I closed my eyes and the strategies flooded in my head. They drove me insane, as the circumstances I was in did.

If tomorrow never came, would I be ready to let everything go?

NO!

I huffed and puffed after the sprint. My heart pounded hard in my chest, terrorising my ribs. My head spun around, my face went pale.

It was somewhere in the middle of winter, nights came down all of a sudden, devouring the sun after four in the afternoon. I had overestimated the time and lingered a bit too long at the school formal. When I'd gotten off the bus, it was already pitch black.

I heard footsteps, and they stopped. I covered up my mouth to confine the shriek. I sank deeper into the dark empty alley, trying to hide, keeping myself as quiet as possible. I barely breathed. My ears went deaf from the constant sickening silence.

The silence soon broke apart when I fell over a trash bag and against the metal trash container. It was a deafening noise, like thunder. Rats squeaked and quickly ran away from the stir.

I was terrified, so I sobbed. What was the point anymore? I was caught, and promisingly dead.

The stalkers chuckled as they found me out, their eyes and teeth luminous in the dark. They approached me slowly, like a couple of hyenas approaching their prey.

"Poor lamb!" one of them spoke up with fake ruth. "We scared her shit off!"

"Baby, don't be scared," the other one rose his voice, his accent strange and strong, "Let me soothe you!" he broke into laughter and leant over me.

I screamed. The rapist tore apart the shoulder of my formal gown. He laughed masochistically at my panic; his tongue tasted the bare skin on my neck. I raised my hand and scratched his face hard in defence.

He roared and slapped me with rage. My head banged against the filthy trash container.

Blood ran down the side of my face.

I could feel the pain slipping away from me and into unconsciousness.

I could feel myself fading.

Then, I felt none...

*****************

In the complete white surroundings of my own mind, I was alone. I was alone with Jesse though, for once.

Holy crow, but he was beautiful!

He was so gorgeous in his tuxedo at the school formal tonight that I became speechless whenever I saw him around, and my ears went red hot.

I watched every step of his from a heart-breakingly far distance: as he laughed with his friends, smiled his crooked smile at the jokes, every frown, every weight shift from one leg to the other, everywhere he went, everything he did...I was his faithful observer.

I didn't know for sure if I was pathetic enough to surrender the obvious and let him notice my secret admiration, but I really did like Jesse.

Indeed, I loved him.

Yes, I just admitted it!

"I love you..." I mumbled with the angel - haloed in whiteness - in front of me.

That was wonderful! I didn't know it was ever this easy!

Well, it was easy, because none of this was real, nor it mattered. Not anymore, inasmuch as I was dead.

Funny how I could accept that truth with ease. I knew exactly what it meant though.

Firstly, it meant that I was not living anymore, neither were my hopes, dreams and ambitions.

Secondly, it meant that my parents would be crying out - in agony, or anger, or regret, or all three - as soon as people discovered my bloody, maybe dismembered, body and informed them.

Thirdly, it meant tears, funeral, dirt or fire, and mourning.

I shuddered at the idea. It terrified me, to imagine the scene I would never witness with my own eyes.

And one more thing...It meant that never would Jesse Damiens know about his obsessive, magnetic power over me. Never could I tell him those three words of mine. I had wasted all my chances to stupid shyness.

Never had I really appreciated the time I had left, the price to pay now was high.

I could have told him when I went past him on the corridors.

I could have gotten it done with in Algebra, or Biology, or History, which I had with him.

I could have even done it half an hour before, at the formal.

Why didn't I just tell him? It was supposed to be simple - three words in just one breath - that was it! Then I could walk away, get on the bus, get stalked, raped and killed with no regrets....

On the edge of death, I cried.

My soul would never rest in peace. I would be stuck in the In-between forever. Not living, nor dead. I would visit Jesse every now and then in his dream and tell him the same thing over and over again. I would haunt him. He would be so crazy because of me, not about me, that he would have to eventually chase me away. He would hate me then, but what other alternatives did I have in line? None! Now that things didn't matter anymore, I could do anything no matter what.

Let's wait and see how tactless I could get...

It was a compromise then, take it or leave it.

I slowly closed my eyes, as I was ready for whatever was coming next: some kind of degrading I guess, maybe I was starting to rot, and my soul would then be separated from my body.

Maybe it had begun, because I could hear the voice of my guardian angel ringing in my ears. It got louder and louder gradually. I reckoned he was quite emotional, if not panicky. He cried out my name a thousands times. How lovely did my name sound, floating about in his warm voice!

"Casey! Casey!" the fear and urgency in his voice wrenched my heart.

I'm alright!, I wanted to say, but how so if I was dead, to calm him down.

My angel lifted me up into his lap and wrapped his arms around me protectively. My dead body would have blushed, for I could feel the heat!

The heat!

Okay, so was I dead or not?

He shook me gently.

"Casey, talk to me!" Jesse whispered, he touched my cheek, his hand cold. I shrugged. "Christ! Casey, open your eyes, please!"

I did as my angel told me to. With all my efforts, I raised my eyelids. Numbness and illusion filled up my eyesight.

His face, the beauty, started to clear up the hallucinating clouds. It stabbed right through my drowsy brain and pulled me back to life. Never before had I felt so alive, and painful! A point on my skull hurt like hell, but I couldn't care less. I was here. He was here with me, holding me up, hugging me close against his chest.

I smiled - again, with agonizing efforts - at him, and opened my mouth.

"You're alright. You're alright." Jesse sighed; he repeatedly reassured me and himself. "Those low-life bastards are caught, you're alright....How bad does it hurt? How is your head?"

My angel was bleeding: his mouth, below his eyes, his nose. There were bruises on his forehead. The collar of his shirt torn.

"Jesse..." I checked my voice, just to make sure that the quality and the tone were suitable. It was just like a sigh, which was good, I couldn't speak any louder, he would have to concentrate on my words and the busy people around wouldn't be able to hear me struggle with my embarrassment.

"Yes?"

The red and blue light flashed everywhere, coloured his face.

"I love you."

He was stunned, and "Alright. Alright." was all he'd got to say.

I smiled secretly, then closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder.

I'd come back from the death, and I'd done things I'd always wanted to do.

If tomorrow never came, I would fight for today, with everything, anything I'd got in hand; and for everything I had possessed, or had me under its possession.

Including Jesse...

THE END.