A week had passed, and Jax had barely eaten anything. He hated not being able to use his arm, since his left shoulder had been injured, and he was left-handed, but it wasn't like he did much anyway. He just wished he would die. If his mom was right about becoming one with the Force, then Jax would be able to see her. And that's all he wanted.

Rex checked on him every hour, and Kanan and Ezra had come in a few times, too. Rex would bring him food and make sure Jax ate it. Jax thought that he could starve himself, but Rex was making sure he didn't. Feeling the slightest amount productive, Jax climbed out of bed and walked to the bathroom, looking into the mirror. His eyes were sunken, and his hair was a mess. His skin was pale, and he just looked tired.

Rex walked into the refresher. "You okay?" he asked.

"No," Jax replied. "Nothing will ever be okay again. Not without Mom." he shoved past Rex and sat on the edge of the bed.

"No," Rex said. "It won't be okay." He said. He straightened himself. "Are you hungry?" He asked. "Scratch that. I'm going to go get some food, and you need to eat it." He turned his head away from Jax. "I'm not losing you too." his voice broke, and he left the room.

Jax opened his mouth to stop him, but no sound came out. He can't be staying in bed all day.

It was worrying Rex, and he didn't want that. He didn't want to hurt him, but he was, and he was going to change something about it. He was a Tano, and they helped people. It was what his mom taught him, and she heard her scolding him in the back of his mind for treating Rex this way.

He stood up and took off his sling, stretching out his injured arm and wincing. It still hurt, but not to the extent that it had. He looked at his armor that he had been wearing, the armor that he had sworn he would never wear again. It would bring back too much hurt and guilt. He wasn't going to wear it, but he felt that it shouldn't be lying around. He winced as he picked it up with his left hand, but he didn't care. He put it in his wardrobe and walked out the door of his room.

He carefully jogged to Rex, who was talking to Hera, and Hera looked at him, and Rex turned around, following Hera's gaze, and his eyes widened when he saw Jax.

"Jax!" Rex gasped.

"I'm sorry," Jax said. "I shouldn't be worrying you like this. And you're not going to lose me. Mom wouldn't want that."

Rex smiled. "I'm just glad that you're still alive. Where's your sling?" he asked, looking at Jax's arm.

"I don't need it," Jax said. "It was in my way."

Rex smiled. "Glad to have you back, son."

Jax smiled back, but he still hurt inside. He was always going to, but he felt better by getting out of bed and moving around. "C'mon," Jax said. "Let's go have some dinner." 

——

A few weeks had passed, and a lot had changed. Jax's hair had grown long, and it was almost long enough to pull back in a ponytail like Kanan. Ezra had cut his hair, and it seemed like he had grown a few inches and was growing muscular by the day. He didn't look like a kid anymore. Jax had also gotten more muscular, but he hadn't grown much. With him being half Togruta, he went through puberty before humans did. And he was taller. He was an inch over six feet tall, and that was short for a male Togruta, but he was a hybrid, so he didn't expect to get any taller. He hadn't gotten out his lightsabers, either. But his arm had finally healed, and he started using a blaster again, knowing that he needed a way to defend himself. Working with his father had helped his aim.

"Hey, Jax, you're looking down. One of those days again?" Rex asked.

"Yeah," Jax replied. Now and then, he would just feel down, and he wouldn't do much. It was just a day to reset himself, and have a 'Jax' day. But he had a reason for this one. Tomorrow was his birthday, and it was his first birthday without his mom.

"Talk to me," Rex said.

"Well, you see, tomorrow's my birthday," Jax said.

"Really?" Rex asked. "Sixteen, right?"

"Yeah," Jax said.

"I never really understood birthdays," Rex said. "When Ahsoka or the general was to have a birthday, us clones didn't know what to do since we weren't born, like other species. It was fun to see the boys run around and panic. What do you normally do for your birthday?"

