Is white a color, or is it the absence of color? I wondered to myself.

The bright light was blinding as it reflected off all the sterile white of the bathroom I shared with my mate. My life had become just as colorless as my surroundings. Even the summer dress that hung off my boney frame was white. The only color in the room came from the various bottles of hygiene and hair products lined up perfectly along the countertop. Just as I knew, the bottles in the shower were without having to look. Not a single hair or speck of dirt was anywhere to be seen, just how Levi liked it.

The only imperfection in the room was me. I stood staring in the mirror at my tear-streaked face that was already swelling and changing color.

Well, at least there's some color somewhere, I guess.

Despite the puffiness of my face, it was clear to anyone who looked that I'd lost too much weight for my frame. My collar bones stood out at sharp angles, as did my cheekbones. The spaghetti straps of my dress showed off the knobby bones of my shoulders. They hadn't been like that a year before.

My cornflower blue eyes were permanently rimmed in red and dull compared to the sparkle they used to hold. The light caramel-colored hair that hung to my waist was still a tangled mess from the tight grip he'd held.

I stood in front of the large mirror motionless, just inspecting every change in myself that I hadn't really noticed before. I'd been slowly fading, and I hadn't even seen it.

My heart and mind cried out for me to leave and never look back, but my soul screamed for its other half. My eyes dropped to the mark on my neck with a fierce glare. The Blue Moon that signified my pack with a large A in the center announced my mated status to the world. It also announced me as the Luna to the Blue moon pack. The mark had become a joke. My life, my mating... all of it had become a cruel joke.

Rage filled me as I continued to glare at the image before me. The image I barely recognized. At that moment, I made a decision that would change everything.

Yanking my eyes away, I stormed into the bedroom that was a perfect match for the bathroom I'd exited. Everything white. Everything in its place. Everything perfect.

Well, except for one thing, I thought when my eyes landed on the wall beside the window where I'd been standing when my mate had backhanded me. A small spray of blood from my nose speckled the pristine wall.

Thanks to the pain that had only recently faded, I knew Levi was currently occupied with one of his side pieces, and he wouldn't return until the next day at the earliest. I was being punished because he found my birth control.

I yanked the two duffel bags he usually used for quick trips for pack business from under the bed and started throwing things in. I grabbed clothes from the shelves hidden at the back of the walk-in closet- my old clothes with color and my comfortable shoes. I would no longer need to dress as he wished. I wouldn't need to look like his Luna.

While I gathered my necessities, I knocked over bottles and moved things out of their place. My lips curved into a smirk when I passed the dresser and used my arm to swipe the stuff on top into the floor. It might have been a small thing, but I knew it would infuriate my mate. He ruined everything, and I found a tiny bit of satisfaction in ruining the one thing he had come to love so much. The perfection he surrounded himself with.

Once I was done, I slipped the bag's strap onto my shoulder and left the room, hoping never to return. As I neared the top of the stairs, two people stepped onto the landing, and my stomach dropped to my toes.

My mate's parents, Michael and Isabella Anderson, stared at me with sadness in their eyes. I didn't bother to wipe my tears or hide my heartbreak from either of them. They needed to see it. They needed to see how far it had come. Still, panic raced through my veins.

My wolf finally stopped whimpering in my head, and I felt her perk up in hope... hope for the same thing that had me panicking.

"Please, don't try to stop me," I whispered.

Michael looked down at his feet with a sigh while his mate bit her lip to stop its trembling.

"That's not why we're here," Isabella said in her usual loving, compassionate tone. "We were actually coming to tell you we think you should take a little vacation."

I bit my tongue, tasting blood to keep myself from replying. I wasn't going on a vacation.

"This might just be the wake-up call that he needs. He just hasn't been the same since Luke died, and he needs help. Professional help," his mother continued with a broken look in her big brown eyes at the mention of her dead son.

Michael, however, had a resigned look in his eyes when they met mine before skirting away again. He hadn't been able to hold eye contact with me since the first time his son laid a hand on me. Whenever he tried, the shame and disappointment in his features were unmistakable.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a thick white envelope before firmly placing it into one of my hands.

"I can't take this," I mumbled when I flicked it open to find a large stack of cash.

"Yes, you can," he responded instantly. "You have to. When you became my son's mate, you became part of this family, and I take care of family. It'll give me peace of mind to know you're safe and have what you need while you're gone."

His eyes met mine one more time, and held for longer than they had in over a year. I knew at that moment that he understood I wasn't coming back. He just didn't want to tell his mate yet.

