CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
This Is Me Trying
November 23rd, 1979

After Euphemia and Fleamont Potter's death, Sirius and James' lives stopped. It took a month for Sirius to get back on his feet and to not drown himself in alcohol. The events felt like dominoes and they just cascaded in a line–never stopping. One after the other. Everyone felt helpless. Sirius spent the majority of his time on Daphne's couch because he felt safe there–Remus wasn't here and when he was, he just seemed away which made Sirius go completely mad. He was so full of secrets. No one knew his whereabouts these days, just that he was sent on missions and that they didn't have to worry themselves. But Sirius worried every single time.

James on his side had Lily, he had Lily to help him get better and she did it so perfectly. She had given him a reason to stay by her side, no matter what and that reason just confirmed how much he needed her in his life and how much he loved her. So he had gotten better and reminded himself of Daphne's words and this month made him realise that she was entirely right–there were good days and bad days, he never really got over it and he probably would never. But knowing Lily was carrying his child was enough to make most of his days good ones.

"Shut the front door, he did not!" Sirius exclaimed loudly, his glass hitting the wooden table. As every Friday night, Daphne and Sirius went out for drinks. It became a tradition that none of them dared to skip. "He really met Aunt Amalthea? Fuck," he snorted.

"I know," Daphne said, agreeing. "Mum seemed to like him, though."

He shrugged, not phased, "Well, it is good, is it not? At least, she's not trying to kill him whatsoever. We never know with this family."

"Right that. How's James?"

Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, "He is..doing fine, I reckon. He tries to be better for Lily since she is pregnant," he explained, not even thinking Daphne couldn't know. Words just seemed to leave his mouth without a care in the world.

"Pregnant?" Daphne asked.

Sirius' eyes grew wider and wider as he realised his mistake, "For fuck's sake, that is why I told James to not tell me," he said loudly. "Just don't tell them it was me who said it. Rumours spread quickly through the Order, just say you've heard it from Peter," he said, making her laugh. "Send them a card or whatever that we send now to congratulate someone."

"Right, okay. Talking of Peter. Where is he? He's not that much around lately, is he?" Daphne queried.

Sirius shrugged, "Ah," he clicked his tongue. "You know it's Peter, he doesn't really like big gatherings. He's not used to it."

"Right," she replied, checking her watch. "Well, it is time for me to go home. Are you going to be okay?"

He waved her with a careless hand, "Of course, Daffy; Fear not," he joked as she rolled her eyes. "Night."

"Night, Sirius."

Daphne walked home alone that night and she could have sworn she felt someone following her. From the sound, she would say it was a woman because only heels could be so noisy on a paved street. Besides, that particular person didn't seem to want her harmed or else she would have hexed her earlier. As she reached the door of her building, she turned her head to watch the street–of course, it was empty but she wasn't going to go in until they would show themselves.

Silently, she reached for her wand in her pocket and cleared her throat, "Is there anyone?" No answer so Daphne tried harder. "I have heard you walking behind me, no need to hide."

Soon enough, a woman with white hair appeared and it wasn't until she squinted her eyes that she recognised Narcissa Malfoy.

"Hello, Daphne," she spoke calmly. "I should have known that heels weren't a wise choice," she then added, offering her cousin a soft smile.

"Narcissa, what are you doing here?" She queried, somehow relieved to her cousin and not some mental woman. "Isn't it late?"

The woman shrugged, "I fancied myself a glass of wine elf," she explained. "I saw you inside the pub."

That sentence was harmless but it meant that she had seen her with Sirius, the exiled cousin, the one they weren't supposed to talk to. But, Daphne was ready to defend herself and Sirius as well. Surely, her old self hated Sirius for running away and leaving Regulus behind but ever since they had managed to talk, it had been better.

"Did you?"

She nodded, "I did. You were with Sirius."

Daphne hummed, "I was. We have drinks every friday."

"Well, I hate to ask but is he okay? I wouldn't know since we had to cut him off but I care for him."

