First of all, I grovel at your feet for forgiveness m'theydey, and I pray that my next chapter be swift and eloquent for your majesty to hopefully enjoy. I'm so freaking sorry. I admit that sometimes I was just feeling lazy so I didn't bother to write, but November was also a really hard month for me, as it was for about four million other people. If you know, you know🖤🤍
Second of all, big trigger warning for this chapter. It contains cutting and suicidal thoughts (which are kind of a given for this book, but there's more than usual this time) so be careful if you choose to read it.
Third of all, I already hate how I wrote some of this book. Particularly the story arc of how fast Virgil starts to realize he might not be gay. I'm gonna say he just has kind of a teenagerish crush and isn't actually in love yet, because that's not how it happens. I'm one for slow burns, so I have no idea how I let this happen to my own freaking book
Fourth of all, I am once again begging for your forgiveness, and please enjoy this chapter! Comment if you want, I'd love to know what you think of it! Love you all, and I'm sorry
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I shut the door to Virgil's room as quietly as possible. I guess it's a good thing I got hungry. I thought as I tiptoed down the stairs, making my way into the kitchen. I sighed as the memories of my own nightmares flooded through my brain. They can get rather intense, but...this last time it was different. On Y/n's second day here, I thought it to be my royal duty to make her feel welcome. I spent quite a bit of time with her, I even showed her my room. To be completely honest, it was...enjoyable. I had fun. But...that night, I had a nightmare. One much worse than any before. Y/n. She was there. She was...she was trying to convince me to...do something awful. I looked down at the table in front of me, just now noticing that I had made a bowl of cereal. I sighed and scooped up a spoonful, choosing to stare at it rather than eat it. I must have looked rather odd, sitting alone in the kitchen at four in the morning while staring intently at a spoonful of frosted flakes. I just don't understand it. Why would I have a nightmare like that? And, why would Virgil have a nightmare the very next night? After giving this much thought, I sighed and finally decided to bring the now soggy cereal to my lips. Then suddenly...it clicked. I was stock-still for a moment as the realization flooded my brain like a tidal wave. Y/n. It was Y/n. She did this to us. I dropped my spoon and bolted out of my chair, dumping the goopy mess into the sink and setting the bowl in the center. I ran upstairs, no longer worried about being quiet. I knew it, I knew it! She's obviously a Dark Side, therefore it was foolish of me to trust that she would be a friend! I hastily knocked on Logan's door, hoping he was awake. Seconds passed before I knocked again, slightly louder this time. I heard a creak on the other side of the door, followed by slow footsteps. The lock let out a small "click" and the handle a light "squeak" before the door slowly opened, revealing a tired-looking Logan on the other side. He rubbed his eyes and I noticed he didn't have his glasses on. He squinted a bit and looked at me. "Who-Who am I looking at right now? Why have you decided that- what time is it?" I was a bit confused, but looked to the wall clock behind him. "Um, it's Roman, and it's six-thirteen." Wow, I was down there staring at cereal for two hours? "Ah. Roman. Yes, I suppose I should've known it was you. Why have you decided that six-thirteen, which is approximately an hour and seventeen minutes before I usually exit my circadian rhythm, is an appropriate time to knock on my door?" I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Wow, so you just roll right out of bed and enter dictionary mode, huh?" He sighed. "If you have no reason for me to be awake, I will be returning to sleep now." He started to close his door and I immediately stuck my foot in to stop it, which was quite uncomfortable considering I was clad in only a slammin' Beauty and the Beast onesie. I winced slightly and looked at him pleadingly as he groaned. He opened the door once again and looked at me with a very unamused expression. "What?" My mouth hung slightly open for a moment before I swiveled my head from side to side and shoved Logan into his room, shutting the door behind us. He roughly pushed me off of him, now clearly angry. "Roman, what exactly was that for!?" He spoke in a slightly raised tone, which I quickly shushed. I took a deep breath. "Logan, I-I think Y/n is...poisoning us, in a way. Sh-She's polluting our minds and giving us these-these horrible thoughts and dreams. Both Virgil and myself have experienced this. I-I think." He squinted at me and furrowed his brows. "You think? Roman, you are behaving like a child, waking me up and going off about your strange delusions like this. What has gotten into you?" I huffed and crossed my arms. "They are not delusions, they are merely hypothesises!" I said. I was growing frustrated with him and the way he constantly shut down everything that seemed odd. He sighed and raised a hand to his temples. "First of all, it's hypotheses, and second of all, a hypothesis is a supposition or proposed explanation made on the basis of limited evidence as a starting point for further investigation." He dropped his hand and eyed me, still squinting in an effort to see me better. "You have approximately no evidence. And with that, I bid you farewell and goodnight." He walked towards me and turned me around before beginning to hastily push me to his door, clearly annoyed and ready for me to leave. "Wha- no, wait!" I put my hands on either side of his doorway, stopping him from being able to open it. He sighed in frustration and took his hands off of me. "Roman, you will either remove yourself from my room or you will spend what is left of your normal Circadian rhythm on my floor." His tone made it clear that he was extremely irritated, but a prince does not give up so easily when justice is on the line. I looked at him over my shoulder, still not moving my hands from his doorway. "But I have evidence! I-I'm not just going on nothing this time, I swear!" He pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation and sighed. For like, a really long time. "Fine. Tell me what you have found." His change was so sudden I almost didn't register it, but when I did, a huge smile found its way to my face and I immediately went to sit on his bed as I began to go over my deductions. He soon gave up on going back to bed and put his glasses on, finally ready to partake in my one-sided conversation. Eventually, Patton knocked on the door and announced breakfast, causing an intermission in our conversation. Unfortunately, we had no idea what the events of that intermission would be.