I gave him a little nod, and he pulled me in for a tight hug, careful not to aggravate my tender ribs. Isabella gave me a hug as well before they both told me they loved me and wished for me to stay safe.

With that done, I slowly descended the stairs to the first floor of the packhouse. My feet dragged with each step, and my shoulders shook with silent sobs. Leaving my mate had my wolf breaking, but it was the pack that broke me.

I could feel the pack's sadness through the pack bond. My mate wouldn't think anything of it, for the bond had been in a constant state of sorrow for a long time. It somehow felt different to me on that night, though.

When I reached the first floor, I knew why. Dozens of pack members were gathered around the living room and the foyer. All their eyes focused on me the second I came into view.

I had to curl my lips between my teeth to hold in the sobs that wanted to escape. Their silent presence showed their loyalty and love for me. The fact that not one of them had notified their Alpha of my leaving eased some of the guilt I'd been carrying. They didn't blame me.

Silent tears rolled down many faces in the crowd just as they did my own. I gave them all a nod of appreciation, and forced my trembling lips into the closest semblance of a smile I could manage at that moment.

"I'm sorry, and I love you all," I whispered quietly, unable to put any real sound behind the words. But the silence of the room ensured they all heard me.

They all nodded in response and tried their best to return my smile. Their own whispers of love and apologies filled the room.

My eyes darted around as I made my way towards the door, looking for the one face I expected to see the most, but he was nowhere to be found. My heart throbbed at the absence.

As soon as I stepped outside, though, I understood why he hadn't been with the crowd on the other side of the door. His scent swirled on the cool wind, and my lips curled into the first genuine smile I'd managed all day.

I glanced around, trying to find him in the darkness, and my gaze landed on a single silhouette leaning against the wall of the house. My feet were moving the second I saw him. As I neared, I could see the sadness that seemed to radiate from his entire being. His tall frame seemed smaller with his shoulders curled in like they were. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets while one foot was planted against the wall behind him.

"I knew this day was coming soon," Logan mumbled sadly. 

"How did everyone seem to know it was tonight?"

"We didn't. For the last couple of months, every time we hear the commotion from your floor, everyone gathers once he leaves. We've all just been waiting for it."

He sighed and rubbed his hands roughly against his face before running them through his short blond hair.

"Here," his voice shook slightly around the one simple word. He shoved a hand back in his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper and a set of keys. "Take Delilah."

My eyes grew wide when he mentioned the name he'd given his car.

"Why? I have a car."

"Yeah. About that," he said, eyes darting around the yard nervously. "He's had a tracker on your car for a couple weeks. Guess he's been anticipating this too."

I grunted in annoyance. "Still, you love that car."

"Yeah, well, I love you too, and I need you to be safe."

I took a step forward and dropped my forehead against his chest. His arms immediately wrapped around my back, pulling me tighter to him.

All pack members had a special bond with their Luna, but the one between a Luna and Gamma was different. Aside from training the pack, the Gamma's main job was protecting the Luna.

The Goddess would form a bond between them and their Gamma to ensure a Luna's safety. It made the two closer than usual pack members, and it made the Gamma extra protective. He could feel my pain and when I had strong emotions. The last year had been just as hard on him as it had been on me.

He had also lost weight, and dark circles showed under his usually bright green eyes. His old playful demeanor had faded just as quickly as my cheerfulness had.

"What's the paper?" I finally asked when I pulled back to look at him.

"It's an address. You can't go to your home pack. It's the first place he'll look. He'd have you right back here in under 48 hours, and he'd hurt whoever tried to stand between him and his mate. His wolf would demand it. I don't want your parents or brothers getting hurt over this any more than I suspect you do."

My eyelids fell closed, and I cursed myself internally for not thinking of that. If my father or brothers saw the bruising on my face, they'd die trying to keep Levi away from me.

"So, where am I supposed to go then?"

"My home pack," he said as if it was simple. "My parents are there, and my brother is the Gamma. He'll look out for you. I'll call and let him and the Alpha know to expect you. Alpha Lincoln is an old friend I grew up with. You'll be safe there."

"Thank you, Logan," I whispered as I pushed onto my toes to kiss his cheek. "I'll miss you."

"Yeah, I'll miss you too. I'll come visit my parents when I can."

With a small smile in his direction, I nodded and walked away from the house I'd lived in for the past seven years, and the pack I'd been Luna to for five.