February 5

First I'd like to state for the record that the whole notion of writing this down was not my idea. It was Trent's. My theraphist's. He thinks I have trouble expressing my feelings.

So ok..I'll write to let it out since no one will read this anyway.
I'm super depressed.

And I'm not the only one who has a theraphy session.

Jay,Kai,and Cole has one too.

Trent said if I can make myself calm as I write here.

I need to remember the time me and Lloyd were happy together.

The problem? I ...

Can't Remember.

And it's true. Even after almost 7 weeks,a mere 47 days of not interacting with my bestie every day,not fighting with him over a waffle in the kitchen,not seeing him in the hallway of our rooms,for the sake of appearances,like he bugged me,Monty's image has grown hazy in my mind. I can't visualize the Lloyd that isn't dead.

My brain gravitates toward the end. The body. The coffin. The grave.

I can't even begin to pull up happy.

Lloyd.........why did you do it?