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I sat against the locked door to my room, tears running down my face. Strange. I feel more numb than hurt. I sniffled and tugged at my sleeve, pulling it down over the fresh blood that coated my forearm. I didn't even cut that deep. Probably. I sighed and wiped my eyes with my other sleeve and stood up, preparing to head to the bathroom and bandage myself up (and hopefully collect some first aid stuff to hide in my room for next time). I moved my hand to the door knob, but hesitated before taking ahold of it. The memories from minutes before ran through my mind, making me want nothing more than to lay down and cry. If I don't put a bandage on this it'll either bleed through my sleeve or drip down my arm, then I might get some on the floor or something. Then they would know. They can't know. I took a deep breath and clenched my fist around the doorknob, preparing myself for the worst. I pulled the creaky door open and peeked out into the hallway to see Roman and Patton peppering Logan with questions about Virgil. Good. They're distracted. I took a slow, tentative step out into the hall and tried my best to casually walk past them. Luckily, everyone seemed to ignore my presence. Good. I finally got to the bathroom and gladly locked myself in. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding and once again began to dig through the cabinet beneath the sink. I found a small, dusty first-aid kit buried underneath a pile of unopened toothbrushes and dental floss. It looked like it hadn't been used in a while, so I figured no one would miss it. At least, I hoped they wouldn't. I pulled it out and wiped it off, trying my best not to make any noise. I didn't want to draw any unwanted attention from the guys that stood only a few feet away in the hall. I tried my best to shove it in the large front pocket of my hoodie, but to no avail. I sighed and settled on shoving it under my shirt and hoping no one would look at me for long enough to notice. It's just a quick walk down the hall, then you're home free. Just a quick walk. I flushed the toilet and ran the sink, making sure to wash my arm off some as I did so. I turned it off, took a deep breath and quickly opened the door. I looked down and slumped over slightly in an attempt to hide the bulky box in my hoodie. Thankfully, they were all still distracted. I quickly entered my room and locked the door, letting out a sigh of relief. Finally. I pulled the kit out and bandaged my arm, making sure to put some antiseptic on it beforehand. I winced at the sting, but relished in the feeling of justification that the pain brought me. After fixing myself up, I put everything back in the box and hid it in one of my nightstand drawers. I thought I should change my hoodie, seeing as how there was blood in the sleeve now, but I was too tired. Being sad all the time takes a lot out of you. I fell face-first onto my bed and closed my eyes, only to once again be greeted with the memories of earlier this morning. I sighed and rolled onto my back to stare at the ceiling. It felt as though an enormous weight had settled on my body, crushing me beneath it and pressing me deeper into the soft mattress. These beastly feelings only grew worse as I ran through the memory for the eighty-fifth time, but I found myself unable to cry at this point. It seemed that I had become desensitized to this horrific recalling, as if it had eaten a part of my soul and spat it back into my face. The insults replayed so vividly in my mind, but it was like they meant nothing to me anymore. The accusations fired at me by the one who claimed to be a hero were nothing but insects flying against an impenetrable wall. They hurt so badly at the time, but now...they were barely notable. I closed my eyes again and allowed the memory to flourish in my mind, bringing back every detail of the moment with one discrepancy; all the emotion was gone. I felt nothing.

