XXVII. forgive the world

trigger warning: mentions of cannibalism

      The first time Carl had a crush was when he was in the fifth grade. A girl named Felicity. She was two grades above him but they shared the same lunch period. He thought she was pretty. The first time she smiled at him in the lunch line, Carl went home and told his mom that he thought he was in love. Lori Grimes just laughed. She didn't try to talk him down. He was a boy. Crushes would come naturally.

When he thought of Felicity, his stomach would twist in knots and he would smile. He never spoke a word to her and yet he felt that way. But he eventually forgot about her as he got older. Carl didn't know anything about love or what it felt like. He only ever saw the love between his parents.

With Mia, it was like he couldn't breathe. Like when she was around, he forgot he was a person. It was like he was constantly in a dream. Amelia Jones was more than just a crush. She was someone he would kill for. She was his best friend. A girl who knew his secrets. Someone who he wanted to take on the world with. Carl knew what made her happy and what made her sad. He knew how to make her laugh and to make her feel better. Mia knew how to bring him back to Earth when he felt like he was disappearing.

It was more than a crush. Maybe at the prison but now, after everything they'd been through, Carl knew exactly what he felt.

As the party in the Church continued, Carl stood from his spot on the pew. His father watched him make his way to the doors. "Carl, where're you going?" He voiced.

"I was gonna check on Mia." He told him, pointing to the door.

"Is she okay?" Asked Rick.

"I'm really not sure." Carl responded. He put his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I'm kinda afraid to ask her, but, I need to."

His father smiled slightly. He patted his back. "Don't be too long, ya hear?"

His son smiled back. He opened the church doors. "Mia." He spoke but saw that she wasn't there. Carl looked around. "Mia?" He said again and closed the door behind him. He didn't get a response. Cautiously, he walked down the steps of the church. He stopped and looked around him again, still not seeing or hearing the girl. "Mia, where are you? Amelia!" He hollered again. His stomach tightened painfully when he still didn't get a response. He thought the absolute worse. "Mia, stop messing around. Where are you?"

"Carl?"

He spun around and Sasha was outside. Her eyebrows furrowed together. "What's going on?" She voiced.

He released a fearful breath. "I can't find Mia."

The snarling of walkers is what caused Mia wake up. It was a sound that pierced not only her ears but her heart. A sound that haunted her more than most things. A sharp pain bounced against her skull and spread to her eyes, making it hard for her to open them. Her vision blurred in and out as well as the voices around her. She shifted her jaw and felt another pain, which made her wince.

"Oh, look who's finally awake." A male voice spoke. "Almost thought we'd have to do it with you passed out."

Mia blinked again and winced. She moved her head, the throbbing pain coming back, and her face felt sticky. But she couldn't touch it to find out as her hands were tied behind her back. She jerked her arms but they wouldn't move. "Wha-What. . ." She uttered. When her vision focused again, that's when she saw people. A group of them around a fire. "What's going on?"

"Oh, Mia." The male voice started again. It wasn't until he crouched in front of her that she recognized his face. Gareth. Terminus. "You should have an idea. You were always suspicious of us. I could see it on your face. Smart girl, you are."

Her breath quickened. She was so confused. Her eyes cut to the side and she saw another person rested again the pole across from her. She panicked even more. "Bob?" She said out loud, her voice laced with fear. He was crying. His body still and slouched. Then they traveled down and Mia understood. Her blood ran cold.

Almost half of his leg was gone from his body. Mia shrieked and cried out even more with fear.

"Shut her up, Gareth!"

"Quiet!" Gareth shouted back. "She's just a kid." He looked at Mia again and his face didn't shift, even when he saw her crying. It was stone cold. Emotionless. Which scared her even more. "You got lucky, kid. We were gonna go for you first, but, you're so small that we knew you wouldn't be enough at the moment. And we were so hungry."

Hungry. At the moment. Tears fell from her eyes and her lips quivered uncontrollably. She watched him stand to his feet and he went back to Bob.

"Y'know, bears. . . when they start to starve, they eat their young. If the bear died. The cub dies anyway. But if the bear lives, it can always have another cub."

Mia found herself looking at her entire body as her breathing heightened. Her limbs were intact as well as her clothes. But she was covered in blood. She jerked at her arms again but they still didn't budge. Yet her lower body wasn't tied.

