There are only three things that can make a woman wish death above the life she has been granted. Broken heart, denied love and breached trust are those. As she lit the lamp at the feet of her deity Annapurna Maheshwari’s mind reflected to a certain past where she had felt the same level of agony, the same self cursing disappointment. To a certain extent her recent conversation with Sanskar was the reason for it, the cold indifference in his voice had been sharper than a whip, leaving raw and blistering marks against her conscious. He had once been the child of her heart and has now become the bane of her existence. But she had no complaints against him, after all he is the one who went through those three extremes of agony and she was the one who put him through them. It is the wonder of being a mother; you can no more harm a child than cutting off a part of your being and casting it away. The pain he has wrenched through was still breathing inside her. Yet, Sanskar had moved ahead, became someone strange to her, broken his ties with her and turned in to SK. Annapurna had no such wings which would offer her salvation from this pain she is going through, for she must always remain Annapurna Durga Prasad Maheshwari, the matriarch of the legendary Maheshwaris.
The lamp she lit casted a mild light through the now braking dawn, she sang arati in her usual melodious tone, her eyes closed and mind open to a blissful past where her beloved child had stood by her side, his childish hands clasped in prayer and mouthing the words she sang with pride. In the eyes of her mind she could still see the admiration and adoration in his face, the respect and love he had of her, none of it had survived the storm she had unleashed upon him in a vain attempt to salvage her family’s reputation.
Someone, from the domestic help, opened the huge double doors of their entrance. Annapurna did not open her eyes, as she was conversing with her past self, the only moments of bliss left in her otherwise excruciating life. There was some mild, low toned conversation that made no sense to her subconscious and then came footsteps.
That familiar footfall, almost as if conjured from her fraught mind in order to get a moment of illusionary happiness, jerked her out of her trance and broke her connection with her past self. Annapurna opened her eyes slowly and turned in a swift motion, the aarati thali still in her hand, the lamp casting a soft glow on her face.
She had heard god grants your most selfless wishes, but in front of her in flesh and blood stood the most selfish wish she ever dared to nurture in her mind.
*
There she stands, no longer the mother I still cherish in my subconscious but a very shell like reflection of her. Something a little solider than a ghost of the woman I had loved and admired, Annapurna Durga Prasad Maheshwari, every inch the queen of the vile king who I detest to call my father.
She watches me in an awed expression, her soft eyes tearing up. What exactly does she think, perhaps that I have finally forgotten the way she had stabbed me when I was laying down my weapons in respect for her, or that I have somehow managed to compel my heart and soul in to forgiving her?
There is something I must admit, the Maheshwaris had found the exact match for their son in form of one Ragini Gadodia, I would not have realized it had I not set my eyes upon Annapurna Maheshwari once more, the two of them had so many notes striking together.
‘Sanskar,’ she mutters still in trance.
‘SK!’ A voice says above us, and the man I hate with all the capacity of my heart walks in, descending the stairs in a regal posture, his eyes cold and his face impassive. ‘What brings my opponent this early to my doorstep?’
I crook and eyebrow.
‘What else but your rather destructive love for me Papa,’ I tell him, managing to deliver the last word with much more venomous tone than the rest.
He watches me mildly interested and his eyes blazing in frustration.
‘You left yourself; you’re no longer welcome here.’ His tone is calculated, threatening and cold.
‘That is not your decision to take I’m afraid,’ I reply in the same tone.
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘I own this house,’ I remind him calmly. ‘Dadaji leave it in my name right? It was me who had handed over the reins to you, not the other way around. I can waltz in and out of my house anytime I want.’
He gulps looking at me and then turns to his wife with a furious look.
‘You told him about the will?’ His tone is seething in anger. She takes a deliberate step backwards.
‘I did…’
‘Not,’ I supply. ‘Uttara did. The daughter you so conveniently keep away from home so that she can no longer communicate with anyone from your circles and blubber how you have lost everything to a son who no longer has any relation with you. She called me, a few days ago. Her information was rather interesting and I did my own digging, it is wonderful to know that even your own father thought I was right in our little battle of egos papa.’
‘You,’ a new much milder tone says.
‘Good morning Bhabi,’ I grin at her stunned expression. ‘I’m sure you must be aware of our rather complicated family tree by now, wouldn’t you seek my blessings?’
Ragini almost faints, the fear and confusion in her face is so satisfying; as she folds her hands in greeting. I place my hand on her head, catching her eye as I did so.
‘What are you doing here?’ She asks me.
‘Digging out your lies,’ I say, brushing the top of her veiled head. ‘Kush raho, as long as you can,’ I add the last few words in whisper for only her to catch.
*
‘So we’re back to zero are we?’ SK’s voice sounds dangerous as he slams his fist on the table. ‘You aren’t talking and I’m making a fool of myself. Seriously Miss Gadodia, grow up!’
I look up at him calmly. No matter how furious he is, his eyes remain concerned, He seems rather affected by my silence now. Does he think that I enjoy tormenting him as his family surely does, is that the reason why he wants me away under any circumstance?
‘I have nothing more to say,’ I tell him. ‘You heard me at the trial, I said the truth.’
If looks could kill, I would be dead by now. SK scowls at me and sits down still maintaining his glare.
‘You let Durga Prasad portray you unable to control your temper. Very well, Miss Gadodia good job, you’re one more step closer to death now.’