I awoke to sobs from the room next to mine. A moment later they were joined by shouts and the sound of wood breaking. I sat up and hurried to the door, pulling it open and sticking my head out to see Roman delivering one final kick to the door beside mine, cracking the wooden frame and allowing it to swing open and bang against the wall behind it. Logan rushed in, instructing a distraught Patton and a worried Roman to stay behind as he closed the door behind him. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I walked out into the hallway to join the men that seemed to be anxious over Anxiety. "Hey guys, um...what's happening?" I asked in my sleep-addled voice. Roman's head jolted in my direction and the first thing I noticed were his eyes. They radiated something, something dark and scary. It was as if he had taken all the rage he had ever felt and stored it in his eyes to use for this specific moment. My arms fell to my side and my mouth hung slightly open as he stormed closer to me. Oddly enough, the Disney onesie did nothing to ease his terrifying aura. He got into my face and immediately made me wish I had just stayed in bed. No matter what was happening to Virgil, I didn't want to be in this situation. Besides, I couldn't help. I couldn't help anyone. "You should know! You did this! You hurt him, you-you gave him this nightmare that has caused him such pain! You evil sorceress!" He yelled. My body began to shake slightly from fear (a fairly new emotion that until now I had only felt the first time I saw toast pop out of the toaster unexpectedly), but he either didn't notice or didn't care. I'd put my money on the second option. Patton's mouth fell open behind him as he watched on in shock. "I knew you were a Dark Side, I just knew it! Ever since we first met you I knew you would be nothing but trouble for Thomas! I didn't expect you to attack us as well!" Patton rushed up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder, but Roman threw it off without even sparing him a glance. "You foul villain! I should strike you down where you stand!" He spat a little bit as he yelled, but germy mouth liquid was the least of my worries. My eyes began to water as his words sunk into my brain. I did this. It's my fault. I deserve to die. I deserve to die. I deserve to DIE. "Roman..." Patton said softly, but his voice went unnoticed. "I should have never trusted you! I thought you might be a friend, but I knew in my heart that you would only be a problem! You-You fiend!" "Roman!" Patton said louder, but he remained ignored. I felt a tear streak down my face as I stared into his horrible eyes. They were fine before, lovely even, but now...now they only caused me pain. The problem was that I couldn't seem to tear my own away from them. I was glued to his fiery gaze as if it was hypnotizing me. He opened his mouth to yell again, but was abruptly stopped in a most unexpected way. Patton grabbed his shoulder again with both hands and yanked as hard as he could, causing Roman to fall back slightly and finally tear those eyes away from mine, relieving me from the instant terror they had stricken me with. Patton seemed angry, which was something I never thought he could be. I noticed that tears were welling up in his eyes as well, but the anger in his face didn't falter. "ROMAN!" The subject of his anger seemed as stunned as I was, as he only stared at Patton in silence. I could only see the back of his head, but I was sure his mouth hung open just as mine did. Patton's breathing was hard and labored, which only added to how intimidating he was in this moment. Somehow he was even scarier than Roman had been, and he wasn't even mad at me. Probably. Roman remained silent, most likely as terrified as I was, and his angry posture noticeably slumped. His head soon fell under the pressure of Patton's piercing gaze, and he glanced back at me for a moment before turning to lean his back against the wall, sliding down until he was sitting with his face hidden in his knees. Patton sighed and turned to me, his face softening. It was only now that I noticed how tired his eyes were. Like the weight of the world had decided to rest upon him. "I'm...I'm sorry, a-about him Y/n." His voice was small and just as tired as his eyes. I looked at him, my fearful expression unchanging. I was quiet for a moment, allowing my ragged breathing to fill the silence. "Don't be." My voice was shakier than I thought it would be, reflecting how I felt inside. Shaken up and broken. "He's right." I swiftly turned and hurried back to my room, shutting and locking the door behind me. I was shaking and crying, although I was doing it much quieter than Virgil was. I could still hear him sobbing. I slid down my door just as Roman had slid down the wall, trying my best to push the feelings of intense sadness away from my mind forever, a feat I knew was impossible. After all, it's in my nature. My hand shook as I reached into my hoodie pocket, squeezing my fingers around the cold metal that I had already become familiar with. I deserve to die. I pulled it out and looked at it for a moment, watching the slight reflection of light every time it moved. I deserve to die. I slowly pulled my sleeve up, watching as my hand moved almost of its own volition to bring the blade up to my temporarily unmarred skin. I DESERVE TO DIE! I pressed down hard and sliced, flinching at the intense sting and momentarily squeezing my eyes shut. They slowly opened to be greeted with the sight of fresh blood seeping up from the newly opened skin. I held up my arm and watched as it rolled down in accordance with gravity before moving it back to its original position and preparing myself to do it again. And I did. Strangely enough, it didn't seem to hurt as bad the second time. It was almost addicting. I was punishing myself for what I had done. I put Virgil in this position. Slice. I caused Roman to get angry. Slice. I made Patton upset. Slice. I made him cry. SLICE SLICE SLICE! I panted as tears continued to roll down my face, mimicking the blood that rolled down my arm. I was shaking even more than before now and I could barely breathe. The world around me seemed unreal. It was like I was looking at it through a dimly lit tunnel. I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned my head back against the wall, sliding the razor blade back into my pocket. "I should've never been made."
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While writing this I went back to read the fourth chapter and realized that I will never make a better chapter than that one. Not in this book or any other. It's my Magnum Opus. I've peaked, and I can only go downhill from here. Serves me right for basically leaving you guys on read for so long though😹
Please comment and tell me what you thought!