the best thing to say.

Ty scowls at me. "I saw you, Sky. How do you plan to explain that?"

I bite my lip, wondering if maybe I sleep-griefed my best friend's house. "I... I didn't do it," I whisper, because, no, I would never do this. How could he possibly believe that I would do this? I know how much this house and its contents mean to him. He's got artifacts from clear across the map, furniture passed down from family members that went missing while adventuring. How could I ever bring myself to burn it all down?

"I hate you, Sky," he says quietly, and then he closes his eyes tightly for a few moments. "Please leave."

"Ty, I-"

"Leave!"

I wince at his tone and then do as he says, sprinting out the door and towards the city. Maybe Jason can help me out with whatever's going on. And, even if he can't, at least I can sit there and tell him I'm startled.

I know I didn't grief Ty's house – so who did? Apparently someone who greatly resembles me, because Ty said he saw me. So, there are three possible things that could have happened.

1: I sleepwalk.

B: I have an evil twin.

And last but not least: This is all a dream.

My vote is for either one or three. Because, honestly, an evil twin? Evil twins are too mainstream. Now, an evil clone, that'd be kinda funny.

I knock loudly on Jason's door while screaming his name obnoxiously, and it only take him three seconds to throw the door open. But then he sees me and takes a step back, stuttering "D-Don't come any closer!" in a way that makes it seem like he's just shaken hands with the man who killed his kid. Which, I'm pretty sure he hasn't. You know, considering he doesn't actually have any kids.

I give him a confused smile. "Dude, it's me – Sky!"

"I'm aware," he growls in a vain attempt at sounding tough. He tries to ease the door closed, but I push it open and step past him.

"Jason, what's up? Why are you so scared of me?" I wander into his living room and gasp, because, suddenly, I understand. The bodies of Jeffrey and Dillon lie broken on the couch, and on the wall, in what I assume must be their blood, a message is written. "Sorry, I tripped and accidentally tore their guts out. My bad. ~Sky."

"I swear I didn't do this!" I insist, shaking my head. What kind of sicko would do this to Jason?

"I saw you when you were signing it," he replies, voice shaking with sadness and fear. "Get out."

"I-I- I would never! I'm your friend, Jaso-"

"No. Not anymore," he says, swallowing hard afterward. He looks down for a second or too and then raises his head again to look me in the eyes. "You are a monster. Now, please, get out of my house!"

I shake my head slowly, disbelievingly, as I back towards the door. "I- I didn't- I promise, I would never-"

"But you did, Sky!" he spits. "Now get out!"

Blinking rapidly in an attempt to keep my eyes dry for a little while longer, I run out the door. What just happened? Where am I even going? Ty and Jason are my best friends!

I'll find Mitch and Jerome. They'll help me – hopefully. A few minutes later, I'm knocking on the trapdoor of Jerome's tree house, 'cause does anyone honestly know where Mitch lives?

"'Sup, Sky?"

"I think I sleepwalk. Or I might have an identical twin who hates me," I reply instantly.

"Uh... And why, exactly, do you think that?" Mitch asks as he opens the door a little more, because apparently Mitch just randomly visits Jerome's house sometimes? Actually, that kind of makes sense.

"Sky!" someone shouts from below me, and I look down to see Jerome... with purple fur?

I burst out laughing, eventually laughing so hard that I have to climb back down the ladder to avoid falling and dying. Jerome sends me a nasty glare, and I laugh harder. "S-Sorry, Fluffy, but you're-" I pause to laugh a bit more. "You're purple!"

He scowls. "Yes, Sky, I realize. Of course, you knew this would happen. It's your fault."

"Okay, one, it wasn't me, and two, someone give the genius who did this a block of budder!" I yell, trying to put a stop to my seemingly endless laughing. You gotta admit, though, a purple Fluffy is something worthy of laughter!

"Um, Biggums, don't you have some kind of competition tomorrow?" Mitch asks. I laugh harder.

Jerome's eyes widen. "Oh, no... It's supposed to be completely serious! And I'm purple! And it's televised!"

"Oh..." Crap, there goes the funny.

"SKY!" Jerome shouts angrily, and my eyes widen in fear. Snap.

"I didn't do it, I'm being serious!" I insist quickly.

"When are you ever serious? And, anyways, I know it was you – there was budder everywhere!"

"Then you should be happy!"

He growls at me, taking a step closer.

"Guys!" Mitch yells, jumping down from the tree house. "Sky was trying to tell me something before you came, Jerome, so maybe he should continue with what he was saying?"

"It's not my fault, that's what I was trying to say! None of it's my fault! Jason and Ty hate me, too, but I didn't grief Ty's house and I didn't murder Jeffrey and Dillon, and- They say they saw me do it, but I didn't, I swear I didn't! I promise."

"Well, why would they say they saw you doing it if you didn't actually do it?" Mitch asks. "They're your best friends!"

"Exactly!" I agree, nodding. "So, I came up with a few theories. Either I sleepwalk, I have a twin/clone, or this is all a dream... A very, very confusing dream."

"I know you don't sleepwalk," Mitch says.

"I'm fairly sure this isn't a dream," Jerome adds.

"In that case, I blame my evil clone," I respond, shrugging.

"Right... Well, something is definitely going on," Mitch replies.

"Whatever it is, I'll bet it's the squids' faults!" I yell.