"You know, Greg and Mike came this close to nabbing that grey haired queen bitch who killed my mom," Gareth continued. Carol. "She drove with the archer." Daryl. "Greg saw them pull away. Can't wait to try her."

She felt more body chills. Mia choked back a sob that was in her throat. She looked at Bob again but all he could do was stare at his missing leg. Mia felt sick to her stomach as she watched, his flesh and bone visible to her.

"I like women better. Most of us do."

Terror filled her bloodstream. Mia knew she was going to die. She cried again and her eyes squeezed shut, her heart dropping to her stomach.

"My brother Alex has—" Gareth paused. "also currently dead because of Rick — he had a theory that it was because of the extra layer of fat that women have, you know," he glanced at the teenage girl. "What's it for, Mia? Childbearing."

Her lip quivered again.

"Even the skinny girls have it. Like that pretty one —Sasha?" Bob began to cry even more. "I think pretty people taste better, too."

"Why are you doing this?" She managed to speak again, her voice trembling.

Gareth didn't answer at first. He chewed on a piece of Bob's leg and he chewed it slowly, painfully slow to taunt them. "Why are we doing this, she asks?" He repeated her question, aiming it towards his cannibalist group by the fire. "Well, Mia. . ." He turned his body so that he could look at her. Her trembling body and tear streaked face almost brought him joy. "Your people killed my people. Shot 'em all up. Murdered my family."

"You were going to kill us." Mia spoke again, anger in her words, but it was overshadowed by the fear.

He hummed. "Maybe. Maybe not. You could've gotten lucky. Guess you only have your leader to blame." He continued to stare at her. "We're gonna get em all, you know? Even the cowboy. We'll be sure to do it nice and slow."

Mia's face twisted into a hateful flare, her nostrils flaring. She continued to share with terror. But she was angry. And the mention of Carl only made her angrier.

"I didn't want to hurt you, Mia. Believe me. I'm not above eating kids. They don't have enough meat on their bones, y'know? Won't fill us up." He taunted her. "But. . ." He clicked his to tongue. "Things don't work out the way you plan them to. We do what we have to do to survive. You understand, right?"

Mia prepared herself for a painful death. A slow one at that. Out of all the ways she could have thought to die, being eaten by cannibals was at the bottom of the list. She closed her eyes again and took deep breaths. It was gonna happen. So tried to tell herself that it would be okay. That it was her destiny to die. And some part of her had been ready to die for a while.

But then she thought about her group. About Maggie. About Carl. And then she felt sick.

As Gareth continued to torture them, Bob's cries slowly turned into laughter. Cackles. The cannibals stood from their spots. Mia was confused. She figured he was losing his mind. She couldn't blame him. But it scared her to death. "Well, he's lost it." Said one of the cannibals.

"Bob." Her voice trembled again.

"Lasted longer than I thought he would."

Bob continued to cackle. "You. . . You idiots." He let out.

His loud laughter caused the walkers to pound on the glass that kept them from killing them all. Mia quickly looked at them with a small gasp, her large brown eyes going even wider. She could hear the glass start to crack.

Bob lowered his shirt that covered his left shoulder, revealing to them a walker bite. "I've been bitten, you stupid pricks!" He exclaimed. "I'm tainted meat."

Almost immediately, the Terminus people started spitting on the ground. But it was too late. They were eating him and had been for God knows how long. They made themselves throw up. Bob continued with his maddening laughter. Mia's eyes stung with tears again and she lowered her head, seeing them fall onto her lap.

She hadn't known Bob for very long. But he was part of their group. He loved Sasha and she loved him. He was funny. Understanding. She didn't want to lose anyone else and now, it was inevitable. The pain in her head increased as she silently cried. Many different noises threw themselves at her at once. The coughing and throwing up of the cannibals. The snarling walkers. Bob's laughter. It was all too much.

"Let's just kill him now. And her—"

Gareth stopped him. "No, no, we need him!"

"We might as well be eating one of them!"

"What the hell's gonna happen? Are we gonna turn? Are we just gonna die?" A boy in the group asked, showing his fear.

"Albert calm down. We cooked him. Everything's gonna be fine." Gareth tried to assure them.

Mia's teary eyes caught Bob's and he sent her a smile through his continued fits of cackling laughter. "Tainted meat!" He hollered as Gareth told him to shut up. "Tainted meat! You're eating tainted meat!"

