Small conversations began just as I parked my car and walked towards the large mass of people. Mr.Joseph stands 10 feet away talking to the older family members.

/How frustrating. And so degrading./

I feel several eyes on me as I stand in line beside the grey mausoleum. The people there were dressed in black, a few in dark grey. No tears yet. Just sniffles and unused hankercheifs.

Today was a Tuesday. A dark Tuesday. 2 weeks and 2 days after Tyler's- death. His death. I can't begin to explain how hard it was for me to let those words go through my head. But they were real. And there's no point in clinging to a ledge that's not there.
I have to learn that. It's just mad news.
Getting the devastating call that my whole world, my best friend, the one person that made me feel like something incredible, the person who helped people be people- is gone. Just like that. No how. No where, or why. It's just that.

"Josh, Hey- I, I'm sorry. I really am. I can't imagine what you're going through. You might think it's your fault. It's not. Don't pressure yourself. But don't go crazy, you know?" A lifeless chuckle escaped Mrs.Joseph's lips, and she began walking back into the small circle of people.
Those people were of rows.

Close Family.
Friends. (Me)
Extended family.
Neighbors.
School Teachers.
School Students.
People in it for pity.
People in it for a story.

People in it for money.

All this emotionless commotion.

I wonder what Tyler would be thinking right now.
Probably something funny to make me relax. Or something deep to make me think.
I miss him.

                              ♤♤♤
"He didn't deserve this at all. We all needed to really be there. There is no excuse for myself. I'm at so much fault. I tried to be a sister, almost- but that wasn't enough. Tyler is in a better place now. In heaven, hopefully being much happier than the happiness we could've given him. I love you Tyler."

Maurice threw a red rose at his grave stone and walked back to her previous standing position in the crowd.  She quickly fanned at her eyes to stop her tears from smudging her makeup.
Maurice was Tyler's friend from Sunday school. Tyler and her were friends since the day the church has opened. They were both the same age and they both lived close, so they constantly played Mario kart and basketball together. I hadn't known Maurice as much, because Tyler and I were BEST friends. It's not like I had any intention of knowing who she was. We live far and I could care less. But today, right now, I think I should care, around 5 percent, because death isn't all that.