Daphne widened her eyes surprisingly, "He's alright. We are all going through complicated times, Cissa."

"I know," she answered. "I didn't come here to spy on you, Daph. There was a reason. Lucius and I would like to invite you and Fabian Prewett for Christmas."

"Us? Wh–How? Did mum say something?" She whined like a child as Narcissa chuckled.

"Aunt Amalthea does talk," she admitted. "Though, we would like to meet him as well if he is bound to join the family. It is important," she reminded Daphne. "I would have send you an invitation but you did not respond to the last one and–"

"We will come," she reassured softly. "I'm sorry I didn't answer last time but I was busy."

Narcissa waved a careless hand, "Do not worry. I am glad you are coming, Daphne. I have missed you."

"So have I, Cissa. More than you know."

Narcissa smiled widely, "For Sirius, I'd recommend meeting him in quieter places and not the most known pub in Diagon Alley, Daph."

"I'll try," she snorted. "I am just very fond of their firewhisky."

"Lovely!" She exclaimed. "Night, Daph and again, sorry for wearing heels. Not the wisest choice."

"Clearly not," she agreed with a laugh. "Night, Cissa."

With a smile, she reached her flat and from the sound, she concluded that Fabian was patiently waiting for her. She pushed the front door and tried to be as quiet as possible so she wouldn't disturb him. Pot, their kneazle, came to greet her at the door and started purring as soon as Daphne caressed her fur.

"Oh, there you are," Fabian smiled softly, kissing her forehead. "How was Sirius? Is he better?"

Daphne nodded, "He's doing better," she said. "Oh and I've seen my cousin."

Fabian's eyes widened, "Which one? Are you hurt?" He ranted, coming closer and cupping her face.

Daphne couldn't help but chuckle, "I am alright, love. It was just Narcissa," she explained. "She invited us to Christmas. Apparently, Lucius and her want to meet you."

"Meet me? Bloody hell, your mum talked about us, didn't she?"

She laughed, "As Narcissa said my mum does talk, yes."

"I remember your cousin and her now husband," he said with a wince. "Lucius was a pain in the arse, truly. He was awful to people and just so angry all the time. But, your cousin, she was different from who she is today—well, I might be talking too fast because I haven't seen her since Graduation."

Daphne hummed, "I sometimes forget you two were there at the same time," she told him as he nodded. "Well, thankfully Narcissa is still very fond of Quidditch so we'll have something to discuss over dinner."

"Brilliant!"

He walked back to the couch as her discussion with Sirius came back to her, "Oh, Fab, Sirius told me something earlier."

"What is it?"

"Lily is pregnant with James' child. I wasn't supposed to know but should I still send something? A card maybe?"

Fabian shrugged, "Well, if you weren't supposed to know, shouldn't you keep this to yourself?"

"I don't know. Sirius told me to send them something," she replied softly. "I want to speak to Lily again though, even if she shouts at me—Salazar knows how scary that woman can be when she is pissed."

He snorted, tugging her closer as she laid her head on his shoulder, "If you want to send a card, flowers, whatever makes you happy, I won't stop you. I'm sure Lily misses you," he whispered as she hummed. "Even if she does shout at you, she will probably realise you two should talk."

"How are you always right?" Daphne mumbled in his shoulder. "Thank you, Fab."

"Anytime, my love," he murmured, kissing the top of her head. "Let's go to bed, shall we? We'll think of that card tomorrow, yeah?"

"Sounds good," she answered sleepily.

That night, Regulus came to her in one of her dreams but it felt so real. He kept repeating that the War was about to get worse and worse. Daphne couldn't quite understand why he was saying this so she forced herself to wake up. When she finally did, the clock displayed 4:57 and she sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep. Kissing Fabian's cheek, she got out of bed and started thinking about that card.

Daphne hadn't really thought of how things would go between Lily and she after they graduated because they were supposed to never see each other again–ever again. It broke her heart to see her so angry at that meeting–she felt betrayed and Daphne couldn't really blame her for feeling this way. But Lily Evans played a huge part in Daphne Rosier's life, she had been her greatest friend at Hogwarts and somehow helped Daphne become better. So, of course, she wanted to patch things up.

