I'm so, so, so fricking sorry for not updating! A lot has been happening for me, and I've also been more into Creepypasta recently than Sanders Sides. If you would like me to publish one of my in-the-works Creepypasta books, you can ask! I've actually got quite a few! I know that there really is no excuse for how long it's taking me to get these out, so I won't try to shove my reasons at you anymore. I'm not very good at responsibility, and that's that. I'm not making a good enough effort, which is entirely my fault, and I apologize. I sincerely hope that this chapter can make up for it a little bit! I love you all! Stay safe out there!

Trigger Warning: Cutting, blood, gore. Like, quite a bit of it. Also brief mention of vomit, I know some people don't like that kind of thing

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  For the past few days, things had been strange. A little...off. All of the Sides had been less energetic than usual, even me. And I was never energetic anyway.

  It was like all of Thomas' emotions and thoughts had dulled.

  He was almost lethargic. Like there was nothing in him. He still laughed and smiled at times, but it was easy to see that he was faking it.

  He hadn't talked to us very much either. And every time he saw Y/n, they shared a moment of silent eye contact, then he looked away and usually left the room. He hadn't spoken to her at all.

  Strangely enough, none of us had questioned it. At least not that I know of. It felt like I didn't have the energy to bother asking why.

  There were a lot of days when I just didn't feel like getting up in the morning, but today was different. It was like...it didn't matter if I got up or not. Like nobody would miss me or care if I just stayed in bed and rotted away.

  It's not like those kind of thoughts were new to me, but this time they weren't anxious thoughts like they usually were. They were sad, and almost defeatist. After everything else that had been happening, they began to fester in my mind.

  I thought on them as I trudged downstairs for breakfast. I questioned them as Patton set a bowl of cereal in front of me with a weak smile. I worried about them as I noticed the absence of Roman.

  Patton was sitting across from me, but he wasn't really eating. He was mostly just stirring the cereal around in his bowl.

  Logan had opted out of breakfast and was sitting on the couch reading. I watched him for a while and noticed that he hadn't turned a single page.

  Y/n had taken breakfast up to her room.

  Roman still wasn't there.

  I averted my gaze down to the slightly soggy bowl in front of me.

  This isn't right.

  CRASH!

  A loud noise from the floor above captured the attention of all of us, and prompted immediate reaction through the groggy haze that seemed to have settled over our minds.

  We bolted up the stairs in a line, Patton leading us and Logan taking up the rear.

  My heart was racing.

  Roman's door was open.

  It stopped beating entirely.

  I whispered silent prayers as I shoved past Patton, the momentary regret I felt at the dismissing action soon being taken over by sheer terror.

  I raced through the doorway, stopping to quickly search the room.

  I saw him.

 "Princey..."

  My voice was little more than a breathy whisper as I stared at the broken figure that was curled up on the ground.

  He was clad only in a pair of pajama pants, a white t-shirt laying discarded beside him.

  For a brief moment, I had confused the red on his sword with the red of his pants.

  I quickly realized my mistake.

  His body was covered in blood, leaking from wounds that varied from cuts to gashes to things that would send any normal person to the hospital.

  He breathed raggedly, almost as if the act itself caused him immense pain.

  And it probably did.

  He was a horrific sight to look at, and yet, I couldn't look away.

  A strangled noise weakly sounded behind me, followed by the sounds of someone puking.

  I was roughly shoved aside, Patton taking my place with a shaking form. He reached for Roman's shoulders, stopping short when he noticed the intense bleeding coming from dozens of papercut sized wounds spattered across them. He opted to instead hold his face, cradling it gently and lifting Roman's gaze up.

  "Roman, a-are-are you okay!? Wh-What, wh-why, wha..."

  I tore my eyes away from Roman's mutilated figure to spare a glance at Patton. He was crying, and white as a sheet. He gently cupped Roman's cheeks and looked into his dead, hollow eyes.

  "Why?"