‘I told you; I have no wish to live unless there is someone to live for. You stated your decision I made mine, done, end of story.’
‘So Ragini lies again huh? You did not attack her?’
‘I went to see Ma, after you made me feel as unwanted as everyone else had done,’ I tell him looking straight in to those blindingly ablaze eyes. ‘Ragini was there one minute and the next she was not. I didn’t do anything.’
SK sighs.
‘Why are you so stubborn?’ He asks then.
‘You went home?’ I ask him. ‘Vic told me you went home to the Maheshwaris. Why did you do that?’
‘What else should I do when they’ve put the woman I love behind bars?’
I gasp at him.
‘You don’t mean it.’
‘I wish I don’t.’ He glares at me again. ‘Trust me you don’t deserve all this I do for you, you’re such a foolish girl…but I have no way of making my heart understand that.’
His words make sense slowly and I smile faintly.
‘I trouble you a lot, don’t I?’
‘You almost murder me,’ he states bluntly. One of his long fingers strokes my knuckles. ‘Hang in there okay? Don’t give up.’
‘SK,’ I say slowly, enjoying his touch against my skin. ‘What happened to the last case you lost?’
He closes his eyes, his finger still tracing a pattern against the backside of my palm.
‘I love your mehendi,’ he says softly after a moment. ‘Its traces are still there… so dark…’
I hold his finger stopping its way by my other hand and look up at him, insistently.
‘Tell me…’
‘It was when I used to be Durga Prasad’s junior, you know the Maheshwari firm was his father’s, he had taken over at a very young age, I was the next in line with Lakshya still a boy… There was this case where one of the most influential of our clients was killed. We were the prosecutors of that case.’ He sighs leaving a pause. ‘His own daughter killed him, she was my childhood friend, and we were so close growing up.’
‘Did she do it, really?’
‘All the evidence was against her,’ he said flatly. ‘I had dug them up myself. She was in love with someone. The family was against it. She…it seemed had temper issues and she just killed her father in cold blood. I never thought anyone was capable of such violence. I had taken the case myself, much like Lakshya is doing now…and I won, sending her to gallows.’
‘If she really did it what was the matter?’
‘After the verdict do you know what she said?’ He says staring ahead lost in that dark day. ‘She said I was nothing but a greedy lawyer just like my father was, who did not even for once tried to know the real truth but followed the trail laid out for me before hand. She asked me to enjoy the knowledge that now I had her blood in my hands.’
‘Why?’
‘It was an act of self defense Casper, the man I tried to get justice for had already killed her love, and he would have killed her had she not shot him beforehand. They…her family and mine, had so conveniently hid this from me, made me believe I was doing the right thing, made me sent an innocent to death. I would never be able to wash off that taint from my character that I am no better than the murderer myself.’
‘What did you do then?’
‘The only thing that my conscious would allow me, I reopened the case, going against my father for the first time. I had to leave home, break all the ties with my family because they don’t tolerate those who go against their opinion.’
‘That’s why you were talking about banishment that day…’
‘There was a time when I admired my father, I wanted to be just like him, but then I saw what he was, without being blinded by the love and respect I had for him. The girl I told you about had a sister…Kavita who in fact was my fiancee at that time…she was the witness of that case.’
He winces a little as the memories streamed in and continues to stroke my hand.
‘Their sheer violence was so threatening that I had to hide her away, they would have killed her if she continued to remain in sight. That house was where she was.’
‘What happened to her?’
‘Died. They killed her. It was my mother who tipped them off. She was the only one who knew where she was, she was the only one I had trusted with that detail.’
‘Why?’
‘Because she had to choose between me and her husband. Durga Prasad had made her believe that if he loses this case those people will kill him to avenge it. She was afraid; I think you might know she is not the sharpest woman on earth.’
‘But couldn’t you prove this?’
‘I could have, if not for her second betrayal. She had switched the files of evidence, misplaced the real one. I never found it again.’
‘How did she?’
‘I thought you might have realized Casper. I’m color blind, or did you think I was forgetful enough to mix up red and blue files?’ he smiles a little. ‘Imagine a mother using your weakness against you. I asked her why she did it, how she managed it. And by answering that question she broke me again. I was not her son. She…’ His voice dies for a moment and I grip his hand tightly. ‘She is not my mother. I am nothing but a mistake of my father, which he had to accept in to his house. They had killed the woman I loved, my best friend was marked to death and they still wanted me to take on their name and add to their false glory.’
‘They could have dealt with it without killing her, but they did not. Durga Prasad himself wanted her dead, do you know why? I was so blind before that I could not understand how much my father loathed me. You see, he had to accept me, because Dadaji had named me the successor for his property. Durga Prasad doesn’t like anyone forcing him in to anything and he hated me. She died because I loved her…he wants me to suffer for being an obstacle in his path, daring to challenge him, for trying to break his fortress…and he knows exactly how that should be done.’
‘That’s why he made Ragini lie again…’ I say softly.
‘No, when he started framing you I was not in the picture. This has some other reason. Something else is involved here.’
His attention is once more focused on my mehendi.
‘Since you didn’t touch the knife, do you remember how your mehendi got smudged?’
‘No, it was perfect when I went up to my room that day,’ I tell him frowning. ‘What is it?’
‘I think you might have marked the murderer there,’ he says softly. ‘Good job Casper!’
*