Congratulations for your pregnancy. Sending you lots of love.
Fabian & Daphne.

That was all she could think of, a card that was friendly but also not too much. She tied the card to her owl and told her to find Lily Evans and James Potter.

...

Lily's head snapped towards the window as she heard light taps on it. An owl was there, patiently waiting for someone to take the card. James was somewhere in the flat, probably in the shower so Lily got up and went for it.

"Hello," Lily cooed softly, trying to not scare her. "Is that for me?" She asked, reaching for the card and untied it from her paw. As she pulled her hand away, the owl pecked her hand and Lily snorted. "Alright, I get it, you're hungry. I'll grab you some sweets."

She gave the sweets and headed to the couch where she sat down and unfolded the card. Nine words were written on the piece of paper and two familiar names: Fabian and Daphne. So many questions spiralled into her mind and she felt a rush of nausea submerging her. One of the bad aspects of carrying a child.

"James Fleamont Potter!" She shouted loudly enough for him to hear and she waited patiently. Soon, footsteps were heard and he appeared wearing only a towel as water dripped from his hair.

"What is wrong, Lils? You almost made the walls shake," he said with a frown, clearly scared. He came closer to her, kneeling next to her. "Is it the baby? Is there something wrong?"

Lily couldn't help but melt at his questions and shook her head, "No, the baby is alright, James. We got a card from Fabian and Daphne. They are congratulating us for our pregnancy."

James seemed to freeze and she could see that he wasn't the reason why they knew, "Fabian and Daphne?" He repeated. "You are kidding, yeah?"

"I kid you not," she replied, handing him the card. "It is there, written here. This owl came when you were in the shower," she pointed at it behind her.

"Feather," he muttered under his breath and she decided not to say anything about it. "I haven't seen any of them since...you know, mum and dad passed away," he told her, clearing his throat. "Perhaps she heard it from someone in the order, rumours spread quickly."

She scoffed, "Or Sirius."

"Even if he was the one telling her, I'm sure he didn't mean it, you know how he is..."

"That is exactly why I didn't want to tell him, James! He just–he sees Daphne weekly, if not daily!" She exclaimed. "I didn't want her to know."

"Don't blame him, Lils. Daphne and Sirius are good for each other. Sirius needs someone close since Regulus died and she is that someone, alright?" He muttered. "I don't think we should be criticising them for being a family."

"There!" She said, her hand hitting the armchair. "I am carrying your child and you are still defending her!"

"I am not defending her, Lils! I'm just saying they are family and we can't be mad at Sirius for telling her. Besides, it is nice of her to reach out. She didn't have to..." he said quietly. "You know, love, I think you two should talk. I know you miss her."

"Talking wouldn't help. I feel betrayed, James," she admitted. "Daphne was my best friend and she didn't even think of sharing it with me."

"I'm just–Perhaps it could help you get closure, darling."

She hummed, thinking, "Closure, you say? Well, let's head to Diagon Alley, shall we? I'm sure you know the address," she said, rising on her feet. "Go get dressed!"

Despite trying to convince Lily that it was a lost cause, James still found himself in front of the familiar emerald door. He was sweating while Lily looked more annoying than anything else. Her foot was tapping the floor impatiently as she waited for someone to open the door.

Lily scoffed, "An emerald door, this is so Slytherin of her," she snickered.

James didn't reply and put his arm around her waist, drawing small circles on her hip to ease her mind because despite saying she wasn't anxious, James knew that it was a lie. The door flew open, revealing Daphne who apparently wasn't expecting them at all.

"Who is it?" Fabian's voice was heard as it got closer and he frowned at their sight. "Oh, we weren't expecting you..."

"I wasn't expecting this either," Lily spoke up, grabbing the card from earlier and handing it to Fabian, completely ignoring Daphne in front of her. "Is this...I don't know, a sick joke?"