  Roman's eyes flashed from empty to angry, showing his first sign of life. He shoved Patton away, causing him to let out a surprised squeak as his butt met with the floor.

  I noticed the traces of vomit at the corner of his mouth.

  Roman glared daggers at us.

  "Leave."

  Patton looked at him, confused. He scrambled back up to Roman.

  "N-No, no, Roman I-"

  Roman became enraged, throwing Patton across the room, and finally catching the attention of Logan, who had been unmoving since he first laid eyes on our disfigured friend.

  "LEAVE!"

  I made a mad dash for Patton and hoisted him up by his armpits, dragging him from the room as he cried and screamed for Roman.

  I had never been so scared in my life.

  His voice was almost unearthly. Demonic. Possessed.

  I dragged Patton to my room, the farthest one from Roman besides Y/n's. She hadn't even crossed my mind since this began.

  Patton continued to fight me, struggling to get out of my grasp and run back to Roman.

  Logan was still in shock.

  "No, no, nonononnonononononononoNO! LET ME HELP HIM! LET ME HELP HIM! LET ME HELP HIM!"

  Patton screamed and sobbed, desperately trying to get away from me. I tried my best to hold him back, eventually resorting to shoving him backwards onto my bed.

  I jumped atop him, straddling his stomach and putting my forearm over his throat, applying the slightest pressure in order to keep him in place. He thrashed about beneath me, refusing to give up.

  I saw a small circle of water drop onto his red cheek and was confused for a moment. My chest spasmed and informed me of what was happening. I was crying.

  Apparently, Patton noticed too.

  He stopped struggling and looked up at me, breathing heavily from his fight. He studied my face, then swallowed hard.

  "Virgil...I-It's okay, bud...it's okay..."

  I broke down. I released him from my hold as I fell face first into his chest, sobbing and heaving just as much as he had. His arms frantically reached around me and held me tight. He was shaking just as much as I was.

  His labored breathing was audible, but he wasn't crying anymore. At least, not that I could hear. Although, I really couldn't hear much in this state.

  I was brought back to the similar situation I had been in not that long ago, but this feeling was much different from the one I had felt that day. I wasn't just consumed by fear or anxiety.

  I was in anguish.

  My heart ached and my lungs refused to take in air.

  Patton's fingers gripped the back of my shirt tightly.

  "I'm sorry kiddo...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

  I wanted so badly to tell him that I understood, but I couldn't. I couldn't speak, I couldn't breath, I could barely think. But there was one thought that wouldn't leave my mind no matter how much I begged it.

  Roman did that to himself on purpose.

***

  We had to hold him down. Or, rather, me and Janus held him down. Patton and Logan tried their best to administer first aid and Y/n stayed in her room.

  Patton informed me of the argument her and Roman had while Logan was helping me calm down a few days ago, and we all agreed it was best if he didn't see her right now.

  Remus was nowhere to be found.

  I mean, none of us really wanted to see him anyways. He was always an unwanted surprise, but recently, we had developed a special kind of hatred for him.

  Logan shared an epiphany of his with us as he and Patton attempted the equivalent of putting bows in a grizzly bear's hair.

  After Remus paid him a visit, he had taken some time to think about it and realized something. Intrusive thoughts often times played a big part in the development of depression. Therefore, Remus may have been the reason Y/n was here. Remus might have had a hand in giving Thomas depression.

  And now, he had disappeared while his brother was suffering.

  I was pinning Roman's legs down by sitting on them and Janus was holding his arms down, trying to be delicate with the innumerable wounds but ultimately failing.

  As much as I hated being around Janus, I definitely could not have held Roman down on my own. If I could have chosen literally anyone else, I would have, but Janus was the last resort.

  Besides, I don't think any of us would trust him to do first aid.

  Roman was grunting and thrashing about, spitting out insults and demanding that we leave him alone, but we all just tried our best to ignore it.

