There were certain days you knew you'd remember for the rest of your life, down to every minute detail. The first time you rode a bike without training wheels, or a particularly good Christmas, your first kiss, first heartbreak, most firsts, really. The first time you come home from college and find yourself trapped in a car with your ex-boyfriend who you haven't seen in six months. Your ex-boyfriend who you dated for four years, and shared every first imaginable with. Your ex-boyfriend who you broke up with over email.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, I was going to remember today for the rest of my life.

It was why I preferred the nothing days. The days that passed without a single noteworthy moment, blending together in a haze of familiarity and consistency and wonderful wonderful sameness. Days with no expectations. I would kill for one of those right about now.

To understand exactly how I got myself in this predicament we have to travel back two days, a mere forty-eight hours ago, when I made possibly one of the stupidest decisions I've ever made. Well sort of...To really understand how I got myself in this predicament, we'd have to travel back forty years to Country Day Primary School, but who had the time for that? So we'll stick with two days.

Two days ago, I was sitting safely inside my dorm at UC Berkeley when I received a call from my mother. One thing important to know about me is that I was powerless against the wants of my mom. Piper Gordon was not only one of the most persuasive people in the world, but she was also my favorite person in the world. She was my rock. My hero. It had been just the two of us for my whole life. My parents divorced when I was only three, and my dad moved to New Zealand with his girlfriend when I was six and has lived there ever since. He has three kids now. He'll call on my birthday every now and then, but our relationship was more like that of distantly related cousins.

I wasn't too concerned with it. My mom made sure of that. She had always been everything I needed and more.

Which meant when she called, I picked up. And when she asked me to do something, I struggled to say no.

"Jujubee," she hummed when I picked up the phone, voice like honey. I warmed at the sound of it.

"Hey, mom," I said, packing my pencil bag. I had a class in half an hour. "What's up?"

"Remind me what day you're coming home," she replied.

"Late next Wednesday, Mom, I texted you last week."

We only got a four day weekend break for Thanksgiving, and it was an eight hour flight, and then at least a half hour drive from Charlottesville to Lovingston, my tiny hometown. But flying was expensive, especially with surge holiday pricing, and San Francisco was expensive, and I didn't know if it was worth it for like two total days with my mom. As much as I missed her, I loved the city. Not to mention, I wasn't exactly itching to go home to the town where everyone knew everyone's business. The town where— anyways...I was still deciding.

"If I'm coming at all," I reminded her pointedly. "You know I have plans with Axel and a few friends who are staying." Axel was my boyfriend of a month and a half. A junior, and a Bay Area native. He saw me reading Thoreau in a bookstore and asked me out right then. He was also hot. Not that that was important. But you know...it helped.

"Bring him!" Mom exclaimed. "He's more than welcome. I'd love to meet the new guy." I tried very hard not to wince at the word new.

"I don't think we're in that place yet, Mom..." I said. It wasn't that I thought he wouldn't say yes. It was that I could think of nothing I'd rather do less than bring him home. I cringed at the thought of it. "Besides, the flights right now are so expensive. For only a few days too, I just don't see..."

"Did you get my text about homecoming?" she asked innocently. I groaned, tilting my head skyward. Of course. Of course. This was what this call was really about. The stupid homecoming parade tradition. I should've known she wouldn't let me off that easy.

"Mom..." I warned.

"It's only two days before you were planning to get here," she cut me off. "And that would mean you were coming for basically an entire week instead of just the weekend. Which I think would justify a flight, wouldn't it?"

"Mom, I really—"

"It's a lovely town tradition, Julia," she wheedled. "The passing of the crown goes back at least sixty years. Not to mention, it's your duty as last year's homecoming queen." She pauses, "And if you're thinking that the king will be able to do it on his own...he has an exam that day. So. He won't be there. If that's your concern."

"It wasn't," I said tightly. Although it totally was. "I don't know, Mom...I'm not really—"

"Please," my mom said softly. "I want to see your face. I miss you, Jujubee." An ache bloomed in my chest. I missed her too. I missed her hugs, and the way she always smelled like sourdough. I missed yelling at the TV during Love Island episodes with her. I even missed Lovingston. More than I wanted to, to be honest.

I sighed, "Fine." Told you it was impossible to resist the charms of Piper Gordon.

"Wonderful!" I could hear her beaming through the phone. "I'll send you your tickets now!"

"You already bought—tickets?"

"One for you, and one for Axel," she informed me. "It leaves 10 AM on Monday."

"I haven't even asked him yet," I cried out, staring down at the link she'd just sent me.

"That's all taken care of."

"You don't have his number."

"I DMed him," she said proudly. "On Instagram." That conniving, calculating little— "You didn't tell me he worked at a tattoo parlor."

"Mom!"

"See you then!" she chirped brightly, and promptly hung up. I stared helplessly at my pencil bag. What on earth had I just agreed to?

Before I knew it I was fastening my seatbelt and stowing my tray table in Row 32, as we prepared for descent into the Charlottesville Airport, Axel asleep beside me, leather jacket thrown over him like a blanket, beanie pulled down over his eyes. He slept the whole drive into Lovingston too, even with my mother's incessant stream of chatter. It was a blessing really. Once I arrived home, the next four hours were spent getting ready for the parade, and receiving god knows how many hugs from anyone we passed in town. I begrudgingly zipped up the pink slip dress my mother had laid out on my bed for me, and secured my sash across my torso. I left the house and headed to the town square (the start of the parade route), leaving Axel horrifyingly alone with my mother, and praying this would be over shortly and I could go hide in the safety of my house for the next five days.

The tradition was as follows, the previous year's king and queen ride the first half of the parade route to the football field, where they then crown the newly elected king and queen at the homecoming game, then the new royalty finish out the latter portion of the parade. It was sweet, and very small town, and last year, it felt so special. But last year...last year was different.

Mr. Robertson, my old principal, handed me the crown as I hopped in the car. My feet already hurt from the strappy nude heels I was wearing.

Which brought us back to the present.

"Jules."

I nearly fell out of the car in shock, reeling backwards as the door shut behind me. It was Gavin. My Gavin. Sitting less than a foot away from me. My entire body seized, eyes traveling all over him. Taking in the blue suit he wore to graduation last year (it still had a tiny ink stain on the inside of the right wrist cuff), his hair, which was longer than it had been when I last saw him, the shadow of scruff along his jaw, and the scar on his eyebrow he'd had since we were eight. Gavin. Gavin was here. What was he doing here? He wasn't supposed to be here. Staring at me. Saying my name. Why the hell was he in this car? This was not happening. This couldn't be happening.

"Jules?" He repeated, eyebrows raised. I felt like I'd taken a brick to the face.

What did I say? How could I say anything? How could I pretend like this was so fine and so normal and so easy?

"Hey," I choked. My mouth was dry and filled with cotton. I cleared my throat, swallowed, willing myself to stay composed and normal and chill. I was chill. I was so chill. "It's— I haven't seen you since..." God damn it.

"Since you ghosted me after graduation and moved across the country without so much as a goodbye?" he said flatly, mouth pressed into a hard line. Ouch.

I sucked in a tight breath, "I—"

"Oh and broke up with me in a five word email," Gavin cut me off bitterly, eyes burning a hole through me. "What was it again?" he tapped his chin, pretending to think, "'I can't do this, sorry.'"

I can't do this, sorry.