"Normally Mom would try and bake a cake, but it rarely worked." Jax gave a small laugh. "She never really could cook. Then we would normally go to a cantina or a restaurant, and we'd have a nice dinner. She'd give me a gift, too." Jax replied. "But this is my first birthday without Mom, and I don't know what to do, and I don't want to leave the base."

"Well, I know that Hera is a great baker," Rex said. "And I've seen some of her cakes. They're legendary, and Ezra is great too."

"They don't have to—" Jax protested, but Rex was already gesturing to Hera to come over. Jax facepalmed and sighed.

"Hey Jax," Hera said. "Rex. What do you need?"

"Well," Rex replied. "Tomorrow is Jax's birthday, and I was wondering if you could do us a favor and make a cake."

"It'd be my pleasure," Hera replied. "Here, come into the kitchen, and we can talk."

"You really don't have to do this," Jax said.

"I'm making you a cake whether you like it or not," Hera replied.

"Really, Rex?" Jax said. "There's literally no stopping her now."

"Hey, you wanted a cake, and I've got you one," Rex said.

"I never said I wanted a cake." Jax protested.

"Jackson Tano," Hera said. "I'm baking you a cake. Now shut up about it."

"Fine," Jax grumbled. He walked into the kitchen. "What is there to talk about?" he asked.

"What flavor cake do you want?" Hera asked. "Chocolate? Strawberry? Vanilla? Lemon?"

"Chocolate please," Jax said. "But anything works."

"Chocolate is fine, now stop feeling like you're a burden to me," Hera replied. "You'll have it tomorrow, I promise. Could you go get Ezra for me?"

"Yeah," Jax replied, walking out of the kitchen. Ezra was talking to Sabine and Zeb by the Ghost, and Jax walked up to them.

"Hey, Ezra," Jax said. "Hera wants to see you. She's in the kitchen."

"Okay," Ezra said. "Thanks, Jax."

"No prob," Jax said after him.

"Hey, Jax, you want to go paint something?" Sabine asked. "I've got a new idea for a mural in your room."

Jax shook his head. "Not today. Maybe tomorrow. I'm tired. Thanks, though." Sabine had been teaching Jax how to paint, and he was surprisingly really good at it.

Jax walked to his room without getting any dinner and sat on his bed. He took off his shoes and his shirt and laid down on his bed.

After hours of him moving in bed, flipping over, and being awake, he crept to his drawer in his room opened it up, and grabbed his lightsabers. He felt like he was ready to use them again, and that he owed it to his mother. He pulled his shoes over his feet and grabbed a droid, a Marksman-H combat remote, to be exact. He walked out of his room away from the base, and away from the markers that kept the spiders away.

He ignited his lightsabers and spun them around in his hands. They seemed to fit into his hands perfectly, but he also felt an overwhelming wave of guilt crash over him, memories of their time on Malachor, and memories of his mother rushing through his mind. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He turned on the droid and stepped back, waiting for a shot to fire, and he blocked it. He kept blocking them, shot after shot, until the droid went to the highest speed, and then shut off. He had 'beat' it. It was kind of like a game, just block all the shots, and when you do it fast enough, the droid shuts off.

He turned off his lightsabers and kneeled on the ground, sweating. He turned it on again, but this time he blindfolded himself. He concentrated into the Force, and blocked shot after shot until he sensed a person approaching him, and dodged a bullet, then ran up to the bot and turned it off. He took off the blindfold and saw a woman approaching him. She was fairly average height, with a scar on the side of her face and one on her eye. She had short hair, about the same length and style as Sabine's with a black shirt and the rebellion logo on one shoulder.

"What are you doing out here?" She asked.

"I could ask you the same thing." Jax retorted.

"Answer my question and I'll tell you." She said, crossing her arms.

"Fine." Jax snapped. "I'm practicing."

"Practicing what?" She asked. "That looks like one of those remote-things bounty hunters use. Why in all the galaxy would you have that?"

"I'm a Jedi." He replied. "Well, kind of. I have a Jedi's gift, and I use their weapon. But I don't follow their code."

"Are you that Bridger kid?" She asked. She seemed not to like Jedi.