Fabian frowned again. Though, James suspected that he hadn't relaxed his face muscles ever since he saw them, "I don't see where congratulating you two would be a sick joke."

"You–she...she thinks it is okay to barge into my life when she is a death eater," she exclaimed as James' eyes widened. He dragged her inside, scared that people would hear. "She betrayed all of us and thought that we would all forgive her once she joined the Order."

"I never asked for forgiveness, Lily," Daphne finally spoke up yet kept a calm tone. "And was. I was a death eater."

She scoffed, "Still. You did bad things Daphne, things that could have hurt me," she told her, referring to the attack at St Mungos. "Did you even think for one second that you would be the reason why people died? Innocent people!"

"I knew that," Daphne replied honestly. "But, I did all for my family–my brother," she argued then paused for a second. "The thing is I would do it all again if it meant I could keep him safe from what I've seen or done."

"Ple–"

"No, you didn't see what I saw! You didn't do what I did, Lily," she cut her off.. "You don't get to knock on my door and shout at me for congratulating you on your pregnancy," she then said. "You can shout on every roof about how bad of a person I am but you don't get to do that, alright? This is my–our safe place."

"Do you think I enjoyed receiving this?" She showed the card in Fabian's hands.

Fabian stepped in front of Lily and glanced between James and Lily, "Listen, we love you both–even if you, Lily, decided to be stubborn about it. Daphne loves you. But, I don't tolerate you shouting at her, alright?"

"Love," James whispered, taking her hand but she refused to move.

Fabian then continued, "If you wish to talk to her calmly then be my guest, Lils but if you keep shouting, then I will ask you to leave. You know, she's a good person despite what you might be thinking."

"I know," Lily whispered, biting her lower lip down. All of a sudden, she felt ridiculous and ashamed. Fabian's tone reminded her of when her father would get angry at her after a fight with Penny. She took a deep breath and sighed. "Could I get a moment with Daphne then? If she wants to, of course."

"Of course," she said, offering her a smile and Lily was taken back to their afternoons spent in the library. The two men left the room as Daphne proposed to her to sit on the couch. Pot jumped on Lily's lap and she immediately chuckled as the kneazle started rubbing its head against her stomach. "He's feeling the baby," Daphne commented. "How far along are you?"

"Two, maybe three months," she answered.

Daphne nodded, "I didn't mean to make you angry by sending you the card," she told her quietly. "I know you were angry to see me at that meeting months ago and that is the reason why you refused to attend the Occlumency lessons..."

"Angry is low, Daphne. I'm pissed," she admitted, still avoiding her eyes and petting Pot. "So pissed and if I'm being honest, I didn't want you to know about the baby."

"I understand."

"After we graduated, you never tried to reach out," Lily started, her lips forming a thin line. "You never felt the need to reach out to me. You were my best friend and I needed you," she continued as Daphne sat there, listening. "Of course I was pissed to see you at the meeting. You didn't even bother tryi–"

Daphne cut her off, "But don't you get it, Lily? This is me trying! I sent a card to congratulate you and James because you both mean a lot to me and I hate not being able to talk to you. I am trying."

"I miss you."

"I do too."

Lily released a breath, "Would it be okay for me to start coming to these Occlumency lessons?"

Daphne did her best to hide her growing smile and hummed, "Of course."

Lily finally built up the courage to look at her, "Don't ask too much of me yet. Asking to come to the lessons, it is me trying to trust you again."

"I understand. If you ever need to ask questions, I'll be more happy to answer."

"How's Severus?"

"He is fine," she replied. "Actually, Dumbledore didn't tell you but he is also a spy–though I'd be careful because he is also reporting to Voldemort."

Her eyes widened, "Is he?"

"I reckon."

"I don't want us to be strangers again, Daphne," Lily told her after a moment of silence. "Please, do not let us become strangers."

"I won't," she reassured.

—————
authors note, we're back with a big update !! lily and daphne kind of making up and narcissa inviting fabian and her?:!!;2&&;@2 we love it