"I said shut up!" Gareth screamed and kicked him in the face, knocking him out cold.

Mia yelped and released a scared noise. Her eyes widened again at the cannibals and Gareth looked her way. They looked almost terrified to go near her, to touch her, which should've made her feel better. But now she was scared they were going to kill her.

He took slow, taunting steps in her direction. The young girl sucked in a deep breath as her eyes began to water again. She felt disconnected from her body. Like she wasn't actually there. But she was. And she was terrified.

"We'll see you again soon, Mia."

Another blunt force to her head made her black out again.

Carl hadn't felt this sick to his stomach since he killed his mother. Hadn't felt this sad since he watched Sophia come out of that barn a walker. No longer a girl with kind eyes and an innocent soul. He hadn't felt this scared since he thought he lost his father forever. It was all coming back to him at once as he sat shaking in the church pew with his hand in his hands, fingers tugging at his hair, and his eyes screwed shut. It was like he was in a nightmare.

Maggie sat crying beside him with a Bible in her hands. He came running into the church with Sasha, yelling out that Mia and Bob were missing. They were going crazy. Daryl and Carol were gone as well. Maggie couldn't handle it. Glenn was doing whatever he could to assure his wife that it would be okay, but she knew better. Beth was gone. They didn't know if she was dead or alive. This would break her.

Carl couldn't stop thinking the worse the longer they waited. Seeing her dead in his mind drove him insane. Seeing her hurt and afraid whenever she was. She was right there in front of him and he let her go. Why didn't he just go with her. Why did I just go with her?

Maggie looked his way and Carl realized he said it out loud. "It's not your fault." She said through her tears.

"I knew she was out there and I just let her go. It's my fault." He cried again and out his face back in his hands. He tugged on his hair. "God, I'm so stupid."

She scooted closer to him and out her hand on his back. She sniffled again, a tear falling down her face. "You didn't know what was going to happen. None of us did. It's nobody's fault."

The church doors opened and Carl sprung up, his blue eyes red and rimmed with tears. Sasha came storming in with his dad and Tyreese. No Mia. No Bob. "You didn't find them?" He uttered.

"We couldn't go far." Rick responded to him.

"Dad, they're still out there!"

Sasha glared at Gabriel. "Stop." She snapped at him. "What are you doing?"

They went silent and watched her. Gabriel looked confused.

"What are you doing?" She repeated, slower that time. "This is all connected." She pointed her finger at him. "You show up, we're being watched, and now four of us are gone."

Carl released another shaky breath and he sat back down. He couldn't handle it. Maggie put her hand on his back again.

"I. . . I don't. . ." Gabriel stammered. "I don't have anything to do with this."

Sasha took out her knife. "Don't!" Rosita shouted and they all ran forward.

"Sasha, put it away." Tyreese warned.

"Who's out there?" Sasha ignored them all and put all her focus on the priest.

Gabriel held his hands up and backed away from her. "I don't–I don't have anything. . ."

"Where are our people?"

"I don't have anything to do—"

"Where are our people?!" She shouted in his face.

Tears released from Carl's eyes and he stood from the pews again. He paced back and forth with his fingers continuously tugging on his hair. The sickness he was feeling increased. The longer they stayed there, the longer she was out there, and the more chance there was that she was dead. No, he couldn't have that. He wouldn't survive that.

Sasha backed away from the man with tears in her own eyes. She exhaled shakily. Rick took her place. "Why'd you bring us here?"

With his hands still raised, Gabriel didn't say anything. His face was filled with dread. "Please, I—"

"You working with someone?" Rick questioned and stepped closer, his tone very threatening.

"I'm alone. I'm alone. I was always alone."

"What about the woman in the food bank, Gabriel? What did you do to her? You'll burn for this. That was for you. Why? What are you gonna burn for, Gabriel?" Before the priest could protest, Rick grabbed him roughly by his coat. "What? What did you do?"

"Dad." Carl spoke shakily. He thought about when he discovered the writing on the wall. And the scratches. Mia was uneasy. She didn't trust the man. He should've listened to her.