"Uh-huh. Whatever, we'll watch out for anything strange," Jerome says. Apparently he no longer blames me for his purple fur.

"All right, thank you so much, guys. I'm gonna go try to convince Jason and Ty that it wasn't me who did all that stuff to them. Bye!" I call as Mitch and Jerome head up into the Fluffy's tree house and I run back towards Ty's house.

Please, Ty... Please, believe me.

Jerome's POV

Someone knocks on the trapdoor, and, since Mitch is closest, he opens it. "Psyche!" Sky yells, shoving the trapdoor fully open and smacking Mitch in the face with it as he enters. "I lied. I actually did grief Ty and kill Jason's pets. It was actually extremely satisfying."

"Satisfying?" Mitch asks, rubbing his face.

"You bet. Oh, and, Fluffy? The purple dye was in the water. I mixed it in so that it wouldn't be visible until it made contact with your fur." Before Sky even stops speaking, I'm growling at him. Still, he ignores me and keeps talking. "I never got Mitch, though, so guess what I learned how to do?"

"Be an insane jerk?" I ask.

"No, you dumb animal," he hisses, and I flinch. What is wrong with Sky? "I learned to hack. See, look at this." He sets his laptop on a table and finds the Hunger Games website. Running his fingers over the keys in a blur, he shows us the current Hunger Games Champions.

"What!? Not possible!" Mitch yells with wide eyes.

"We' re the Hunger Deans Champs!" I join in.

"Not anymore," Sky snickers, and if I wasn't mad before, I am now. "Look, there's even a little explanation thing for why it's not you guys like it used to be." He begins to read aloud, "'A beginning player by the username of iamawsum2005 managed to corner BajanCanadian and fist him to death after catching him off guard and rendering the former champion's diamond sword useless. JeromeASF was on a five-game winning streak when a new player with a wooden axe bested Jerome and his Betty in the DeathMatch. It seems our traditional champions have lost their skill. Thankfully, there will always be other players to easily slide into their places.'"

Mitch and I gape at each other as Sky packs up his laptop and leaves. "Have a nice day," he says in a sickly sweet voice. "Oh, and good luck with the whole 'we suck at the game we've devoted half our lives to' thing!"

Mitch and I continue to stare at each other in shock. "...That never happened, did it?" he asks shakily.

"I think I would have remembered something like that," I agree.

"I really hate Sky right now," Mitch says.

"So do I," I agree.

"We're never gonna hear the end of this from our fans, are we?" he asks.

"Never ever," I agree.

Sky's POV

"Puh-lease, Ty?" I ask for the millionth time, making puppy dog eyes even though I know he can't see me.

"Go away!" he yells back, also for the millionth time, and I frown for probably the billionth time. If he'd just come out and talk to me... But, no, he's holed up in what remains of his house, and I can't get in.

"Ty, please! I really truly didn't do it, Ty!"

"No. I'm not letting you in."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"PLEASE."

"Still no."

"...Pretty please?"

"Go away, Sky!"

I sigh, finally admitting to myself that I probably won't be getting my best friend back – at least, not today. I won't give up. Someday, someday, I will get him to believe me.

But for now?

I'll just have to beg Jason instead.

Evil-Sky's POV

I watch as Sky walk away from the house Ty locked him out of. It's a shame, isn't it? Poor Ty, he doesn't deserve to go through this.

As soon as Sky is out of earshot, I'm running in to take his place. "Please, Ty," I whine.

Ty groans and bangs his head up against the other side of the door. "I thought you left."

"I won't leave until you let me explain," I say stubbornly. This is gonna be hilarious.

"No, Sky! I don't want to hear it. I saw you doing it, all right? It only makes it worse that you're lying to me."

Sighing dramatically, I put on my best guilty voice. "I know. But I'm so sorry, and if you'd just let me talk-"

The door swings open. "Then talk," Ty says, glaring at me.

It doesn't take long for Ty to get suspicious when I cheerfully say, "Okay!" and gently pluck his headphones off of his head. He makes a grab for them, but I smirk and hold them above my head, and since I'm taller, he doesn't have a chance. "See, here's the thing," I begin as if I really don't want to be having this conversation (even though I've supposedly been begging for it for hours). "I just- I just hate you so much." His eyes widen in shock, and I shrug apologetically. "I'm sorry, but I hate your voice, your personality, your clothes – and, oh, these stupid headphones. Still, I'm not doing this," I snap the headphones in half, and he gasps. "I'm not doing this because I hate them. I'm doing it because you love them. When you smile, I cry inside, Ty. I just wanted you to know." I drop the headphones to the ground and then casually stomp on them, crushing them into little pieces and laughing as Ty holds back tears.

"But- Sky, no! You're my best friend, you can't- you can't just- Why are you being like this?" he asks, rubbing his eyes and blinking rapidly.

"I've always been like this, Ty – only, before, I hid it. Now, my hatred of you has grown too much to be hidden, and it just didn't feel right letting you believe I was actually your friend. I had to tell you. Anyways, goodbye, Ty! I wish you the worst of luck, and I truly hope never to see you again." With that, I smile sweetly at him and walk briskly in the opposite direction. Four down. How many friends does this Sky guy have? Eh, I guess it really doesn't matter all that much. By the time I'm finished with this dimension, no one will be on his side.