"No," Jax said. "The name's Tano. Jackson Tano. But I go by Jax." He held out his hand.

"Alema." She replied, taking his hand. "You related to Ahsoka Tano? That Fulcrum spy?"

"Yeah," Jax said. "That is—was my mom. Now answer my question." He demanded.

Alema put up her hands, as though surrendering to him. "Okay! Fine." She said. "I come out here every morning super early, to get some fresh air," she said, waving a hand. Jax could tell she was lying. There was more to it. "There's never anybody out here. You're the first person I've seen since... well, ever. Nobody comes out at night. Guess they're scared of the spiders. Can't say I blame them."

"Why do you come out?" Jax asked. "I know you're lying." He crossed his arms.

"You're a perceptive one," Alea said with a small laugh. "You really want to know?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah," Jax said.

She shrugged. "Okay. But don't you dare laugh, you hear? It may sound cheesy, but be glad I'm being honest."

"Okay!" Jax replied. "Okay."

"Well, honestly, I come out here to think. I feel like I need a little bit of time to myself," Alema said. "I get some fresh air, and I feel like I have no worries. I don't worry about the Empire, about dealing with people, and I like it. You ever feel like that?"

"All the time," Jax said.

"Alright then, what's your pitiful story?" Alema asked. "You have that look on your face."

"What look?" Jax asked.

"You look sad," Alema said. "You act like you're happy, and you make up a fake cover of yourself to convince people that you're okay. But you're not. Trust me. I look at that face every time I look in the mirror."

"Oh," Jax said. But as she said it, it made a lot of sense, and it put what Jax felt like into words. Something he could understand. "You really want to hear my story?"

"Yeah," Alema said. "Then I'll maybe tell you mine if it's interesting."

"Oh, that's helpful," Jax said.

"Just say what you need to say," Alema said. "And next time, if you come out here, put a shirt on. Your chest is distracting."

"It is?" Jax asked.

Alema sighed and rolled her eyes. "Boys." She looked at Jax. "Just go."

"No," Jax denied. "I barely know you. Why should I tell you?"

"Alright, you have a point," Alema said, crossing her arms. "And I barely know you, but you're curious about my depressing tale, so if you really want to know, you tell me yours first. It's called a bargain, buddy."

Jax bit back a retort. Alema had a point. He wanted to know more about this girl. And her story. Maybe opening up wouldn't be a bad idea. He could have a friend. Sure, he had had friends before, but all of them were dead. Maybe he could protect at least one. And his mother did say talking was good for dealing with grief.

"Okay," Jax finally agreed. "Well, my mom was a Jedi, but after this crime, she was set up for, she left because she lost faith in the Jedi. In short, one of her best friends bombed a Jedi Temple, and did a bunch of other stuff, but set it up so that it looked like my mom did it. She was expelled from the Order, and then she was proven innocent, and the Jedi asked her to come back, and she refused." Jax sighed. This is where it all really began, he thought. "She stayed on Coruscant for a while, and after this spice run she went on, a Mandalorian came up to her and she needed her help. She's one of my mom's closest friends. She told my mom that she needed her help to stop a former Sith Lord, called Maul. Ahsoka went with her, and she went to the Jedi to ask for help, and she needed more people to help free the Mandalorians people. The Jedi, mainly my mom's former teacher, agreed, and they gave her a battalion, under my dad's command. They went to Mandalore, and my mom fought Maul and captured him after a bunch of fighting, and Maul's forces were defeated. They went to a ship to head back to Coruscant to deliver Maul to the Jedi Council, but then Order 66 was executed. My dad turned on my mom because my dad, being a clone, had a chip in his head and it made him shoot at my mom. But my dad was able to resist it for a second and told my mom to find one of my dad's brothers, who had discovered the chips, but then had been killed because he was a threat to Palpatine's plan. Nobody knew that at the time, though. Eventually, my mom got my dad's chip out, but she released Maul to create a diversion, and he ended up destroying the hyperdrive in the ship, escaping, and causing the ship to crash on a moon. And then my parents parted ways, and a few months later, my mom had me. She always told me that the first few years were rough. She didn't have credits, and she didn't know how to be a mother. She did great, though. And we survived. My mom eventually joined the Rebellion a few months after I was born. and became a spy, using the code name 'Fulcrum', and then she sent the other Jedi on a mission to find my dad. And my parents were reunited, and they were happy as a couple. But after that, maybe a week or two, I can't really remember, we went to a Jedi Temple on Lothal, and then Ezra, one of the Jedi, said that we had to go to Malachor.

