Carden

"You want me to do what?" Carden hissed into his phone as he waited to leave fifth hour, anger slowly building up in his body. "Mom, I'm not going to bring Zoë to our house, especially today of all days."

"Carden," Mother's soft British accent answered calmly, "you will bring your girlfriend to our house after school. Besides, I want to get to know her. It will take my mind off things and I have a feeling she'll be able to help you out. You've been a mess the past couple days."

"But mom-"

"End of discussion. I'll see you in a little bit, sweetheart. Love you."

The phone beeped as Mother ended the call and he groaned, shoving his phone into a pocket in his suit jacket carelessly. Of course he cared for Zoë, even if it had been a week, but he didn't want her to see him after school today. The deflated energy inside their home, the endless tears, the flowers that Mother would be holding, Father gently putting his hand on Carden's shoulder, the grave. It was all to much.

"What was that all about?" Cam asked. "Sounded like Mrs. A was pretty serious."

Carden resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "She wants me to bring Zoë to the house but considering what today is," he took a deep breath, "I don't think it's such a good idea."

"Well, it would be good to have some extra support, right?" Cam smiled as he patted Carden's shoulder firmly. "And I think Zoë will be more than willing to help you out. She seems like a really nice girl."

He sighed. "Yeah, I guess."

He pulled out his phone and quickly set her a text, his energy slowly leaving his body as he pressed the blue arrow.

Hey so my mom wants to meet you and wants you come home with me after school. Is that okay with you?

A moment later the three dots appeared.

Ya, totally! I'll just have to be home by 5:30 cause mom wants me home for dinner.

He sent her a thumbs up, grabbing his bag as the loud ringing of the bell rang. The end of the day. Just great. Of course he loved going home, it was his only safe haven from the craziness of his life, but today would be different. The air would sting and the world would feel like it would be resting on Carden's shoulders, more than usual though.

"Hey, be strong," Cam said as they walked outside of the school. "Make Jared proud, alright? I'll text ya later."

Carden waved as Cam climbed into his truck and Zoë and Amber walked towards him, chatting and laughing. Zoë's blonde beach waves had begun to fall out and her pink lip stick had faded but she still looked as beautiful as ever. She looked strong and determined, just like the girl who held him together earlier. Amber hugged her and rushed off to where a black slug bug sat waiting for her.

"Hey." Zoë smiled nervously. "Should I be scared as to why your mom wants to meet me?"

He forced a smile. "Nah. She's pretty chill and I'm sure she'll love you."

"But what if she doesn't? Does she even know we aren't really 'together?'"

Carden put his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look into his "muddy brown eyes" as she liked to call them. "Zo, she's gonna love you and no, she doesn't. So please, just keep acting for me. After everything's over, you can go home. Okay?"

She nodded. "Alright. For you."

His heart fluttered and he quickly pulled his arms back, realizing how close they had been. Her cheeks were coated in a soft blush as she turned toward the parking lot. "So where's your car?"

"Well, um, I didn't drive today. My dad dropped me off after..."

"After?"

"After we went to my brother's favorite store. It's kind of a tradition we're starting up if you get what I'm saying."

Zoë opened her mouth to say something but decided against it, smiling instead. "I have a car if you want to drive there."

Carden's heart pounded in his chest. "Sure."

For the next ten minutes, it was like Carden had tunnel vision. Things would black out, he'd cling to the handle above the door every time she pressed the gas, his heart pounded over her words. Breath. Breath. Breath.

After what was an eternity, Zoë pulled her car into the Ash's driveway by his fuzzy directions. The house was like a two story box. The upstairs windows were open to let in some light, except one, one that hadn't been open in a year, and the manicured lawn stood proudly in the summer sun. A basketball hoop, the one Carden had grown up using, slumped against the house. The front door, which was a bright yellow, seemed more mellow than usual.

"So," Zoë tapped her fingers against the steering wheel, "this is where the great Carden Ash lives!"

Carden laughed a breathless laugh. "Yeah. Not as impressive as you would think, right?" He climbed out and she followed him to the front door. "Um, one thing."

He turned to her and met her eyes. "Today's gonna hurt really bad so don't judge if I burst out sobbing." He shrugged and blinked away the tears that had started to brim in his eyes. "It's probably one of the hardest days ever."

Zoë reached out, gently wiping away a tear that had escaped. Her touch was angel soft, like feathers brushing against his skin. She kept her hand there as she gently rubbed his cheekbone with her thumb. "Hey, it's okay. I'm here and you don't need to worry. Even the strongest break for a time." She blushed. "As long as we're 'together,' I'm not going to leave."