  Patton hadn't been able to look at his face. I was secretly glad for that, because if he had, all he would have seen was hatred. And I was really, really tired of watching him get hurt.

  Half of Roman's left arm was covered in sporadic, red-tinted bandages, but that was all they had managed of his appendages. Patton was urging Logan to find him more antiseptic as they attempted Roman's torso.

  An odd misconception is that the others and I can summon whatever we want, but that's really only true to an extent. We can summon small things and personal effects, such as new clothes and pens, but it can really exhaust us to summon bigger things. And in the mindscape, we have to sort of go shopping. Not real shopping of course, but we have to go into Thomas' mind and find a memory of something, then use as much energy as it takes to summon it. Like, if I wanted a new kind of cereal, I would have to go find a memory of Thomas looking at that cereal or buying it for himself, then concentrate on the memory of that box of cereal with everything in me. If I had the energy, it would materialize in front of me, and if I didn't, I would probably just pass out. Some things take more energy than others, but usually we can summon all the essentials in one trip.

  Antiseptic is not one of the things we can usually summon.

  However, it was pretty much necessary. Roman had so many open wounds, and if any of them had gotten infected, it would have made him really sick. So no matter how awful it was to see him writhing in pain whenever the stuff touched him, we just had to bear through it and remember that it was for the best.

  The unfortunate problem that we had encountered was that antiseptic can run out fast. Somehow, we had managed to lose an entire first aid kit, which probably held whatever we had left.

  I was almost certain that none of us had the energy to get the stuff, which made us all the more desperate to find that kit.

  Logan had dug through every cabinet in the house already, as well as searching every square inch of the kitchen and bathrooms. It was nowhere to be found.

  Logan hurried off to check the kitchen again, leaving Patton to wrap the clean section of Roman's torso alone. It was a difficult task, and not just because Roman wouldn't relent.

  Patton was a wreck. He didn't act it, but ever since we found out that he had been repressing his emotions, I started paying closer attention to him. I learned some of his tells. He absently scratched his head when he was thinking about something upsetting. He bit his lip and rubbed his wrist when he was nervous. He pushed his glasses up often when he was sad. He had been doing all of these since we found Roman.

  Patton pushed his glasses up as he reached for a fresh roll of bandages. I cut my eyes to Janus. He was watching Patton, same as I. His eyes darted to mine and we shared a silent stare. I hated looking into his reptilian eye. I couldn't forgive him the way Patton had. I couldn't see man trying his best to help Thomas. I could only see a monster.

  My thoughts were broken by the sound of footsteps. All three of us looked to the door, expecting to see Logan and praying that he would have the first-aid kit in hand. We saw a man with Logan's face and a first-aid kit in hand, but it was not Logan. It was Remus.

  His eyes were glued to Roman, his mouth a thin, unexpressive line. The kit dangled loosely from his fingers. Without looking away, he tossed it in Patton's direction. It clattered on the floor, making Roman jump in surprise. He momentarily stilled at the sight of Remus, but the second they locked eyes he began to struggle again, immediately looking away.

  Remus didn't.

  He kept his gaze on Roman's horrible form as Patton opened the kit, not once looking away. I could have sworn I saw the corner of his mouth twitch. As if he were holding back a smile.

  A smile.

  I slowly began to boil with rage, my eyes burning into Remus' face with murderous intent.

  Of course. Of course he would smile. He made this happen. He's enjoying it. Sick, twisted, psychotic little fu-

  "Y'know, looking like this, Roman kind of reminds me of a dream I had once."

  His voice was softer than usual. His mouth twitched again.

  "Except, in my dream, it was me on the floor covered in blood."

  I startled at this, losing my anger for a moment and replacing it with confusion. Remus' eyes slowly met mine.

  "However, it was still Roman's blood."

  I felt the boiling rage return. I began to glare at him, my breathing becoming shallow and angry. Remus held our eye contact for a moment. His eyes shone with something unknown. They looked...evil.

  Then, he walked away.