"How could you let this happen?"

Kieran buried his face further into his hands in an attempt to shut it all out. It had only been a few hours since his triumph was smothered to dust. And frankly, the ravenhead was so sure he had already hit rock bottom until he felt around his pockets and realized the wallet was gone.

His only link to the real him. Gone.

The pit of his stomach expanded into a limitless chasm, waves of terror crashing at his feet.

"If you had just listened to me, Kieran," Autumn exclaimed, pacing around the alleyway and breathing hard, "God knows how many people are in this town. God knows if we'll ever find her again. Do you realize how serious this is?"

"I said I'm sorry," Kieran pleaded, voice shrinking. He wanted to curl into a ball and become nothing, dissolve into the wind. "Stop yelling at me."

Autumn grunted, lowering their volume and controlling their tone. "I'll stop when you come up with a solution."

The ravenhead threw his head back and blinked furiously. "Um," he started, rubbing his hands together, "I could've dropped it at Lennon's."

"Then go get it?" Autumn flung an arm out in the direction out the alley. A bewildered crease appeared between their brows.

Kieran shook his head, eyes darting towards everywhere but his friend. "I can't."

It wasn't Autumn to lose their cool. But the more time they spend together, the more Kieran realizes just how inaccurate his perception of them was.

Frustration was radiating off Autumn like a bomb about five seconds to go. They toed the scuffed concrete beneath their boot, jaw squaring.

"I'm sorry," Kieran murmured again. This time he braved himself into meeting the fury of their green eyes. Disappointment burned through his core.

"Why can't you? You've ran to him countless of times before, what's different now—?"

"He doesn't... want me." He spat the words out like weak venom with the way it came out strong but lost its intensity halfway on his lips.

Autumn trembled in bottled-up irritation. "Kieran," they said with a firmness that shook the structure of his bones. "He is not supposed to want you." They paused between every word for emphasis.

The ravenhead squeezed his eyes shut, grounding himself before the earth could swallow him up.

"I can't believe I went and found your sister just for you to lose her."

Something defensive awakened in the ravenhead. "I never asked you to do anything, Autumn." He glared at them, though guilt was written all over his face. "I have told you every single day since the day we met to crossover without me. I never asked for your help."

Autumn's mouth opened indignantly. "You think you can handle it out here by yourself? You think you can handle not being able to communicate with a single soul for the rest of eternity? You think you wouldn't lose your mind, huh?" they shouted, "Look at yourself, Kieran."

The ravenhead had his arms wrapped securely around himself, a pair of tears escaping his lower lashes.

"You're so touch starved that you're throwing yourself at the nearest thing with a pulse."

A headache crept onto Kieran's temples, body shaking with the urge to scream His name is Lennon and he's more than just a pulse.

With one blur of movement, Autumn let the strap of their backpack slip off their shoulder and removed their signature cape. The ravenhead stared.

"It gets bulky sometimes," they explained, too much casualness in their voice for Kieran not to suspect something.

"What are you doing?"

"If you're not brave enough to go see your lover boy, I'll go pay him a visit."

Perhaps it was all in his head. Perhaps he had finally snapped under the weight of Autumn's constant lectures. And though there was not a silver of malice on their face, Kieran could feel his stomach drop through the ground and right down to hell's doormat.

"No," he gasped.

"Meet you back here." Autumn snapped their fingers and vanished in a blink.

Kieran sprang to his feet so quickly, he would've broken some bones if he was still prone to injury. "No no no no no..."

__________

Normally Autumn wouldn't bother trying to silence their footsteps, mostly because no mortal could see them anyway. But this was Lennon they were talking about— the boy that Kieran took on his make-believe date.

They crept up to the apartment, crouching under the window sill of cactuses. Sounds rang through the corridor, Autumn unable to decipher if any of them belonged to the boy.

But just as Autumn was ready to intrude into the walls of this home, they were tackled to the ground, the weight of a body pressing them onto the tiled floor.

A drawn-out sigh of exasperation was emitted when they recognized their attacker. "Kieran?"

"Don't go near him," the ravenhead panted, wedging himself between Autumn and Lennon's home.

Autumn froze, more confusion clouding their judgment. They had never seen Kieran wear protectiveness to this extent. Hell— he had nothing to protect before Lennon.

"You're not in the right headspace right now," Kieran said, somehow out of breath despite his ability to survive without oxygen, "I don't want you near him."

They continued forward. "But it's just a quick—"

Kieran shoved them, the force shocking both of them as Autumn stumbled back. "I said stay away!"

"What am I, a— a murderer? You think I'm gonna hurt him?"

"No but considering that you just shouted at me minutes ago— I don't feel safe and— and I just can't have you close to people I care about like this."

A look of pure betrayal skidded across their face, heat rising from their neck. "I was the first to care about you."

"I know I know," Kieran polished up quickly, surging forward to grab Autumn's forearms, "Another day, Autumn. We'll ask Lennon about the wallet another day. Please. I'm begging." A hole punched its way through his chest when his friend yanked their arms out of his hold, more hurt pouring into their expression. "I don't want to barge in and scare him—"

"So we're postponing your afterlife ticket just to safeguard a mortal's feelings?"

Kieran didn't get to respond.

"No." Autumn inched away from him, eyes wide with a revelation. "No. This isn't about safeguarding his feelings. It's about safeguarding yours."

The ravenhead lowered his head, a quiver in his brows.

"You want me away because you know I'll get in between you two. You know I would stop it from happening, even though you know everything I do is for your own good." A sharp inhale. "You love him."

Kieran had never felt more exposed then. It was as if Autumn had turned all his pockets inside-out. "No— no I don't I can't—"

"The whole reason we stuck together in the first place was to look out for each other. To search for your ticket." All the tension had left Autumn's stance, face expressionless. "Is that more important to you? This random boy who'll forget you ever existed the second you step into the afterlife?"

They let out a dry, empty laugh. And a hundred apologies were weighing on Kieran's tongue but none of them left his mouth.

Autumn looked their friend right in the eye, the muscle in their neck pulsing. "Then there's nothing we can do for each other."

"Autumn—"

"Have fun figuring it all out on your own, Kieran."

The ravenhead blinked his tears away to clear his vision and they were gone. Autumn was gone.

Without autumn, winter came. The chill of loneliness erupted in Kieran's chest and numbed his bones. He collapsed outside Lennon's apartment, unable to sense the boy's presence near. He was left alone in the world again, with his name carrying the scarcity of any meaning.

Kieran Li slid into a deeper, darker spiral.