Carden gently took her hand and whispered, "Thank you."

With a deep breath, he opened the front door and walked inside. As expected, it was dark and the air hung with a sense of sadness. All the lights were turned off except for the kitchen light and the picture of Jared, who was smiling and holding Carden in a playful chokehold when they were a Freshman and a Sophomore, gleamed against the light.

Zoë squeezed his hand as Carden's eyes narrowed in on the picture. He had been so happy and he had had a future that was unique...but he never got to live it out. Carden would never go to Alabama and cheer him on. He would never cheer as Jared got drafted into the NFL. He would never go to his football games and Jared would never win a Super Bowl. A lot of hopefully's had become never's.

"Welcome home Car!" Mother chirped from the kitchen, her voice cracking a little bit. Her auburn hair was tied back into a tight bun and her blue eyes seemed sadder than usual. She was dressed in a black pantsuit, her heels clicking against the tile as she gently reached out shake one of Zoë's hands. "Well hello to you. I presume your Zoë?"

Zoë smiled and her laughter filled the void. "Of course!" Her eyes glinted mischievously. "Has Carden been talking about me?"

"He hasn't shut up about you." Carden's eyes widened as he glared his mother. She winked in response. "I think I remember you from the Wendys on the Boardwalk? And weren't you a brunette the last time I saw you?"

Zoë laughed again and nodded, Mother's light eyes becoming clearer. "I actually dyed my hair yesterday." She glanced at Carden. "Decided I needed a change. So how much has Car told you about me?"

Mother leaned against the counter. "Well, let's see. He said your in his first hour and an amazing tutor. He also said your really pretty, which I can see is one hundred percent true, and that your laugh is contagious." She looked to Carden, who was blushing profusely. "Am I missing anything?"

Dad's voice thundered from the backyard, "He also said she should go to the Homecoming game next week. He needs his girl there."

Zoë raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

Carden laughed awkwardly and scratched at the back of his neck. "Well, um, should we go in the backyard?"

"Nice subject change," Mother teased, laughing delicately as she led Zoë outside like they were old friends.

Carden sighed, glancing outside quickly before slipping upstairs.

The door was closed and no light escaped through the bottom. It was the forbidden room in their house but Carden always snuck in there when he was sad or thinking of Jared. He grabbed the handle, memories rushing back like a waterfall.

Carden trying to get in when Jared locked it.

Jared cornering him in front of the door, laughing when Carden screamed for Mother.

Walking inside for the first time to see Jared watching Alabama playing on his iPad.

Carden threw open the door, cold air rushing out as he walked in. The air was still and hung low and nothing had been disturbed. Oakland Raider posters hung around the room and the familiar cursive A was taped to the closet door. Books were open, strewn across Jared's bed and a shirt hung from his desk chair.

He sat in the center of the room, leaning against the bed frame as he stared at the nightlight stars glued onto the ceiling. Jared has been afraid of the dark when he was little and Carden could vividly remember Jared's cries when Dad turned out the lights. Mother had bought him the lights and he had never taken them down. They had been a part of Jared's life.

Pictures were taped all along the walls, most of them with Carden and Cam. There was one with Chloe and Carden wanted to rip it to shreds and throw it out the window but Jared wouldn't like that.

Jared would say, "Let the past go lil bro. If you look behind, you'll miss the future." His future being football. Carden's future was still a mystery.

Footsteps padded against the soft carpet as the door quietly creaked open and someone took Carden's hand, Zoë, whispering softly, "Your mom said you'd be up here."

He swallowed his tears and looked at her. Her smile was soft, loving even, and her eyes shimmered with care. She brought her other hand up to his cheek. "You're gonna be okay."

"But what if I can't?" Carden whispered, dropping his gaze.

"You're Carden Ash. Captain Flirt. Star quarterback. One of the most popular guys at school. You could have everything you've ever wanted in life and I'm guessing your brother doesn't want you to miss it. Life is like a road trip. There's trees and trees and when you look away, you miss the beauty in it." She held his head in her hand. "Don't miss it."

Carden smiled sadly at her. She was the only one who saw this side of him. The boy behind the mask. The boy with a broken past and his head in the clouds. His dreams were Jared's dreams. Since Jared had died, Carden had adopted Jared's personality. They were like the same person.

Zoë toyed with one of her broken waves. "Be the Carden Ash I know."

Jared, I love you but it's time for me to become Carden. I need to be her Carden.