Kai and Filip devour the air with their vibrant conversation, unaware of my presence as I linger by the infirmary doorway. The boats are here, and I must tell them, for any moment now, they will come to take me away. It's time to say goodbye.

The ache in my chest subsides, easing with every second that I observe them. A spirited duo – Filip captivated by narrating a tale, and Kai embellishing it with a dramatic re-enactment. An undeniable bond between them transcends words or gestures, and in the late morning sun, I can see the fibres of a relationship. No one told Kai to shower Filip with such care, or to lift the atmosphere with such infectious enthusiasm that Filip forgets my absence. Forgets his pains and worries. Kai wants to make him happy, and it works, for Filip smiles wider than he has in my recent company. A ghost within these walls, I lean against the cold doorframe; the hint at a future for Filip filled with such joy is one I'd gladly die for.

I cough, and their excitement perishes like the last sap of life from a body. My presence is a sweep of chills, and I can see it on their skin as I approach. A bearer of bad news. That is all I have become. It hurts.

"How's your head now?" Of course, all I can think of is a question to remind him of the pain. The fun they indulged in evaporated the minute they realised I had returned. I wish I stayed in the shadows, to see Filip's face light for even a few more seconds. I will not tell them of the boats; I cannot reduce myself to a sob in the last hours spent here.

"I'm fine, Red. Honest. I don't even remember what happened. Actually, I'm quite grateful for it, otherwise I would never have had the chance to come to the castle." He gazes around with wide, twinkling eyes at the high arch ceiling, and wide windows. Sights I have yet to appreciate.

"You almost died, Filip." I snap at him then immediately suck in air as if I can take them back. Too harsh for such an innocent soul, my words hang in the air like a skeleton from a tree limb. His eyes, shrunk to a sombre downturn, carry a sorrowful burden. A deep-cut wound. "I just want you to be careful. I love you, Filip."

"I know." Filip attempts a half smile, and Kai lays a hand on his shoulder. "But I miss playing outside. Mama hasn't let me since they took you."

Kai's eyes meet mine, soft coals in the weeping sun. A call for trust. He'll look after Filip when I'm gone, whether I order him to or not. Filip doesn't need to know that the boats are here, nor what they might mean for me, but I have to tell Kai. To make him promise loyalty to Filip, until he is a man. I don't want my last memory of the excitable boy I love tarnished by sickness and fear. So, I extend my hands to both of them.

"If you're sure you're okay, we can go for a walk. But if you start to feel dizzy or... or strange. You must tell me. Promise?"

"Promise." He shoots back as he springs out of bed. Kai takes my hand, his agreement palpable in the light squeeze to my palm.

"Good idea, Princess. And luckily, your loyal guard knows a great spot outside the castle. But we have to be fast, before Ersa comes to give you your dinner, Filip."

Filip tugs his shoes on, his frail arms emaciated in the hang of his bed clothes. Hollow and empty, his cheeks sink like pits in the shadow of his hair. A flicker of doubt in my mind eases at Kai's grin as Filip stands tall and proud at his side. Prepared for adventure. Maybe fresh air and excitement is what he needs to perk up and gain weight again.

They reach the doors in a hurried heartbeat, and I follow after them. Haste drives them down a narrow staircase before my feet can touch the first step, their synchronised taps a pleasant, tinking rhythm. I try to loosen the stiff grip in my arms, unable to sit in comfort by my sides. Bear a smile for them.

Filip's gasp, one of such ecstasy only a child's genuine wonder could evoke, resounds in the short corridor before us. Lush vines that tickle the mossy stones stretched beneath our feet, hung all the way to the end. Pure daylight, natural and unmarred by a window. A small garden patch, briming with vibrant colours and fragrances that cling to my nose, expands before us as we step out from the open alley. Wooden signs, spelling the intricate names of all the herbs I have ever heard of and more, line each plotted row. An ode to nature's bountiful treasures. A meandering path leads down to a shabby shed, concealing a gate, and beyond that: the cliffs edge that faces the monotonous roll of waves in the sea.

The ship. Kai sees it, turns to me welling tears in his eyes, then swallows his words as Filip exclaims: "It's beautiful."

We can't shatter his perception of the world, nor cause him stress by explaining what that boat docked at the ports means. So, with as much poise and contentment as I can muster, I plop down in the grass and they copy me. But, for all my efforts, I cannot see past the rose and thorn crested boat. Only in a lay, with my head pressed back into the hard, flat dirt, can I ignore the sinking dread in the pit of my heart to stare up into the serenity of the sky. A better shade of cornflower blue, that the sea could never take.

The breeze ruffles our hair against the soft grass blades, a sweet stroke. With an inhale, the salty fresh taste fills my wrinkled lungs, displacing the stagnant air of the castle that lingers within. Though still, grounded and with eyes shut, a lightheaded dizziness creeps into the pit of my head. To escape it's clutches, I jolt up, abrupt and needing to stand. But my eyes can settle on nothing else by the blank face of the shed - a mirror to the emptiness within. There's no comfort for the condemned.