Gabriel's bottom lip quivered. "I lock the doors at night. I always lock the doors at night. I always lock the doors at night." He confessed. He began to cry. "I always—" he paused and sucked in a shaky breath. "They started coming, my congregation. Atlanta was binned the night before and they were scared. They were — They were looking for a safe place, a place where they felt safe. And it was so early. It was so early. And the doors were still locked."

Carl closed his eyes as he listened to the man talk, the realization sinking into his bones, making them chill. He knew now why he only chose to confess his sins to God. Because he was afraid to confess them to real people. Because he was the reason those real people were killed. He stayed hidden in the walls of the church because he was afraid to confront reality.

What a coward he was.

"I buried their bones. I buried it all. The Lord sent you here to finally punish me." Gabriel fell to the floor in tears. "I'm damned. I was damned before. I always lock the doors."

"She's just a girl," Maggie's soft voice rang. She cried to herself silent tears. "She wasn't sent to punish anyone. She just wants to live."

The sound of whistles echoed from outside. Glenn and Tara looked out the window. "There's something—" he started to say. "There's someone outside lying in the grass."

Carl wasted no time running along with Sasha. He ignited his father's calls. Seeing Bob on the grass with his leg gone, Sasha cried out loud. But for Carl, the nightmare he was in didn't go away. A foot away from him, Mia laid on the grass with her head turned, a gash on the side of her head, blood stained the side of her face. She looked dead. That was the first thing he thought. His feet planted themselves on the ground. He couldn't move. He felt trapped.

"Mia!" Maggie's piercing scream mixed with the loud sneaks of the walkers that came out of the woods.

"Get Mia and Bob inside. We'll take care of them!" Glenn shouted to them and hit his gun against the walker's head.

Rick and Abraham crowded around the passed out teenager. Carl still couldn't move. "Oh God, Mia." Rick slipped out dreadfully. He held out his hand like he was going to touch her but he retracted it.

"I got her." Said Abraham and he picked her up from the ground. She looked like a doll in his arms.

"Take her inside. Take her inside." Rick told him and went to kill the walkers. "Get inside!" He shouted at everyone and fired his gun.

Tyreese saw Carl still standing with tears falling down his face. "Carl!" He shouted his name. He snapped out of the trance he was in. He looked completely terrified. "Get inside!"

They carried Mia and Bob into the church. "Out of the way! Out of the way!" Abraham's voice boomed like thunder. He moved past everyone and laid the girl on the floor of the room church. They did the same thing with Bob.

Rosita grabbed a small pillow and dropped to her knees. "Here! Here!" She said and carefully lifted the girl's head, sliding the pillow under to cushion her injured head.

"Oh my God." Maggie uttered when she saw her. She pressed her hand to her chest, feeling like it was closing.

"What the hell happened?" Sasha cried as she cradled Bob's head.

Carl passed them all, his clear blue eyes looking down at Mia as he stood over her. Her deep eyes were closed, he didn't even see them twitch. His legs grew weak and he fell to his knees. Seeing her like this, bloody and defeated, he couldn't breathe. "Mia." He muttered her name. He reached out and moved the hair out of her face, the blood on her skin streaking in the process. "Mia." He repeated and brought his hands to her face, turning it forward. More tears filled his eyes. "Mia, come on."

"Carl. . ." Said Mia.

"No, come on. It can't end this way." His voice cracked and his bottom lip quivered. "Come on, Mia. Open your eyes. You're stronger than this."

There was so much left for them. Their lives barely even got to start. They were just kids. Her heart was larger than the world they lived in. She deserved to see a new life. To live in a new light with him and their group. Carl wasn't much for forgiveness, not when so much of his was taken away. But he would forgive the world as long as it still had her in it.

He closed his eyes and the tears came. His hands dropped from her face and he released a cry. Maggie cried as well. Glenn slowly walked over and pulled her into a hug, his eyes on the young girl like he couldn't believe what was happening. How could they just give up? How could the world just take her like that?

But then they heard a breathy noise. Carl opened his eyes quickly. Mia's parted lips opened even more and she let out another breathy noise. "Mia?" He said again, his voice full of hope.

Mia groaned and they all sighed heavily. Carl cupped her face again. "Mia, hey. Can you hear me?"

Slowly, her brown eyes opened and they looked into his. "Hi." Was the first thing she managed to say in such pain.

Carl laughed tearfully and he leaned his head down, his forehead pressing to hers.