"We went to Malachor, and that's when everything changed. Maul came back and tried making Ezra his apprentice. Kanan was blinded, and Vader came, and he fought my mom. And he killed her." Jax blinked back tears in his eyes. It still hadn't gotten easier to talk about his mom, even months after her death. "And then the Temple exploded, and we escaped. Without her. And tomorrow is my birthday, and all that I want is for her to be there. That's the only thing I want, and it's the one thing that I can't get." A single tear traced down his cheek, and Alema rubbed his back with her hand. Why was he telling a person he had just met this? He didn't even know if he could trust her. But deep down, he had a feeling that he could. He didn't know if it was the Force, but he somehow knew that he could trust her.

"I know how you feel," Alema whispered. "And I won't say I'm sorry, because I know that it doesn't do anything. It won't bring them back."

"Oh, yeah?" Jax asked, giving her an exasperated look. But once again, she made sense. But he couldn't let her know that."What's your sad story?"

"And now I hold up my end of the bargain," Alema said, waving a hand. "Also, I've never done this before, so don't make fun of me, or you're going to spend some time in the medbay with a broken nose."

Jax laughed. "I'd like to keep my beautiful nose," he said. "Now, go ahead."

"Alright," She took a deep breath. "I never really knew my parents," Alema said. "They abandoned me when I was about 3, and I only have a few memories of them. But the only memories of them I have are of them abusing me. I was taken in by a loving family. They were everything I had ever wanted. But they were openly against the Empire. And when I was five, just two short years later, the Empire came in and killed them. I lived on the streets, stealing food and credits, and surviving with what I could. Then another person took me in. Just one, and her name was Skye, and we survived for a few more years. Just the two of us against the world. And she was the coolest person in the galaxy. Or I thought so, at least. And then she joined the Empire. The person I looked up to the most joined the group that destroyed my life. And she hated them for the longest time, too. So I killed her." She turned away from Jax. "I was eight years old and a murderer. And so I ran. Again. And I survived until I was thirteen years old, with enough credits to buy myself a ship, and I taught myself how to fly. A few weeks later, I joined the Rebellion. And I've been a part of the Phoenix Squadron since. That's my story."

"Thank you," Jax said.

"For what?" Alema asked.

"For telling me that I'm not the only one," Jax said. "For letting me tell you, and having someone who knows what it's like, to her than Rex. But he's my dad, so it's different. But thank you."

"Your welcome, I guess," Alema said. "The sun's starting to rise." She commented. "We should head back. Want to meet up here again?" She asked.

"Yeah, sure," Jax said. "Can I call you my friend now?"

"Yeah," Alema said. "I don't really know how this is supposed to work, though. I've never really had a friend before. Also, can I ask you how old you're going to be?"

"Neither have I," Jax said. "About the friend thing, I mean. Other than the Ghost crew, but it's more like I'm their cousin and they're a family. And I'm going to be sixteen. When's your birthday?"

"I don't know," Alema said. "I never had one. I just know that I'm about sixteen."

"Well, then let's say that today is your birthday," Jax said.

Alema's eyes widened. "Really?" She asked.

"Yep," Jax said. "Meet me up at lunch so that we can have some cake baked by Captain Syndulla herself."

"Okay," Alema said. She was grinning. "See you later, Jackson Tano." She said, and she walked away.

"See you." He whispered. He picked up the remote and his lightsabers and headed back to his room. He couldn't wait for lunch.