They both watch me as I pull the knife from my boot, and line it up with an eye in a wooden plank. "Shift your weight." Kai reminds me with a weak smile, the conversation in the morning of the fire clearly burnt into his memory too. A myriad of emotions later, and here I stand, more willing to heed his advice than ever. I throw, missing the eye and instead wedging the knife between two planks of vertical wood next to it.

"Woah. Red, you should be a guard." Filip gushes, and the first genuine smile of the day crosses my lips.

"Then what would that make me? The Princess?" Kai mimics my smile, though the one he provides Filip is heartier. Easier to provide than mine. As Kai once said, I'm not here for long, so I should make every moment I create one filled with happiness. No matter how short-lived it may be.

"Well, you do have gorgeous hair, and a figure curvier than mine."

"It's the muscles." I give him a look, and he blushes. "Or the bread... They make very nice bread here, the maids."

Filip rolls on his side, stitches tickling his humour until delirious tears melt from his eyes. I suppose when you've been stuck here for days, kept in the same room with little to do, everything is funny.

I sit back on the grass, watching wispy clouds roll over the sky, now empty of rain-clouds from the last brutal onslaught. Summer flowers begin to wilt in their scattered patches, the sudden drop in temperature too harsh for their delicate petals to bear.

"Can I play in the garden? I'm quite good at taking out the weeds. I use to help Mama all the time." My heart breaks at his simple question. A simple request that shouldn't instil so much fear into me. The idea of him being alone with tools is one that if I dwell on for any longer, I would refuse.

"Of course you can." My voice cracks, and Kai covers it for me.

"There's a little shovel and some leather gloves in the shed. Should I get them for you?" He stirs, but Filip hops up and shakes his head.

"I can get them. Thanks Kai." He plants a kiss on my cheek, hugs Kai and hurries off to the shed with a run that could cure sadness. I smile briefly, tears all too evident on my heating cheeks.

Kai edges closer to me, fixing the red cloak I've clung to for the last few days tighter around my hunched shoulders; I can never seem to relax them anymore. No more deep breaths of air like I used to take, instead only constant, cramped pain and shallow gasps. Enough to keep me alive. "They've come." The only words I can muster that make sense. He tugs at daisies until their stems break, collecting them in one hand.

We watch as Filip, small hands bathed in gloves way too large for him, clasps his shovel and sprints to the nearest patch, ready to rip the weeds from their unsightly spots. With the precision and care of a mind much older, he meticulously digs around to uproot it, then fills the gaping hole with fresh compost from a bin nearby. One by one, he banishes the weeds with nurturing hands, in harmony with the swinging flowers and leaves around him.

A quickening in my heart sparks rapid breaths that I struggle to control. They pull from my lips, drying with every exhale torn through them like whirlwinds. I clutch my chest, pained by the sudden grip of intensity on my heart. Kai rubs my back, but the pain does not ease.

"Don't let anything happen to him." My words tangle with the chirp of birds, and Kai squints in confusion. A primal growl of frustration snarls my lips to a tight curl, and I grip his shoulders hard. "When I'm gone. Don't let anyone hurt him. Guard him like you've guarded me. Do you understand?"

The agonised shaking in my body reaches a painful vibration that his touch cannot slow. A fever burning through its final stages. He mumbles some form of promise. Some words my deaf ears do not comprehend. His lips move with confidence against my hand, reassurance in the form of a kiss that I do not feel. Only the brush of saliva that sizzles on the fiery heat my body exudes.

Filip looks over at us, smile beaming in the glint of sun, unaware of the vacant expression I struggle to wipe. I lift a hand, and for him, it suffices. With a bounce of his fluffy hair, he continues to potter along in plain bliss. The boats are here, and I must leave him.

"Won't you at least tell him?" Kai releases my hand, but I do not face him. I want to fill my last sights with a boy I will never have the privilege of seeing grown. Will he overcome his fear of spiders? Will the nightmares that haunt him fade from memory, and drop into the undercurrent of subconscious thought. Will he marry? Have children on his own to care for. Will he even remember me?

"It's okay. Don't cry yet." Kai pulls my head to rest against his chest. "One day, when he has matured and healed from the grief of losing you, I swear I will revive his memory. You won't be forgotten."

I count the beats of his heart, pounding against the wall of toned flesh separating me from it. Human bodies are so fragile. Fifty eight. Fifty nine. Sixty. "I'm okay now." I exhale and withdraw from his comfort.

"I'm not." Kai's glazed voice masks the emotion I know he hides. We bask in silence once more, unable to find the right words to say in farewell. The sea air makes me queasy, but soon it will be all that I can taste. A suffocation of the senses.

Kai hands me the daisies he picked and I offer them to the breeze. It carries them over the cliffs edge. "Don't stay in the infirmary tonight. Return to Freya's bed and pick something comfortable to wear. There's something I want to show you, but we can only go there in the deadest hour of night." I look over at Filip, returning the shovel and gloves to the shed. "He'll be fine. I promise. You'll be back to him before the morning crawls in."

"I don't want to see anything anymore, Kai. Only him."

"I want you to see this. Be ready for me, Princess." The determination in his voice strengthens his resolve, and with a final nod, he trots away.